The following is the opinion of Daniel Pollaski, and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Pro-Wrestling X or the WhirlyBirdz.
Legal bitches.
Well, hello there, children.
Most of you are probably familiar with me by now. I mean, you see me pretty much every week backstage, the big friendly fat guy in a loud shirt. My name is Daniel Pollaski. I manage the WhirlyBirdz, aka Terrence Thompson (the guy standing at the top of the ladder last night) and Wendy Briese (the hotter of the two redhead females).
Anyways, most of you know that a few months ago, WWA president Chance Wolfington hired me to write a biweekly column about the events in the World Wrestling Alliance. I put out a few, but once Terrence and Wendy started their comeback trail, I just didn't really have the time anymore. That, and once Cito Conarri took over, they decided that a columnist was no longer necessary, not to mention a drain on the budget. That's why you no longer see a Polla to the People.
Anyways, present day, we're on our way to Pennsylvania to watch the Appalachian Wrestling show, and I'm in the back, minding my own business, and playing Modern Warfare 2, when Wendy (who understandably has been in a bitchy mood the past couple of days), tells me that its too violent for Theresa, and to shut it off. Boo, Wendy, Boo.
So, anyways, I was thinking. Why not do a rankings column for Pro-Wrestling X? Its easier to keep tabs on one fed instead of five, and I've had several wrestlers ask me if they were gonna see another one. Sides, if JPO likes it, he can hire me to do more. Its win-win, baby.
I'd like to call it the Power 50, but there aren't fifty wrestlers in PWX, so... no. So, after racking my brain, I've decided to call it POWER X. There are two reasons to this.
1. X is the most common mathematical variable, and since our roster size fluctuates, its a variable.
2. X is kinda part of our name.
I'm a genius.
So, heres the eligibility rules.
1. Any active wrestler on the PWX roster will be ranked. Active will be defined as wrestling in a match in the last three weeks.
2. After thinking, I have decided that results for interfed organizations (CWC & WFWA) will count. WFWA i will know about, CWC, feel free to drop me a note at PWX headquarters, and hopefully JPO will get it to me (unless Ojeda tells him not to, in which case, sucks to be you)
[OOC- PM me. Pollaski]
3. Matches in other feds will not count (ie, the Belmonts in Xcore or SCW)
4. Any exception I choose to make.
Okay then. 21 wrestlers in the the inagural rankings... countdown time!!!!
21. EL TORTE
Last match- w/ Los Punch, lost to Wendy Briese & Victor Mandrake at A-31
This week- Not booked
Ha! Bet you didn't know that the members of Punch and Pie had individual names!
20. LOS PUNCH
Last match- with El Torte, lost to Wendy Briese & Victor Mandrake at A-31
... Even though I can't quite figure out which one is which. Or why they participate in a sport wearing those obviously uncomfortable outfits. Maybe if they got a little ventilation, they'd get an offensive move in once in a while.
19. DANIEL STEEL
Last match- lost to Noiz Narid & Johnny Poz in a handicapped match at ADR-32
Next week- vs. Sami Jacobs
You know how they always say first impressions are important? Apparently Danny wasn't listening.
18. MERCEDES MORGAN
Last match- with Sami Jacobs, lost to John Pariah & Lilith Morgan
Next Week- with Valerie Belmont, vs. Wendy Briese & Jourita Hills
The Fallen's manager/Valet/James Silkk's fuckbuddy (oh, you know its goin' on), struggling a little bit. Maybe teaming with Valerie Belmont will help her light a spark.
17. JOHNNY POZ
Last Match- With Noiz Narid, def. Daniel Steel in a handicapped match at ADR-32
Next week- Not booked
So how often is it that you see a tag team disintigrate after a win? Team Wade is seemingly on the outs.
16. LILITH MORGAN
Last Match- w/ John Pariah, def. Mercedes Morgan & Sami Jacobs at A-32
Next week- Not booked
Old school PWX fans had to have been thrilled to see Lilith and Pariah standing side by side. Lilith had to have been thrilled to beat the hell out of her sister.
15. NOIZ NARID
Last match- with Johnny Poz, def. Daniel Steel in a handicapped match at A-32.
Next week- vs. Uriel Black
If he was unmasked as Darin Zion (duh, its him), he'd be higher. Now the question is, who was his partner, and what led to them falling out?
14. SAMI JACOBS
Last Match- With Mercedes Morgan, lost to John Pariah & Lilith morgan at A-32
Next Week- vs. Daniel Steel
Big match for Sami. He's been doing well in the hardcore
Slugfests, but without the brutality, he's been struggling for wins. Shutting down Steel can help him make a statement.
13 JAMES SILKK
Last Match- with Sami Jacobs, lost to John Pariah & Tyler Graves in a three way match (with Devon Poole & Josh Graves) for the Tag Titles at A-31.
Next Week- With John Ojeda & Devon Poole, vs. John Pariah, Danny Szatkowski & Josh Graves
Captain emo has definitely turned up the hate on John Pariah. PWX traditionally likes these six man clusterfucks the week before a pay per view, and lets hope thatthis month's is better than last.
12. URIEL BLACK
Last Match- lost to Devon Poole at A-32
Next week- vs. Noiz Nirad
Black's gotta be angry, considering that the past two weeks, he has been robbed of one win, and one entire match! How will he react to facing the eccentric Noiz?
11. JOSH GRAVES
Last Match- Lost to Jeremiah Belmont at A-32
Next Week- with John Pariah & Danny Szatkowski, vs. John Ojeda, Devon Poole & James Silkk
Tough couple of weeks for Josh. Lost the tag titles to Chicago's Finest, then got betrayed by his own partner. Add in a tough loss to Jeremiah Belmont, and he'll be.chomping at the bit for some redemption this week.
10. WENDY BRIESE
Last Match- def. Brian Hollywood via Disqualification at A-32
Next Week- with Juorita Hill, vs. Mercedes Morgan & Valerie Belmont.
Wendys had a tough week, with her loss at WFWAs tag wars, and getting laid out twice with a chair by Brian Hollywood. Not any easier this week, as she helps to break in a newcomer against Valerie Belmont.
9. DEVON POOLE
Last Match- def. Uriel Black at A-32
Next Week- with James Silkk & John Ojeda, vs. John Pariah, Danny Szatkowski, and Josh Graves.
After stealing a win against Uriel, and the way he treats his teamates, Devon is starting to get that "Does Not Play Well With Others" label. Still, good luck to Devon as he goes for some CWC gold!
8. BRIAN HOLLYWOOD
Last Match- Lost to Wendy Briese via Disqualification at A-32
Next week- vs. Jeremiah Belmont
So lets see here, Brian's got Darin Zion running around somewhere, Jay Price at Full Throttle, Jeremiah hot for revenge this week, and now hes hitting Wendy with chairs? How many enemies does this guy need?
7. JOHN PARIAH
*TAG TEAM CHAMPION*
Last Match- with Lilith Morgan, def. Sami Jacobs & Mercedes Morgan at A-32
Next Week- with Danny Szatkowski & Josh Graves, vs. John Ojeda, Devon Poole & James Silkk
If you just look at the match results, everything is rosy in Pariahland. But John's in big trouble. Szatkowski may have saved him from the Fallen this week, but with Tyler Graves gone, who will partner with him at Full Throttle?
6. JEREMIAH BELMONT
Last Match- def. Josh Graves at A-32
Next Week- vs. Brian Hollywood.
Big win, as he beats Josh Graves for the second time in a month. Now, he gets a big opportunity to avenge his loss to Brian Hollywood at Vendetta III.
5. DANNY SZATKOWSKI
Last Match- Lost to Valerie Belmont at A-31
Next Match- with John Pariah & Josh Graves, vs. John Ojeda, Devon Poole, & James Silkk
After a two week absence, Danny's back, and ready to kick some Ojeda ass! One question- why a ladder match? Didn't we just have one? Anyways, its good to see this guy back.
4. JOHN OJEDA
*HYBRID CHAMPION*
Last Match- def. Jacob Wright
Next Week- with Devon Poole & James Silkk, vs. Danny Szatkowski, John Pariah, & Josh Graves
Honestly, the gap between 3 and 4 is microscopic here. Ojeda got a huge win over the PWX Champion, but Szatkowski's return has him on the defense. Can he beat Danny in a match so catered to Szatkowski's stregnths?
3. VALERIE BELMONT
Last Match- Lost to Terrence Thompson in a ladder match for the NextGen title at A-32
Next Week- with Mercedes Morgan, vs. Wendy Briese & Jourita Hill
Valerie slides in at #3 just ahead of Ojeda thanks to her big win over him two weeks ago. That, and she gave an absolutely phenomenal effort in the ladder match- that's gonna end up a match of the year candidate.
2. TERRENCE THOMPSON
*NEXT GENERATION CHAMPION*
Last Match- def. Valerie Belmont in a ladder match to retain the NG title
Next Week- Not Booked
My homeboy gets to take a well deserved week off as he prepares for his match against Jacob Wright at Full Throttle. It's good for him too- he's been complaining about Valerie's kicks this whole damn trip.
1. JACOB WRIGHT
*PWX CHAMPION*
Last Match- lost to John Ojeda at A-32
This Week- Not Booked
Like his challenger, Jacob Wright gets a well deserved break, although he probably wanted to make a better statement going into the PPV than his loss to Ojeda. Still, the champ remains a tough out, and will be ready when Full Throttle comes along.
There we go! If you're not down with these, you got three options.
1. Fuck off
2. Leave a comment. Note- I will respond, and you won't like it.
3. Make your own fucking rankings
Okay, who wants awards? I gots awards!
MATCH OF THE WEEK
Terrence Thompson vs. Valerie Belmont
I don't think words can express how awesome these two did. It was a back and forth, hard hitting affair all the way, and absolutely could have gone either way (even Terrence told me he was worried, although he'll deny the hell out of it). A fitting end to what turned out to be an amazing May Madness tournament
WINNER OF THE WEEK
Terrence Thompson
You can call this a homer pick, but how can you not go with my boy Twister? Not only did he win May Madness, he became the #1 contender, and will be the last Next Generation champion, since the belt will be retired.
RUNNER UP- Danny Szatkowski, just for coming back
LOSER OF THE WEEK
John Pariah
Yeah, he won the match, but he just got himself into a razor wire deathmatch with The Fallen- and no tag partner. Furthermore, he took a four on one beating, and worst of all, had to be saved by Danny Szatkowski!!! That's a bad day
RUNNER UP- Wendy Briese (getting floored by one chair shot is bad enough, but two?)
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
Brian Hollywood
Eh, more like bitch of the week. Or year. Or entire friggen PWX existance. Seriously Bri, its been four weeks since i dumped a little bit of sugar in your gas tank, and you're still not over it? Maybe you should change your name to Cryin' Hollywood. I hope Jeremiah breaks your fucking neck. Or bites it. Or something. Cocksucker.
RUNNER UP- John Ojeda. He's John fucking Ojeda, what else do you need?
And finally
THANK YOU GOD, YAHWEH, ZEUS, ALLAH, BUDDAH, ODIN, HORUS, VISHNU, AND AO MOMENT OF THE WEEK
Team Wade broke up. Goodbye, whackjobs! Well, at least Poz. Maybe Uriel can unmask Noiz and we can get Darin Zion back.
Anyways, that's it for this week. See you next week as we prepare for FULL THROTTLE. Until then...
POLLA OUT!
Daniel Pollaski is the manager of the WhirlyBirdz. He wrote this. He also would like to point out that Devon Poole looked a little TOO happy when he was holding Uriel Black's tights.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
POLLA TO THE PEOPLE- ISSUE #006, MARCH 6, 2010
POLLA TO THE PEOPLE ISSUE #6
Hey kids!
So, yeah, its been a month since you last got a glimpse into the genius that is Daniel Pollaski, and I'm sure absence has made the heart grow fonder.
Unfortunately, I'm going to be starting with some bad news. With my new duties announcing tag wars, and the sudden work I now need to put in to set up my beloved brainchild (more on this later), the Polla to the People column will now be biweekly. But don't worry, this only means thay EVERY column will have a power fifty!
Let it never be said i didnt take care of you guys.
Anyways, I got a few bits of unpleasant business to take fare of, first. It seems over the past couple of weeks, various people have saw fit to, well, call me out.
The first of these is Appalachian Wrestling's very own whiny metrosexual, Chris Cannon. Apparently, Cannon's been in a tizzy ever since I called him a dipshit in my last column. The little terd's even gone so far as to invite me to appear on his Inside the Cannon talk show segment.
Okay, why not? At least my smiling visage will prevent people from changing the channel.
I should warn Chris though, if he thinks I'm really all that harmless, and easily bullied around, he better think again. Too put it bluntly, has HE ever gotten into a fight wth Victor Mandrake, and left the overgrown bastard lying flat on the concrete?
To be fair to the Immortal One, there was a liberal application of pepper spray and a steel chair involved, but so what? Me 1, Mandrake 0.
Just a little advice, Chrissie. If you pull any shit, be ready for retaliation. I've got more tricks up my sleeve than Adrien Cochrane has hair products.
So yes, Chris, I accept. I'll appear on your cute little show. I'll probably end up kicking your ass and ensuring no one in AW ever takes you seriously again, but since no one does anyway, no harm.
So next order of business. Defiance's own manorexic announcer, Angus Skaaland, has seen fit to bash me again as well.
Actually, he bashed me three weeks ago, and was too much of a pussy to actually post his blog... seriously Angie? Wanted to make sure I was really out of the Confederacy before you said anything?
And repetive too. Seriously, Angus, did you forget to check off the "claim to fame is not fucking Wendy Briese" line on your zinger list, or did you just think it was so good a line, it needed to be said again?
Seriously, Dane. Get a new announcer. Fuck, see what Frank Longley's doing, and get him back with Alicia. Anything to spare us the drivel we have to listen to week in and week out.
And maybe then your next network won't drop you guys like HOTV did.
Okay, ready guys?
Its power fifty time.
Well, you can either say there was no turnover, or a ton of turnover from the last rankings done four weeks ago. On one hand, everyone who was in the Power Fifty last week and is eligible this week got in.
On the other hand, a LOT of people became ineligible this week. Here's who...
1. Everyone on the HOW and DREAM roster, due to obvious reasons.
2. Christopher Rashad Isaac Peterson, due to his unexpected and unfortunate retirement (and just after I finally got his name right, too!)
3. Tyler Graves, for losing a loser leaves PWX match to...
4. John Pariah, who has retired from active PWX competition. This is understandable, it has to be hard to walk, much less wrestle, after being used as Brian Hollywood's "pushin' cushion."
Okay, since that opens up a good 20 slots... a LOT of new faces in the Power Fifty this week. I didn't count how many eligible wrestlers we have, but its significantly lower than the 147 we had eligible last month. That makes it a little easier to get into the fifty, but there were still quite a few unfortunate souls who just didn't quite make the cut. These are, of course, the POWER FIF-DENIED!
They are, in the order I remembered them...
Adam Pyre (WMW)
Jordan Keyser (WMW)
Analog Kid (WMW)
Christa Carmody (MVW)
Lucas Harper (Defiance)
Justin Brooks (Defiance)
Carrianne McDermott (MVW)
Matrix (WMW)
Sarah Mae Smith (MVW)
Jak Nemesis (Defiance)
Mo'Bad (WMW)
Antonio Lopez (PWX)
James Stephens (PWX)
Eric Ryder (PWX)
Angel Casey (MVW)
Brooke Evans (MVW)
Sorry kids... better luck next time.
And now, as my homeboy Ozzie Osbourne likes to say...
ALLLLLL ABOAAARD! HAHAHAHAHA!
Cue up your Black Sabbath... and COUNT EM DOWN!
50. DEVON POOLE (PWX/Not Ranked)- Well, that tag team with Antonio Lopez sure didn't seem to work out to well, and now he faces Lopez for the briefcase of destiny at Vendetta!
49. X-TREME DREAM (PWX/Not Ranked)- XD has had a rough month of February. He came up just short in the Hybrid Contendership Battle Royal, but he was actually doing well against Hollywood until John Pariah decided to come in and play "pinata" on his skull.
48. LEON BOOTH (DEF/Not Ranked)- Its been a couple of very special episodes for Booth over the past month in Defiance, as he has begun to learn the meaning of teamwork. But will his emerging partnership with Drago survive the upcoming 4-way match for the Southern Heritage title?
47. CORINA ROMANOV (MVW/+3)- It's been a rough few weeks for the Valley's resident Russian. She fell just short against Miss USA for the MVW title, and then saw her chance at a rematch get denied thanks to Jill-Berg
46. JEFF ANDREWS (AW/Not Ranked)- This is probably going to get me crap, given how dumb I looked for disregarding the other Untouchable, but its really not Andrew's fault that he's this far down the list. Its obvious that AW has absolutely no idea how to use him, but he's got balls, running into Defiance like that.
45. ANGEL SCOTT (MVW/Not Ranked)- The question has to be... did the Angels of Death bite off more than they could chew when they tried to take revenge on Miss USA and Christa Carmody? Next up is a rematch against the Mercenaries.
44. JACKIE DANIELS *MVW TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (MVW/+2)- Sweet Southern Comfort actually had a fairly light month, competition wise. But the Mercenaries are going to have a hell of a fight on their hands at the MVW/PCW Pay Per View
43. GRAS-DAWG (WMW/Not Ranked)- This guy is definitely one of the more interesting personalities the WMW has to offer. Unfortunately, he got moved up too quickly- he's not quite ready to be taking on Jade or Hecate... yet.
42. XAVIER LANGSTON (Defiance/Not Ranked)- So who do you think he wants to face in the "revenge match"? Dean, or Fiasco?
41. JILL-BERG (MVW/Not Ranked)- No seriously... this is real. Anyways, Jill has popped out a hell of a little winning streak over in the Valley... and now the Champion Miss USA is next in her radar
40. WONE (WMW/Not Ranked)- This guys a bit streaky... he looked like absolute crap when he first came back into the Midwest... but then he got friggin HOT (albeit against Analog kid... whoo!). He's been struggling in the Tag League, however.
39. ERIC DILLINGER (WMW/Not Ranked)- Mr. Dillinger may have "nothing nice to say" about anyone else... but I got to give him his dues. He's a hell of a competitor.
38. BRANDI BAYLESS (MVW/Not Ranked)- I don't know too much about Ms. Bayless, so I looked up "lingerie girl wrestling" on the internet. I still don't know too much about Ms. Bayless... but I'm not all that upset :)
37. DRUSCILLA (WMW/-7)- This is Dru's third appearance in the Power Fifty, and I think I've spelled her name different each time. Anyways, Dru's seemed to have cooled off ever since her loss to Father Nathan at Groundhog Slay.
36. ANGEL OF DEATH (AW/-2)- Okay, just in case anyone is paying attention, there are TWO Angel of Death's now in the WWA. One is a tag team (scott/casey), the other is a wrestler in AW (who ironically dates the Black Widow, of which there was another woman by that monicker in the WWA seven years ago). Originiality ahoy!
35. NICK RIVERS (AW/+13)- Inherent musical ignorance aside (who in their right mind would EVER call Adrien Cochrane emo?), River's is quickly becoming a rising star in Appalachian Wrestling. How far will his teaming with Donovan take him?
34. JOHN OJEDA (PWX/Not Ranked)- Ojeda has been on fire ever since he entered the PWX, although he has definitely gotten himself into hot water with PWX president JPO. Something in this fragile relationship is gonna break at Vendetta.
33. TOM SAWYER (Defiance/Not Ranked)- Harper just missed the cut here, but Sawyer has seemed to be the driving force thus far behind the Foreshadowings success. These guys will be in major contention for the World Tag team championships before too long.
32. KATIE COLLINS *MVW TELEVISION CHAMPION* (MVW/Not Ranked)- Miss Collins pulled off a huge victory last month when she defeated Brooke Evans to win the TV Belt.. now she's going to have to survive the red-hot (in more ways than one!) Bayless
31. JOHN KELLERMAN (AW/+16) Well, in the shocker of the century, Kellerman and Cannon actually managed to work together long enough to defeat the Hunters. Still, I say this team's not going to last, and the sooner Kellerman just up and decks Chrissie, the better.
30. JOHNNY LIGHTNING (Defiance/Not Ranked)- J-Li and Team Asterisk are no longer the official champions, but they still have the belts. This is getting to be more and more of a mess with each passing day.
29. DARIN ZION *PWX HYBRID CHAMPION* (PWX/Not Ranked)- Zion is this week's winner of the "Ronnie Long Award", awarded to the person who most deserves to hit me with a shovel for leaving them off the last list. Please don't, Darin.
