Issue #2- January 18, 2010

Hey kids.

Are you ready?

After DVRing , watching, and filling out my notebook with 12 WWA shows (including the WMW one NOBODY BOTHERED TO TELL ME ABOUT), I have inally finished my first list of the top 50 wrestlers this alliance has to offer.

Are you on it?

Okay, here are the rules for eligibility in this weeks Power 50.

1. You must have competed in a match in a WWA sanctioned region in 2010.
2. Due to AW's limited schedule this month, merely appearing at the autograph session on Jan. 1 gains eligibility.

Thats it.

In the future, eligibility rules will be-

1. Wrestlers in the Power 50 who have competed in the last two rankings cycles (4 weeks).
2. Wrestlers not in the Power 50 who have competed in the last rankings cycle (2 weeks)
3. Any exceptions that I choose to make at my discretion. This is MY column after all.

And finally, a couple more notes.
- Rankings are based entirely on my subjective opinion. I look at in-rin performance, quality of opponents, crowd approval/heat, and overall a wrestlers ability to distinguish themselves from the rest of the alliance.

-This is a singles only system. For the purpose of tag teams, each member is analyzed on an individual basis.

That being said, Saturday night, I combed my notebook, and made a list of all WWA wrestlers eligible for Power 50 consideration.

114.

I shit you not.

So after crying myself to sleep that night, I underwent the arduous task of trimming 64 wrestlers off this list. Needless to say, some decent names got left off, so, here's a list of wrestlers who garnered serious Power 50 consideration, but couldnt make the cut.

They are the Power Fif-DENIED.
Because I'm clever like that.

So without further ado, in no particular order

Abbie Miller (UC)
B.R. ELLIS (DREAM)
ADAM PYRE (WMW)
BOBBY DEAN (DEF)
GRIMOIRE (DREAM)
GRAS-DAWG (WMW)
RYAN FAZE (HOW)
GRIFFIN FAZE (HOW)
MIKE POLOWY (DREAM/HOW)
JUSTIN BROOKS (DEF)
CHRISTOPHER AMERICA (HOW)
NICK RIVERS (AW)
LEON BOOTH (DEF)

Sorry kids. Next issue is February 2nd, so plenty of time to work your way on.

Now, as my homeboy Bruce Buffer likes to say...

IIIIIIIITSS... TIME!!!!

Take a deep breath, kids.

Lets count 'em down!

50. MURU (DREAM)- Never mindin that his ring tights make him look like a cow (Moo-Ru?), this newcomer pulled off an impressive win in the TV title tournament. But can he get by Paradine?

49. JOHNNY LIGHTNING (DEF) *WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Already buying in to that life-long Team Danger mentality- why earn it when someone can just give it to you?

48. JIMMY KORT (DEF)- Results-wise, a no contest while on the dominant team in a handicapped match is a step up. Truthfully, if his chemistry with Justin Brooks clicks, both these men will rocket up the ladder.

47. TERRY SPRUHEN (DREAM)- Terry and partner Jared had a big letdown Wednesday night. Now the Grady's need to hold serve against the Maverick Express.

46. CASEY PIERRO-ZABOTEL (DREAM)- Scored an impressive win over Mike Polowy, but what was up with Polowy's "injury"? Charlie Blackwell will be a much tougher test.

45. DAVID BLACK (HOW)- So, uh... what DID he do with Roxie's panties?

44. THE SAM SKULL (DEF)- Big win for Skull in the newcomer 4-way, now he needs to keep it going in the eight man atomicos match. It'll be tough- his team is weaker by far.

43. VINCE WEBB, JR. (DEF)- I remember back in 2002 whe the Mid-South Syndicate wreaked havoc from California to Louisiana. Eight years later, the new generation seems to be carryin on the legacy.

42. NICK JOURNEY (AW)- I'm not quite sure I understand how the Gold Rush is exactly going down, but I dont need to to tell you that Journey has definite dark horse potential.

