POWER X- April 28, 2012

Once again, its time for wrestling manager and analyst Daniel Pollaski to go over the news, reviews, and previews of Femme Fatale Wrestling! All content is the sole opinion of the author and does not reflect the views of Femme Fatale Wrestling, its wrestlers, or administration. Or Wendy Briese, for that matter, so don’t go jumping her in the hallway if you get butthurt about this. Bitch.

The Power-X’s inspirational thought of the week

Put down your chainsaw and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite
You better put all your eggs in one basket
You better count your chickens before they hatch
You better sell some wine before it's time
You better find yourself an itch to scratch
You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Whipple's not around
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan
Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite on more than you chew
What can you do
Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickles
Look for Mr. Goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I'll show you how
You can dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a bunch of sushi and forget to leave a tip
It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can I have a volunteer
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk
Now it's time for crying in your beer
Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet
And party 'till you're broke and they drive you away
It's OK, you can dare to be stupid
It's like spitting on a fish
It's like barking up a tree
It's like I said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free
Burn your candle at both ends
Look a gift horse in the mouth
Mashed potatoes can be your friends
You can be a coffee achiever
You can sit around the house and watch Leave It To Beaver
The future's up to you
So what you gonna do

-      “Dare to Be Stupid”   ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic

Hey kids!

So sorry about the slight delay in the column, but with FFW only having 5 shows between Choas Theory and Conviction (stupid uneven calendar), I had to make a choice- either do three columns, two covering two shows, and one covering just one show, or to just do two columns, one covering three shows, and one covering two shows.  Since, with a roster of well over fifty women, one standard television taping doesn’t quite change the landscape enough to merit a whole new column every time, I wisely decided to take the latter route.

Also, it was less work.  And the fact that I didn’t have to write it until today meant more time for Warriors Orochi 3.  Priorities, man.

But now that once again you’ve all been drawn to my little corner of the blogosphere, let’s get right into it, starting off with the four corners.

1.    ITS TIME TO DECLARE SAMANTHA STAR NON COMPIS MENTIS

You know shit’s gotten serious when Daniel Pollaski starts throwing out Latin, in his columns, but by God, we’ve come to this.  For those of you who apparently payed zero attention in civics class, non compos mentis literally means “not of a sound mind.”   However, the phrase ‘mentally incompetent’ tends to get thrown around quite a bit, and while that’s hardly ever a term you want to use to describe the owner of the company you manage a wrestler in and write a column about, I say, if the shoe fits…

If you’ll talk to my client, she’ll tell you that she’s been saying for months that she’s always been concerned that Samantha’s so power-hungry she’s willing to jeopardize the future of the company just to make sure she gets her way, and that if it weren’t for Cody Kincaid, FFW would have gone belly up about a year ago.  And while I kind of smile and nodded the first sixty or seventy times Wendy enlightened me on the pros and cons of her various bosses, I always knew she kind of had a point.  After all, we are talking about a woman who proudly declared the A-List the future of FFW, then sat back and proudly watched as every single member not named Starla McCloud got their asses summarily handed to them. 

Now, look.  I can appreciate Samantha’s situation here.  I was annoyed when Miss Demeanor returned to FFW as well, and the bitch actually isn’t trying to kill me.  So, especially considering that her last encounter with Miss Demeanor had a very remarkable resemblance to the Anastacia Baldwin vs. Rose Astral match, I can understand why Samantha probably would want some form of ally on her side.  And with Camilla Pazzini still trying to scrub her previous enforcer’s entrails off her elbows, I can see why Samantha would be forced to go outside to get help. 

But hiring Rori Snyder is the pro-wrestling equivalent of hitting the big red button that says “Do Not Push” because it will cause the ship to self-destruct.  Were we really to that point?

I’m sure somewhere in Samantha’s warped and twisted mind, she probably thought that since Cody accidentally hired someone who wants to kill her, it’s only fair turnabout that she intentionally hire someone who wants to kill him.  Which is kind of humorously ironic, since neither Demeanor nor Snyder actually has a valid reason for murdering their respective half of the FFW management circle. 

But for Rori, it goes deeper than that.  The woman is a cancer, a flat out liability to any company that is dumb enough to give her a contract.  Hell, she got fired for attacking fans, because even Samantha Star’s has enough brains to realize that lawsuits along those lines are bad.  Or, at least  I thought she did, because evidently we’re going to put the safety of our fans and fellow wrestlers in serious jeopardy because Samantha Star is annoyed with Cody Kincaid.  