28. RYVEN *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (WMW/+10)- Not sure if he's gotten his troubles with Kronin entirely squared away yet, but the two looked damn good in taking out Gras-Dawg and Mo'Bad
27. DAWN MCGILL *MVW TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (MVW/+1)- We here at the Power Fifty would like to congratulate Mrs. Generalissimo on her marriage. We would also like to offer our condolences on her HOW LSD title loss, and would also like to point out that since HOW is no longer in the alliance, that won't count against her. Losing to the Angels of Death, however, will, so she better be ready.
26. ADRIEN COCHRANE (AW/No Change)- Adrien's just running on a streak of bad luck. First he misses out on a big win over Jake Donovan and the Angel of Death, then CRIP, his tag team partner, has retired. Not sure if he can recreate the same magic with Calib Wallace.
Alright halfway.
So for this week's intermission, I figure I will address the sudden issue's concerning the World Tag Team Championships. For those of you who missed WMW Graveyard Shift #110 (and SHAME ON YOU IF YOU DID), The Hardcore Icons defeated Team Asterisk to win the titles, but in typical Team Danger fashion, Greer and Lightning took the belts home with them.
What a bunch of spoiled rotten little children.
Seriously, what the hell is Eric Dane running, a kindergarten? I've watched the match, and whether or not the rules supposedly changed during the match... the fact of the matter is that the referee felt the match was competitive enough to continue (and we all know that referees are allowed discretion when the championships are on the line). It doesn't matter how... VALORA PINNED GREER, and in my opinion, The Hardcore Icons ARE the world Tag Champions.
And everyone except the little whiners over in Defiance agree with me.
Not only are the members of Defiance whiners, they are cowards. Wolfington asked them nicely to show up at GS111, and they refused. Dane, Greer, and Lightning are nothing more than worthless crybabies, who are a stain on the legacy of this honorable alliance.
Well, that's actually nothing new, Dane and Greer have been dragging this alliance down for the past ten years.
So anyways, congrats to the Hardcore Icons.. now here's my question... what the hell are you going to do about this? Two days after you lost the belts... why the hell weren't you on Defiance Episode 6 fighting to get them back? Are you going to be at Episode 7? or are you going to be like the Grady's, spineless cowards who refuse to go and get your own property back?
Anyways, that's my take on the situation. Shall we resume?
Top 25 time.
25. BOBBY DEAN (Defiance/Not Ranked)- Reports of Mr. Dean's demise seem to have been greatly exaggerated. How he managed to survive the kidnapping by Langston, I don't know, but for someone as clueless as this guy is, he has a hell of a penchant for getthing himself out of trouble.
24. JIMMY KORT (Defiance/+25)- I don't think anyone benefits from HOW leaving more than Mr. Kort, as I've decided not to hold his miserable performance in the Lee Best Invitational against him. The result is the biggest gainer in the rankings.
23. CHRIS CANNON (AW/+1)- Just in case anyone ever thought that I was biased... well, look at Mr. Cannon as an example. That being said... could someone please just kill this guy?
22. MISS USA *MISSOURI VALLEY CHAMPION* (MVW/Not Ranked)- The masked red,white, and blue wonder is now in her seventh month as the MVW's top beltholder. Now the question is... how much of a challenge will Jill-Berg actually be for her belt?
21. KAZUMA FUJITA (Defiance/+14)- Its a shame Fujita actually entered Defiance a bit on the late side, it would have been interesting to see how he would have done in the Champion's Carnival. Still, anyone can see that he's on a collision course with...
20. STEPHEN GREER (Defiance/+2)- I have an idea how to solve the whole Fujita/Greer lariat debate. We take a worthless little terd nobody likes (say, Chris Cannon, or Jacob Wright), and put them against the ring ropes. We let both men take two shots, and whoever Lariats our worthless POS further out of the ring (we'll average the distanceS), wins.
19. DANNY SZATKOWSKI (PWX/Not Ranked)- Szatkowski is our highest debut this time around. I like this guy, but he went too far against Poole, and deserved the disqualification. Nonetheless, he's on a collision course with Zion right now, and I think he might be the one to take the belt.
18. FATHER NATHAN *WMW ACE SUPERIOR CHAMPION* (WMW/+14)- Father Nathan's stock just continues to rise. I remember six weeks ago I was laughing at him for even thinking he could take on the Daughters of Darkness. But he has, and done even more to boot. If he keeps up this way, he might just be who the WMW turns to the next time the World Title comes to town.
17. UMBRAGE *WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (WMW/+14)- Umbrage doesn't strike me as the brightest guy in the world (prolly too many chairshots), but he's definitely one of the most brutal guys in the alliance. I can see him walking into Defiance single handedly and getting his belts back.
16. HECATE *WMW HEARTLANDS CHAMPION* (WMW/+11)- All I have to say is poor Adam Pyre. Poor, poor, Adam Pyre
15. JOSIAS SOLAINE (Defiance/-1)- Surprisingly, the Hatian Redemption now finds himself on a two match losing streak. Now that he's out of the Carnival, it will be interesting to see where he goes from here.
14. VALERIE BELMONT *PWX NEXT GENERATION CHAMPION* *PWX TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (PWX/+11)- Holy crap... when Mrs. Belmont says she has a magpie complex... she ain't kidding; she's hauling in belts like they're going out of style! Belmont now anxiously awaits to see who she will face at Vendetta.
13. JAKE DONOVAN (AW/+10)- I'm gonna say it... rookie of the year, right here.
12. DR KONGO (Defiance/+1)- Okay, how embarrassing was that loss to Dean and Fiasco? Seriously...
11. KRONIN *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (WMW/+7)- One of the biggest bummers of waiting so long to do another Power Fifty is that I never managed to give Kronin his absolute mad PROPS for winning the WMW All-In Challenge. Seriously... how this guy got through the match was just damned amazing!
Alright, top ten time!
10. RONNIE LONG *AW ATLANTIC COAST CHAMPION* (AW/+19)- After a phenomenal win over Nick Rivers, Mr. Long just looks better and better. Walking into the middle of Defiance and telling Eric Dane to go to hell wins some points in my book too.
9. JADE *WMW SHOOT CHAMPION* (WMW/+7)- As Ides of March approaches, it'll be nice to see Jade defending her title against someone who's not Amariie Maerthos.
8. BRONSON BOX (Defiance/+1)- Mr. Box got a big win over Jimmy Kort last week, which means now he'll have to face Vasquez instead of Cobra. I still think he's the underdog, but he likely got himself the easier path to the finals.
7. AARON VASQUEZ (Defiance/-4)- Vasquez's beautiful speech as he took out Anti-Hero has been tempered somewhat by the Dean/Fiasco... Fiasco.
6. JEREMIAH BELMONT *PWX TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (PWX/+13)- Days left in Brian Hollywood's PWX Title Reign: 9.
5. JOE DRAGO (Defiance/+6)- He took a tough loss to Box, but did he put up a fight against Cobra! I say rematch!
4. JACK AMETHYST (AW/+2)- Amethyst has now had a full month of (I'm relaxing my 30-day rule for him), and hopefully his arm will be healed once he gets back into action.
3. BRIAN HOLLYWOOD *PRO WRESTLING X CHAMPION* (PWX/+5)- So not only has he been rolling in PWX, he and Pariah scooted on over to HOW and took away our ex-member's tag titles! That's aces in my book, but this guy is still meat once Jeremiah comes calling. Enjoy the view up here while you can, Bri.
2. VALORA SALINAS *WORLD TAG CHAMPION* *GREAT LAKES CHAMPION* (WMW/+8)- No doubt about this one, Miss Salinas has been, well, THAT DAMN AWESOME. Officially, she now holds the highest rank ever held by a female in the Power Fifty (previous record shared by Wendy Briese and Misty Xiao- both ranked 6th)
1. COBRA *WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION* (Defiance/No Change)- He got friggin lucky against Drago, but he's still the champ. But with Hydra falling apart, can he remain on top for long without his buddies to back him up?
Of course, if you have a problem with where your favorite wrestler is ranked, please follow the following instructions.
1. Go to hell.
2. Burn.
Of course, comments and questions are always welcome, yada yada yada.
Okay, i'm not going to do awards this week, except for one...
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
It goes to me. I know you guys live for this column, and I'm sorry.
Now get the hell over it.
Okay, finally, I have a very exciting announcement. This actually goes into a bit of why I haven't been able to do the column for a few weeks, and I think when you hear (well, read) what I have to say, you'll admit it will be worth it.
Most of you who are familiar with WWA history have heard of the Battle In Seattle. For those of you who don't know, it is, simply put, the most grueling test of physical endurance in the world. Fifty entrant, anything-goes, battle royal. And none of this over the top rope bullshit either (namely because we've never done one in a ring...). Eliminations by pinfall or submission only.
Most of you saw the first one, when Kevin Cage entered seventh and one.
Most of you groaned over the second one, when a solar flare damaged all of our videotaping equipment, causing the entire second half of the match to not air (For the record... Ryan Corey won... I think)
Most of you don't know that it was I, Daniel Pollaski, who pitched the idea to the WWA board of directors during my tenure as the NGWA commissioner. That's why I got the super sweet gig of announcing it.
Well, guess what I just pitched to the Board of Directors again?
And guess what just got approved?
That's right kids, the THIRD BATTLE IN SEATTLE is a go! Now, don't be TOO excited, we're still working out the details (ie, date and location), but this one's gonna be at night, it will be worth winning...
And it will be fucking brutal.
So, as far as possible venues go, Westlake Center, Pike Place Market, Pioneer Square, SeaTac international, the Waterfront, and Qwest Field are all being considered. If anyone has a suggestion, feel free to let me know.
Until then, keep your eyes open. You wanna be in on this one.
Anyways, that's all I got for you this week... we'll see you all in a fortnight, as another batch of rankings will be up.
Oh, and Tag Wars #2... I'll be there!
Until then...
POLLA THE FUCK OUT!
Hey kids!
So, yeah, its been a month since you last got a glimpse into the genius that is Daniel Pollaski, and I'm sure absence has made the heart grow fonder.
Unfortunately, I'm going to be starting with some bad news. With my new duties announcing tag wars, and the sudden work I now need to put in to set up my beloved brainchild (more on this later), the Polla to the People column will now be biweekly. But don't worry, this only means thay EVERY column will have a power fifty!
Let it never be said i didnt take care of you guys.
Anyways, I got a few bits of unpleasant business to take fare of, first. It seems over the past couple of weeks, various people have saw fit to, well, call me out.
The first of these is Appalachian Wrestling's very own whiny metrosexual, Chris Cannon. Apparently, Cannon's been in a tizzy ever since I called him a dipshit in my last column. The little terd's even gone so far as to invite me to appear on his Inside the Cannon talk show segment.
Okay, why not? At least my smiling visage will prevent people from changing the channel.
I should warn Chris though, if he thinks I'm really all that harmless, and easily bullied around, he better think again. Too put it bluntly, has HE ever gotten into a fight wth Victor Mandrake, and left the overgrown bastard lying flat on the concrete?
To be fair to the Immortal One, there was a liberal application of pepper spray and a steel chair involved, but so what? Me 1, Mandrake 0.
Just a little advice, Chrissie. If you pull any shit, be ready for retaliation. I've got more tricks up my sleeve than Adrien Cochrane has hair products.
So yes, Chris, I accept. I'll appear on your cute little show. I'll probably end up kicking your ass and ensuring no one in AW ever takes you seriously again, but since no one does anyway, no harm.
So next order of business. Defiance's own manorexic announcer, Angus Skaaland, has seen fit to bash me again as well.
Actually, he bashed me three weeks ago, and was too much of a pussy to actually post his blog... seriously Angie? Wanted to make sure I was really out of the Confederacy before you said anything?
And repetive too. Seriously, Angus, did you forget to check off the "claim to fame is not fucking Wendy Briese" line on your zinger list, or did you just think it was so good a line, it needed to be said again?
Seriously, Dane. Get a new announcer. Fuck, see what Frank Longley's doing, and get him back with Alicia. Anything to spare us the drivel we have to listen to week in and week out.
And maybe then your next network won't drop you guys like HOTV did.
Okay, ready guys?
Its power fifty time.
Well, you can either say there was no turnover, or a ton of turnover from the last rankings done four weeks ago. On one hand, everyone who was in the Power Fifty last week and is eligible this week got in.
On the other hand, a LOT of people became ineligible this week. Here's who...
1. Everyone on the HOW and DREAM roster, due to obvious reasons.
2. Christopher Rashad Isaac Peterson, due to his unexpected and unfortunate retirement (and just after I finally got his name right, too!)
3. Tyler Graves, for losing a loser leaves PWX match to...
4. John Pariah, who has retired from active PWX competition. This is understandable, it has to be hard to walk, much less wrestle, after being used as Brian Hollywood's "pushin' cushion."
Okay, since that opens up a good 20 slots... a LOT of new faces in the Power Fifty this week. I didn't count how many eligible wrestlers we have, but its significantly lower than the 147 we had eligible last month. That makes it a little easier to get into the fifty, but there were still quite a few unfortunate souls who just didn't quite make the cut. These are, of course, the POWER FIF-DENIED!
They are, in the order I remembered them...
Adam Pyre (WMW)
Jordan Keyser (WMW)
Analog Kid (WMW)
Christa Carmody (MVW)
Lucas Harper (Defiance)
Justin Brooks (Defiance)
Carrianne McDermott (MVW)
Matrix (WMW)
Sarah Mae Smith (MVW)
Jak Nemesis (Defiance)
Mo'Bad (WMW)
Antonio Lopez (PWX)
James Stephens (PWX)
Eric Ryder (PWX)
Angel Casey (MVW)
Brooke Evans (MVW)
Sorry kids... better luck next time.
And now, as my homeboy Ozzie Osbourne likes to say...
ALLLLLL ABOAAARD! HAHAHAHAHA!
Cue up your Black Sabbath... and COUNT EM DOWN!
50. DEVON POOLE (PWX/Not Ranked)- Well, that tag team with Antonio Lopez sure didn't seem to work out to well, and now he faces Lopez for the briefcase of destiny at Vendetta!
49. X-TREME DREAM (PWX/Not Ranked)- XD has had a rough month of February. He came up just short in the Hybrid Contendership Battle Royal, but he was actually doing well against Hollywood until John Pariah decided to come in and play "pinata" on his skull.
48. LEON BOOTH (DEF/Not Ranked)- Its been a couple of very special episodes for Booth over the past month in Defiance, as he has begun to learn the meaning of teamwork. But will his emerging partnership with Drago survive the upcoming 4-way match for the Southern Heritage title?
47. CORINA ROMANOV (MVW/+3)- It's been a rough few weeks for the Valley's resident Russian. She fell just short against Miss USA for the MVW title, and then saw her chance at a rematch get denied thanks to Jill-Berg
46. JEFF ANDREWS (AW/Not Ranked)- This is probably going to get me crap, given how dumb I looked for disregarding the other Untouchable, but its really not Andrew's fault that he's this far down the list. Its obvious that AW has absolutely no idea how to use him, but he's got balls, running into Defiance like that.
45. ANGEL SCOTT (MVW/Not Ranked)- The question has to be... did the Angels of Death bite off more than they could chew when they tried to take revenge on Miss USA and Christa Carmody? Next up is a rematch against the Mercenaries.
44. JACKIE DANIELS *MVW TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (MVW/+2)- Sweet Southern Comfort actually had a fairly light month, competition wise. But the Mercenaries are going to have a hell of a fight on their hands at the MVW/PCW Pay Per View
43. GRAS-DAWG (WMW/Not Ranked)- This guy is definitely one of the more interesting personalities the WMW has to offer. Unfortunately, he got moved up too quickly- he's not quite ready to be taking on Jade or Hecate... yet.
42. XAVIER LANGSTON (Defiance/Not Ranked)- So who do you think he wants to face in the "revenge match"? Dean, or Fiasco?
41. JILL-BERG (MVW/Not Ranked)- No seriously... this is real. Anyways, Jill has popped out a hell of a little winning streak over in the Valley... and now the Champion Miss USA is next in her radar
40. WONE (WMW/Not Ranked)- This guys a bit streaky... he looked like absolute crap when he first came back into the Midwest... but then he got friggin HOT (albeit against Analog kid... whoo!). He's been struggling in the Tag League, however.
39. ERIC DILLINGER (WMW/Not Ranked)- Mr. Dillinger may have "nothing nice to say" about anyone else... but I got to give him his dues. He's a hell of a competitor.
38. BRANDI BAYLESS (MVW/Not Ranked)- I don't know too much about Ms. Bayless, so I looked up "lingerie girl wrestling" on the internet. I still don't know too much about Ms. Bayless... but I'm not all that upset :)
37. DRUSCILLA (WMW/-7)- This is Dru's third appearance in the Power Fifty, and I think I've spelled her name different each time. Anyways, Dru's seemed to have cooled off ever since her loss to Father Nathan at Groundhog Slay.
36. ANGEL OF DEATH (AW/-2)- Okay, just in case anyone is paying attention, there are TWO Angel of Death's now in the WWA. One is a tag team (scott/casey), the other is a wrestler in AW (who ironically dates the Black Widow, of which there was another woman by that monicker in the WWA seven years ago). Originiality ahoy!
35. NICK RIVERS (AW/+13)- Inherent musical ignorance aside (who in their right mind would EVER call Adrien Cochrane emo?), River's is quickly becoming a rising star in Appalachian Wrestling. How far will his teaming with Donovan take him?
34. JOHN OJEDA (PWX/Not Ranked)- Ojeda has been on fire ever since he entered the PWX, although he has definitely gotten himself into hot water with PWX president JPO. Something in this fragile relationship is gonna break at Vendetta.
33. TOM SAWYER (Defiance/Not Ranked)- Harper just missed the cut here, but Sawyer has seemed to be the driving force thus far behind the Foreshadowings success. These guys will be in major contention for the World Tag team championships before too long.
32. KATIE COLLINS *MVW TELEVISION CHAMPION* (MVW/Not Ranked)- Miss Collins pulled off a huge victory last month when she defeated Brooke Evans to win the TV Belt.. now she's going to have to survive the red-hot (in more ways than one!) Bayless
31. JOHN KELLERMAN (AW/+16) Well, in the shocker of the century, Kellerman and Cannon actually managed to work together long enough to defeat the Hunters. Still, I say this team's not going to last, and the sooner Kellerman just up and decks Chrissie, the better.
30. JOHNNY LIGHTNING (Defiance/Not Ranked)- J-Li and Team Asterisk are no longer the official champions, but they still have the belts. This is getting to be more and more of a mess with each passing day.
29. DARIN ZION *PWX HYBRID CHAMPION* (PWX/Not Ranked)- Zion is this week's winner of the "Ronnie Long Award", awarded to the person who most deserves to hit me with a shovel for leaving them off the last list. Please don't, Darin.
28. RYVEN *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (WMW/+10)- Not sure if he's gotten his troubles with Kronin entirely squared away yet, but the two looked damn good in taking out Gras-Dawg and Mo'Bad
27. DAWN MCGILL *MVW TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (MVW/+1)- We here at the Power Fifty would like to congratulate Mrs. Generalissimo on her marriage. We would also like to offer our condolences on her HOW LSD title loss, and would also like to point out that since HOW is no longer in the alliance, that won't count against her. Losing to the Angels of Death, however, will, so she better be ready.
26. ADRIEN COCHRANE (AW/No Change)- Adrien's just running on a streak of bad luck. First he misses out on a big win over Jake Donovan and the Angel of Death, then CRIP, his tag team partner, has retired. Not sure if he can recreate the same magic with Calib Wallace.
Alright halfway.
So for this week's intermission, I figure I will address the sudden issue's concerning the World Tag Team Championships. For those of you who missed WMW Graveyard Shift #110 (and SHAME ON YOU IF YOU DID), The Hardcore Icons defeated Team Asterisk to win the titles, but in typical Team Danger fashion, Greer and Lightning took the belts home with them.
What a bunch of spoiled rotten little children.
Seriously, what the hell is Eric Dane running, a kindergarten? I've watched the match, and whether or not the rules supposedly changed during the match... the fact of the matter is that the referee felt the match was competitive enough to continue (and we all know that referees are allowed discretion when the championships are on the line). It doesn't matter how... VALORA PINNED GREER, and in my opinion, The Hardcore Icons ARE the world Tag Champions.
And everyone except the little whiners over in Defiance agree with me.
Not only are the members of Defiance whiners, they are cowards. Wolfington asked them nicely to show up at GS111, and they refused. Dane, Greer, and Lightning are nothing more than worthless crybabies, who are a stain on the legacy of this honorable alliance.
Well, that's actually nothing new, Dane and Greer have been dragging this alliance down for the past ten years.
So anyways, congrats to the Hardcore Icons.. now here's my question... what the hell are you going to do about this? Two days after you lost the belts... why the hell weren't you on Defiance Episode 6 fighting to get them back? Are you going to be at Episode 7? or are you going to be like the Grady's, spineless cowards who refuse to go and get your own property back?
