Hey kids!
A few months ago, I got an offer from FFW fan and internationally renowned wrestler Leander Apollo, who was so inspired by our company and this humble little column that he wanted to get in on the fun. So Leander wrote a phenomenal piece, ranking all the entrance music of every Femme Fatale.
Well, Leo's managed to turn that single column into a full-time FFW announcing gig, so he's no longer just a fan, but the voice of Velocity. And considering he has to sit next to Alex Adonis every other week, if there's anyone who can tell us about good sounds vs. annoying sounds, it's Leo.
So here we are, six months later, and Leo's back, wanting another go at things. It's good timing, we've had an influx of new talent lately, and so many of the FFW wrestlers that still are around have changed their music. I've been hoping for a couple weeks that Leo would give us one of these, and, having already read it, I'm not disappointed.
So it is my honor and privelage to turn this column over to the esteemed Leander Apollo!
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The Red Comet Presents…
Femme Fatale Wrestling’s Annual Theme Song Rankings 2: Electric Boogaloo
66 theme songs – 11 more than last time around. But alas, that’s the task ahead for us in this second edition where I rank all of Femme Fatale Wrestling’s theme songs (the active roster, anyway – let’s not even get into managers/CEO’s/etc because that number would be pushed over 70). Granted, this time around, I’m doing this as an actual staff member of FFW rather than some unemployed schmuck after coming back from an underground tournament in Siberia, of all places. With that out of the way, let’s get to them.
Oh, right, I think I should take the time to tell you that all of the content in these rankings are solely that of Leander Apollo’s personal & musical tastes (which are, by no means, for everyone – I’m dead serious here, we’ve been through this argument months ago) and not those of the Power X blog, Daniel Pollaski or Wendy Briese. So don’t go screaming at any of them if you got an issue with this…
No, seriously, because if you do, I will find you and very likely suplex the living daylights out of you. I’m dead serious. As people have come to find out lately, those suplexes are specialties of mine.
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66. Arianna Millar - “Supergirl” by Hannah Montana (Super Pink Edit) [NEW]
……………AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF, TURN IT THE FUCK OFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
65. Allison Deas - “La La Land” by Demi Lovato [-11]
Still a very plain song for somebody who hasn’t really done much of anything these last few months – I’m sure she’s had her reasons and all, but it’s hard to do cheers and jeers in…LA LA LAND! *BA DUM TSS*
64. Stephanie Sullivan - “Doncha” by the Pussycat Dolls [-12]
Steph…the only thing that saves this from being second to dead last is Busta Rhymes. Otherwise, this song wore out its welcome back in 2005 and it doesn’t help there are better looking femmes than yourself…
63. Sarah Richardson - "Glamorous" by Fergie [-21]
Stomping on breasts isn’t glamorous and neither is this song without Ludacris in it. Moving on.
62. Traci Loveheart - "All The Things She Said" by t.a.t.u [-22]
Russian singing faux-lesbians. Novelty act. 2002. I feel like we’ve been here before. Have we been here before? I am pretty sure we’ve been here before.
61. Crystal Hilton - "Like Me" by Girlicious [-20]
I still think you can do better, Crystal. But instead of outright bashing, I’ll try for some constructive criticism/suggestion for once. So here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fD0qgWT5QM
60. Trinity - “Guide Me O Though Great Redeemer” by Kingsway Music [NEW]
If I want church music, I’ll go to a church. No, you cannot have a donation for your church because your theme managed to not rank very last, shut up Trinity.
59. Hanna Elliot - “Mannequin” by Britney Spears [-22]
It still fits but considering the themes are further ahead and such, yeah, you’re getting the short end of the stick here Hanna. C’est la vie.
58. Lightning - “Photogenic” by Jordyn Taylor [NEW]
Oh great, like we needed the song to tell us that she is a camera slut. Adam, you’re a bro and all, but how you manage to date this delusional thing whose greatest accomplishment is making some spineless girl rage quit before her first bout in FFW is beyond me.
57. Jennifer Williams - “Jenny From The Block” by J. Lo feat. the Lox [NEW]
I see what the winner of the last Pick Your Poison ladder bout went for here, I really do. But I’m just not really a fan of it.
