Issue #3- January 26, 2010

Hey kids!

Okay, before we go any further, you wont be seeing anything about Appalachian Wrestlings Gold Rush PPV, or the World Title Match. Unfortunately, Chance Wolfington wasnt quite satisfed with the buy rates, and hes hoping that holding off an analysis of the event might pique a few more curiosity buys for the replays. I will say it was an amazing show and to check it out when you get the chance.

Anyways, I am writing this from the beautiful and jubilant city of Indianapolis, Indiana! I was in Chicago last night, so I figured why not swing down and see my good friends Terrence and Wendy!

For those of you who have been wondering, the former 2x World Tag Team Champions are living happily here in Indy. Terrence is looking forward to racing season again, and he is set to return for his 4th season on the ASA circuit driving, what else, car #38! Wendy is the executive director of the Marion County Community Theater, and is hard at work preparing for their next performance, Annie Get Your Gun! The Birdz have a three year old daughter named Theresa, an absolutely delightful little girl who seems to have gotten her fathers brown hair, her mothers green eyes, and a great deal of energy from the both of them!

Both Birdz also want me to let the world know that there is no way in hell Peyton Manning is losing to Drew Brees.

It hasnt been a 100% comfortable evening, however, as the Birdz apparently have read Angus Skaalands blog, and they are not happy! No, they dont think Skaalands a worthless piece of shit... THEY BELIEVED HIM! And now they think I owe them T-shirt royalties!

Thanks, Cocklaand, thats just what I need.

However, Angus Skaaland isnt the only WWA name to have something to say about my column. Several WWA superstars dropped me a line about what they thought of the Power 50! Even better... Jimmy Ryley (#37) wasnt one of them!

Well start off with none other than the HOW ICON champion, Maximillian Kael! (#3)

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Your PARAGON, HOW ICON Champion, looks to top your list eventually. I understand that you love me, you have no reason to pretend to hate me.
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Cant really argue with that, but I gotta take Max Kael to task here. Why the HELL are you rolling a five pound ball when you go bowling? I mean, what, are you a six year old girl? Be a man...

Then again... if you'd have done that, Mark O'Neal WOULDNT be a man anymore. So.... how bout that date with your cousin?

Next up is Jake Donovan (#32), rising star in the AW.

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I am honored, truly honored to make the power 50 after my debut match in AW. To have such recognition makes the move from Japan back home to the states truly rewarding. In regards to the events after my match, I just want it known that after being rescued by the calvary from the renegade forces of Defiance Wrestling, I've pledge to be right there with the AW forces whenever Defiance dares stick their noses in AW buisness again and if it takes going over there to prove to Defiance that they do NOT own this allaince, then I will be there with the rest of the AW roster looking to drop any one of those bastards on thier heads. I only hope I can do my mentor proud. I know if he were still with us today, he'd be out there leading the charge to ride the WWA of such scum.
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Wow.... paragraphs Jakey... and spell check.

I appreciate the comments though, and its nice that we do have some people in this alliance willing to fight off these Defiance, well, to quote my homeboy Ricky Taverna, "cumstains".

I actually became a little more acquainted with young Mr. Donovan over the weekend, when he got into a spot of trouble with the law (read: arrested by the Defiance security crew). I was all too happy to bail him out, of course-- with Mr. Wolfington's money.

Next up, Adrien Cochrane (#13)

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Haven't lost a match since November and I'm still loser of the week.

And for the record, I didn't just join the Bandits for protection. :P

Love and bullets, Adrien C
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1. Change "November" to "January 20"

2. Yes, you did.

3. Please dont give me love or bullets.

Just kidding, AC, you know I love ya. Keep fighting the good fight.

And last, and most definitely, utterly, beyond a shadow of a doubt least, we have Chris Cannon (#22)

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Yet another snub by a lame and unprofessional journalist...

Or should I say "Blogger". The day that you actually matter as a respected writer is the day that Adrien Cochrane becomes the WWA World Champion.