Anyways, that's my take on the situation. Shall we resume?
Top 25 time.
25. BOBBY DEAN (Defiance/Not Ranked)- Reports of Mr. Dean's demise seem to have been greatly exaggerated. How he managed to survive the kidnapping by Langston, I don't know, but for someone as clueless as this guy is, he has a hell of a penchant for getthing himself out of trouble.
24. JIMMY KORT (Defiance/+25)- I don't think anyone benefits from HOW leaving more than Mr. Kort, as I've decided not to hold his miserable performance in the Lee Best Invitational against him. The result is the biggest gainer in the rankings.
23. CHRIS CANNON (AW/+1)- Just in case anyone ever thought that I was biased... well, look at Mr. Cannon as an example. That being said... could someone please just kill this guy?
22. MISS USA *MISSOURI VALLEY CHAMPION* (MVW/Not Ranked)- The masked red,white, and blue wonder is now in her seventh month as the MVW's top beltholder. Now the question is... how much of a challenge will Jill-Berg actually be for her belt?
21. KAZUMA FUJITA (Defiance/+14)- Its a shame Fujita actually entered Defiance a bit on the late side, it would have been interesting to see how he would have done in the Champion's Carnival. Still, anyone can see that he's on a collision course with...
20. STEPHEN GREER (Defiance/+2)- I have an idea how to solve the whole Fujita/Greer lariat debate. We take a worthless little terd nobody likes (say, Chris Cannon, or Jacob Wright), and put them against the ring ropes. We let both men take two shots, and whoever Lariats our worthless POS further out of the ring (we'll average the distanceS), wins.
19. DANNY SZATKOWSKI (PWX/Not Ranked)- Szatkowski is our highest debut this time around. I like this guy, but he went too far against Poole, and deserved the disqualification. Nonetheless, he's on a collision course with Zion right now, and I think he might be the one to take the belt.
18. FATHER NATHAN *WMW ACE SUPERIOR CHAMPION* (WMW/+14)- Father Nathan's stock just continues to rise. I remember six weeks ago I was laughing at him for even thinking he could take on the Daughters of Darkness. But he has, and done even more to boot. If he keeps up this way, he might just be who the WMW turns to the next time the World Title comes to town.
17. UMBRAGE *WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (WMW/+14)- Umbrage doesn't strike me as the brightest guy in the world (prolly too many chairshots), but he's definitely one of the most brutal guys in the alliance. I can see him walking into Defiance single handedly and getting his belts back.
16. HECATE *WMW HEARTLANDS CHAMPION* (WMW/+11)- All I have to say is poor Adam Pyre. Poor, poor, Adam Pyre
15. JOSIAS SOLAINE (Defiance/-1)- Surprisingly, the Hatian Redemption now finds himself on a two match losing streak. Now that he's out of the Carnival, it will be interesting to see where he goes from here.
14. VALERIE BELMONT *PWX NEXT GENERATION CHAMPION* *PWX TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (PWX/+11)- Holy crap... when Mrs. Belmont says she has a magpie complex... she ain't kidding; she's hauling in belts like they're going out of style! Belmont now anxiously awaits to see who she will face at Vendetta.
13. JAKE DONOVAN (AW/+10)- I'm gonna say it... rookie of the year, right here.
12. DR KONGO (Defiance/+1)- Okay, how embarrassing was that loss to Dean and Fiasco? Seriously...
11. KRONIN *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (WMW/+7)- One of the biggest bummers of waiting so long to do another Power Fifty is that I never managed to give Kronin his absolute mad PROPS for winning the WMW All-In Challenge. Seriously... how this guy got through the match was just damned amazing!
Alright, top ten time!
10. RONNIE LONG *AW ATLANTIC COAST CHAMPION* (AW/+19)- After a phenomenal win over Nick Rivers, Mr. Long just looks better and better. Walking into the middle of Defiance and telling Eric Dane to go to hell wins some points in my book too.
9. JADE *WMW SHOOT CHAMPION* (WMW/+7)- As Ides of March approaches, it'll be nice to see Jade defending her title against someone who's not Amariie Maerthos.
8. BRONSON BOX (Defiance/+1)- Mr. Box got a big win over Jimmy Kort last week, which means now he'll have to face Vasquez instead of Cobra. I still think he's the underdog, but he likely got himself the easier path to the finals.
7. AARON VASQUEZ (Defiance/-4)- Vasquez's beautiful speech as he took out Anti-Hero has been tempered somewhat by the Dean/Fiasco... Fiasco.
6. JEREMIAH BELMONT *PWX TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (PWX/+13)- Days left in Brian Hollywood's PWX Title Reign: 9.
5. JOE DRAGO (Defiance/+6)- He took a tough loss to Box, but did he put up a fight against Cobra! I say rematch!
4. JACK AMETHYST (AW/+2)- Amethyst has now had a full month of (I'm relaxing my 30-day rule for him), and hopefully his arm will be healed once he gets back into action.
3. BRIAN HOLLYWOOD *PRO WRESTLING X CHAMPION* (PWX/+5)- So not only has he been rolling in PWX, he and Pariah scooted on over to HOW and took away our ex-member's tag titles! That's aces in my book, but this guy is still meat once Jeremiah comes calling. Enjoy the view up here while you can, Bri.
2. VALORA SALINAS *WORLD TAG CHAMPION* *GREAT LAKES CHAMPION* (WMW/+8)- No doubt about this one, Miss Salinas has been, well, THAT DAMN AWESOME. Officially, she now holds the highest rank ever held by a female in the Power Fifty (previous record shared by Wendy Briese and Misty Xiao- both ranked 6th)
1. COBRA *WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION* (Defiance/No Change)- He got friggin lucky against Drago, but he's still the champ. But with Hydra falling apart, can he remain on top for long without his buddies to back him up?
Of course, if you have a problem with where your favorite wrestler is ranked, please follow the following instructions.
1. Go to hell.
2. Burn.
Of course, comments and questions are always welcome, yada yada yada.
Okay, i'm not going to do awards this week, except for one...
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
It goes to me. I know you guys live for this column, and I'm sorry.
Now get the hell over it.
Okay, finally, I have a very exciting announcement. This actually goes into a bit of why I haven't been able to do the column for a few weeks, and I think when you hear (well, read) what I have to say, you'll admit it will be worth it.
Most of you who are familiar with WWA history have heard of the Battle In Seattle. For those of you who don't know, it is, simply put, the most grueling test of physical endurance in the world. Fifty entrant, anything-goes, battle royal. And none of this over the top rope bullshit either (namely because we've never done one in a ring...). Eliminations by pinfall or submission only.
Most of you saw the first one, when Kevin Cage entered seventh and one.
Most of you groaned over the second one, when a solar flare damaged all of our videotaping equipment, causing the entire second half of the match to not air (For the record... Ryan Corey won... I think)
Most of you don't know that it was I, Daniel Pollaski, who pitched the idea to the WWA board of directors during my tenure as the NGWA commissioner. That's why I got the super sweet gig of announcing it.
Well, guess what I just pitched to the Board of Directors again?
And guess what just got approved?
That's right kids, the THIRD BATTLE IN SEATTLE is a go! Now, don't be TOO excited, we're still working out the details (ie, date and location), but this one's gonna be at night, it will be worth winning...
And it will be fucking brutal.
So, as far as possible venues go, Westlake Center, Pike Place Market, Pioneer Square, SeaTac international, the Waterfront, and Qwest Field are all being considered. If anyone has a suggestion, feel free to let me know.
Until then, keep your eyes open. You wanna be in on this one.
Anyways, that's all I got for you this week... we'll see you all in a fortnight, as another batch of rankings will be up.
Oh, and Tag Wars #2... I'll be there!
Until then...
POLLA THE FUCK OUT!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
POLLA TO THE PEOPLE #5- February 9, 2010
Hey kids
We're going to be doing things a little bit different this week. You wont be seeing any awards. Thats because there are no winners. As far as losers and douchebags go, thats everyone here.
Match? Ill give it to the Full Metal Mayhem match in PWX. That was a hell of an 8-man tag rumble. Big props to The Belmonts for pulling out an amazing win.
But that's not why I'm writing the column this week. As most of you are well aware, I was asked to attend the Defiance show yesterday. Needless to say, I was rather concerned over my personal safety, but all in all, I was surprised at how well I was treated.
I also got a sit down interview with the mastermind of Defiance himself, Mr. Eric Dane. Thats right, I got to see the very man who nearly killed me with one of his famous Star Drivers five years ago
As I talked to Dane, I saw a man in control. I saw a man with a plan. I saw a LEADER.
Now, can anyone tell me where in the fuck I can find a leader in the rest of this goddamned Alliance?
Im asking, because if it weren't for the fact that I still don't like that crippled motherfucker or the scrawny little boy-toy he keeps as an announcer, I'd be putting a Defiance shirt on right now.
Here's the reason why I got decent treatment from Dane- I am not a threat to him. I got a Star Driver five years ago because I managed wrestlers that were forming a coalition to drive Team Danger out of the Bayou. Ergo, a threat. Not a direct one, but a viable target nonetheless.
Who do I manage now? Nobody. Im a columnist. A columnist who week in and week out has to write about a cancer that is spreading throughout the WWA.
To those of you who think I'm overreacting, how many of you think you are going to have jobs in Eric Dane's WWA? How many of you will have careers when Eric Dane is the central focus of the wrestling world? How many of you will still have full usage of your limbs when the wrecking ball comes crashing into our house?
The worst thing is, I see people who COULD be leaders. People who can stand up and take this alliances flag, but for some reason haven't yet.
Lets start with the Grady's, the so-called DREAM tag champions. I spent thirty fucking minutes in a room with your belts. I touched them. Hell, I could have put them on if I wanted to.
Now how does that make you feel? A fucking columnist has spent more time with your belts than you have. Do you honestly think standing in your cozy DREAM ring and asking nicely is going to accomplish shit? If anyone should have been in Houston last night, it was you.
Lets move on to Adrien Cochrane. What I saw Adrien do last night was admirable. He stood in Evan Hurley's face and declared his loyalty to the WWA. The question is, where does he go from here?
If anyone has a reason to be carrying the WWA flag, its Cochrane. The man has been here for five years. But Adrien has come to be regarded as a mediocrity. Some question his abilities. Some question his heart. I question neither.
Adrien is where he is because he is afraid to leave his comfort zone. I know this because there was a time my own wrestlers had sealed themselves in a safety box. That got shattered when a four hundred fifty pound monster dragged one of them off to a dungeon for two weeks.
I say this nicely, Mr. Cochrane, break your box before some one else shatters it. Chico Vasquez punked you two weeks ago. He soaked a shirt in your blood. Are you really going to let that slide? And no, throwing an egg at Aaron Vasquez won't count.
Furthermore, Adrien, I would like to remind you that it was YOU who was representing DREAM in that caged hell match. That was your home turf you were defending, and you let Drago stroll out of there with a win.
Next there's Beautiful Bobby Dean. Dean had placed himself in a, pardon the pun, beautiful position, a mole inside the Defiance locker room. How does he break his cover? Throwing an egg at Josias Solaine and shitting on a desk? Does that hurt Defiance? Does that help anybody? He was in the perfect position to wreck Defiance from the inside, and he threw it all away on a worthless prank.
And now Dean is, for all intents and purposes, a dead man, because the very stable he betrayed Defiance to join didn't decide to leave for Houston to help him until the last fucking minute. Way to go, Jiles and Dooze. His blood is on your hands.
Lets just hope Jiles gets off the merchandising train long enough to remember he actually has to wrestle Cobra tonight.
Im going to group all the AW guys together here. I gotta hand it to the appy boys, because they have been fighting, even if theres not one ounce of brains between them. Seriously, gentlemen... COORDINATE. Where is Jake Donovan in the Power 50? Where is the Angel of Death? Now can someone tell me wherever on that list is Leon Booth? Because if I'm correct, I didnt put him anywhere near that thing.
And yet, who was running who out of the building? In a one on three situation, for Gods sake!
See what I mean abiut leaders? Surely one person in the AW locker room can step up and be a general!
And to Jack Amethyst... get your arm better, man. We're gonna need you.
Then there's Aceldama, who has seemed to think that because he beat up an announcer, he's the biggest, baddest dog in the pound. He wants my total respect, he needs to walk back down to Defiance, and put DR Kongo through a table.
If there is one guy in HOW who could carry the torch, its Maximillian Kael. But Maxie boys gonna have to leave the comfort of his own region if he wants to truly lead the WWA.
Now, as far as WMW, PWX & MVW go, are there potential leaders? Of course there are. Darin Zion, Tyler Graves, Dawn McGill, Valora Salinas, and Kronin all come to mind. But they're gonna have to break out of the comfort of their own regions if they hope to accomplish anything on an alliance wide basis.
Now, before I go, I promised a preview of the tag wars coming up later this week, and I keep my promises.
Well, the first thing one notices looking at the lineup is that Defiance is everywhere. Six of the ten teams competing are Defiance teams, and two matches are solely Defiance wrestlers.
The most intriguing one of these, of course, is the Sex Symbols vs. Team Lightning (ha!). The Sex Symbols are a solid team in their own right, but when Greer is on, he is DOMINANT. The only question seems to be Johnny Lightning. If he can get his stuff together, theyll have a chance to retain. If not, new Champions.
The other Defiance vs. Defiance match is Jimmy Kort and Justin Brooks vs. Leon Booth and Joe Drago. The dynamic of this match has changed somewhat, with Booth and Drago suddenly seeming on the same page. If that holds, the less cohesive team of Kort and Brooks (less cohesive because Kort is an idiot) could be in trouble. Of course, the whole Booth/Drago team could self destruct, which will be entertaining, at the very least.
Its nice to see WMW sending a team to this. Jade and Hecate have what it takes to make a huge dent for themselves in this alliance. Its a pity they have such a weak draw, as I dont see Saint Louis # whatever being a threat.
The Untouchables vs. Southern Hospitality match carries its own intrigue as well. For all the fighting between the AW and Defiance camps, this is only the second offical match, so bragging rights are on the line. Southern Hospitality is coming off a big win over the Sex Symbols. At the same time, however, I think that Ronnie Long might just be the aforementioned general the AW locker room needs. This will be one close match.
And finally, the Foreshadowing takes on the Grady Bunch. Yes, its a chance for the Gradys to get back at Defiance, but I would say this ultimately serves as a match between two potential future tag team champions. This match should steal the show.
One more thing. Im sure you all saw the end of Defiance last night, and are wondering what the hell that was about. Well, I was at the Birdz house for the Super Bowl on Sunday (theyre bummed), and since Terrence has testing at Texas Motor Speedway, he agreed to give me a lift to Houston. We got to talking on the way down, and I pointed out that itd be awesome if we showed people how shit was five years ago. Thank God I was away from Dane when that shit went down. I hope Eric enjoyed the walk home. Well, actually the limp home.
Okay kids, thats it for this week. Ill be back next week, hopefully in a more optimistic mood and with a new power 50!
Until then....
Polla out!
Daniel Pollaski is the former manager of the WhirlyBirdz Vehicular Hit Squad and the official columnist of the World Wrestling Alliance. He would like to remind the world that Chris Cannon is still a dipshit, even if he didnt have time to work it into his column.
We're going to be doing things a little bit different this week. You wont be seeing any awards. Thats because there are no winners. As far as losers and douchebags go, thats everyone here.
Match? Ill give it to the Full Metal Mayhem match in PWX. That was a hell of an 8-man tag rumble. Big props to The Belmonts for pulling out an amazing win.
But that's not why I'm writing the column this week. As most of you are well aware, I was asked to attend the Defiance show yesterday. Needless to say, I was rather concerned over my personal safety, but all in all, I was surprised at how well I was treated.
I also got a sit down interview with the mastermind of Defiance himself, Mr. Eric Dane. Thats right, I got to see the very man who nearly killed me with one of his famous Star Drivers five years ago
As I talked to Dane, I saw a man in control. I saw a man with a plan. I saw a LEADER.
Now, can anyone tell me where in the fuck I can find a leader in the rest of this goddamned Alliance?
Im asking, because if it weren't for the fact that I still don't like that crippled motherfucker or the scrawny little boy-toy he keeps as an announcer, I'd be putting a Defiance shirt on right now.
Here's the reason why I got decent treatment from Dane- I am not a threat to him. I got a Star Driver five years ago because I managed wrestlers that were forming a coalition to drive Team Danger out of the Bayou. Ergo, a threat. Not a direct one, but a viable target nonetheless.
Who do I manage now? Nobody. Im a columnist. A columnist who week in and week out has to write about a cancer that is spreading throughout the WWA.
To those of you who think I'm overreacting, how many of you think you are going to have jobs in Eric Dane's WWA? How many of you will have careers when Eric Dane is the central focus of the wrestling world? How many of you will still have full usage of your limbs when the wrecking ball comes crashing into our house?
The worst thing is, I see people who COULD be leaders. People who can stand up and take this alliances flag, but for some reason haven't yet.
Lets start with the Grady's, the so-called DREAM tag champions. I spent thirty fucking minutes in a room with your belts. I touched them. Hell, I could have put them on if I wanted to.
Now how does that make you feel? A fucking columnist has spent more time with your belts than you have. Do you honestly think standing in your cozy DREAM ring and asking nicely is going to accomplish shit? If anyone should have been in Houston last night, it was you.
Lets move on to Adrien Cochrane. What I saw Adrien do last night was admirable. He stood in Evan Hurley's face and declared his loyalty to the WWA. The question is, where does he go from here?
If anyone has a reason to be carrying the WWA flag, its Cochrane. The man has been here for five years. But Adrien has come to be regarded as a mediocrity. Some question his abilities. Some question his heart. I question neither.
Adrien is where he is because he is afraid to leave his comfort zone. I know this because there was a time my own wrestlers had sealed themselves in a safety box. That got shattered when a four hundred fifty pound monster dragged one of them off to a dungeon for two weeks.
I say this nicely, Mr. Cochrane, break your box before some one else shatters it. Chico Vasquez punked you two weeks ago. He soaked a shirt in your blood. Are you really going to let that slide? And no, throwing an egg at Aaron Vasquez won't count.
Furthermore, Adrien, I would like to remind you that it was YOU who was representing DREAM in that caged hell match. That was your home turf you were defending, and you let Drago stroll out of there with a win.
Next there's Beautiful Bobby Dean. Dean had placed himself in a, pardon the pun, beautiful position, a mole inside the Defiance locker room. How does he break his cover? Throwing an egg at Josias Solaine and shitting on a desk? Does that hurt Defiance? Does that help anybody? He was in the perfect position to wreck Defiance from the inside, and he threw it all away on a worthless prank.
And now Dean is, for all intents and purposes, a dead man, because the very stable he betrayed Defiance to join didn't decide to leave for Houston to help him until the last fucking minute. Way to go, Jiles and Dooze. His blood is on your hands.
Lets just hope Jiles gets off the merchandising train long enough to remember he actually has to wrestle Cobra tonight.
Im going to group all the AW guys together here. I gotta hand it to the appy boys, because they have been fighting, even if theres not one ounce of brains between them. Seriously, gentlemen... COORDINATE. Where is Jake Donovan in the Power 50? Where is the Angel of Death? Now can someone tell me wherever on that list is Leon Booth? Because if I'm correct, I didnt put him anywhere near that thing.
And yet, who was running who out of the building? In a one on three situation, for Gods sake!
See what I mean abiut leaders? Surely one person in the AW locker room can step up and be a general!
And to Jack Amethyst... get your arm better, man. We're gonna need you.
Then there's Aceldama, who has seemed to think that because he beat up an announcer, he's the biggest, baddest dog in the pound. He wants my total respect, he needs to walk back down to Defiance, and put DR Kongo through a table.
If there is one guy in HOW who could carry the torch, its Maximillian Kael. But Maxie boys gonna have to leave the comfort of his own region if he wants to truly lead the WWA.
Now, as far as WMW, PWX & MVW go, are there potential leaders? Of course there are. Darin Zion, Tyler Graves, Dawn McGill, Valora Salinas, and Kronin all come to mind. But they're gonna have to break out of the comfort of their own regions if they hope to accomplish anything on an alliance wide basis.
Now, before I go, I promised a preview of the tag wars coming up later this week, and I keep my promises.
Well, the first thing one notices looking at the lineup is that Defiance is everywhere. Six of the ten teams competing are Defiance teams, and two matches are solely Defiance wrestlers.
The most intriguing one of these, of course, is the Sex Symbols vs. Team Lightning (ha!). The Sex Symbols are a solid team in their own right, but when Greer is on, he is DOMINANT. The only question seems to be Johnny Lightning. If he can get his stuff together, theyll have a chance to retain. If not, new Champions.