56. Allison Wright - “Sight Unseen” by Rise Against [NEW]
You know Allison, just because you are blind, it does not mean that you should put your ears through a Rise Against song, let alone an album. Oh, but then again, you two deserve each other given my personal opinion that you are both piles of shit.
55. Twisted Path 2.0 - “Falling Apart” by Zebrahead [NEW]
WHY?!?! WHY CAN’T I RATE YOU LOWER JUST BASED ON WHO YOU ARE?!?!?!?!?!?! WHHHHHYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!??!!?! (on the bright side, their tenure in FFW might be over in the next week…I hope it happens)
54. Natalya Demidov - “Spasi” by Byanka [NEW]
The other Demidov sister. Y’know, the one who hasn’t been taking up a storm on Twitter by claiming she just cannot be beaten and whatnot? Yeah.
53. Lisa Richardson - “Just Like You” by Three Days Grace [NEW]
I almost forgot about her. Three Days Grace is decent enough, but yeah…
52. Destiny Loveheart - "Out of My Way" by Seether [-18]
See #55. Then repeat after me: “FUCK THE LOVEHEARTS!” *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*
51. Charity Deas - "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC [-15]
Here’s an idea, FFW staff. Next time Charity wants to change songs, you do not listen to her. In fact, you give her in-house music that sounds like a lullaby. It’ll help us go to sleep during her matches easier.
50. Sarah Peek – “Patience” by Guns n’ Roses [NEW]
Patience? I have none of it. For even daring to put a good song like this through the mud with your name alone and for the fact it doesn’t even fit anything about you, Sarah, I wish a painful end to your wrestling career.
49. Kimberly Aries & New York Crew (NYC) - “NYC” by Kevin Rudolf (feat. Nas) [NEW]
Nas is the saving grace. Rudolf is hit-or-miss. We’ll see if the Crew and Aries are the same way with time.
48. Desirae Kain - “Nonchalant” by Chapeaumelon [NEW]
I remember this from Eurotrip. Not a bad choice for one-half of the two-time Unity tag team champions and the girl who won the second Chase for the Crown when nobody expected her to do it.
47. Elizabeth Showtime - “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls [NEW]
Oh, I used to love the everlasting hell out of this when I was a kid. But then I grew up, the nostalgia act wore out and then I heard Baby Spice got hitched…yup, that was the end of that. I suggest Lil Miss Showtime does so as well if she wants to go anywhere in FFW.
46. Alyssa Foxworth - “The Fame” by Lady Gaga [NEW]
I’d have figured the girl who keeps failing to rise to Oliver Queen’s level of pure, sheer magnificent bastardry (and I salute you for it, it keeps the entertainment quota on my feed going) to have a more – oh, what do they call it – refined taste. But this fits her to a tee, although it’s not what I consider to be Gaga’s best.
45. Pink Inc. - “Happy Boys & Girls” by Aqua [NEW]
Upbeat and all energetic and happy – it fits the tag team to a tee. Unfortunately, I can’t stand Aqua after Chris blasted “Dr. Jones” through the speakers 30 or so times to rub it in my face that David Jones scored a game-winning goal against my Blue Jackets once. Rat bastard…
44. Elizabeth Blackwell - “Woman of Dark Desires” by Bathory [NEW]
This caught me by surprise the first time I heard it and still is doing just that. Not my cup of tea, but the lyrics and the atmosphere of the song do Liz Blackwell some justice.
43. Whitley Mercer - “Just A Girl” by No Doubt [-15]
She definitely fell a good chunk on a personal scale, but the reason why Whit’s ranked so low this time around is because I feel the other songs above it have an edge over hers – even if I still like No Doubt.
42. Lumina Ferrari - "Celebrity Skin" by Hole [+6]
A definite improvement for Lumina, given the fact she went from Moxie’s tag-along sidekick to slowly becoming her own woman – especially with a Television title shot ahead of her.
41. Danni Thompson - “Dedication to my Ex” by Lloyd feat. Lil Wayne [NEW]
I would personally find it the most hilarious thing if the crowd sang along to the chorus – however, I cannot award a Lil Wayne song anything above 40. I have standards, however little they may be.