And she’s not even dangerous in the ring.  Because let’s face it.  When it comes to wrestling, Rori Snyder is not very good.  Not exactly Sarah Peek level of incompetency here, but at least Mindy Smyth  level.  Sure, she beat Shane Sanders twice (with help).  But remember- Wendy beat her in five minutes, and that was with her having to spend three minutes getting through Rori’s bullshit.  This isn’t me bragging about my client here.  It’s tough to look at the Top 15 of FFW, and say that not a single one of those women wouldn’t do the same thing in the ring against her (Kincaid notwithstanding, but that match was never about just simply winning for her, which was Scarlett’s mistake to begin with).   Hell, you can ask the Eternal Flame.  They dominated Rori and her sycophantic sidekick at Byte This 2. 

It’s an eerie resemblance to those shootings you occasionally see on the news.  Some hopeless, talentless loser decides the only way they can leave a mark on the world is by ruining as many lives as they can.   That’s the scenario that just got forced upon the fans and wrestlers of the greatest all-female promotion in history.

At least for now it is.  Check back next year.  All thanks to our illustrious owner.

If Samantha had any brains whatsoever, she would turn complete control of FFW over to Cody Kincaid, and go back to Los Angeles, where she can buy all kinds of super-nice things with the truckloads of money that Kincaid will make for her.  Because when it comes to making green, the only thing better than Cody Kincaid is your very own minting press.  But that’s not the Samantha Star way.  Some deranged woman she screwed over came back and attacked her, and by God, she’s not going to stop until the people responsible are rightfully burned in retaliation.

Even if she has to set fire to FFW itself.  And to hell with any wrestlers or fans who might have a problem with it.   After all, its her company.  Not their’s. 

And don’t you fucking forget it.

2.    SOME GIRLS JUST LOOK BETTER IN A BLACK HAT

For as long as there have been sports, there have been a fair assortment of heroes and villians.   Ever since John McGraw grew Baltimore’s grass long and hid balls in the outfield, sports has seen more than its fair share of liars, cheaters, and scoundrels.  And while no one in sports is either universally admired or detracted, there always seems to be those who manage to piss everyone else off save for their own fans (and yeah, sometimes even their own fans!).  Football has had the Raiders.  Hockey has the Flyers.  NASCAR has Kyle Busch.

Some people have embraced the role of the villain better than others.  Brett Favre was cleary uncomfortable when he became one of the most hated men in the NFL, as was Tiger Woods when he fell from grace.  Other’s have been tried too hard to the point of it being criminal, like Dennis Rodman.  And there have been some who have just been relaxed in that role.  As the great Dale Earnhardt said, “I don’t care if I’m cheered or booed.  But if you stay silent, I’m going home.”

Pro wrestling is no different.  Every wrestler on the roster has their supporters and their detractors.  And yes, some women are more hated than others, and some embrace that role.  For some, it just comes naturally with their personality.  Take Starla McCloud, who’s so goddamn full of herself, and not in any hurry to let you forget it.  It’s tough to imagine a conversation with her where you don’t walk away muttering to yourself, ‘wow, what a bitch’.  There’s other’s though, who embrace the role of the villain simply because they’re just more comfortable in it. 

I’m speaking, of course, of Shane Sanders and (sorry, Wendy) Isabella Pazzini.   Both women have spent the last few months trying to be the ‘good girl’, and I think both women are coming to the realization this whole hero thing just isn’t for them.  There’s a reason Isabella rarely appears on television anymore, and it’s got nothing to do with Samantha Star.  It’s because Isabella isn’t comfortable like this.  Obviously, anyone can look like a good person standing next to the likes of Crystal Hilton.  But, like it or not, this is still the same woman who’s sliced and diced Rori Snyder, and has pretty much cheated in every match she’s been in since the dawn of time.  She got back to her old ways a couple weeks ago against Crystal.  And she was more than happy to torture the Rose Goddess any chance she could get, going so far as to make a lot of her supporters uneasy.

Shane Sanders is in the same vein, really.  She looked like a good person because she defended her brother, and because Rori Snyder turned out to be such a cunt.  Anyone looks like an angel next to Snyder, but that doesn’t mean that Shane’s become anything but her usual hell-raising self.  She’s chosen to wear the black hat simply because it fits better than the white one.