41. DARK (DREAM)- The Chicken Chokers missed a golden opportunity last week, but they do get a chance at a modicom of redemption his week as Dark takes on Doozer. The way the Egg Bandits are, a win is very possible.

40. FATHER NATHAN (WMW)- This man of the cloth might just have a prayer of taking Jade's shoot title.

39. KIRSTA LEWIS (HOW)- "The Hellcat" gets what she wants, a showdown against...

38. MICHAEL DENUCCI (HOW) *HOW HOFC CHAMPION*- But even with Christopher America refereeing, Lewis might have bitten off more than she chew.

37. JIMMY RYLEY (DREAM)- Yes, against my better judgement, Jimmy has a spot in the Power 50. I guarantee that in six months, I will look back on this and winder just what in the hell I was thinking.

36. MYSTIC (UC)- Just when I write a nice little bit about females gaining respect in wrestling, Uncensored just has to go and break out the dildos.

35. MOSÉ MAURAKO (HOW)- Right now, Mosé is the only Maurako in the P50, but within the next couple months, theres a good chance the whole freakin' family might be here.

34. STEPHEN GREER (DEF) *WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Greer's a top 15 talent thats been in a bit of a slump, but dont think the King of Pain will be down here long. Then again, with Johnny Lightning as his partner...

33. UMBRAGE (WMW)- Not a bad 2010 debut, teaming with Valora to down the Daughters of Darkness. Looks like a WMW tag title shot is next!

32. JAKE DONOVAN (AW)- Young, energetic, talented, and a protege of the late, great Ulfric. What's not to like abiut this guy?

31. DAVID K. SLAM II (UC)- He quietly netted himself a couple victories to start the year, but with all the pot, does he even remember them in the morning?

30. DRUSCILLA (WMW) *WMW ACE SUPERIOR CHAMPION*- Seriously... a ten minute time limit in the main event? Boo, WMW, boo!

29. CHRIS BLADEZ (DREAM)- Yo, Chris! Any way I can get in on your March Madness pool?

28. RYVEN (WMW)- *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Been a rough start of the year for Ryven. He better get it together when Valora and Umbrage come calling.

27. NATHAN PARADINE (DREAM)- Muru looms next on his target list, no way he wants to go down to a rookie for a second time in three weeks.

26. JXD (UC)- Um, dont burn this guy in effigy. You'll probably end up regretting it.

Whoo... halfway home! Lets keep on truckin!

25. ANGEL OF DEATH (AW)- One of the exceptions to the "compete in 2010 rule, AoD goes for, and by my count, wins the Atlantic Coast title next week.

24. JOE DRAGO (DEF)- Despite having a bonafide idiot for a manager, Drago has started to garner some momentum. A win at the Caged Hell match in DREAM will put him on everybody's radar.

23. HECATE (WMW)- *WMW HEARTLANDS CHAMPION*- So did Damien Knight pony up $10k for this match too? If so, our Greek Goddess might be hauling in some bling!

22. CHRIS CANNON (AW)- I'll give him his credit in the wrestlin department, but the only state this guys the head of is Denial.

21. SCOTTYWOOD (HOW) *HOW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Despite his obvious lack of intellect in the energy drink department (Monster Khaos, baby!), I'm starting to like this guy. Shame Lee made him strip Frankie of the title.

20. TIM SHIPLEY (HOW)- *HOW LSD CHAMPION- Wow, that was a quick injury recovery. He hung with Max Kael and Aceldama in the cage, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. But that Graystone match was UG-LY!

19. CHARLIE BLACKWELL (DREAM)- Well, whaya know? Our nervous little newcomers gotten himself a pair of nice wins, a probable spot in he TV tournament semifinals, and a top 20 ranking.

18. GRAYSTONE (HOW)- Still not quite sure what to make of this guy. He seems almost Top 5 calibur, but I can just as easily see him sliding on out of here.

17. JOSIAS SOLAINE (DEF)- The plucky Hatian Redemption is riding high in 2010, but can he maintain focus after rhe events in his homeland this week.