The other Defiance vs. Defiance match is Jimmy Kort and Justin Brooks vs. Leon Booth and Joe Drago. The dynamic of this match has changed somewhat, with Booth and Drago suddenly seeming on the same page. If that holds, the less cohesive team of Kort and Brooks (less cohesive because Kort is an idiot) could be in trouble. Of course, the whole Booth/Drago team could self destruct, which will be entertaining, at the very least.
Its nice to see WMW sending a team to this. Jade and Hecate have what it takes to make a huge dent for themselves in this alliance. Its a pity they have such a weak draw, as I dont see Saint Louis # whatever being a threat.
The Untouchables vs. Southern Hospitality match carries its own intrigue as well. For all the fighting between the AW and Defiance camps, this is only the second offical match, so bragging rights are on the line. Southern Hospitality is coming off a big win over the Sex Symbols. At the same time, however, I think that Ronnie Long might just be the aforementioned general the AW locker room needs. This will be one close match.
And finally, the Foreshadowing takes on the Grady Bunch. Yes, its a chance for the Gradys to get back at Defiance, but I would say this ultimately serves as a match between two potential future tag team champions. This match should steal the show.
One more thing. Im sure you all saw the end of Defiance last night, and are wondering what the hell that was about. Well, I was at the Birdz house for the Super Bowl on Sunday (theyre bummed), and since Terrence has testing at Texas Motor Speedway, he agreed to give me a lift to Houston. We got to talking on the way down, and I pointed out that itd be awesome if we showed people how shit was five years ago. Thank God I was away from Dane when that shit went down. I hope Eric enjoyed the walk home. Well, actually the limp home.
Okay kids, thats it for this week. Ill be back next week, hopefully in a more optimistic mood and with a new power 50!
Until then....
Polla out!
Daniel Pollaski is the former manager of the WhirlyBirdz Vehicular Hit Squad and the official columnist of the World Wrestling Alliance. He would like to remind the world that Chris Cannon is still a dipshit, even if he didnt have time to work it into his column.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Polla To The People #4- February 2, 2010
Hey kids
Well, all this traveling is starting to catch up with me. I mean, last week, I flew from Spokane to Minneapolis, Minneapolis to Chicago, drove from Chicago to Indianapolis, hung out for a few days with my friends Terrence and Wendy, then drove to Florida for the Scrambled Dreams pay per view (I was there, even if you didnt see me). Then I flew to Atlanta, then to Chicago, then to Minneapolis, then to Spokane, and finally drove the three and a half hours to my cozy little valley.
Needless to say, I coulda slept for about a week after a trip like that.
No dice.
Yesterday morning, Mr. Wolfington called screaming about my expense reports. Apparently, the WWA, the greatest wrestling alliance in the world, is too cheap to pay for the following necessities.
1. A red 2010 camaro rental. Im the official columnist dammit! I deserve a little style!
2. Bail money for an idiot rookie who wanted me to bail him out of jail because, by his logic, the fact that his mentor had the hots for one of my wrestlers, we should be best buddies or something. And I WILL be cashing in my chips for this favor soon. Believe me.
3. Premium gasoline. Yeah, cause you put regular in a Camaro.
4. 7 rooms at 3-5 star hotels. With all due respect to Mr. Wolfington, you think he stays in Motel 6s when he travels?
5. Two all day passes at Disneyworld. Well, I was BORED! What was I supposed to do, watch a Frank Dylan James promo?
Ah, well, I suppose Mr. Wolfington is probably under a lot of stress. I mean Team Lameger still has the tag titles, and now Cobra commands the world title. That cant leave the boss feeling to good.
Needless to say, however, I think Im doing this column for free. So you better damn well enjoy it.
Its Power 50 time... how could you not?
Lots of changes in the rankings this time, with one fed leaving, and two more coming in. That means 14 wrestlers have unfortunately ceded their spots to someone whos just better than them. Sorry kids, this isnt for self esteem.
Once again the eligibility rules.
1. Wrestlers in the previous Power 50 that have competed in a WWA sanctioned event within the last 28 days.
2. Wrestlers not in the previous Power 50 who competed in a WWA sanctioned event within the last 14 days.
3. Any exception I fucking choose to make. You dont like it, go watch seven goddamned wrestling shows a week and make your own rankings.
And of course rankings are entirely my opinion, based on match results, opponent quality, and overall heat.
Okay, a WHOPPING 145 wrestlers were eligible for power 50 goodness. About 70 of them, including any WMW competitor whos last name rhymes with "kite", werent even considered. Some were, but just couldnt make the, cut. A hint to some wrestlers who would have otherwise made he cut- throwing matches does not win any points whatsoever in my book.
Anyways, for those who just fell short... its the Power Fif-DENIED!
MOSÉ MAURAKO (HOW)
DAVID BLACK (HOW)
JOHNNY LIGHTNING (DEF)
JARED BROCHARD (DREAM)
PSYMON (DREAM)
MIKE POLOWY (DREAM/HOW)
BISHOP STEELE (DREAM)
MATTEO MAURAKO (HOW)
GRIFFON FAZE (HOW)
BOBBY DEAN (HOW)
JORDAN KEYSER (WMW)
GRAS-DAWG (WMW)
ANGEL SCOTT (MVW)
ANGEL CASEY (MVW)
XTREME DREAM (PWX)
DEVON POOLE (PWX)
DARIN ZION (PWX)
THE MASKED DOLLAR (DREAM)
AWS MAN (WMW)
JILL-BERG (MVW)
GRAYSON WILLIS (PWX)
RYAN FAZE (HOW)
NATHAN PARADINE (DREAM)
Sorry kids, not this week. Keep at it, though, youll fight your way on. And if youre nice to me, i might even send you a valentine.
Alright, now that ive taken care of the rest... its time for the best.
As my homeboys Earth, Wind, and Fire used to say... LETS GROOVE!
50. CORINA ROMANOV (MVW/Not Ranked)- This Russian tamale has been heating up rings over in the Valley. Especially in that awesome win in the four way.
49. JIMMY KORT (DEF/-1)- Im gonna guess he was drunk against Cavanaugh, but that win over Drago scores volumes with Drago winning caged hell.
48. NICK RIVERS (AW/Not Ranked)- If I have to guess, the Rivers/Donovan tag team is my favorite to win the gold rush.
47. JOHN KELLERMAN (AW/Not Ranked)- Well, its nice to see SOMEONE standing up for the good old USA. Shame he has to now deal with Chris Cannons lunacy.
46. JACKIE DANIELS (MVW/Not Ranked) *MVW TAG TEAMk CHAMPION*- Sweet Southern Comfort looked pretty damn sweet in helping McGill knock off the Angels for tag straps
45. CASEY PIERRO-ZABOTEL (DREAM/+1)- Just ran out of luck against Blackwell in the TV title tournament, but a nice win over Klash at Scrambled Dreams.
44. CHRIS BLADEZ (DREAM/-15) Seriously... you lost to Jimmy fuckin Ryley? How much did that cost you in your office pool? On a side note, a phenomenal match with Psymon at the ppv, but he just came up short
43. JIMMY RYLEY (DREAM/-6)- You know, I was actually sad when he lost to Muru in the TV tournament. Mainly because he was still breathing when the refs hand hit three.
42. KIRSTA LEWIS (HOW/-3)- Phenomenal punking of Denucci, but she came up just short against Sparrow. She can still advance in the invitational, but she needs a big win.
41. TERRY SPRUHEN (DREAM/+7) *DREAM TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Its a shame I didnt quite have room for Jared on here as well, because the Gradys pulled off a phenomenal coup by beating the Bandits. Now if they could actually get the physical belts back.
40. CHRISTOPHER AMERICA (HOW/Not Ranked) *HOW HOFC CHAMPION*- He replaces David Black as the HOW's resident Power 50 nutbasket. Great win over DeNucci at HOFC, as well.
39. C.R.I.P (AW/Not Ranked)- Lets face it, this Mid South Syndicate standout trying to get along with Adrien "pasty whiteboy" Cochrane might be the highlight of the gold rush. He came up just short in the Caged Hell match, but that was good enough to get him on here.
38. RYVEN (WMW/-10) *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- His slump seems to be continuing, but his team got a big win over That Damn Awesome last friday.
37. TIM SHIPLEY (HOW/-17)- Took a tough loss to McGill for the LSD title, and hasnt been seen since. Im confident hell rebound.
36. MURU (DREAM/+14)- Wow! This DREAM newcomer has throttled his way through the TV tournament brackets. If he can avoid Blackwells roll-up, the title could just be his.
35. KAZUMA FUJITA (DEF/Not Ranked)- I think the Defiance ring crew is still looking for Sam Skull's skull after Fujita decapitated him with a nasty clothesline last week.
34. ANGEL OF DEATH (AW/-9)- Phenomenal effort against Ronnie Long, but he just came up short.
33. JOHN PARIAH (PWX/Not Ranked)- You gotta admit... it takes some chutzpah to win a grudge match by countout after having your buddies attack your opponents girlfriend.
32. FATHER NATHAN (WMW/+8)- Ok, last week, I made fun of Father Nathan for trying to take on the Daughters of Darkness by himself. Whadya know... hes 2 for 2! Now can he get himself some championship gold?
31. UMBRAGE (WMW/+2)- Even with the setback suffered by TDA last week, he and Valora look to net themselves some tag gold at Groundhog Slay.
30. DRUSCILLA (WMW/±0) *WMW ACE SUPERIOR CHAMPION*- This British Bitch and her title seem to be next on Father Nathans hit list. Her nice romp over the Knight family should have provided a decent warmup.
29. RONNIE LONG (AW/Not Ranked) *AW ATLANTIC COAST CHAMPION*- Wow... Im not advocating he does it, but I deserve a thwacking with his shovel for overlooking him two weeks ago.
28. DAWN MCGILL (MVW/Not Ranked) *MVW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*; *HOW LSD CHAMPION*- Miss McGill (soon to be Mrs. Generalissimo) took a week off after grabbing some spiffy new belts. Now can she advance in the invitational?
27. HECATE (WMW/-4) *WMW HEARTLANDS CHAMPION*- I know there are no guarantees in wrestling... but Hecate retaining at Groundhog Slay is as close as you can get.
26. ADRIEN COCHRANE (AW-DREAM/-13)- Apparently Awful Waffles are bad luck if anything else. Cochrane watched Bishop Steele swipe his spot in the TV tournament, then came up short defending his home turf in Caged Hell. At least he advanced in the Gold Rush.
Thats 25 down, which means halfway there. So...
INTERMISSION!
Lets all go to the lobby
Lets all go to the lobby
Lets all go to the lobby
And have oursleves a snack!
Its a shame im too lazy to provide a dancing movie concession snack .gif for this.
By the way... you might wanna try the bathroom too. Weve a long way to go, and I am NOT stopping this thing again until we get there!
There... everyone ready? Dont whine to me if nature calls and were only on #17. Okay... but youre holding it.
Sorry, that was more random than a Dragon Jones promo.
Go ahead, pop. We know you loved Deej. Its okay.
Now... where was I? Oh yeah...
TOP 25 TIME!
25. VALERIE BELMONT (PWX/Not Ranked) *PWX NEW GENERATION CHAMPION*- This young lady has made quite the splash over there in Indiana, and she might just be picking up some tag gold with her hubby.
24. CHRIS CANNON (AW/-2)- He was #22 again, but lost two spots as a penalty for flag burning. Not cool, dude!
23. JAKE DONOVAN (AW/+9)- This impressive young rookie continues to make his way up the rankings. As i said before, he and Rivers stand the best chance at winning the Gold Rush
22. STEPHEN GREER (DEF/+12) *WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Wow! For a moment Greer forgot he was a member of Team Danger, and thus too cool to actually wrestle a good match. Unfortunately for Kongo, that was the moment Greer's lariat collided with his skull.
21. GRAYSTONE (HOW/-3)- Well, Mr. Graystone sure has had a rough two weeks. He gets a pass on the four second loss to Cobra, given that Cobra pretty much jumped the poor bastard from behind
20. SCOTTYWOOD (HOW/+1) *HOW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Now THAT, boys and girls, is how you throw a temper tantrum.
19. JEREMIAH BELMONT (PWX)- Took a week off after turning Wild into the amazing human comet. This guy lights up the ring everytime he competes... literally!
18. KRONIN (WMW/-2) *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Unfortunately took the loss in Caged Hell, he can rebound big by defending against That Damn Awesome.
17. DOOZER (DREAM/-5)- Poor Dooze is on a three match losing streak now after falling to Cancer Jiles. At least their friendship seemed to have survived intact.
16. JADE (WMW/-2) *WMW SHOOT CHAMPION*- Jade can finally put her issues with Amariie to rest at Groundhog Slay.
15. CHARLIE BLACKWELL (DREAM/+4)- I dont think I've ever been so excited watching a guy who practically uses the schoolboy rollup as his finisher compete before! Wait.. that came out totally wrong...
14. JOSIAS SOLAINE (DEF/+3)- Its a shame Solaine ended up in the same tournament block as Cobra and Vasquez. Had he been in block B, hed be in the thick of things.
13. D.R. KONGO (DEF/-3)- Shockingly, with his stunning loss to Greer, Kongo is the only man eliminated from the B block of the champions carnival.
12. TYLER GRAVES (PWX/Not Ranked)- Its obvious that Graves is a phenomenal in ring competitor. Unfortunately, thanks to the Heirarchy, hes a bit outnumbered.
11. JOE DRAGO (DEF/+13)- What a huge win in the Caged Hell match! Drago has just rocketed up many a WWAers watch list. Now he needs to focus on advancing in the carnival.
Alright... Top 10... here we go!
10. VALORA SALINAS (WMW/+1) *WMW GREAT LAKES CHAMPION*- Valora doesnt seem to be quite satisfied.with the top singles belt in Ohio... she wants to add another pair with Umbrage.
9. BRONSON BOX (DEF/-1)- The handlebarred scotsman controls his own destiny in the Champions Carnival... but can he take it. Lost one spot for subjecting the world to more Evan Hurley. We dont need anymore insanity in our lives.
8. BRIAN HOLLYWOOD (PWX/Not Ranked) *PWX CHAMPION*- Took the PWX title from Brad Jackson in a phenomenal match. Now, can he fend off the coming onslaught of Darin Zion?
7. SIMON SPARROW (HOW/+2)- Sparrows gotta be walking on sunshine after Turmoil this week. Hes in charge, and trying to do his best to bring down Aceldama. Lets see if Ace acquiesces.
6. JACK AMETHYST (AW/-5)- Heartbreak for Amethyst (well, if he had a heart) losing his belt on a referee stoppage. Still, to his credit, he didnt tap, even as Cobra tore his arm up. But with his arm now practically shredded, can his career recover?
5. ACELDAMA (HOW/±0) *HOW CHAMPION*- Aceldama had a good two weeks, knocking out FDJ and retaining his title over Griffon Faze. But now hes on Sparrows hit list, and Sparrow has some power!
4. MAX KAEL (HOW/-1) *HOW ICON CHAMPION*;*HOW INTERNET CHAMPION*- Jimmy Kort should take notes...THATS how you level Kirsta Lewis with a foreign object. Oh, and what does the grand emporer of HOW exactly do?
3. AARON VASQUEZ (DEF/+1)- As soon as I finish this column, Im going to start on my new side project- completing a Vasquez-to-English dictionary. Consider it a public service.
2. CANCER JILES (DREAM/+4) *DREAM YOU CALL IT CHAMPION*; *HOW TAG CHAMPION*- Megaprops to Jiles win over Doozer, but I gotta take him to task here. Vacating the top belt in the Florida region, especially with the tag belts highjacked by Defiance, all in the name of "friendship", is a foolish move. If Doozer was truly a friend, hed know he lost and accept Jiles as the true champion. In my opinion, Jiles actions have put the credibility and stability of DREAM in jeopardy.
1. COBRA (DEF/+1) *WORLD CHAMPION*- The new king. Nuff said.
Whew! We made it!
So, where.do we go from here? I know where Ill be! This weekend, Im heading back to Indianapolis for a wild, wild Super Bowl party as we watch the Colts kick Nawlinz' ass out the door!
Course, I wont get to brag too much, because after that, Im heading straight into Defiance country. Thats right, kids. Im going to brave tbe inner dealings of the douchebags that run Defiance for a chance to watch the end of the first stage of the champions carnival.
Now, block A is wrapped up. Vasquez and Cobra are moving on. Those two face off this week, though, and while seeding in the next round is on the line... you gotta think that a Vasquez win will cement him as a legit contender.
Block B is way more interesting. Bronson Box and Jimmy Kort lead, each with four points, but Joe Drago and DR Kongo have 3, with Greer bringing up the rear with two.
Here are the scenarios
BRONSON BOX (4pts).
Faces Joe Drago
Win: Advances with 6 points
Draw: Advances with 5 points
Loss: If Kort beats Greer, eliminated. If Greer vs. Kort ends in a draw, eliminated. If Greer beats Kort, faces Greer and Kort in a 3-way match, winner advancing.
JIMMY KORT (4pts)
Vs. Stephen Greer
WIN: Advance with 6 pts
DRAW: Advance with 5 pts
LOSS: If Box beats Drago, faces Greer in playoff. If Drago beats Box, faces Greer and Box in playoff. If Box and Drago draw, faces Greer and Drago in playoff.
JOE DRAGO (3 pts)
Vs. Bronson Box
WIN: Advances with 5 pts
DRAW: If Kort beats Greer, eliminated. If Greer beats Kort, faces Greer and Kort in playoff. If Greer and Kort draw, eliminated.
LOSS: Eliminated
DR KONGO (3pts)
Bye
Kongo is mathematically eliminated from advancing. Bummer.
STEPHEN GREER (2 pts)
Vs. Jimmy Kort
WIN: If Box beats Drago, faces Kort in playoff. If Drago beats Box, faces Kort and Box in playoff. If Drago and Box draw, faces Kort and Drago in playoff.
DRAW: Eliminated
LOSS: Eliminated.
Like i always say, its worth a look if you can stand Dane and Skaalands irritating warbles.
So after Defiance, its off to Las Vegas for the tag wars on February 13, which Im proud to announce that I will be one of the broadcasters on the show! Well be getting a full preview of this great event next week.
Alright. Im tired of typing... guess what that means?
AWARDS TIME!
MATCH OF THE WEEK
Adrien Cochrane vs. C.R.I.P vs. Dawn McGill vs. Joe Drago vs. Kronin vs. Ryan Faze
I mean, was there any doubt about this? The first major interfed mashup of the new WWA, and everybody came to represent their home regions. Congrats to all on such a wonderful show!
WINNER OF THE WEEK
Cobra
I tried to find a way around it. I mean, hes world champion. Hes #1 in the power fifty. He just beat a HOW icon on his own turf in four seconds flat. But there just isnt anyone else who changed the course of WWA history this week. At least not as much as Cobra did.
LOSER OF THE WEEK
Anthony Palladino
In case you didnt catch the end of the Gold Rush, the Mid-South Syndicate had cornered poor Mr. Palladino in his office. As soon as I finish this column, Im off to have dinner, so Id rather not get into what the MSS did. Lets just say Im glad the feed cut out.
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
Zortalk
Seriously, Zortalk back in the WWA? Well, at least he made a cameo at the Gold Rush. So why does he win the Douchebag of the week award? For bringing Barely Legal Paralegals... AND GIVING THEM TO CHRIS CANNON! Can anyone else think of a less deserving guy for hot chicks than the so-called president of Cannonadia? Well, maybe Jimmy Ryley... but he probably wouldnt want them, if ya catch my drift
And finally... our special award for the week.
THE WAIT.... WHAT? AWARD
Okay kids, its history lesson time.
Lets take a look back through my notebook at the kind of month one Damien Knight of Wrestling Midwest has had.
1.7.10- loses to Hecate in a 3-way match for the Heartlands championship
1.14.10- loses to Amariie Maerthos
1.21.10- loses to Hecate in a match where her Spartan kick is banned
1.28.10- loses to Druscilla in a 3 on 1 handicapped elimination match. Damien was on the side with 3 people
2.4.10- faces Hecate for the Heartlands Championship
Wait... WHAT?
Thats right, kids. Damien Knight, despite losing every single match in the month of January, has received a title shot. Against a woman whos beaten him twice. Including in a match in which her finisher was banned. Right after losing as the dominant team in a 3 on 1.
And you thought Johnny Lightning got rewarded for sucking.
Okay, well that does it for this week kids. Look for another column to drop February 9th, complete with a tag wars preview, then another Power 50 hits February 16th!
Until then... POLLA.... OUT!
Daniel Pollaski is the former manager of the WhirlyBirdz Vehicular Hit Squad, and is the official columnist of the World Wrestling Alliance. He is also the one whos been sending Hecate love letters and presents.
Nah, on second thought, he probably shouldnt joke about that. She looks like she could kill him.