Obviously, I’m not condoning some of the things Shane’s done.  She took it too far throwing her brother under the bus like that, and that’s something that’s going to back to haunt her.  There’s better ways to go about this than calling your brother worthless, or say, cheating on your boyfriend with his arch-rival.   There’s still a line you just don’t cross- at least  you shouldn’t if you want to be able to look yourself in the mirror twenty years from now.  After all, there’s a difference between a nicely-timed nutshot and completely destroying someone you (are supposed) to love.

But still, a toast to the new sisters of the Bitch Coven.  After all, the good people in this business, such as Scarlett, Eileen, and Wendy only look better because of them.  And go ahead fans, boo them all you want.  It’s what they want.  They love it.

Just don’t expect any gratitude in return.  After all, that’d kind of kill the whole purpose.

3.    NIGHTMARE, INC WILL STEAL THE SHOW AT CONVICTION (PROVIDED KAT STRYFE PULLS HER HEAD OUT OF HER ASS)

It’s been slowly brewing over the past couple of months.  The former members of the legendary tag team Nightmare, Inc (Emma McIntyre and Katherine Stryfe) have been taking shots at each other.   Tension is slowly building, and at Conviction, everything will explode in a flurry of emotion and violence as two former friends- friends who just so happen to be former FFW Champions- throw down the gauntlet.

At least that’s what SHOULD be happening.

In truth, most of the poking and prodding has been done by Emma McIntyre, who’s clearly the aggressor in this conflict.  And while looking at the recent discussions they’ve had on Twitter, it’d be easy to say that Emma’s a bully here, taking the piss out of anything Kat does, simply because she’s Emma McIntyre.

Except Kat Stryfe’s responses are almost laughable.  You can see the contempt she has for Emma bubbling just below the surface, but yet again, we’re treated to the same tired Katherine Stryfe lines of “I don’t have to justify myself to anyone.  Now stay tuned for another lecture on the evils of the Ultraviolence divison.  You know, the completely voluntary division I tried to save by being the champion of.  Because that makes sense.”

Right. 

Is it so hard to ask that Katherine Stryfe actually show an ounce of passion and drive for any match in which the FFW Championship isn’t involved?  Because once again, we’re seeing the exact reason why everyone went “what the fuck” when Cody Kincaid selected her as the final participant in the Elimination Chamber at Unstoppable II.  Yes, there’s been talk about how Kat proved the doubters wrong there.  But you know what?  Actually giving a damn for four matches does not a career make.  And she’s once again proving those same doubters right.  At least until the next executive gift-wraps a title shot for her.

And she wonders why people are talking rematch for Scarlett, and not for her.  Scarlett’s capable of giving a shit when the title isn’t on the line, and a true champion goes out in every match.

The saddest thing is, this match with Emma McIntyre has all the makings of a bonafide classic.   Any time you watch a tag team implode like this, you’re going to get a match full of emotion, and when it’s a team that as good as Nightmare, Inc was, you have two of the best wrestlers in the world to boot.  I’ve already given my opinion on the main event of Conviction, and how I think it’s going to be a disgrace.  That leaves the field WIDE open for another match to step up and take over the show.

At least, it could.  It should.  If Kat Stryfe’s head wasn’t once again firmly planted inside her nearly non-existant rectum.

So here’s a favor to ask of Eileen, Crystal, and Scarlett.  Give Emma some help in gaining immortality here.  If you’re in the ring against Kat at the huge clusterfuck on Velocity, don’t suplex her.  Don’t clothesline her.  Don’t do anything but knee her in the gut, over and over and over again.  Do it enough, and something’s gotta squirt out one end of the other.  With luck, it’ll be Kat’s mentality, and she can hit the shower, clean it off, and we can go on to have a great match at Conviction.

Otherwise, we might as well just rent Emma a bulldozer, and have Katherine stand in front of it. It’ll be the same effect of the actual match.  Just a little bit quicker.

4.    THE THIRD SEASON OF FUTURE SHOCK IS NOW OFFICIALLY RUINED

The Future Shock Season 7 roster went up a couple weeks ago, and I’ll confess that a little piece of me died inside when I saw it.  No, it wasn’t because only two seasons out of the six that have been held were represented, or that we won’t be seing such close calls as Caroline Dallins, Cara Stone or Arabella De Rossi.  And in reality, I’m happy people like Ignis and Jodie Gray are getting a second chance.  Essentially, my dismay came down to one single name on that roster.