You know, I go by these sites just to laugh at the comments I receive and shake my head at idiots who think they know it all

You cut the cake of idiots who know absolutely nothing

Blog fail
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I mean like... what the hell. The ferocity of Cannons remarks lead me to three conclusions.

A. PMS
B. The UN imposed sanctions on Cannonada again.
C. He's nervous about his upcoming World Title shot.

Since Cannonada and the world title shot aren't, technically, real, we're going to go with choice "A".

Since when the hell was ranking a guy #22 a snub? You know how many people woulda killed to be #22? Look at the Power 50. Theres 28 of them on that list, and about fifty who didnt even make the goddamn thing at all.

As far as knowing everything... I dont. But I sure as hell know more than you.

Whining sesson- epic fail.

Still, thanks to everyone who sent comments. Keep em coming!

I got one more response, but from the credit I'm getting, you sure wouldn't know it.

See, in my column last week, I mentioned that WMW was making quite a gamble by sending Valora (#11) to DREAM for the Caged Hell match, with the argument that exposing their main champion like this puts the fed's credibility in jeopardy.

Two days later, (inferior) WMW blogger Jane Coughlin announces goodbye Valora, hello Kronin (#16).

Youre welcome, Wrestling Midwest. How about naming an arena after me? I mean, if Erites "lookie, I beat Ethan Cavanaugh!" Kallisten gets one, why not me?

And now, for some people wbo shoulda listened to me. Meet the Maurako family. Matteo, Mario, Mosé (#35), and... someone else... but I'm sure his name starts with M. Anyways, last week I gave my props to the family (and very nearly the douchebag of the week award), but consented only to put Mosé in the P-50. This week comes around, and the Maurakos come out against Twisted Reality...

... no Mosé.

And hunh. No win either. Let that be a lesson to you.

Okay... I've been trying to downplay this but...

Did you guys freaking see me on television? I was awesome! Of course, I was only at the PWX show to announce them as our newest member, but I had fun. Not to mention I was treated to a pretty damn good show, with the Revolution Rules, Graves-Pariah, and the main event all being standouts.

To my surprise, Terrence and Wendy watched the show as well, and they also enjoyed it. Wendy told me that she was especially impressed with the new Next Generation Champion Valerie Belmont. I guess she finds a kindrid spirit in fiery redheads who can hang with the guys, but Mrs. Belmont can now count the 3-time World Cruiserweight Champion amongst her growing legion of fans.

They also told me they didnt see a damn bit of the stretcher match that took place. Shame too, cause that thing was BRUTAL. Terrence says that PWX better re-air it! Wendy wasnt nearly as keen.

I also got to see a returning face last night. Brad Jackson, former WWA World Heavyweight Champion, is once again back in the alliance, having sailed in on the PWX ship. Welcome back, Brad!

Of course, PWX wasnt the only incoming asset to the alliance this week. Missouri Valley Wrestling enters into our "everything midwestern that isnt Illinois, Indiana, or Ohio" region.

Theres just something funny about the roster make-up. I cant quite put my finger on it though.

Just kidding, I'm not that dense. MVW is an all female fed, but dont let that fool you, some of these chicas are TOUGH. I have no doubt in my mind that the MVW can hang with our other regions.

I do have one issue here, though. Wheres the love for the Left Coast? The WWA used to dominate the Wild Wild West, with such great feds as the Wx3, Silver State Wrestling, and PNW. Now... nunca? Throw some love to the Wesside!

Well, a little bit of love is coming, with the Tag Wars, coming out of Las Vegas. The details of he first show just dropped his afternoon, so I havent had time too look at it, but you can bet the Wars will recieve some coverage next week!

Did I mention itll be Power 50 time again, too? Just making sure.

But back to my smiling visage on the televison screen. If you missed me at PWX, this Saturday you can catch me hanging out at the DREAM pay per view. This is an absolutely LOADED show, chock full of wrestling goodness.