Well, all this traveling is starting to catch up with me. I mean, last week, I flew from Spokane to Minneapolis, Minneapolis to Chicago, drove from Chicago to Indianapolis, hung out for a few days with my friends Terrence and Wendy, then drove to Florida for the Scrambled Dreams pay per view (I was there, even if you didnt see me). Then I flew to Atlanta, then to Chicago, then to Minneapolis, then to Spokane, and finally drove the three and a half hours to my cozy little valley.
Needless to say, I coulda slept for about a week after a trip like that.
No dice.
Yesterday morning, Mr. Wolfington called screaming about my expense reports. Apparently, the WWA, the greatest wrestling alliance in the world, is too cheap to pay for the following necessities.
1. A red 2010 camaro rental. Im the official columnist dammit! I deserve a little style!
2. Bail money for an idiot rookie who wanted me to bail him out of jail because, by his logic, the fact that his mentor had the hots for one of my wrestlers, we should be best buddies or something. And I WILL be cashing in my chips for this favor soon. Believe me.
3. Premium gasoline. Yeah, cause you put regular in a Camaro.
4. 7 rooms at 3-5 star hotels. With all due respect to Mr. Wolfington, you think he stays in Motel 6s when he travels?
5. Two all day passes at Disneyworld. Well, I was BORED! What was I supposed to do, watch a Frank Dylan James promo?
Ah, well, I suppose Mr. Wolfington is probably under a lot of stress. I mean Team Lameger still has the tag titles, and now Cobra commands the world title. That cant leave the boss feeling to good.
Needless to say, however, I think Im doing this column for free. So you better damn well enjoy it.
Its Power 50 time... how could you not?
Lots of changes in the rankings this time, with one fed leaving, and two more coming in. That means 14 wrestlers have unfortunately ceded their spots to someone whos just better than them. Sorry kids, this isnt for self esteem.
Once again the eligibility rules.
1. Wrestlers in the previous Power 50 that have competed in a WWA sanctioned event within the last 28 days.
2. Wrestlers not in the previous Power 50 who competed in a WWA sanctioned event within the last 14 days.
3. Any exception I fucking choose to make. You dont like it, go watch seven goddamned wrestling shows a week and make your own rankings.
And of course rankings are entirely my opinion, based on match results, opponent quality, and overall heat.
Okay, a WHOPPING 145 wrestlers were eligible for power 50 goodness. About 70 of them, including any WMW competitor whos last name rhymes with "kite", werent even considered. Some were, but just couldnt make the, cut. A hint to some wrestlers who would have otherwise made he cut- throwing matches does not win any points whatsoever in my book.
Anyways, for those who just fell short... its the Power Fif-DENIED!
MOSÉ MAURAKO (HOW)
DAVID BLACK (HOW)
JOHNNY LIGHTNING (DEF)
JARED BROCHARD (DREAM)
PSYMON (DREAM)
MIKE POLOWY (DREAM/HOW)
BISHOP STEELE (DREAM)
MATTEO MAURAKO (HOW)
GRIFFON FAZE (HOW)
BOBBY DEAN (HOW)
JORDAN KEYSER (WMW)
GRAS-DAWG (WMW)
ANGEL SCOTT (MVW)
ANGEL CASEY (MVW)
XTREME DREAM (PWX)
DEVON POOLE (PWX)
DARIN ZION (PWX)
THE MASKED DOLLAR (DREAM)
AWS MAN (WMW)
JILL-BERG (MVW)
GRAYSON WILLIS (PWX)
RYAN FAZE (HOW)
NATHAN PARADINE (DREAM)
Sorry kids, not this week. Keep at it, though, youll fight your way on. And if youre nice to me, i might even send you a valentine.
Alright, now that ive taken care of the rest... its time for the best.
As my homeboys Earth, Wind, and Fire used to say... LETS GROOVE!
50. CORINA ROMANOV (MVW/Not Ranked)- This Russian tamale has been heating up rings over in the Valley. Especially in that awesome win in the four way.
49. JIMMY KORT (DEF/-1)- Im gonna guess he was drunk against Cavanaugh, but that win over Drago scores volumes with Drago winning caged hell.
48. NICK RIVERS (AW/Not Ranked)- If I have to guess, the Rivers/Donovan tag team is my favorite to win the gold rush.
47. JOHN KELLERMAN (AW/Not Ranked)- Well, its nice to see SOMEONE standing up for the good old USA. Shame he has to now deal with Chris Cannons lunacy.
46. JACKIE DANIELS (MVW/Not Ranked) *MVW TAG TEAMk CHAMPION*- Sweet Southern Comfort looked pretty damn sweet in helping McGill knock off the Angels for tag straps
45. CASEY PIERRO-ZABOTEL (DREAM/+1)- Just ran out of luck against Blackwell in the TV title tournament, but a nice win over Klash at Scrambled Dreams.
44. CHRIS BLADEZ (DREAM/-15) Seriously... you lost to Jimmy fuckin Ryley? How much did that cost you in your office pool? On a side note, a phenomenal match with Psymon at the ppv, but he just came up short
43. JIMMY RYLEY (DREAM/-6)- You know, I was actually sad when he lost to Muru in the TV tournament. Mainly because he was still breathing when the refs hand hit three.
42. KIRSTA LEWIS (HOW/-3)- Phenomenal punking of Denucci, but she came up just short against Sparrow. She can still advance in the invitational, but she needs a big win.
41. TERRY SPRUHEN (DREAM/+7) *DREAM TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Its a shame I didnt quite have room for Jared on here as well, because the Gradys pulled off a phenomenal coup by beating the Bandits. Now if they could actually get the physical belts back.
40. CHRISTOPHER AMERICA (HOW/Not Ranked) *HOW HOFC CHAMPION*- He replaces David Black as the HOW's resident Power 50 nutbasket. Great win over DeNucci at HOFC, as well.
39. C.R.I.P (AW/Not Ranked)- Lets face it, this Mid South Syndicate standout trying to get along with Adrien "pasty whiteboy" Cochrane might be the highlight of the gold rush. He came up just short in the Caged Hell match, but that was good enough to get him on here.
38. RYVEN (WMW/-10) *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- His slump seems to be continuing, but his team got a big win over That Damn Awesome last friday.
37. TIM SHIPLEY (HOW/-17)- Took a tough loss to McGill for the LSD title, and hasnt been seen since. Im confident hell rebound.
36. MURU (DREAM/+14)- Wow! This DREAM newcomer has throttled his way through the TV tournament brackets. If he can avoid Blackwells roll-up, the title could just be his.
35. KAZUMA FUJITA (DEF/Not Ranked)- I think the Defiance ring crew is still looking for Sam Skull's skull after Fujita decapitated him with a nasty clothesline last week.
34. ANGEL OF DEATH (AW/-9)- Phenomenal effort against Ronnie Long, but he just came up short.
33. JOHN PARIAH (PWX/Not Ranked)- You gotta admit... it takes some chutzpah to win a grudge match by countout after having your buddies attack your opponents girlfriend.
32. FATHER NATHAN (WMW/+8)- Ok, last week, I made fun of Father Nathan for trying to take on the Daughters of Darkness by himself. Whadya know... hes 2 for 2! Now can he get himself some championship gold?
31. UMBRAGE (WMW/+2)- Even with the setback suffered by TDA last week, he and Valora look to net themselves some tag gold at Groundhog Slay.
30. DRUSCILLA (WMW/±0) *WMW ACE SUPERIOR CHAMPION*- This British Bitch and her title seem to be next on Father Nathans hit list. Her nice romp over the Knight family should have provided a decent warmup.
29. RONNIE LONG (AW/Not Ranked) *AW ATLANTIC COAST CHAMPION*- Wow... Im not advocating he does it, but I deserve a thwacking with his shovel for overlooking him two weeks ago.
28. DAWN MCGILL (MVW/Not Ranked) *MVW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*; *HOW LSD CHAMPION*- Miss McGill (soon to be Mrs. Generalissimo) took a week off after grabbing some spiffy new belts. Now can she advance in the invitational?
27. HECATE (WMW/-4) *WMW HEARTLANDS CHAMPION*- I know there are no guarantees in wrestling... but Hecate retaining at Groundhog Slay is as close as you can get.
26. ADRIEN COCHRANE (AW-DREAM/-13)- Apparently Awful Waffles are bad luck if anything else. Cochrane watched Bishop Steele swipe his spot in the TV tournament, then came up short defending his home turf in Caged Hell. At least he advanced in the Gold Rush.
Thats 25 down, which means halfway there. So...
INTERMISSION!
Lets all go to the lobby
Lets all go to the lobby
Lets all go to the lobby
And have oursleves a snack!
Its a shame im too lazy to provide a dancing movie concession snack .gif for this.
By the way... you might wanna try the bathroom too. Weve a long way to go, and I am NOT stopping this thing again until we get there!
There... everyone ready? Dont whine to me if nature calls and were only on #17. Okay... but youre holding it.
Sorry, that was more random than a Dragon Jones promo.
Go ahead, pop. We know you loved Deej. Its okay.
Now... where was I? Oh yeah...
TOP 25 TIME!
25. VALERIE BELMONT (PWX/Not Ranked) *PWX NEW GENERATION CHAMPION*- This young lady has made quite the splash over there in Indiana, and she might just be picking up some tag gold with her hubby.
24. CHRIS CANNON (AW/-2)- He was #22 again, but lost two spots as a penalty for flag burning. Not cool, dude!
23. JAKE DONOVAN (AW/+9)- This impressive young rookie continues to make his way up the rankings. As i said before, he and Rivers stand the best chance at winning the Gold Rush
22. STEPHEN GREER (DEF/+12) *WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Wow! For a moment Greer forgot he was a member of Team Danger, and thus too cool to actually wrestle a good match. Unfortunately for Kongo, that was the moment Greer's lariat collided with his skull.
21. GRAYSTONE (HOW/-3)- Well, Mr. Graystone sure has had a rough two weeks. He gets a pass on the four second loss to Cobra, given that Cobra pretty much jumped the poor bastard from behind
20. SCOTTYWOOD (HOW/+1) *HOW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Now THAT, boys and girls, is how you throw a temper tantrum.
19. JEREMIAH BELMONT (PWX)- Took a week off after turning Wild into the amazing human comet. This guy lights up the ring everytime he competes... literally!
18. KRONIN (WMW/-2) *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Unfortunately took the loss in Caged Hell, he can rebound big by defending against That Damn Awesome.
17. DOOZER (DREAM/-5)- Poor Dooze is on a three match losing streak now after falling to Cancer Jiles. At least their friendship seemed to have survived intact.
16. JADE (WMW/-2) *WMW SHOOT CHAMPION*- Jade can finally put her issues with Amariie to rest at Groundhog Slay.
15. CHARLIE BLACKWELL (DREAM/+4)- I dont think I've ever been so excited watching a guy who practically uses the schoolboy rollup as his finisher compete before! Wait.. that came out totally wrong...
14. JOSIAS SOLAINE (DEF/+3)- Its a shame Solaine ended up in the same tournament block as Cobra and Vasquez. Had he been in block B, hed be in the thick of things.
13. D.R. KONGO (DEF/-3)- Shockingly, with his stunning loss to Greer, Kongo is the only man eliminated from the B block of the champions carnival.
12. TYLER GRAVES (PWX/Not Ranked)- Its obvious that Graves is a phenomenal in ring competitor. Unfortunately, thanks to the Heirarchy, hes a bit outnumbered.
11. JOE DRAGO (DEF/+13)- What a huge win in the Caged Hell match! Drago has just rocketed up many a WWAers watch list. Now he needs to focus on advancing in the carnival.
Alright... Top 10... here we go!
10. VALORA SALINAS (WMW/+1) *WMW GREAT LAKES CHAMPION*- Valora doesnt seem to be quite satisfied.with the top singles belt in Ohio... she wants to add another pair with Umbrage.
9. BRONSON BOX (DEF/-1)- The handlebarred scotsman controls his own destiny in the Champions Carnival... but can he take it. Lost one spot for subjecting the world to more Evan Hurley. We dont need anymore insanity in our lives.
8. BRIAN HOLLYWOOD (PWX/Not Ranked) *PWX CHAMPION*- Took the PWX title from Brad Jackson in a phenomenal match. Now, can he fend off the coming onslaught of Darin Zion?
7. SIMON SPARROW (HOW/+2)- Sparrows gotta be walking on sunshine after Turmoil this week. Hes in charge, and trying to do his best to bring down Aceldama. Lets see if Ace acquiesces.
6. JACK AMETHYST (AW/-5)- Heartbreak for Amethyst (well, if he had a heart) losing his belt on a referee stoppage. Still, to his credit, he didnt tap, even as Cobra tore his arm up. But with his arm now practically shredded, can his career recover?
5. ACELDAMA (HOW/±0) *HOW CHAMPION*- Aceldama had a good two weeks, knocking out FDJ and retaining his title over Griffon Faze. But now hes on Sparrows hit list, and Sparrow has some power!
4. MAX KAEL (HOW/-1) *HOW ICON CHAMPION*;*HOW INTERNET CHAMPION*- Jimmy Kort should take notes...THATS how you level Kirsta Lewis with a foreign object. Oh, and what does the grand emporer of HOW exactly do?
3. AARON VASQUEZ (DEF/+1)- As soon as I finish this column, Im going to start on my new side project- completing a Vasquez-to-English dictionary. Consider it a public service.
2. CANCER JILES (DREAM/+4) *DREAM YOU CALL IT CHAMPION*; *HOW TAG CHAMPION*- Megaprops to Jiles win over Doozer, but I gotta take him to task here. Vacating the top belt in the Florida region, especially with the tag belts highjacked by Defiance, all in the name of "friendship", is a foolish move. If Doozer was truly a friend, hed know he lost and accept Jiles as the true champion. In my opinion, Jiles actions have put the credibility and stability of DREAM in jeopardy.
1. COBRA (DEF/+1) *WORLD CHAMPION*- The new king. Nuff said.
Whew! We made it!
So, where.do we go from here? I know where Ill be! This weekend, Im heading back to Indianapolis for a wild, wild Super Bowl party as we watch the Colts kick Nawlinz' ass out the door!
Course, I wont get to brag too much, because after that, Im heading straight into Defiance country. Thats right, kids. Im going to brave tbe inner dealings of the douchebags that run Defiance for a chance to watch the end of the first stage of the champions carnival.
Now, block A is wrapped up. Vasquez and Cobra are moving on. Those two face off this week, though, and while seeding in the next round is on the line... you gotta think that a Vasquez win will cement him as a legit contender.
Block B is way more interesting. Bronson Box and Jimmy Kort lead, each with four points, but Joe Drago and DR Kongo have 3, with Greer bringing up the rear with two.
Here are the scenarios
BRONSON BOX (4pts).
Faces Joe Drago
Win: Advances with 6 points
Draw: Advances with 5 points
Loss: If Kort beats Greer, eliminated. If Greer vs. Kort ends in a draw, eliminated. If Greer beats Kort, faces Greer and Kort in a 3-way match, winner advancing.
JIMMY KORT (4pts)
Vs. Stephen Greer
WIN: Advance with 6 pts
DRAW: Advance with 5 pts
LOSS: If Box beats Drago, faces Greer in playoff. If Drago beats Box, faces Greer and Box in playoff. If Box and Drago draw, faces Greer and Drago in playoff.
JOE DRAGO (3 pts)
Vs. Bronson Box
WIN: Advances with 5 pts
DRAW: If Kort beats Greer, eliminated. If Greer beats Kort, faces Greer and Kort in playoff. If Greer and Kort draw, eliminated.
LOSS: Eliminated
DR KONGO (3pts)
Bye
Kongo is mathematically eliminated from advancing. Bummer.
STEPHEN GREER (2 pts)
Vs. Jimmy Kort
WIN: If Box beats Drago, faces Kort in playoff. If Drago beats Box, faces Kort and Box in playoff. If Drago and Box draw, faces Kort and Drago in playoff.
DRAW: Eliminated
LOSS: Eliminated.
Like i always say, its worth a look if you can stand Dane and Skaalands irritating warbles.
So after Defiance, its off to Las Vegas for the tag wars on February 13, which Im proud to announce that I will be one of the broadcasters on the show! Well be getting a full preview of this great event next week.
Alright. Im tired of typing... guess what that means?
AWARDS TIME!
MATCH OF THE WEEK
Adrien Cochrane vs. C.R.I.P vs. Dawn McGill vs. Joe Drago vs. Kronin vs. Ryan Faze
I mean, was there any doubt about this? The first major interfed mashup of the new WWA, and everybody came to represent their home regions. Congrats to all on such a wonderful show!
WINNER OF THE WEEK
Cobra
I tried to find a way around it. I mean, hes world champion. Hes #1 in the power fifty. He just beat a HOW icon on his own turf in four seconds flat. But there just isnt anyone else who changed the course of WWA history this week. At least not as much as Cobra did.
LOSER OF THE WEEK
Anthony Palladino
In case you didnt catch the end of the Gold Rush, the Mid-South Syndicate had cornered poor Mr. Palladino in his office. As soon as I finish this column, Im off to have dinner, so Id rather not get into what the MSS did. Lets just say Im glad the feed cut out.
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
Zortalk
Seriously, Zortalk back in the WWA? Well, at least he made a cameo at the Gold Rush. So why does he win the Douchebag of the week award? For bringing Barely Legal Paralegals... AND GIVING THEM TO CHRIS CANNON! Can anyone else think of a less deserving guy for hot chicks than the so-called president of Cannonadia? Well, maybe Jimmy Ryley... but he probably wouldnt want them, if ya catch my drift
And finally... our special award for the week.
THE WAIT.... WHAT? AWARD
Okay kids, its history lesson time.
Lets take a look back through my notebook at the kind of month one Damien Knight of Wrestling Midwest has had.
1.7.10- loses to Hecate in a 3-way match for the Heartlands championship
1.14.10- loses to Amariie Maerthos
1.21.10- loses to Hecate in a match where her Spartan kick is banned
1.28.10- loses to Druscilla in a 3 on 1 handicapped elimination match. Damien was on the side with 3 people
2.4.10- faces Hecate for the Heartlands Championship
Wait... WHAT?
Thats right, kids. Damien Knight, despite losing every single match in the month of January, has received a title shot. Against a woman whos beaten him twice. Including in a match in which her finisher was banned. Right after losing as the dominant team in a 3 on 1.
And you thought Johnny Lightning got rewarded for sucking.
Okay, well that does it for this week kids. Look for another column to drop February 9th, complete with a tag wars preview, then another Power 50 hits February 16th!
Until then... POLLA.... OUT!
Daniel Pollaski is the former manager of the WhirlyBirdz Vehicular Hit Squad, and is the official columnist of the World Wrestling Alliance. He is also the one whos been sending Hecate love letters and presents.
Nah, on second thought, he probably shouldnt joke about that. She looks like she could kill him.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Issue #3- January 26, 2010
Hey kids!
Okay, before we go any further, you wont be seeing anything about Appalachian Wrestlings Gold Rush PPV, or the World Title Match. Unfortunately, Chance Wolfington wasnt quite satisfed with the buy rates, and hes hoping that holding off an analysis of the event might pique a few more curiosity buys for the replays. I will say it was an amazing show and to check it out when you get the chance.
Anyways, I am writing this from the beautiful and jubilant city of Indianapolis, Indiana! I was in Chicago last night, so I figured why not swing down and see my good friends Terrence and Wendy!
For those of you who have been wondering, the former 2x World Tag Team Champions are living happily here in Indy. Terrence is looking forward to racing season again, and he is set to return for his 4th season on the ASA circuit driving, what else, car #38! Wendy is the executive director of the Marion County Community Theater, and is hard at work preparing for their next performance, Annie Get Your Gun! The Birdz have a three year old daughter named Theresa, an absolutely delightful little girl who seems to have gotten her fathers brown hair, her mothers green eyes, and a great deal of energy from the both of them!
Both Birdz also want me to let the world know that there is no way in hell Peyton Manning is losing to Drew Brees.
It hasnt been a 100% comfortable evening, however, as the Birdz apparently have read Angus Skaalands blog, and they are not happy! No, they dont think Skaalands a worthless piece of shit... THEY BELIEVED HIM! And now they think I owe them T-shirt royalties!
Thanks, Cocklaand, thats just what I need.
However, Angus Skaaland isnt the only WWA name to have something to say about my column. Several WWA superstars dropped me a line about what they thought of the Power 50! Even better... Jimmy Ryley (#37) wasnt one of them!
Well start off with none other than the HOW ICON champion, Maximillian Kael! (#3)
=======================
Your PARAGON, HOW ICON Champion, looks to top your list eventually. I understand that you love me, you have no reason to pretend to hate me.
=========================
Cant really argue with that, but I gotta take Max Kael to task here. Why the HELL are you rolling a five pound ball when you go bowling? I mean, what, are you a six year old girl? Be a man...