Casey Atherton.

Now, I don’t have any problem with Casey Atherton per se.  I mean, yeah, she’s kind of a delusional bitch.  And she’s screwed a lot of people over in the year she’s been here in FFW.  But… it’s just that her inclusion finally puts to rest a long-standing controversy, one that I wish had continued. 

You see, by rule, you could only compete in Season 7 if you didn’t win your previous season.  Casey Atherton is competing in Season 7, ergo Casey Atherton didn’t win Season 3, and after a damn near year, she’s admitting it.  Of course, I knew that technically, this was true all along.  But it was a lot more fun when Casey was pretending, and you could pretend along with her.   

Let’s hit the wayback machine, and go back to Season 3, which was the first season I got to follow in FFW as it actually played out.  Jo McFarlane, in a result that would turn out to have absolutely no bearing on her future FFW career, was eliminated first.  Second out was Ororo Crow, who really should have been the first out, and never appeared in FFW after.  Third out was Ignis, who was the hottest (no pun intended) wrestler coming out of the first two competitions, but got completely screwed by now former head official Alvin Shepherd, and summarily voted out in a move that made as much sense as any other voting selection this season.

That left a final three of Casey, weird psychic lady Kelly Allen, and Generic Club CK Member #29.  In yet another baffling voting decision, Allen and #29 were voted into the finals, with #29 winning.  Kelly never appeared in FFW again.  #29, apparently not content to keep moronic, baffling decisions to the season proper, challenged the legendary powerhouse Sophia Black with her pick-your-poison choice.  She narrowly beat Black, which proved to be the launching point to her epic FFW career.  If by “epic FFW career” you mean losing a couple times to Casey Atherton, quitting, and running home crying to her mommy.   Casey, having beaten #29 straight up, proclaimed herself the Season 3 champion.

And after reading everything I just said… wouldn’t YOU want to believe her?

At least now we’ll get a chance to right what have been wronged here in Season 7.  Ignis and Casey to the finals, like it should have been a year ago, and we can have the epic match we were denied.  So sorry Jo, Jodie, Elizabeth, and Jennifer.  Thanks for coming.  Now hurry up and get yourselves eliminated.

We’ve got a destiny to fill.

So after all that, who’s ready for some rankings?

Despite losing five people this week (cokehead Colleen and worthless Charity being the most noteworthy), we’ve got a net gain of four new wrestlers, swelling our ranks and finally breaking the fifty wrestler barrier for the first time ever.  All I can say to that is holy crap, even though a few of these ladies aren’t going to be much on for much longer. 

Anyways, no time to waste… let’s count them down!

#50- DANI THOMPSON [NEW]

#49- DESTINY LOVEHEART [RETURNING]

#48- SARAH PEEK [-5]

#47- WHITLEY MERCER [-3]

#46- DANIELLE MASON [-4]

Well, that didn’t go so hot for Dani Thompson, who made it one whole match against Kendall Burke before being fired.  Shame, she actually looked promising.  Not so much for Destiny, who returned long enough to lose and be fired, so this is her final ranking.  Sarah Peek was Sarah Peek, and Whitley Mercer set a land-speed record losing to Wendy Breise.  Oh, and congrats to Danielle Mason, who will be joining season 8 of Future Shock!  I’m sure we’ll be ranking Dani much higher once she hits the roster full time in a few months!

#45- STEPHANIE SULLIVAN [-5]

#44- ELIZABETH SHOWTIME [RETURNING]

#43- KENDALL BURKE [NEW]

#42- ALYSSA FOXWORTH [-1]

#41- ALLISON DEAS [-2]

Not much to say here, really.  Elizabeth Showtime came back and got pretty much murdered by Kara Harrington.  Burke won her debut over some underwhelming competition, but she might actually have some promise here.  Not so much for Alyssa, who’s gotten the unfortunate role of being the highlight of both Eileen and Scarlett’s revenge tour.   Couldn’t have happened to a nicer girl.