40. Eileen Amaro - "Strength" by Abingdon Boys School [-8]
Not gonna lie…I liked the old theme better. The piano opening is nice here, but then after that, it just…yeah, no, I’m sorry.
39. Gabrielle Crimson – “Endless Possibilities” by Bowling for Soup [NEW]
Not a fan of Bowling for Soup. I know quite a lot of people in Stray Cat Nation will appreciate the song and the message behind it, that they will think pink and therefore, continue to give Pinky the love she deserves. All’s good here.
38. Caroline Dallins - “Low Light Low Life” by POS [NEW]
“Killer C” and I don’t have the best history – there’s a lot of name-calling, finger-pointing, that one time I told her to her face that she’s the biggest cunt on the planet, etc. But for what it is, I feel that the theme fits her although it doesn’t quite do it for me on the musical taste department.
37. Eternal Flame - "The Crow and the Butterfly (Pull Mix)" by Shinedown [-13]
The more and more I listen to the remix, the more and more I just can’t get into it at all. The song itself is fine, but this remix is just…garbaggio.
36. Summer - “Hell Yeah” by Rev Theory [NEW]
Our new FFW Television champion with a pretty rocking theme that does get the crowd going, I just happen to not put all that much into it myself.
35. Tabatha Belmont - “Dead Boy’s Poem” by Nightwish [NEW]
I will probably catch a lot of hell for this, but I prefer Anette over Tarja. With that said, good to see Tabby making these ranks as well – I think she missed it by a bare amount last time around.
34. Kelly McGuffin - "Blonde, Bad & Beautiful" by Airbourne [+21]
Kelly, I’m glad you found something else – I would rather avoid the entire Nickleback mess and whatnot. But truly, this is a much more fitting and better theme for Club CK’s death-defying star.
33. Sophie Richards - “Whispers in the Dark” by Skillet [+10]
Definitely an improvement from the atrocity that was her Avril Lavigne theme. Skillet’s whole “we’re a Christian rock band” thing turned me off from them initially but after giving this a few listens, it’s grown on me. Might be even higher come the next edition – IF there is a next edition.
32. Jo McFarlane - "Rock Star” by NERD (Jason Nevins Remix) [+1]
Oh SSX…this song brings back good memories. Plus, it’s not some stupid, modern day hit single that stays hot for two weeks and then fades into obscurity unless you’re at the club every other weekend.
31. Alysson Gardner - “Adrenaline” by 12 Stones [NEW]
The “Goddess of Xtreme” has an adequate choice and according to Pinky, she’s had this theme for five years now. I can definitely approve of the longevity.
30. Rebbecca Valentine - "Run This Town Tonight" by Jay-Z w/ Rihanna & Kanye West [-11]
I still like the song, but it wore its welcome a while back and the newer songs from some of the folks who didn’t make the first list helped bump this one down a few spots.
29. Mika Demidov - “Rise” by Origa [NEW]
Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex. The only reason why this is past Top 30. That is all. Fuck you Mika!
28. Sabra Nikolayev - “Stand My Ground” by Within Temptation [NEW]
While I have been a fan of the work that the “Queen of Sin” has put on display and I like Within Temptation enough, this one just doesn’t quite do it for me as say…“Faster” (which Valerie Belmont used up until little Gabriel came into the picture, thus making her go into hiatus) and whatnot.
27. Serafina Reynolds - “Time To Say Goodbye” by Andrea Bocelli [NEW]
Possibly one of the most unusual themes I have ever seen in pro wrestling. I’ll give it props for that much, but otherwise, just too slow for me to get into. Reminds me of this one guy who tried to use “Flight of the Valkyries” once to no avail until getting a sped-up version of it with “YES” chants.
26. Scarlett Kincaid - "Into the Sun" by The Parlor Mob [-4]
Scarlett falls down the rankings by a bit considering the influx of new songs into the fray and the fact that I still haven’t gotten “Into the Sun” as much as I used to with her old theme. I mean, “Gold Dust Woman” is one of the first two themes I ever heard when tuning into FFW, so they’ve got a special spot in my heart.