Then again... if you'd have done that, Mark O'Neal WOULDNT be a man anymore. So.... how bout that date with your cousin?
Next up is Jake Donovan (#32), rising star in the AW.
============================
I am honored, truly honored to make the power 50 after my debut match in AW. To have such recognition makes the move from Japan back home to the states truly rewarding. In regards to the events after my match, I just want it known that after being rescued by the calvary from the renegade forces of Defiance Wrestling, I've pledge to be right there with the AW forces whenever Defiance dares stick their noses in AW buisness again and if it takes going over there to prove to Defiance that they do NOT own this allaince, then I will be there with the rest of the AW roster looking to drop any one of those bastards on thier heads. I only hope I can do my mentor proud. I know if he were still with us today, he'd be out there leading the charge to ride the WWA of such scum.
=======================
Wow.... paragraphs Jakey... and spell check.
I appreciate the comments though, and its nice that we do have some people in this alliance willing to fight off these Defiance, well, to quote my homeboy Ricky Taverna, "cumstains".
I actually became a little more acquainted with young Mr. Donovan over the weekend, when he got into a spot of trouble with the law (read: arrested by the Defiance security crew). I was all too happy to bail him out, of course-- with Mr. Wolfington's money.
Next up, Adrien Cochrane (#13)
==================
Haven't lost a match since November and I'm still loser of the week.
And for the record, I didn't just join the Bandits for protection. :P
Love and bullets, Adrien C
========================
1. Change "November" to "January 20"
2. Yes, you did.
3. Please dont give me love or bullets.
Just kidding, AC, you know I love ya. Keep fighting the good fight.
And last, and most definitely, utterly, beyond a shadow of a doubt least, we have Chris Cannon (#22)
==================
Yet another snub by a lame and unprofessional journalist...
Or should I say "Blogger". The day that you actually matter as a respected writer is the day that Adrien Cochrane becomes the WWA World Champion.
You know, I go by these sites just to laugh at the comments I receive and shake my head at idiots who think they know it all
You cut the cake of idiots who know absolutely nothing
Blog fail
======================
I mean like... what the hell. The ferocity of Cannons remarks lead me to three conclusions.
A. PMS
B. The UN imposed sanctions on Cannonada again.
C. He's nervous about his upcoming World Title shot.
Since Cannonada and the world title shot aren't, technically, real, we're going to go with choice "A".
Since when the hell was ranking a guy #22 a snub? You know how many people woulda killed to be #22? Look at the Power 50. Theres 28 of them on that list, and about fifty who didnt even make the goddamn thing at all.
As far as knowing everything... I dont. But I sure as hell know more than you.
Whining sesson- epic fail.
Still, thanks to everyone who sent comments. Keep em coming!
I got one more response, but from the credit I'm getting, you sure wouldn't know it.
See, in my column last week, I mentioned that WMW was making quite a gamble by sending Valora (#11) to DREAM for the Caged Hell match, with the argument that exposing their main champion like this puts the fed's credibility in jeopardy.
Two days later, (inferior) WMW blogger Jane Coughlin announces goodbye Valora, hello Kronin (#16).
Youre welcome, Wrestling Midwest. How about naming an arena after me? I mean, if Erites "lookie, I beat Ethan Cavanaugh!" Kallisten gets one, why not me?
And now, for some people wbo shoulda listened to me. Meet the Maurako family. Matteo, Mario, Mosé (#35), and... someone else... but I'm sure his name starts with M. Anyways, last week I gave my props to the family (and very nearly the douchebag of the week award), but consented only to put Mosé in the P-50. This week comes around, and the Maurakos come out against Twisted Reality...
... no Mosé.
And hunh. No win either. Let that be a lesson to you.
Okay... I've been trying to downplay this but...
Did you guys freaking see me on television? I was awesome! Of course, I was only at the PWX show to announce them as our newest member, but I had fun. Not to mention I was treated to a pretty damn good show, with the Revolution Rules, Graves-Pariah, and the main event all being standouts.
To my surprise, Terrence and Wendy watched the show as well, and they also enjoyed it. Wendy told me that she was especially impressed with the new Next Generation Champion Valerie Belmont. I guess she finds a kindrid spirit in fiery redheads who can hang with the guys, but Mrs. Belmont can now count the 3-time World Cruiserweight Champion amongst her growing legion of fans.
They also told me they didnt see a damn bit of the stretcher match that took place. Shame too, cause that thing was BRUTAL. Terrence says that PWX better re-air it! Wendy wasnt nearly as keen.
I also got to see a returning face last night. Brad Jackson, former WWA World Heavyweight Champion, is once again back in the alliance, having sailed in on the PWX ship. Welcome back, Brad!
Of course, PWX wasnt the only incoming asset to the alliance this week. Missouri Valley Wrestling enters into our "everything midwestern that isnt Illinois, Indiana, or Ohio" region.
Theres just something funny about the roster make-up. I cant quite put my finger on it though.
Just kidding, I'm not that dense. MVW is an all female fed, but dont let that fool you, some of these chicas are TOUGH. I have no doubt in my mind that the MVW can hang with our other regions.
I do have one issue here, though. Wheres the love for the Left Coast? The WWA used to dominate the Wild Wild West, with such great feds as the Wx3, Silver State Wrestling, and PNW. Now... nunca? Throw some love to the Wesside!
Well, a little bit of love is coming, with the Tag Wars, coming out of Las Vegas. The details of he first show just dropped his afternoon, so I havent had time too look at it, but you can bet the Wars will recieve some coverage next week!
Did I mention itll be Power 50 time again, too? Just making sure.
But back to my smiling visage on the televison screen. If you missed me at PWX, this Saturday you can catch me hanging out at the DREAM pay per view. This is an absolutely LOADED show, chock full of wrestling goodness.
The most talked about match heading in has got to be the Caged Hell match. Now, unfortunately, our two new regions dont seem to be sending anyone, but the other five, well, game on. In case you forgot...
Appalachian- CRIP
Defiance- Joe Drago (#24)
DREAM- Adrien Cochrane
High-Octane- Ryan Faze
Wrestling Midwest- Kronin
Now, Im not sure about Ryan Faze, as the ABS standout is coming out of a severe injury. To make things worse, he was blindsided by CRIP, over at the last HOW show. However, if Ryan is healthy, CRIP better watch out, or he might be BLOODed up real quick!
Sorry. That was horrid.
For the record, I'm going to go with Joe Drago to win this. After coming off a bullshit loss to Jimmy Kort this week, I think Joe is going to be one pissed off mofo.
Then, there is the main event, with Cancer Jiles (#6) and Doozer (#12) squaring off title for title. Now, Ive already predicted Jiles to win this, but the big question will be, do the Bandits come out of this still friends and partners? I know firsthand the strain facing a partner can put on a tag team, and the bond there today may be shattered tomorrow (see Rage, Pharaohs of, how they won the WWA tag titles).
One more noteworthy match on the card. Mike Polowy will face Talon to settle his contract dispute. Polowy wants out of DREAM, but the powers that be aren't so willing to let him go. If Polowy loses, hes bonded to DREAM for life! Hope Polowy remembers how to wrestle, because this is one match he can NOT throw!
Meanwhile, in Defiance this week, the brewing interfed war that Eric Dane kindled has been picking up. Or at least its been trying to. My opinion on the "Civil War" can be summed up in one eloquent sentence.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
Seriously. Eggings? Shitting on a desk? Whipped cream? Awful waffles? (and dont even get me started on how Aaron Vasquez (#4) managed to watch Nickelodeon while growing up gangsta on the streets of New York).
When the fuck did a war for control of the greatest alliance in wrestling history turn into the rush-week prank off? If I want that shit, I'll hang out with the Faze brothers.
Well, theres two people out there who at least still remember how to fight. I'm talking about Aceldama (#5) and Frank Dylan James. If you saw the end of Defiance, you saw these two men damn near tear the house down. It ended only when Aceldama lit the merchandise table on fire, and put that fat hillbilly lout through it. The best part was Angus crying. "Cut the feed! Cut the feed mommy! I dont wanna watch anymore!"
Fuck you Skaaland.
At least there was no cutting the feed on Monday Night, when Aceldama once again pummeled FDJ into unconsciousness. Actually, I was surprised there was a knockout, I figured James didnt have enough brain cells left to actually get hurt. Maybe the alcohol poisoning finally caught up with him.
Whats that now? HOW 6, Defiance 1? Maybe we should all stick to the pranks.
Actually, though, I found the HOFC card on the disappointing side. Maybe I approached it wrong. I tuned in to watch an MMA show, and I ended up getting a wrestling show that tried to pretend to be an MMA show. It was a noble attempt on HOWs part, but I think the concept was better than the execution. On a positive note, I have decided that the HOFC matches WILL count towards the Power 50.
Of course, that means Ill have to watch HOFC 2, so bittersweet.
Meanwhile, seemingly rising above the clusterfuck this alliance is becoming, sits Wrestling Midwest. Come on guys... the waters great!
Well, That Damn Awesome is becoming just that, as this stable is starting to run over all the competion. Valora, Umbrage (#33), Adam Pyre, and AWS Man (Im not saying the rest), stand at the threshold of turning Ohio into their own personal playground.
And two weeks ago I was saying that about the Daughters of Darkness. The momentum shifts here worse than a Browns playoff game.
You know, back when they happened.
This week, TDA faces two Daughters, along with Kronin and Ryven (#28). A win here, and they almost certainly have the WMW on the run.
Meanwhile, the Daughters of Darkness have their own problems. Drucilla (#30) faces off in a 3 on 1 handicapped against the Knight clan (cause those one on ones sure havent been working out for poor Damien). And are Amariie and Jade (#14) getting along yet?
Then, of course there's Father Nathan (#40), who last week vowed the destruction of the DoD. One problem.
Five daughters.
One Father.
Its like King Lear. But with ropes and turnbuckles.
Ive never believed God got involved in pro wrestling, but maybe Nathans got something here. At the very least, he might join TDA. Shit... I would pay to see that.
Whew... finally time to hand out some rewards.
MATCH OF THE WEEK
TAG TEAM MATCH: Southern Hospitality vs. The Foreshadowing
As much as I (deservedly) rag on Defiance, they have some tremendous matches. This was no exception, as both teams fought bitterly in a fast paced match. In the end, The Foreshadowing picked up the close win.
WINNER OF THE WEEK
Dawn McGill
Last week was a costume party for Miss McGill, as she got engaged to a guy in a parmilitary uniform, then lost to a guy dressed like a snake.
This week, McGill seemed to be about the accessories. Belts, to be exact. Two of them. First she stunned Tim Shipley to win the LSD Title in HOW, then she and partner Jackie Daniels beat the Angels of Death (the MVW tag team, not the AW wrestler... fuck thats gonna get confusing), to win the MVW tag belts.
Even better, the win came when former buddy Miss USA tried to take her out with a Patriot Missile, and Angel Casey got shoved in the way. Hows that for a good night?
LOSER OF THE WEEK
Michael DeNucci (#38)
So DeNucci practically threatened Mike Best to get him in a match against Kirsta Lewis, and then loses in 48 seconds? Ouch ouch ouch. Yeah, next time make sure the mike is on before you enter the ring, dumbass.
Then, to make things worse, he loses to Christopher America at HOFC, so now hes title less. Thats a bad week.
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
David Black (#45)
As much as I like David Black, the shit he pulled on Tim Shipley (#21) about Roxie kissing Graystone (#18) was just a little uncool. I mean, if you watched it, it was a very platonic "thank you for not killing my boyfriend" peck on the cheek. But, it drove Shipley to pretty much murder Graystone.
Or did it?
Well, the way i see it, we have two suspects in the Graystone incident. First is Shipley, who at least thought he had a good motive. The second is Cobra, who claims he didnt do it (because hes just so trustworthy) But whvt the hell was a guy who wrestles in Dixie doing in Illinois on a night he didnt have a match?
Strange doings indeed, but Im sure itll all get sorted out.
I was going to start a new award, the clueless dipshit of the week, but I figured Bobby Dean would win it every week, so no bother.
By the way, check out the segment with Dean, Josias Solaine (#17), Bronson Box (#8), and Kazuma Fujita on the last Defiance show. You'll laugh your ass off.
So finalky, a special award.
THE ALEXANDERS TERRIBLE HORRIBLE AWFUL NO GOOD VERY BAD DAY AWARD
Wild
Lets sum up Wild's night at PWX's New Horizons, shall we?
1. Came out for inferno match against Jeremiah Belmont
2. Wrestled inferno match against Jeremiah Belmont
3. During match with Jeremiah Belmont, somehow managed to get himself atop the video screen
4. Doused in gasoline by Jeremiah Belmont
5. Set on fire by Jeremiah Belmont, effectively
6. Losing his match against Jeremiah Belmont
7. Thrown off video screen by Jeremiah Belmont
8. To crash through the stage below.
I dont care what kind of day you had, it wasnt worse than that
Terrence would like to point out that this is why he wrestled in a flame retardant racesuit. Cause that would have done him any good.
Okay kids, Ill be back home in The Berg on February 3rd, with an all new column.
Oh, and power 50. Look for MVW and PWX to represent better than Uncensored ever did
Until then
POLLA.......
OUT!
Daniel Pollaski is the former manager of the WhirlyBirdz and a columnist for wfwa-online.com. He will be submitting his resume to become commissioner of the babe fed tomorrow
Okay, before we go any further, you wont be seeing anything about Appalachian Wrestlings Gold Rush PPV, or the World Title Match. Unfortunately, Chance Wolfington wasnt quite satisfed with the buy rates, and hes hoping that holding off an analysis of the event might pique a few more curiosity buys for the replays. I will say it was an amazing show and to check it out when you get the chance.
Anyways, I am writing this from the beautiful and jubilant city of Indianapolis, Indiana! I was in Chicago last night, so I figured why not swing down and see my good friends Terrence and Wendy!
For those of you who have been wondering, the former 2x World Tag Team Champions are living happily here in Indy. Terrence is looking forward to racing season again, and he is set to return for his 4th season on the ASA circuit driving, what else, car #38! Wendy is the executive director of the Marion County Community Theater, and is hard at work preparing for their next performance, Annie Get Your Gun! The Birdz have a three year old daughter named Theresa, an absolutely delightful little girl who seems to have gotten her fathers brown hair, her mothers green eyes, and a great deal of energy from the both of them!
Both Birdz also want me to let the world know that there is no way in hell Peyton Manning is losing to Drew Brees.
It hasnt been a 100% comfortable evening, however, as the Birdz apparently have read Angus Skaalands blog, and they are not happy! No, they dont think Skaalands a worthless piece of shit... THEY BELIEVED HIM! And now they think I owe them T-shirt royalties!
Thanks, Cocklaand, thats just what I need.
However, Angus Skaaland isnt the only WWA name to have something to say about my column. Several WWA superstars dropped me a line about what they thought of the Power 50! Even better... Jimmy Ryley (#37) wasnt one of them!
Well start off with none other than the HOW ICON champion, Maximillian Kael! (#3)
=======================
Your PARAGON, HOW ICON Champion, looks to top your list eventually. I understand that you love me, you have no reason to pretend to hate me.
=========================
Cant really argue with that, but I gotta take Max Kael to task here. Why the HELL are you rolling a five pound ball when you go bowling? I mean, what, are you a six year old girl? Be a man...
Then again... if you'd have done that, Mark O'Neal WOULDNT be a man anymore. So.... how bout that date with your cousin?
Next up is Jake Donovan (#32), rising star in the AW.
============================
I am honored, truly honored to make the power 50 after my debut match in AW. To have such recognition makes the move from Japan back home to the states truly rewarding. In regards to the events after my match, I just want it known that after being rescued by the calvary from the renegade forces of Defiance Wrestling, I've pledge to be right there with the AW forces whenever Defiance dares stick their noses in AW buisness again and if it takes going over there to prove to Defiance that they do NOT own this allaince, then I will be there with the rest of the AW roster looking to drop any one of those bastards on thier heads. I only hope I can do my mentor proud. I know if he were still with us today, he'd be out there leading the charge to ride the WWA of such scum.
=======================
Wow.... paragraphs Jakey... and spell check.
I appreciate the comments though, and its nice that we do have some people in this alliance willing to fight off these Defiance, well, to quote my homeboy Ricky Taverna, "cumstains".
I actually became a little more acquainted with young Mr. Donovan over the weekend, when he got into a spot of trouble with the law (read: arrested by the Defiance security crew). I was all too happy to bail him out, of course-- with Mr. Wolfington's money.
Next up, Adrien Cochrane (#13)
==================
Haven't lost a match since November and I'm still loser of the week.
And for the record, I didn't just join the Bandits for protection. :P
Love and bullets, Adrien C
========================
1. Change "November" to "January 20"
2. Yes, you did.
3. Please dont give me love or bullets.
Just kidding, AC, you know I love ya. Keep fighting the good fight.
And last, and most definitely, utterly, beyond a shadow of a doubt least, we have Chris Cannon (#22)
==================
Yet another snub by a lame and unprofessional journalist...
Or should I say "Blogger". The day that you actually matter as a respected writer is the day that Adrien Cochrane becomes the WWA World Champion.
You know, I go by these sites just to laugh at the comments I receive and shake my head at idiots who think they know it all
You cut the cake of idiots who know absolutely nothing
Blog fail
======================
I mean like... what the hell. The ferocity of Cannons remarks lead me to three conclusions.
A. PMS
B. The UN imposed sanctions on Cannonada again.
C. He's nervous about his upcoming World Title shot.
Since Cannonada and the world title shot aren't, technically, real, we're going to go with choice "A".
Since when the hell was ranking a guy #22 a snub? You know how many people woulda killed to be #22? Look at the Power 50. Theres 28 of them on that list, and about fifty who didnt even make the goddamn thing at all.
As far as knowing everything... I dont. But I sure as hell know more than you.
Whining sesson- epic fail.
Still, thanks to everyone who sent comments. Keep em coming!
I got one more response, but from the credit I'm getting, you sure wouldn't know it.
See, in my column last week, I mentioned that WMW was making quite a gamble by sending Valora (#11) to DREAM for the Caged Hell match, with the argument that exposing their main champion like this puts the fed's credibility in jeopardy.
Two days later, (inferior) WMW blogger Jane Coughlin announces goodbye Valora, hello Kronin (#16).
Youre welcome, Wrestling Midwest. How about naming an arena after me? I mean, if Erites "lookie, I beat Ethan Cavanaugh!" Kallisten gets one, why not me?
And now, for some people wbo shoulda listened to me. Meet the Maurako family. Matteo, Mario, Mosé (#35), and... someone else... but I'm sure his name starts with M. Anyways, last week I gave my props to the family (and very nearly the douchebag of the week award), but consented only to put Mosé in the P-50. This week comes around, and the Maurakos come out against Twisted Reality...
... no Mosé.
And hunh. No win either. Let that be a lesson to you.
Okay... I've been trying to downplay this but...
Did you guys freaking see me on television? I was awesome! Of course, I was only at the PWX show to announce them as our newest member, but I had fun. Not to mention I was treated to a pretty damn good show, with the Revolution Rules, Graves-Pariah, and the main event all being standouts.
To my surprise, Terrence and Wendy watched the show as well, and they also enjoyed it. Wendy told me that she was especially impressed with the new Next Generation Champion Valerie Belmont. I guess she finds a kindrid spirit in fiery redheads who can hang with the guys, but Mrs. Belmont can now count the 3-time World Cruiserweight Champion amongst her growing legion of fans.
They also told me they didnt see a damn bit of the stretcher match that took place. Shame too, cause that thing was BRUTAL. Terrence says that PWX better re-air it! Wendy wasnt nearly as keen.
I also got to see a returning face last night. Brad Jackson, former WWA World Heavyweight Champion, is once again back in the alliance, having sailed in on the PWX ship. Welcome back, Brad!
Of course, PWX wasnt the only incoming asset to the alliance this week. Missouri Valley Wrestling enters into our "everything midwestern that isnt Illinois, Indiana, or Ohio" region.
Theres just something funny about the roster make-up. I cant quite put my finger on it though.
Just kidding, I'm not that dense. MVW is an all female fed, but dont let that fool you, some of these chicas are TOUGH. I have no doubt in my mind that the MVW can hang with our other regions.
I do have one issue here, though. Wheres the love for the Left Coast? The WWA used to dominate the Wild Wild West, with such great feds as the Wx3, Silver State Wrestling, and PNW. Now... nunca? Throw some love to the Wesside!
Well, a little bit of love is coming, with the Tag Wars, coming out of Las Vegas. The details of he first show just dropped his afternoon, so I havent had time too look at it, but you can bet the Wars will recieve some coverage next week!
Did I mention itll be Power 50 time again, too? Just making sure.