#40- LIGHTNING [-3]

#39- ALLISON WRIGHT [-3]

#38- HANNA ELLIOT [RETURNING]

#37- KARA HARRINGTON [RETURNING]

#36- TABATHA BELMONT [-2]

Unfortunately for Tabatha, the rubber match in her series with Blackwell didn’t go her way, and Tabatha’s left knowing that Elizabeth is the better sex-crazed lesbo wrestler on the roster.  And props to Kara Harrington for her great win over Elizabeth Showtime.  Next up for Kara- try and get herself booked again sometime in the next three months.

#35- SARAH RICHARDSON [RETURNING]

#34- SABRA NICOLYEV [+4]

#33- SHANE SANDERS [-1]

#32- REBBECCA VALENTINE [-3]

#31- JENNIFER WILLIAMS [-6]

A congratulations to the Russian Queen of sin, who picked up her first victory in FFW.  And even though it was over Sarah Peek, we here at the Power X have the utmost faith that more good things are in store for her.  And while Shane Sanders new attitude didn’t quite pay off against Emma McIntyre, she can be forgiven on the basis that it was Emma McIntyre.

#30- ELIZABETH BLACKWELL [+3]

#29- ARIANNA MILLAR [-1]  UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION

#28- MELANIE AVILO [-5]

#27- ARABELLA DE ROSSI [+8]

#26- JODIE GRAY [+5]

A couple of big wins in this group, most notably Arabella de Rossi, who makes a big leap after her win over Mel Avilo, which gives the impression that Arabella’s post Violent Femmes career has some serious promise to it.  Blackwell also gets a rub (no pun intended) thanks to her rubber match win over Tabatha Belmont.  And you can’t overlook Jodie, who’s launched herself into TV Title consideration with a big win over Lumina Ferrari.

#25- HAYLEY DARK [RETURNING]

#24- CARA STONE [=]

#23- LUMINA FERRARI [-2]

#22- CRYSTAL HATE [+4]

#21- CAROLINE DALLINS [NEW]

I know Caroline is hardly on most people’s favorite lists right now, but you cannot deny how awesome she was in her official FFW debut and the way she manage to get by Cara Stone, regardless of what her post-match actions were.  Lumina Ferrari, meanwhile, takes a tough break, coming up just short in her TV title bid against Summer.   Lumina needs to keep at it.  She’s come so close to getting a belt, its only a matter of time.

#20- IGNIS [RETURNING]

#19- JO MCFARLANE [+3]

#18- KATHERINE STRYFE [-8]

#17- CASEY ATHERTON [+3]

#16- EMMA MCINTYRE [+1]

I know Hayley was in the last group, but it’s gotta be said- how about that Bounce & Pounce!  Pulling out all the stops and getting a big win to once again become the number one contender to the Unity belts.  You also gotta give credit to Emma, earning a hard fought win over Shane Sanders.  And after Kat’s dismantling at Breaking point, there is blood in the water.  You know Emma smells it.

#15- EILEEN AMARO [+3]

#14- CRYSTAL HILTON [+1]

#13- JENNIFER STRYFE [+1]

#12- DESIRAE KAIN [+1] UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION

#11- KELLY MCGUFFIN [-2]

So… now that we’re clear that Jennifer wasn’t trying to marry Alexander Stryfe after all… why the hell is she still using his last name?  Anyways, consider it officially changed in the records.  Also officially changed is Eileens losing record vs. Alyssa Foxworthy, as she destroyed the billionaire brat in short order. And you have to give props to Crystal Hilton, who just came up short in a hard fought match to Isabella Pazzini… who, by the way…

#10- ISABELLA PAZZINI [+6]

#9- SUMMER [+2] TELEVISION CHAMPION

#8- STARLA MCCLOUD [=] NO SURRENDER CHAMPION

#7- SOPHIE RICHARDS [=]

#6- WENDY BRIESE [=]

#5- KAITLYNN STRYFE [=]

#4- SCARLETT KINCAID [=]

#3- TARA THUNDER [=] EVOLUTION CHAMPION

#2- CAMILLA PAZZINI [=] ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPION

#1- STACEY MACKENZIE [=] FFW CHAMPION

… is back in the top ten after that win!   Anyways, considering that Wendy was the highest ranked wrestler in action over the past three shows, might as well just do everybody at once here, since there’s no change in the top 8.  A big props to Summer though, who got her first official title defense as TV Champion, over Lumina Ferrari.  They say the first one is the hardest, but with not much of Kelly McMuffin to scout on, she could have her hands full at Conviction.   In reality, though, I wouldn’t expect too much change here at the top until we’re through with Conviction.  Then I’d expect to see a mad scramble of ups and downs.