25. Cara Stone - “Ch-Check It Out” by the Beastie Boys [NEW]
Cara’s musical style always has been a very interesting and diverse one – without a doubt, this was possibly one of the better choices done as well. Definitely deserves its berth in the Top 25.
24. Claire Black - “Vanilla Radio” by the Wildhearts [NEW]
I knew there was something catchy about this theme the moment that Claire first came out to it over on SVW – it’s upbeat and it’s got a good riff to it. So it definitely deserves its spot in the Top 25.
23. Team Adonis - “Joker and the Thief” by Wolfmother [NEW]
Perhaps the only reason why I’m putting this at this high of a level is because it’s Wolfmother. Given Casey and Starla’s positions in these rankings, I’m willing to presume it was NOT Alex Adonis who picked this song – and if it is, well, one good song choice does not a douchebag change.
22. Queen Machine - “And There Was Light” by Illnath [NEW]
Between this song, her demeanor and the fact she’s been revealed at playing buddy buddy with Anthony Gambini actually makes the title of this song all the more fitting. Because we’re finally seeing her for what’s been all along…a bitter, broken woman who’s on the brink of losing.
21. Raven Wicked - "All My Life" by the Foo Fighters [-6]
Raven is another one that falls down a few spots due to the influx of new songs getting in here and some of the old stays either holding their position or going up slightly. Still think she could do with an even more intense theme over here, but that’s just personal opinion.
20. Jodie Gray - “Bad Romance” by Halestorm [NEW]
And the “Queen of Games” manages to make her way into the Top 20 with the catchiest of cover songs. I mean, I like Lady Gaga to an extent but the cover, in some parts, does blow the original song out of the water. Congrats little Jodie. You’re going places and stuff.
19. Mel Avilo - “Closer to the Edge” by 30 Seconds to Mars [NEW]
Season 5’s Future Shock winner manages to outdo one of her colleagues by just THIS much, as this 30 Seconds to Mars song delivers on the attitude and the fact that it’s a pretty good jam.
18. Crystal Hate - "Back in Black" by AC/DC [+17]
Probably the most heard of AC/DC’s songs on the radio or any outlet of media and that keeps it from going any further in the Top 20 – although it’s definitely a much better choice for Crystal, as she climbs up the ranks.
17. Casey Atherton - "Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go)" by Garbage [=]
This is the first time you’ll see Casey Atherton be realistically consistent at anything in her life. Okay, we are moving on before my brain explodes…
16. Camilla Pazzini - "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit [=]
Another model of consistency, but this one doesn’t live in a fantasy land molded by some blond douche who looks like Biff Tannen after a stroke. The longest reigning singles champion in FFW and well, this woman does break stuff a lot. Like, people’s reputations. A few bones too. So it fits.
15. Wendy Briese - "Elevation (Tomb Raider Remix)" by U2 [+12]
Wendy goes from absolute crap Dropkick Murphys song to something with a much better kick to start things off and that actually stays consistently good through the remainder of it. I mean some people don’t care much for U2, but this is a good choice for our “White Knight.”
14. Kendall Burke - “Slutgarden” by Marilyn Manson [NEW]
She may be the fourth or fifth person with pink hair in this company and batshit crazy enough for me to suggest throwing her into a piranha tank, but I cannot deny her a Top 15 spot. Manson is the shit.
13. Tara Thunder - "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC [+1]
Our Evolution champion continues her stay in the Top 15, goes up one spot and of course, continues to dismantle the competition while walking out to this beauty. I foresee her sticking around these parts for a while…I mean, she is a Thunder after all…
12. Kara Harrington - "I Will Live Again" by Arch Enemy [=]
Even with a new theme at hand, Kara manages to retain her spot at number 12 and considering that we’ve added more people to the list, that’s an impressive feat in and of itself. The song has a great kick to it and it does seem to fit Kara to a tee – Wendy House might complain about the lack of zombies in this though.
11. Katherine Stryfe - "Passive Little Phoenix" by Tarja (feat. A Perfect Circle) [-3]
This one goes down due to a few newer songs outshining it but do not be mistaken, this is still the most interesting and well-done remix of two songs I have had the privilege to listen to in a FFW arena.