But back to my smiling visage on the televison screen. If you missed me at PWX, this Saturday you can catch me hanging out at the DREAM pay per view. This is an absolutely LOADED show, chock full of wrestling goodness.
The most talked about match heading in has got to be the Caged Hell match. Now, unfortunately, our two new regions dont seem to be sending anyone, but the other five, well, game on. In case you forgot...
Appalachian- CRIP
Defiance- Joe Drago (#24)
DREAM- Adrien Cochrane
High-Octane- Ryan Faze
Wrestling Midwest- Kronin
Now, Im not sure about Ryan Faze, as the ABS standout is coming out of a severe injury. To make things worse, he was blindsided by CRIP, over at the last HOW show. However, if Ryan is healthy, CRIP better watch out, or he might be BLOODed up real quick!
Sorry. That was horrid.
For the record, I'm going to go with Joe Drago to win this. After coming off a bullshit loss to Jimmy Kort this week, I think Joe is going to be one pissed off mofo.
Then, there is the main event, with Cancer Jiles (#6) and Doozer (#12) squaring off title for title. Now, Ive already predicted Jiles to win this, but the big question will be, do the Bandits come out of this still friends and partners? I know firsthand the strain facing a partner can put on a tag team, and the bond there today may be shattered tomorrow (see Rage, Pharaohs of, how they won the WWA tag titles).
One more noteworthy match on the card. Mike Polowy will face Talon to settle his contract dispute. Polowy wants out of DREAM, but the powers that be aren't so willing to let him go. If Polowy loses, hes bonded to DREAM for life! Hope Polowy remembers how to wrestle, because this is one match he can NOT throw!
Meanwhile, in Defiance this week, the brewing interfed war that Eric Dane kindled has been picking up. Or at least its been trying to. My opinion on the "Civil War" can be summed up in one eloquent sentence.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
Seriously. Eggings? Shitting on a desk? Whipped cream? Awful waffles? (and dont even get me started on how Aaron Vasquez (#4) managed to watch Nickelodeon while growing up gangsta on the streets of New York).
When the fuck did a war for control of the greatest alliance in wrestling history turn into the rush-week prank off? If I want that shit, I'll hang out with the Faze brothers.
Well, theres two people out there who at least still remember how to fight. I'm talking about Aceldama (#5) and Frank Dylan James. If you saw the end of Defiance, you saw these two men damn near tear the house down. It ended only when Aceldama lit the merchandise table on fire, and put that fat hillbilly lout through it. The best part was Angus crying. "Cut the feed! Cut the feed mommy! I dont wanna watch anymore!"
Fuck you Skaaland.
At least there was no cutting the feed on Monday Night, when Aceldama once again pummeled FDJ into unconsciousness. Actually, I was surprised there was a knockout, I figured James didnt have enough brain cells left to actually get hurt. Maybe the alcohol poisoning finally caught up with him.
Whats that now? HOW 6, Defiance 1? Maybe we should all stick to the pranks.
Actually, though, I found the HOFC card on the disappointing side. Maybe I approached it wrong. I tuned in to watch an MMA show, and I ended up getting a wrestling show that tried to pretend to be an MMA show. It was a noble attempt on HOWs part, but I think the concept was better than the execution. On a positive note, I have decided that the HOFC matches WILL count towards the Power 50.
Of course, that means Ill have to watch HOFC 2, so bittersweet.
Meanwhile, seemingly rising above the clusterfuck this alliance is becoming, sits Wrestling Midwest. Come on guys... the waters great!
Well, That Damn Awesome is becoming just that, as this stable is starting to run over all the competion. Valora, Umbrage (#33), Adam Pyre, and AWS Man (Im not saying the rest), stand at the threshold of turning Ohio into their own personal playground.
And two weeks ago I was saying that about the Daughters of Darkness. The momentum shifts here worse than a Browns playoff game.
You know, back when they happened.
This week, TDA faces two Daughters, along with Kronin and Ryven (#28). A win here, and they almost certainly have the WMW on the run.
Meanwhile, the Daughters of Darkness have their own problems. Drucilla (#30) faces off in a 3 on 1 handicapped against the Knight clan (cause those one on ones sure havent been working out for poor Damien). And are Amariie and Jade (#14) getting along yet?
Then, of course there's Father Nathan (#40), who last week vowed the destruction of the DoD. One problem.
Five daughters.
One Father.
Its like King Lear. But with ropes and turnbuckles.
Ive never believed God got involved in pro wrestling, but maybe Nathans got something here. At the very least, he might join TDA. Shit... I would pay to see that.
Whew... finally time to hand out some rewards.
MATCH OF THE WEEK
TAG TEAM MATCH: Southern Hospitality vs. The Foreshadowing
As much as I (deservedly) rag on Defiance, they have some tremendous matches. This was no exception, as both teams fought bitterly in a fast paced match. In the end, The Foreshadowing picked up the close win.
WINNER OF THE WEEK
Dawn McGill
Last week was a costume party for Miss McGill, as she got engaged to a guy in a parmilitary uniform, then lost to a guy dressed like a snake.
This week, McGill seemed to be about the accessories. Belts, to be exact. Two of them. First she stunned Tim Shipley to win the LSD Title in HOW, then she and partner Jackie Daniels beat the Angels of Death (the MVW tag team, not the AW wrestler... fuck thats gonna get confusing), to win the MVW tag belts.
Even better, the win came when former buddy Miss USA tried to take her out with a Patriot Missile, and Angel Casey got shoved in the way. Hows that for a good night?
LOSER OF THE WEEK
Michael DeNucci (#38)
So DeNucci practically threatened Mike Best to get him in a match against Kirsta Lewis, and then loses in 48 seconds? Ouch ouch ouch. Yeah, next time make sure the mike is on before you enter the ring, dumbass.
Then, to make things worse, he loses to Christopher America at HOFC, so now hes title less. Thats a bad week.
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
David Black (#45)
As much as I like David Black, the shit he pulled on Tim Shipley (#21) about Roxie kissing Graystone (#18) was just a little uncool. I mean, if you watched it, it was a very platonic "thank you for not killing my boyfriend" peck on the cheek. But, it drove Shipley to pretty much murder Graystone.
Or did it?
Well, the way i see it, we have two suspects in the Graystone incident. First is Shipley, who at least thought he had a good motive. The second is Cobra, who claims he didnt do it (because hes just so trustworthy) But whvt the hell was a guy who wrestles in Dixie doing in Illinois on a night he didnt have a match?
Strange doings indeed, but Im sure itll all get sorted out.
I was going to start a new award, the clueless dipshit of the week, but I figured Bobby Dean would win it every week, so no bother.
By the way, check out the segment with Dean, Josias Solaine (#17), Bronson Box (#8), and Kazuma Fujita on the last Defiance show. You'll laugh your ass off.
So finalky, a special award.
THE ALEXANDERS TERRIBLE HORRIBLE AWFUL NO GOOD VERY BAD DAY AWARD
Wild
Lets sum up Wild's night at PWX's New Horizons, shall we?
1. Came out for inferno match against Jeremiah Belmont
2. Wrestled inferno match against Jeremiah Belmont
3. During match with Jeremiah Belmont, somehow managed to get himself atop the video screen
4. Doused in gasoline by Jeremiah Belmont
5. Set on fire by Jeremiah Belmont, effectively
6. Losing his match against Jeremiah Belmont
7. Thrown off video screen by Jeremiah Belmont
8. To crash through the stage below.
I dont care what kind of day you had, it wasnt worse than that
Terrence would like to point out that this is why he wrestled in a flame retardant racesuit. Cause that would have done him any good.
Okay kids, Ill be back home in The Berg on February 3rd, with an all new column.
Oh, and power 50. Look for MVW and PWX to represent better than Uncensored ever did
Until then
POLLA.......
OUT!
Daniel Pollaski is the former manager of the WhirlyBirdz and a columnist for wfwa-online.com. He will be submitting his resume to become commissioner of the babe fed tomorrow
Monday, January 18, 2010
Issue #2- January 18, 2010
Hey kids.
Are you ready?
After DVRing , watching, and filling out my notebook with 12 WWA shows (including the WMW one NOBODY BOTHERED TO TELL ME ABOUT), I have inally finished my first list of the top 50 wrestlers this alliance has to offer.
Are you on it?
Okay, here are the rules for eligibility in this weeks Power 50.
1. You must have competed in a match in a WWA sanctioned region in 2010.
2. Due to AW's limited schedule this month, merely appearing at the autograph session on Jan. 1 gains eligibility.
Thats it.
In the future, eligibility rules will be-
1. Wrestlers in the Power 50 who have competed in the last two rankings cycles (4 weeks).
2. Wrestlers not in the Power 50 who have competed in the last rankings cycle (2 weeks)
3. Any exceptions that I choose to make at my discretion. This is MY column after all.
And finally, a couple more notes.
- Rankings are based entirely on my subjective opinion. I look at in-rin performance, quality of opponents, crowd approval/heat, and overall a wrestlers ability to distinguish themselves from the rest of the alliance.
-This is a singles only system. For the purpose of tag teams, each member is analyzed on an individual basis.
That being said, Saturday night, I combed my notebook, and made a list of all WWA wrestlers eligible for Power 50 consideration.
114.
I shit you not.
So after crying myself to sleep that night, I underwent the arduous task of trimming 64 wrestlers off this list. Needless to say, some decent names got left off, so, here's a list of wrestlers who garnered serious Power 50 consideration, but couldnt make the cut.
They are the Power Fif-DENIED.
Because I'm clever like that.
So without further ado, in no particular order
Abbie Miller (UC)
B.R. ELLIS (DREAM)
ADAM PYRE (WMW)
BOBBY DEAN (DEF)
GRIMOIRE (DREAM)
GRAS-DAWG (WMW)
RYAN FAZE (HOW)
GRIFFIN FAZE (HOW)
MIKE POLOWY (DREAM/HOW)
JUSTIN BROOKS (DEF)
CHRISTOPHER AMERICA (HOW)
NICK RIVERS (AW)
LEON BOOTH (DEF)
Sorry kids. Next issue is February 2nd, so plenty of time to work your way on.
Now, as my homeboy Bruce Buffer likes to say...
IIIIIIIITSS... TIME!!!!
Take a deep breath, kids.
Lets count 'em down!
50. MURU (DREAM)- Never mindin that his ring tights make him look like a cow (Moo-Ru?), this newcomer pulled off an impressive win in the TV title tournament. But can he get by Paradine?
49. JOHNNY LIGHTNING (DEF) *WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Already buying in to that life-long Team Danger mentality- why earn it when someone can just give it to you?
48. JIMMY KORT (DEF)- Results-wise, a no contest while on the dominant team in a handicapped match is a step up. Truthfully, if his chemistry with Justin Brooks clicks, both these men will rocket up the ladder.
47. TERRY SPRUHEN (DREAM)- Terry and partner Jared had a big letdown Wednesday night. Now the Grady's need to hold serve against the Maverick Express.
46. CASEY PIERRO-ZABOTEL (DREAM)- Scored an impressive win over Mike Polowy, but what was up with Polowy's "injury"? Charlie Blackwell will be a much tougher test.
45. DAVID BLACK (HOW)- So, uh... what DID he do with Roxie's panties?
44. THE SAM SKULL (DEF)- Big win for Skull in the newcomer 4-way, now he needs to keep it going in the eight man atomicos match. It'll be tough- his team is weaker by far.
43. VINCE WEBB, JR. (DEF)- I remember back in 2002 whe the Mid-South Syndicate wreaked havoc from California to Louisiana. Eight years later, the new generation seems to be carryin on the legacy.
42. NICK JOURNEY (AW)- I'm not quite sure I understand how the Gold Rush is exactly going down, but I dont need to to tell you that Journey has definite dark horse potential.
41. DARK (DREAM)- The Chicken Chokers missed a golden opportunity last week, but they do get a chance at a modicom of redemption his week as Dark takes on Doozer. The way the Egg Bandits are, a win is very possible.
40. FATHER NATHAN (WMW)- This man of the cloth might just have a prayer of taking Jade's shoot title.
39. KIRSTA LEWIS (HOW)- "The Hellcat" gets what she wants, a showdown against...
38. MICHAEL DENUCCI (HOW) *HOW HOFC CHAMPION*- But even with Christopher America refereeing, Lewis might have bitten off more than she chew.
37. JIMMY RYLEY (DREAM)- Yes, against my better judgement, Jimmy has a spot in the Power 50. I guarantee that in six months, I will look back on this and winder just what in the hell I was thinking.
36. MYSTIC (UC)- Just when I write a nice little bit about females gaining respect in wrestling, Uncensored just has to go and break out the dildos.
35. MOSÉ MAURAKO (HOW)- Right now, Mosé is the only Maurako in the P50, but within the next couple months, theres a good chance the whole freakin' family might be here.
34. STEPHEN GREER (DEF) *WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Greer's a top 15 talent thats been in a bit of a slump, but dont think the King of Pain will be down here long. Then again, with Johnny Lightning as his partner...
33. UMBRAGE (WMW)- Not a bad 2010 debut, teaming with Valora to down the Daughters of Darkness. Looks like a WMW tag title shot is next!
32. JAKE DONOVAN (AW)- Young, energetic, talented, and a protege of the late, great Ulfric. What's not to like abiut this guy?
31. DAVID K. SLAM II (UC)- He quietly netted himself a couple victories to start the year, but with all the pot, does he even remember them in the morning?
30. DRUSCILLA (WMW) *WMW ACE SUPERIOR CHAMPION*- Seriously... a ten minute time limit in the main event? Boo, WMW, boo!
29. CHRIS BLADEZ (DREAM)- Yo, Chris! Any way I can get in on your March Madness pool?
28. RYVEN (WMW)- *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Been a rough start of the year for Ryven. He better get it together when Valora and Umbrage come calling.
27. NATHAN PARADINE (DREAM)- Muru looms next on his target list, no way he wants to go down to a rookie for a second time in three weeks.
26. JXD (UC)- Um, dont burn this guy in effigy. You'll probably end up regretting it.
Whoo... halfway home! Lets keep on truckin!
25. ANGEL OF DEATH (AW)- One of the exceptions to the "compete in 2010 rule, AoD goes for, and by my count, wins the Atlantic Coast title next week.
24. JOE DRAGO (DEF)- Despite having a bonafide idiot for a manager, Drago has started to garner some momentum. A win at the Caged Hell match in DREAM will put him on everybody's radar.
23. HECATE (WMW)- *WMW HEARTLANDS CHAMPION*- So did Damien Knight pony up $10k for this match too? If so, our Greek Goddess might be hauling in some bling!
22. CHRIS CANNON (AW)- I'll give him his credit in the wrestlin department, but the only state this guys the head of is Denial.
21. SCOTTYWOOD (HOW) *HOW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Despite his obvious lack of intellect in the energy drink department (Monster Khaos, baby!), I'm starting to like this guy. Shame Lee made him strip Frankie of the title.
20. TIM SHIPLEY (HOW)- *HOW LSD CHAMPION- Wow, that was a quick injury recovery. He hung with Max Kael and Aceldama in the cage, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. But that Graystone match was UG-LY!
19. CHARLIE BLACKWELL (DREAM)- Well, whaya know? Our nervous little newcomers gotten himself a pair of nice wins, a probable spot in he TV tournament semifinals, and a top 20 ranking.
18. GRAYSTONE (HOW)- Still not quite sure what to make of this guy. He seems almost Top 5 calibur, but I can just as easily see him sliding on out of here.
17. JOSIAS SOLAINE (DEF)- The plucky Hatian Redemption is riding high in 2010, but can he maintain focus after rhe events in his homeland this week.
On a side note, most of you have heard about the massive earthquake that struck Haiti this week. Between rampant poverty and a blatantly corrupt government, the Haitian people have been hard pressed for survival even before this horrible catastrophe. Please keep the Haitians in your prayers, and if you can afford to donate anything to help this desperate population, I would encourage you to do so.
Sorry, didnt mean to preach. Where was I?
16. KRONIN (WMW) *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Looks like hes going to be seeing a lot of Valora in the coming months- she going after his title his week, and an iron match for her title somewhere down the road.
15. SCAVENGER (UC)- *UNCENSORED PRIMO CHAMPION*- Surprising loss to Slam this week, he'd be top 10 otherwise.
14. JADE (WMW) *WMW SHOOT CHAMPION*- This deadly Chinese dragon is the newest member of the Daughters of Darkness, and is quickly becoming its best. But will growing tension between her and Amariie tear this group apart?
13. ADRIEN COCHRANE (AW/DREAM)- He looks the favorite to win the DREAM TV championship- if he stays healthy. See below for more details.
12. DOOZER (DREAM) *DREAM CHAMPION*; *DREAM TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- The first Egg Bandit to appear on this countdown, so I bet you can telk who I'm picking at Scrambled Dreams. Sorry, Dooze.
11. VALORA (WMW)- *WMW GREAT LAKES CHAMPION*- In my opinion, Wrestling Midwest is taking a huge risk by sending their top girl to DREAM. She'll be the only regional champion competin in the Caged Hell match, and if she's overclassed, thats a bad image for our Ohio region. Hecate, Jade, Kronin, or Ryven would have been safer choice.
Whew! Top 10!
10. D.R. KONGO (DEF)- Lost last week, then watched his friend get punked by Jimmy Kort and Justin Brooks. Honestly, I'm afraid of what this guys gonna do.
9. SIMON SPARROW (HOW)- Good win over Justin Decent (Ha! I just got that!), but Aceldama WRECKED him after the show. Worse, his #1 contendership is gone!
8. BRONSON BOX (DEF)- HUGE win over Kongo last week. This Scotsman might just now be the Champion's Carnival favorite. Bully!
7. WILL RIDGE (UC) *UNCENSORED BANNED CHAMPION*- The over the top cliched "Charlie Manson is my hero" mannerisms aside... THIS GUY IS NUTS! And mean... and dangerous... and brutal... and all kinds of bad things.
6. CANCER JILES (DREAM) *DREAM YOU CALL IT CHAMPION*;*DREAM TAG TEAM CHAMPION*;*HOW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Wow, CCJ is wheeling in the gold! After being appointed Scottywood's partner by Mike Best, that brings Mr. Cool's shiny total to 3. The record (by my recollection) for most titles at once is four, held by James "Double Oh" Keiler back in 2004.
5. ACELDAMA (HOW) *HOW CHAMPION*- Aceldamas jumping right into things here in the WWA, calling out Eric Dane. Of course... Dane's such a gimp right now I could probably take him. But A for effort. PS- He should give the #1 contenders contract to David Black. Just trust me on this.
4. AARON VASQUEZ (DEF)- I'm calling it now... at some point in 2010, this guys winnin the world championship.
3. MAX KAEL (HOW) *HOW ICON CHAMPION*- I.... WANT to hate this guy so very badly. But... I... cant. Maybe I'll get a date with his cousin for saying that.
2. COBRA (DEF)- Time for one more prediction. January 25, 2010: Jormegund (or whatever) reigns supreme.
1. JACK AMETHYST (AW) *WORLD CHAMPION*- Look, I respect the hell out of Amethyst, but this man is just to battered and broken to win. Then again, if anyone's gonna win a World Title match with a broken arm, its Jack.
There! Done!
If you have a problem with these rankings, fuck off. Yiu can always prove me wrong in the ring.
However, I would always love questions or comments from all. Again, 3 ways to hit me up.
1. Leave a comment on my blog below.
2. Email (pollaski@gmail.com)
3. Private message @ WWA headquarters (address it to pollaski)
Stick around, kids. 3 more short orders of business here.
Earlier in the article, I criticized WMW for sending Valora, their champion, to compete in the Caged Hell match at Scrambled Dreams. I do believe that this needlessly places the reputation of WMW at risk. That being said... its a hell of a gutsy call by Valora and WMW management. Sooner or later every regional champion will have to prove themselves at an alliance wide level, I just think its too early to be doing so.
That being said,I'm rather disappointed Uncensored.has declined to send a delagate to this all important contest. If they want to be in this alliance and get noticed as such...
Wait... hang on, I'm getting breakng news here.
Well great. I just got word that as I'M FUCKING WRITING THIS that Uncensored has broken ties with the World Wrestling Alliance. I wish them well in all future endeavors, yada, yada, yada.
Well guess what... I'M NOT RE-DOING THIS FREAKING COLUMN! We'll leave the Uncensored people in as a lasting tribute to their memory, or my laziness, or something.
Alright, on to unpleasant bit of business #2.
I've invited everyone to shoot me comments and I'm happy to say that so far I've received a grand total of two.
Cancer Jiles said my last column was "prerty sweet, homie!" Thanks Cancer!
Now, onto Jimmy Ryley. Boy oh boy. In case you forgot, DREAMS little reject had this to say...