So how about a couple show previews?

BREAKING POINT- MAY 5 FROM NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA

#48 SARAH PEEK vs. TRINITY

#34 SABRA NICOLYEV vs. #41 ALLISON DEAS

#28 ARIANNA MILLAR vs. #39 ALLISON WRIGHT

#12 DESIRAE KAIN vs. #13 JENNIFER STRYFE

#6 WENDY BRIESE vs. #19 JO MCFARLANE

#1 STACEY MACKENZIE vs. #32 SHANE SANDERS

There is one match that immediately sticks out to me on this show, and it’s not the main event.   But it’s going to be something else to see Desirae Kain be the first person to get a crack at Jennifer Stryfe after it was revealed she was Anthony Gambini’s new fuckbuddy.  Desi seems to do best when the whole crowd is behind her, and you can bet that the whole of New Orleans is going to be behind her when she hits the ring here.  The Main event looks promising, but I just can’t see Shane Sanders getting that big win over Stacey.  Although this is the new and supposedly improved Shane, so you never know.  And It’ll be fun once again when Wendy Briese reminds Jo McFarlane that there’s a huge difference between pissing off a main event quality wrestler and facing one in the ring. 

 Further down, its break out the seeing eye dogs, as Allison Wright returns to action.  And I’m sure that Arianna will be wearing something so garishly pink we’ll want to stab out our own eyes too.  Sabra gets two in a row when she can slaughter Allison Deas.  And Trinity debuts, hopefully leaving nothing  left of Sarah Peek but a rather unsightly bloodstain.

VELOCITY- MAY 10 FROM OKLAHOMA CITY, OKLAHOMA

#22 CRYSTAL HATE vs. TRACI LOVEHEART

#23 LUMINA FERRARI vs. #34 SABRA NICOLYEV

#40 LIGHTNING vs. #44 ELIZABETH SHOWTIME

TAG MATCH: BOUNCE & POUNCE (#20 IGNIS & #25 HAYLEY DARK) vs. PRETTY IN PUNK (#43 KENDALL BURKE & #47 WHITLEY MERCER)

ULTRAVIOLENCE #1 CONTENDERS- FIRST BLOOD MATCH: #24 CARA STONE vs. #31 REBBECCA VALENTINE

EIGHT FEMME TAG MATCH: #3 TARA THUNDER, #18 KATHERINE STRYFE, #32 SHANE SANDERS & #42 ALYSSA FOXWORTH vs. #4 SCARLETT KINCAID, #14 CRYSTAL HILTON, #15 EILEEN AMARO & #16 EMMA MCINTYRE

So here we are, the last show before Conviction.  Which is weird, because normally the go-home show is a Breaking Point.  And It’s even weirder that top 15 wrestlers Camilla Pazzini, Kaitlynn Stryfe, Sophie Richards, Starla McCloud and Kelly McGuffin have managed to go from PPV to PPV without having to compete once.  I guess there’s something to be said for saving energy, but you have to think that one match in two months might be a teensy bit on the ridiculous side.  Hell, has Camilla even been in a match since Cold Blooded? 

You know, the operative word of the phrase “fighting champion” is FIGHTING, right?

Anyways, to the actual show, which is dominated by the motherfuck of all clusterfucks, an eight woman tag match that basically features four matches that will be coming up at Conviction.  But it goes even deeper than that, as most of the women in this match have more than one opponent who would love to ram their head into various solid objects on a repeated basis.  This match is going to be out of control, and the fans are going to love it. 

Fans will also love most of the undercard, the feature being Cara Stone and her match against Rebbecca Valentine.  Thanks to the #1 contendership to the UV title opening up, we’re going one more time, this time in a quest to see who ends up spilling some red juice all over the ring.  New tag team Pretty in Punk makes their debut, taking on the Number One contenders.  A win there will serve as a HUGE launching pad in their quest for the belts (it won’t happen).  Buried a little deeper is a little gem between Sabra and Lumina.  Keep an eye on this one kids, the winner will be right back in the TV title discussion (at the very least).  Oh, and Crystal Hate gets to finally get back in the ring and destroy someone.  And Lightning and Elizabeth Showtime get in the ring and wrestle in a match I’m sure their immediate families are absolutely stoked about.