The most talked about match heading in has got to be the Caged Hell match. Now, unfortunately, our two new regions dont seem to be sending anyone, but the other five, well, game on. In case you forgot...

Appalachian- CRIP
Defiance- Joe Drago (#24)
DREAM- Adrien Cochrane
High-Octane- Ryan Faze
Wrestling Midwest- Kronin

Now, Im not sure about Ryan Faze, as the ABS standout is coming out of a severe injury. To make things worse, he was blindsided by CRIP, over at the last HOW show. However, if Ryan is healthy, CRIP better watch out, or he might be BLOODed up real quick!

Sorry. That was horrid.

For the record, I'm going to go with Joe Drago to win this. After coming off a bullshit loss to Jimmy Kort this week, I think Joe is going to be one pissed off mofo.

Then, there is the main event, with Cancer Jiles (#6) and Doozer (#12) squaring off title for title. Now, Ive already predicted Jiles to win this, but the big question will be, do the Bandits come out of this still friends and partners? I know firsthand the strain facing a partner can put on a tag team, and the bond there today may be shattered tomorrow (see Rage, Pharaohs of, how they won the WWA tag titles).


One more noteworthy match on the card. Mike Polowy will face Talon to settle his contract dispute. Polowy wants out of DREAM, but the powers that be aren't so willing to let him go. If Polowy loses, hes bonded to DREAM for life! Hope Polowy remembers how to wrestle, because this is one match he can NOT throw!

Meanwhile, in Defiance this week, the brewing interfed war that Eric Dane kindled has been picking up. Or at least its been trying to. My opinion on the "Civil War" can be summed up in one eloquent sentence.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Seriously. Eggings? Shitting on a desk? Whipped cream? Awful waffles? (and dont even get me started on how Aaron Vasquez (#4) managed to watch Nickelodeon while growing up gangsta on the streets of New York).

When the fuck did a war for control of the greatest alliance in wrestling history turn into the rush-week prank off? If I want that shit, I'll hang out with the Faze brothers.

Well, theres two people out there who at least still remember how to fight. I'm talking about Aceldama (#5) and Frank Dylan James. If you saw the end of Defiance, you saw these two men damn near tear the house down. It ended only when Aceldama lit the merchandise table on fire, and put that fat hillbilly lout through it. The best part was Angus crying. "Cut the feed! Cut the feed mommy! I dont wanna watch anymore!"

Fuck you Skaaland.

At least there was no cutting the feed on Monday Night, when Aceldama once again pummeled FDJ into unconsciousness. Actually, I was surprised there was a knockout, I figured James didnt have enough brain cells left to actually get hurt. Maybe the alcohol poisoning finally caught up with him.

Whats that now? HOW 6, Defiance 1? Maybe we should all stick to the pranks.

Actually, though, I found the HOFC card on the disappointing side. Maybe I approached it wrong. I tuned in to watch an MMA show, and I ended up getting a wrestling show that tried to pretend to be an MMA show. It was a noble attempt on HOWs part, but I think the concept was better than the execution. On a positive note, I have decided that the HOFC matches WILL count towards the Power 50.

Of course, that means Ill have to watch HOFC 2, so bittersweet.

Meanwhile, seemingly rising above the clusterfuck this alliance is becoming, sits Wrestling Midwest. Come on guys... the waters great!

Well, That Damn Awesome is becoming just that, as this stable is starting to run over all the competion. Valora, Umbrage (#33), Adam Pyre, and AWS Man (Im not saying the rest), stand at the threshold of turning Ohio into their own personal playground.

And two weeks ago I was saying that about the Daughters of Darkness. The momentum shifts here worse than a Browns playoff game.

You know, back when they happened.

This week, TDA faces two Daughters, along with Kronin and Ryven (#28). A win here, and they almost certainly have the WMW on the run.

Meanwhile, the Daughters of Darkness have their own problems. Drucilla (#30) faces off in a 3 on 1 handicapped against the Knight clan (cause those one on ones sure havent been working out for poor Damien). And are Amariie and Jade (#14) getting along yet?