--------------------------------
Jimmy Riley said... Look, I get it, you've been in a cave for...uh, long enough that you're talking about ancient history like it still matters, but I assure you. My "Stop the WWA Coalition" will be in full force in no time, and the Egg Bandits are going to not only explode in yolky goodness when those Defiance guys show up, they're going to explode...when they have to face each other!
-------—--------------
I should point out that our little genius said this on January 13 at 8:00 pm pacific. Just a few hours earlier, this "Stop the WWA coalition", consisting entirely of himself, was ran out, in full force, by a group of teenagers!
I know Jimmy Ryley thinks he's awesome now because he beat Psymon in the third match on the card, and that's adorable. But since i use big words like "consisting" and "teenager", this column is really geared to a more intelligent crowd. So please, everyone. Leave comments. Send emails. Anything to give me an excuse to ignore this idiot!
One moe thing on Mister Ryley- why is he so obsessed with Defiance? Hes not on the roster. He hasnt been booked. Hell, I called Defiance offices (ugh)... THEY NEVER EVEN HEARD OF HIM! Yes, kids, Jimmy Ryley is spending hours and hours trying to promote a fed that wants nothing to do with him.
Speaking of Defiance, Angus Skankland had some choice words for me in his blog. Go check it out if your either bored or you havent gotten your proper FDA recommended daily allowance of bullshit yet.
All I'll say is this. If Angus, or Dane, or Frank Redneck Wright or whover wants me to go down south and tell them to their face what I think about their little "rebellion".
Youre paying for plane tickets, lodging, and food. Good food. Im not flying 2000 miles to eat grits out.of.a.goddamned roach coach.
Or just meet me in Florida on January 31. Ill be hitting up the pro bowl, then Scrambled Dreams
Finally, time for my weekly awards.
MATCH OF THE WEEK
Of the five WWA shows released this week- three: Defiance, Graveyard Shift, and Turmoil, ended in draws
Defiance and WMW both saw their main events end on ten minte time limit draws. Lame. Turmoil, however ended with an exciting cage match that only ended when all three men simultaneously leaving the cage and hitting the floor. As a result, Max Kael retained his Icon title over Aceldama and Tim Shipley, but all three men get credit for such a great match.
WINNER OF THE WEEK.
Johnny Lightning was coming off a loss to Josias Solaine, had a whopping 1 point in the Champions Carnival, and was probably about to be Jim Mora'd by Eric Dane. Next thing he knows, hes Greer's tag partner and half the World Tag Champions. Not a bad day.
LOSER OF THE WEEK
If our Winner of the Week won without winning a match, its only fair the loser of the week... well... lose without actually losing a match. In this case, Adrien Cochrane, who just joined with the Egg Bandits for protection. Now, the other two bandits, after egging both Eric Dane's arena and car, are facing off in a match that might just tear them apart. Thats leaving poor Adrien just a little bit exposed.
So of course, enter Kongo and Vasquez, on Danes specific orders to take Adriens testicles, place them in a wafle cone, and add sprinkles.
So basically, if they catch Adrien... ouch.
Big Ouch.
At least whenever Cochrane wins a title from then on out, hell be known as the first castradi champion!
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
Were changing this one up here. Originally, it was to go to Mario Maurako, for his absolutely shameless mind-fucking of poor Bobbinette Carey
Instead, were gonna give it to Uncensored president Effing Holmes. Or Spyder Gainey. Or whoevers runnin the show over there. Way to be team players!
And finally, a special award.
BEST. FUCKING. PICTURE. EVER.
I will be the first to say that Groundhog Slay is the DUMBEST name for a pay per view. But check out the ad for the PPV. That knife weilding groundhog had me laughing for 10 minutes straight, and is now the wallpaper on my droid.
Seriously.
Ok, kids, thats it for this week. A new column wilk drop next week, with the next Power 50 (now with no Uncensored!) Dropping February 2.
Until then. I got my DVR and notebook at he ready.
POLLA OUT!
Dan Pollaski is the former manager of the WhirlyBirdz VHS, and a columnist for wfwa-online.com. He can be reached via email at pollaski@gmail.com. He also wants the two hours he spent watching Uncensored shows back.
Are you ready?
After DVRing , watching, and filling out my notebook with 12 WWA shows (including the WMW one NOBODY BOTHERED TO TELL ME ABOUT), I have inally finished my first list of the top 50 wrestlers this alliance has to offer.
Are you on it?
Okay, here are the rules for eligibility in this weeks Power 50.
1. You must have competed in a match in a WWA sanctioned region in 2010.
2. Due to AW's limited schedule this month, merely appearing at the autograph session on Jan. 1 gains eligibility.
Thats it.
In the future, eligibility rules will be-
1. Wrestlers in the Power 50 who have competed in the last two rankings cycles (4 weeks).
2. Wrestlers not in the Power 50 who have competed in the last rankings cycle (2 weeks)
3. Any exceptions that I choose to make at my discretion. This is MY column after all.
And finally, a couple more notes.
- Rankings are based entirely on my subjective opinion. I look at in-rin performance, quality of opponents, crowd approval/heat, and overall a wrestlers ability to distinguish themselves from the rest of the alliance.
-This is a singles only system. For the purpose of tag teams, each member is analyzed on an individual basis.
That being said, Saturday night, I combed my notebook, and made a list of all WWA wrestlers eligible for Power 50 consideration.
114.
I shit you not.
So after crying myself to sleep that night, I underwent the arduous task of trimming 64 wrestlers off this list. Needless to say, some decent names got left off, so, here's a list of wrestlers who garnered serious Power 50 consideration, but couldnt make the cut.
They are the Power Fif-DENIED.
Because I'm clever like that.
So without further ado, in no particular order
Abbie Miller (UC)
B.R. ELLIS (DREAM)
ADAM PYRE (WMW)
BOBBY DEAN (DEF)
GRIMOIRE (DREAM)
GRAS-DAWG (WMW)
RYAN FAZE (HOW)
GRIFFIN FAZE (HOW)
MIKE POLOWY (DREAM/HOW)
JUSTIN BROOKS (DEF)
CHRISTOPHER AMERICA (HOW)
NICK RIVERS (AW)
LEON BOOTH (DEF)
Sorry kids. Next issue is February 2nd, so plenty of time to work your way on.
Now, as my homeboy Bruce Buffer likes to say...
IIIIIIIITSS... TIME!!!!
Take a deep breath, kids.
Lets count 'em down!
50. MURU (DREAM)- Never mindin that his ring tights make him look like a cow (Moo-Ru?), this newcomer pulled off an impressive win in the TV title tournament. But can he get by Paradine?
49. JOHNNY LIGHTNING (DEF) *WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Already buying in to that life-long Team Danger mentality- why earn it when someone can just give it to you?
48. JIMMY KORT (DEF)- Results-wise, a no contest while on the dominant team in a handicapped match is a step up. Truthfully, if his chemistry with Justin Brooks clicks, both these men will rocket up the ladder.
47. TERRY SPRUHEN (DREAM)- Terry and partner Jared had a big letdown Wednesday night. Now the Grady's need to hold serve against the Maverick Express.
46. CASEY PIERRO-ZABOTEL (DREAM)- Scored an impressive win over Mike Polowy, but what was up with Polowy's "injury"? Charlie Blackwell will be a much tougher test.
45. DAVID BLACK (HOW)- So, uh... what DID he do with Roxie's panties?
44. THE SAM SKULL (DEF)- Big win for Skull in the newcomer 4-way, now he needs to keep it going in the eight man atomicos match. It'll be tough- his team is weaker by far.
43. VINCE WEBB, JR. (DEF)- I remember back in 2002 whe the Mid-South Syndicate wreaked havoc from California to Louisiana. Eight years later, the new generation seems to be carryin on the legacy.
42. NICK JOURNEY (AW)- I'm not quite sure I understand how the Gold Rush is exactly going down, but I dont need to to tell you that Journey has definite dark horse potential.
41. DARK (DREAM)- The Chicken Chokers missed a golden opportunity last week, but they do get a chance at a modicom of redemption his week as Dark takes on Doozer. The way the Egg Bandits are, a win is very possible.
40. FATHER NATHAN (WMW)- This man of the cloth might just have a prayer of taking Jade's shoot title.
39. KIRSTA LEWIS (HOW)- "The Hellcat" gets what she wants, a showdown against...
38. MICHAEL DENUCCI (HOW) *HOW HOFC CHAMPION*- But even with Christopher America refereeing, Lewis might have bitten off more than she chew.
37. JIMMY RYLEY (DREAM)- Yes, against my better judgement, Jimmy has a spot in the Power 50. I guarantee that in six months, I will look back on this and winder just what in the hell I was thinking.
36. MYSTIC (UC)- Just when I write a nice little bit about females gaining respect in wrestling, Uncensored just has to go and break out the dildos.
35. MOSÉ MAURAKO (HOW)- Right now, Mosé is the only Maurako in the P50, but within the next couple months, theres a good chance the whole freakin' family might be here.
34. STEPHEN GREER (DEF) *WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Greer's a top 15 talent thats been in a bit of a slump, but dont think the King of Pain will be down here long. Then again, with Johnny Lightning as his partner...
33. UMBRAGE (WMW)- Not a bad 2010 debut, teaming with Valora to down the Daughters of Darkness. Looks like a WMW tag title shot is next!
32. JAKE DONOVAN (AW)- Young, energetic, talented, and a protege of the late, great Ulfric. What's not to like abiut this guy?
31. DAVID K. SLAM II (UC)- He quietly netted himself a couple victories to start the year, but with all the pot, does he even remember them in the morning?
30. DRUSCILLA (WMW) *WMW ACE SUPERIOR CHAMPION*- Seriously... a ten minute time limit in the main event? Boo, WMW, boo!
29. CHRIS BLADEZ (DREAM)- Yo, Chris! Any way I can get in on your March Madness pool?
28. RYVEN (WMW)- *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Been a rough start of the year for Ryven. He better get it together when Valora and Umbrage come calling.
27. NATHAN PARADINE (DREAM)- Muru looms next on his target list, no way he wants to go down to a rookie for a second time in three weeks.
26. JXD (UC)- Um, dont burn this guy in effigy. You'll probably end up regretting it.
Whoo... halfway home! Lets keep on truckin!
25. ANGEL OF DEATH (AW)- One of the exceptions to the "compete in 2010 rule, AoD goes for, and by my count, wins the Atlantic Coast title next week.
24. JOE DRAGO (DEF)- Despite having a bonafide idiot for a manager, Drago has started to garner some momentum. A win at the Caged Hell match in DREAM will put him on everybody's radar.
23. HECATE (WMW)- *WMW HEARTLANDS CHAMPION*- So did Damien Knight pony up $10k for this match too? If so, our Greek Goddess might be hauling in some bling!
22. CHRIS CANNON (AW)- I'll give him his credit in the wrestlin department, but the only state this guys the head of is Denial.
21. SCOTTYWOOD (HOW) *HOW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Despite his obvious lack of intellect in the energy drink department (Monster Khaos, baby!), I'm starting to like this guy. Shame Lee made him strip Frankie of the title.
20. TIM SHIPLEY (HOW)- *HOW LSD CHAMPION- Wow, that was a quick injury recovery. He hung with Max Kael and Aceldama in the cage, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. But that Graystone match was UG-LY!
19. CHARLIE BLACKWELL (DREAM)- Well, whaya know? Our nervous little newcomers gotten himself a pair of nice wins, a probable spot in he TV tournament semifinals, and a top 20 ranking.
18. GRAYSTONE (HOW)- Still not quite sure what to make of this guy. He seems almost Top 5 calibur, but I can just as easily see him sliding on out of here.
17. JOSIAS SOLAINE (DEF)- The plucky Hatian Redemption is riding high in 2010, but can he maintain focus after rhe events in his homeland this week.
On a side note, most of you have heard about the massive earthquake that struck Haiti this week. Between rampant poverty and a blatantly corrupt government, the Haitian people have been hard pressed for survival even before this horrible catastrophe. Please keep the Haitians in your prayers, and if you can afford to donate anything to help this desperate population, I would encourage you to do so.
Sorry, didnt mean to preach. Where was I?
16. KRONIN (WMW) *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Looks like hes going to be seeing a lot of Valora in the coming months- she going after his title his week, and an iron match for her title somewhere down the road.
15. SCAVENGER (UC)- *UNCENSORED PRIMO CHAMPION*- Surprising loss to Slam this week, he'd be top 10 otherwise.
14. JADE (WMW) *WMW SHOOT CHAMPION*- This deadly Chinese dragon is the newest member of the Daughters of Darkness, and is quickly becoming its best. But will growing tension between her and Amariie tear this group apart?
13. ADRIEN COCHRANE (AW/DREAM)- He looks the favorite to win the DREAM TV championship- if he stays healthy. See below for more details.
12. DOOZER (DREAM) *DREAM CHAMPION*; *DREAM TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- The first Egg Bandit to appear on this countdown, so I bet you can telk who I'm picking at Scrambled Dreams. Sorry, Dooze.
11. VALORA (WMW)- *WMW GREAT LAKES CHAMPION*- In my opinion, Wrestling Midwest is taking a huge risk by sending their top girl to DREAM. She'll be the only regional champion competin in the Caged Hell match, and if she's overclassed, thats a bad image for our Ohio region. Hecate, Jade, Kronin, or Ryven would have been safer choice.
Whew! Top 10!
10. D.R. KONGO (DEF)- Lost last week, then watched his friend get punked by Jimmy Kort and Justin Brooks. Honestly, I'm afraid of what this guys gonna do.
9. SIMON SPARROW (HOW)- Good win over Justin Decent (Ha! I just got that!), but Aceldama WRECKED him after the show. Worse, his #1 contendership is gone!
8. BRONSON BOX (DEF)- HUGE win over Kongo last week. This Scotsman might just now be the Champion's Carnival favorite. Bully!
7. WILL RIDGE (UC) *UNCENSORED BANNED CHAMPION*- The over the top cliched "Charlie Manson is my hero" mannerisms aside... THIS GUY IS NUTS! And mean... and dangerous... and brutal... and all kinds of bad things.
6. CANCER JILES (DREAM) *DREAM YOU CALL IT CHAMPION*;*DREAM TAG TEAM CHAMPION*;*HOW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Wow, CCJ is wheeling in the gold! After being appointed Scottywood's partner by Mike Best, that brings Mr. Cool's shiny total to 3. The record (by my recollection) for most titles at once is four, held by James "Double Oh" Keiler back in 2004.
5. ACELDAMA (HOW) *HOW CHAMPION*- Aceldamas jumping right into things here in the WWA, calling out Eric Dane. Of course... Dane's such a gimp right now I could probably take him. But A for effort. PS- He should give the #1 contenders contract to David Black. Just trust me on this.
4. AARON VASQUEZ (DEF)- I'm calling it now... at some point in 2010, this guys winnin the world championship.
3. MAX KAEL (HOW) *HOW ICON CHAMPION*- I.... WANT to hate this guy so very badly. But... I... cant. Maybe I'll get a date with his cousin for saying that.
2. COBRA (DEF)- Time for one more prediction. January 25, 2010: Jormegund (or whatever) reigns supreme.
1. JACK AMETHYST (AW) *WORLD CHAMPION*- Look, I respect the hell out of Amethyst, but this man is just to battered and broken to win. Then again, if anyone's gonna win a World Title match with a broken arm, its Jack.
There! Done!
If you have a problem with these rankings, fuck off. Yiu can always prove me wrong in the ring.
However, I would always love questions or comments from all. Again, 3 ways to hit me up.
1. Leave a comment on my blog below.
2. Email (pollaski@gmail.com)
3. Private message @ WWA headquarters (address it to pollaski)
Stick around, kids. 3 more short orders of business here.
Earlier in the article, I criticized WMW for sending Valora, their champion, to compete in the Caged Hell match at Scrambled Dreams. I do believe that this needlessly places the reputation of WMW at risk. That being said... its a hell of a gutsy call by Valora and WMW management. Sooner or later every regional champion will have to prove themselves at an alliance wide level, I just think its too early to be doing so.
That being said,I'm rather disappointed Uncensored.has declined to send a delagate to this all important contest. If they want to be in this alliance and get noticed as such...
Wait... hang on, I'm getting breakng news here.
Well great. I just got word that as I'M FUCKING WRITING THIS that Uncensored has broken ties with the World Wrestling Alliance. I wish them well in all future endeavors, yada, yada, yada.
Well guess what... I'M NOT RE-DOING THIS FREAKING COLUMN! We'll leave the Uncensored people in as a lasting tribute to their memory, or my laziness, or something.
Alright, on to unpleasant bit of business #2.
I've invited everyone to shoot me comments and I'm happy to say that so far I've received a grand total of two.
Cancer Jiles said my last column was "prerty sweet, homie!" Thanks Cancer!
Now, onto Jimmy Ryley. Boy oh boy. In case you forgot, DREAMS little reject had this to say...
--------------------------------
Jimmy Riley said... Look, I get it, you've been in a cave for...uh, long enough that you're talking about ancient history like it still matters, but I assure you. My "Stop the WWA Coalition" will be in full force in no time, and the Egg Bandits are going to not only explode in yolky goodness when those Defiance guys show up, they're going to explode...when they have to face each other!
-------—--------------
I should point out that our little genius said this on January 13 at 8:00 pm pacific. Just a few hours earlier, this "Stop the WWA coalition", consisting entirely of himself, was ran out, in full force, by a group of teenagers!
I know Jimmy Ryley thinks he's awesome now because he beat Psymon in the third match on the card, and that's adorable. But since i use big words like "consisting" and "teenager", this column is really geared to a more intelligent crowd. So please, everyone. Leave comments. Send emails. Anything to give me an excuse to ignore this idiot!
One moe thing on Mister Ryley- why is he so obsessed with Defiance? Hes not on the roster. He hasnt been booked. Hell, I called Defiance offices (ugh)... THEY NEVER EVEN HEARD OF HIM! Yes, kids, Jimmy Ryley is spending hours and hours trying to promote a fed that wants nothing to do with him.
Speaking of Defiance, Angus Skankland had some choice words for me in his blog. Go check it out if your either bored or you havent gotten your proper FDA recommended daily allowance of bullshit yet.
All I'll say is this. If Angus, or Dane, or Frank Redneck Wright or whover wants me to go down south and tell them to their face what I think about their little "rebellion".
Youre paying for plane tickets, lodging, and food. Good food. Im not flying 2000 miles to eat grits out.of.a.goddamned roach coach.
Or just meet me in Florida on January 31. Ill be hitting up the pro bowl, then Scrambled Dreams
Finally, time for my weekly awards.
MATCH OF THE WEEK
Of the five WWA shows released this week- three: Defiance, Graveyard Shift, and Turmoil, ended in draws
Defiance and WMW both saw their main events end on ten minte time limit draws. Lame. Turmoil, however ended with an exciting cage match that only ended when all three men simultaneously leaving the cage and hitting the floor. As a result, Max Kael retained his Icon title over Aceldama and Tim Shipley, but all three men get credit for such a great match.
WINNER OF THE WEEK.
Johnny Lightning was coming off a loss to Josias Solaine, had a whopping 1 point in the Champions Carnival, and was probably about to be Jim Mora'd by Eric Dane. Next thing he knows, hes Greer's tag partner and half the World Tag Champions. Not a bad day.
LOSER OF THE WEEK
If our Winner of the Week won without winning a match, its only fair the loser of the week... well... lose without actually losing a match. In this case, Adrien Cochrane, who just joined with the Egg Bandits for protection. Now, the other two bandits, after egging both Eric Dane's arena and car, are facing off in a match that might just tear them apart. Thats leaving poor Adrien just a little bit exposed.
So of course, enter Kongo and Vasquez, on Danes specific orders to take Adriens testicles, place them in a wafle cone, and add sprinkles.
So basically, if they catch Adrien... ouch.
Big Ouch.
At least whenever Cochrane wins a title from then on out, hell be known as the first castradi champion!
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
Were changing this one up here. Originally, it was to go to Mario Maurako, for his absolutely shameless mind-fucking of poor Bobbinette Carey
Instead, were gonna give it to Uncensored president Effing Holmes. Or Spyder Gainey. Or whoevers runnin the show over there. Way to be team players!
And finally, a special award.
BEST. FUCKING. PICTURE. EVER.
I will be the first to say that Groundhog Slay is the DUMBEST name for a pay per view. But check out the ad for the PPV. That knife weilding groundhog had me laughing for 10 minutes straight, and is now the wallpaper on my droid.
Seriously.
Ok, kids, thats it for this week. A new column wilk drop next week, with the next Power 50 (now with no Uncensored!) Dropping February 2.
Until then. I got my DVR and notebook at he ready.
POLLA OUT!
Dan Pollaski is the former manager of the WhirlyBirdz VHS, and a columnist for wfwa-online.com. He can be reached via email at pollaski@gmail.com. He also wants the two hours he spent watching Uncensored shows back.
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