10. Ignis - "Burn Burn" by lostprophets [=]
Welp, let me just get this out of the way considering that Ignis holds her spot at number 10 – Bounce & Pounce came to play in these rankings. I am many an impressed and girls, it’s good to see you back. That and props on dumping the guy too, Ignis.
9. Hayley Dark - “Who’s Next” by Porcelain Black [+35]
The BIGGEST shocker, to me, and the person who basically had the biggest BOUNCE up the rankings, Hayley…this is main eventer caliber music. I would have put it even further up if the next eight songs weren’t as amazing as they are. Kudos.
8. Emma McIntyre - “Lucifer’s Angel” by The Rasmus [+1]
Emma rises one spot and it’s a good thing too, because “Head Up High” would have gotten her shot down the ranks in a blaze of glory – needed to get the Bon Jovi references out of the way somehow.
7. Starla McCloud - "Bad Things" by Jace Everett [=]
Another model of consistency for Team Adonis…somewhat of a scary thing, but Starla is at least the most competent of that group. She’s an absolute backstabbing, narcissistic model of consistency but a model of consistency that enjoys doing bad things to other people nonetheless.
6. Arabella de Rossi - “Battle Ready” by Otep [-1]
While this loses one spot, it still remains the most intense theme here in FFW when given the person that walks out of the curtain for it. Having had the pleasure of knowing more and more of her, Arabella de Rossi will continue be a force in FFW – whether it’s flying solo or with a tag team partner that won’t walk away on her and fuck everything up in the process.
5. Bounce & Pounce - “No Limit” by 2 Unlimited [NEW]
Told you Bounce & Pounce had an amazing showing at these rankings. This song gets people off their seats and it gets them pumped – oldie but a goodie kind of deal. These girls are going places once again now that they’re back in action and another Unity tag team title reign is something I could see happening.
4. Stacey Mackenzie - “Come On” by Waterproof Blonde [+34]
The second biggest leap in these rankings, the name change benefitted Stacey in more ways than one, as this song is a “simply better” choice than The Donnas. The currently undefeated FFW Champion makes her way into the Top 5 but while the song choice is better, it’s not good enough to get the next three.
3. Kaitlynn Stryfe - "You Make Me Sick" by Egypt Central [=]
These top three songs could easily interchange between one another once again, but alas, I was forced to sit down, shut up and make a choice. Kitty may be third place again, but let’s face it, 3 out of 66 isn’t too shabby at all and the best part of it is that she deserves to be here.
2. Shane Sanders - "King of the World" by Porcelain & The Tramps [-1]
There were a lot of factors that went into this and at any other point; Shane would have easily retained the number one ranking without a shadow of a doubt. This theme’s got everything but alas, I’m an absolute sucker for nostalgia and it was that nostalgia that dethroned the Dixie Muse from her top spot on the music column this time around.
SO WITH THAT SAID, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…THE CRÈME DE LA CRÈME AND NEW UNDISPUTED #1 IN THE FFW ENTRANCE THEME RANKINGS:
1. Isabella Pazzini - “Explosive” by Bond [+20]
Anybody who read Scarlett’s entry earlier hopefully caught on the “first two themes I ever heard in FFW” bit. Because this one was the other one and quite honestly, when you don’t know much about a wrestling company (in this case, me with FFW almost a year ago), it’s the little things that grab your attention. And between all the pyros, Showtime being Showtime and EXPLOSIVE BY BOND, well…Isabella Pazzini captured my attention and actually made me sit down, shut up and after her match with Scarlett, I became a FFW fan. So given the special spot this theme has in my heart, at least this time around, it dethrones “King of the World” and stands on top of the FFW musical food chain. Brava, Isabella. Brava.
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So that’s that for this main list. Phew, managed to get through it again without giving myself arthritis from all the typing and such. I hope you all at least thought it amusing to browse through it and once again, I cannot thank Daniel Pollaski enough for letting this bit of a guest column in the Power X.
And as usual, battle’s on, FFW!
- Leander Apollo
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