So how about a few awards?  Wendy’s been wanting to do them for quite some time, and was set to do them after Cold Blooded, but Summer really wanted to do them, and I couldn’t deny the new TV Champ.  But now, without further ado… my client and good friend… WENDY BRIESE!

Thanks for letting me finally do these, Dan.  I had fun the last time I got to do them a couple years ago, and I'm honored you decided to let me do them again.

MATCH OF THE WEEK: Caroline Dallins vs. Cara Stone

There was a lot of hype going into this match, and it didn't disappoint, at least until Caroline forgot you were supposed to stop after you won.  Still, from a pure in-ring technical standpoint, this was by far the best match.  I hope that there's a rematch soon, and that Caroline finds a better attitude, and this can be the hard-fought friendly contest it was supposed to be in the first place.

I think there needs to be a wrestling move that hits someone so hard, they immediately forget how to be a douchebag/cunt/bitch/Katherine Stryfe, and become a pleasant person.  We could call it the Attitude Adjustment, or something.  I’ll get to work on it.  Anyways, RUNNERS UP!

-      Summer vs. Ferrari (Free TV Title Defenses are a mixed bag.  Sometimes they’re balls out amazing.  Sometimes they’re one-sided housekeeping defenses.  This was the former, and a good job to both ladies)

-      Pazzini vs. Hilton (Holy shit that was brutal.  I don’t need to say anything else)

WINNER OF THE WEEK: BOUNCE AND POUNCE

I always liked Haley and Ignis, even before they decided to ditch that jerk Christian Kincaid.  It was unfair how they lost their titles, and I was so happy for them when they became the number one contenders again.  I like Ari and Desi too, so I can't pick a favorite when they go for the titles, but I can guarantee you that this match will be every bit as awesome and entertaining as their last one!

Unless of course, B&P loses to Pretty In Punk.  In which case I will beat them to death with a tire iron.  Not kidding.

-      Summer (First title defenses are the hardest.  At least that’s what Wendy tells me.  Congratulations!)

-      Eileen Amaro (Now that THAT’S out of the way, it’ll be nice to see Eileen turn her focus on dethroning Tara Thunder)

LOSER OF THE WEEK: LUMINA FERRARI

I don't mean this as an insult to Lumina, because she's a great wrestler and it was an honor to compete against her.  But that was a rough couple of weeks for her, not only coming up short against Summer in her bid for the Television Championship, but she took a tough loss to Jodie Gray as well.  She's going to get there, I know it.  But maybe a change of management is in order?  Look what Hayley and Ignis did after they left Club CK!

I’m totally for the idea that being with Christian Kincaid automatically makes you a shitty wrestler.  God damn it, Chunks.

-      Katherine Stryfe (Christ.  Do I even need to explain this?)

-      Destiny Loveheart (Aw darn.  Kicked out of FFW.  What a shame.)

YOU-KNOW-WHAT OF THE WEEK: JO MCFARLANE

Everyone knows my opinions on cheating and faithfulness, so I'm always sad when a friend of mine gets betrayed like Chris was.  But this one, there was so much hateful venom behind it that it was infuriating to watch.  This wasn't some love triangle that got out of control.  This was a designed move by a woman using her body to hurt someone she was supposed to love.  That's sickening.  I'd love to say I'm going to teach her a lesson next week at Breaking Point.  But learning hardly seems to be Jo's strong point.

I considered changing “You-Know-What” to it’s proper title.  But we’re back in the RV again for Terrence’s race this weekend (which you should totally go see because FFW sponsors him.)  Wendy will make me sleep outside on the ground L.

-      Caroline Dallins (You wanna choke Cara Stone to death because you can? Fine.  But don’t hurt the manager.  That just ain’t cool.)

-      Shane Sanders (Turning on the fans?  Fine.  But you don’t do that to Nicky.  That’s just bullshit scapegoating, and Shane should be smart enough to know that.)

And that does it for this week’s column!  Thanks everyone for reading, and I’ll see you all in just a couple short weeks as we get ready for CONVICTION!

Until then… POLLA OUT!

Daniel Pollaski is an independent wrestling columnist, SVW wrestler, and the manager of FFW star Wendy Briese.  He’d also like to thank Tecmo-Koei for finally getting some goddamned Warriors Orochi 3 DLC up.  Seriously, have money, want extra stages.  GIMME!