Then, of course there's Father Nathan (#40), who last week vowed the destruction of the DoD. One problem.

Five daughters.
One Father.

Its like King Lear. But with ropes and turnbuckles.

Ive never believed God got involved in pro wrestling, but maybe Nathans got something here. At the very least, he might join TDA. Shit... I would pay to see that.

Whew... finally time to hand out some rewards.

MATCH OF THE WEEK
TAG TEAM MATCH: Southern Hospitality vs. The Foreshadowing
As much as I (deservedly) rag on Defiance, they have some tremendous matches. This was no exception, as both teams fought bitterly in a fast paced match. In the end, The Foreshadowing picked up the close win.

WINNER OF THE WEEK
Dawn McGill

Last week was a costume party for Miss McGill, as she got engaged to a guy in a parmilitary uniform, then lost to a guy dressed like a snake.

This week, McGill seemed to be about the accessories. Belts, to be exact. Two of them. First she stunned Tim Shipley to win the LSD Title in HOW, then she and partner Jackie Daniels beat the Angels of Death (the MVW tag team, not the AW wrestler... fuck thats gonna get confusing), to win the MVW tag belts.

Even better, the win came when former buddy Miss USA tried to take her out with a Patriot Missile, and Angel Casey got shoved in the way. Hows that for a good night?

LOSER OF THE WEEK
Michael DeNucci (#38)

So DeNucci practically threatened Mike Best to get him in a match against Kirsta Lewis, and then loses in 48 seconds? Ouch ouch ouch. Yeah, next time make sure the mike is on before you enter the ring, dumbass.

Then, to make things worse, he loses to Christopher America at HOFC, so now hes title less. Thats a bad week.


DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
David Black (#45)

As much as I like David Black, the shit he pulled on Tim Shipley (#21) about Roxie kissing Graystone (#18) was just a little uncool. I mean, if you watched it, it was a very platonic "thank you for not killing my boyfriend" peck on the cheek. But, it drove Shipley to pretty much murder Graystone.

Or did it?

Well, the way i see it, we have two suspects in the Graystone incident. First is Shipley, who at least thought he had a good motive. The second is Cobra, who claims he didnt do it (because hes just so trustworthy) But whvt the hell was a guy who wrestles in Dixie doing in Illinois on a night he didnt have a match?

Strange doings indeed, but Im sure itll all get sorted out.

I was going to start a new award, the clueless dipshit of the week, but I figured Bobby Dean would win it every week, so no bother.

By the way, check out the segment with Dean, Josias Solaine (#17), Bronson Box (#8), and Kazuma Fujita on the last Defiance show. You'll laugh your ass off.

So finalky, a special award.

THE ALEXANDERS TERRIBLE HORRIBLE AWFUL NO GOOD VERY BAD DAY AWARD
Wild

Lets sum up Wild's night at PWX's New Horizons, shall we?

1. Came out for inferno match against Jeremiah Belmont
2. Wrestled inferno match against Jeremiah Belmont
3. During match with Jeremiah Belmont, somehow managed to get himself atop the video screen
4. Doused in gasoline by Jeremiah Belmont
5. Set on fire by Jeremiah Belmont, effectively
6. Losing his match against Jeremiah Belmont
7. Thrown off video screen by Jeremiah Belmont
8. To crash through the stage below.

I dont care what kind of day you had, it wasnt worse than that

Terrence would like to point out that this is why he wrestled in a flame retardant racesuit. Cause that would have done him any good.

Okay kids, Ill be back home in The Berg on February 3rd, with an all new column.

Oh, and power 50. Look for MVW and PWX to represent better than Uncensored ever did

Until then

POLLA.......

OUT!




Daniel Pollaski is the former manager of the WhirlyBirdz and a columnist for wfwa-online.com. He will be submitting his resume to become commissioner of the babe fed tomorrow