On a side note, most of you have heard about the massive earthquake that struck Haiti this week. Between rampant poverty and a blatantly corrupt government, the Haitian people have been hard pressed for survival even before this horrible catastrophe. Please keep the Haitians in your prayers, and if you can afford to donate anything to help this desperate population, I would encourage you to do so.

Sorry, didnt mean to preach. Where was I?

16. KRONIN (WMW) *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Looks like hes going to be seeing a lot of Valora in the coming months- she going after his title his week, and an iron match for her title somewhere down the road.

15. SCAVENGER (UC)- *UNCENSORED PRIMO CHAMPION*- Surprising loss to Slam this week, he'd be top 10 otherwise.

14. JADE (WMW) *WMW SHOOT CHAMPION*- This deadly Chinese dragon is the newest member of the Daughters of Darkness, and is quickly becoming its best. But will growing tension between her and Amariie tear this group apart?

13. ADRIEN COCHRANE (AW/DREAM)- He looks the favorite to win the DREAM TV championship- if he stays healthy. See below for more details.

12. DOOZER (DREAM) *DREAM CHAMPION*; *DREAM TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- The first Egg Bandit to appear on this countdown, so I bet you can telk who I'm picking at Scrambled Dreams. Sorry, Dooze.

11. VALORA (WMW)- *WMW GREAT LAKES CHAMPION*- In my opinion, Wrestling Midwest is taking a huge risk by sending their top girl to DREAM. She'll be the only regional champion competin in the Caged Hell match, and if she's overclassed, thats a bad image for our Ohio region. Hecate, Jade, Kronin, or Ryven would have been safer choice.

Whew! Top 10!

10. D.R. KONGO (DEF)- Lost last week, then watched his friend get punked by Jimmy Kort and Justin Brooks. Honestly, I'm afraid of what this guys gonna do.

9. SIMON SPARROW (HOW)- Good win over Justin Decent (Ha! I just got that!), but Aceldama WRECKED him after the show. Worse, his #1 contendership is gone!

8. BRONSON BOX (DEF)- HUGE win over Kongo last week. This Scotsman might just now be the Champion's Carnival favorite. Bully!

7. WILL RIDGE (UC) *UNCENSORED BANNED CHAMPION*- The over the top cliched "Charlie Manson is my hero" mannerisms aside... THIS GUY IS NUTS! And mean... and dangerous... and brutal... and all kinds of bad things.

6. CANCER JILES (DREAM) *DREAM YOU CALL IT CHAMPION*;*DREAM TAG TEAM CHAMPION*;*HOW TAG TEAM CHAMPION*- Wow, CCJ is wheeling in the gold! After being appointed Scottywood's partner by Mike Best, that brings Mr. Cool's shiny total to 3. The record (by my recollection) for most titles at once is four, held by James "Double Oh" Keiler back in 2004.

5. ACELDAMA (HOW) *HOW CHAMPION*- Aceldamas jumping right into things here in the WWA, calling out Eric Dane. Of course... Dane's such a gimp right now I could probably take him. But A for effort. PS- He should give the #1 contenders contract to David Black. Just trust me on this.

4. AARON VASQUEZ (DEF)- I'm calling it now... at some point in 2010, this guys winnin the world championship.

3. MAX KAEL (HOW) *HOW ICON CHAMPION*- I.... WANT to hate this guy so very badly. But... I... cant. Maybe I'll get a date with his cousin for saying that.

2. COBRA (DEF)- Time for one more prediction. January 25, 2010: Jormegund (or whatever) reigns supreme.

1. JACK AMETHYST (AW) *WORLD CHAMPION*- Look, I respect the hell out of Amethyst, but this man is just to battered and broken to win. Then again, if anyone's gonna win a World Title match with a broken arm, its Jack.

There! Done!

If you have a problem with these rankings, fuck off. Yiu can always prove me wrong in the ring.

However, I would always love questions or comments from all. Again, 3 ways to hit me up.

1. Leave a comment on my blog below.
2. Email (pollaski@gmail.com)
3. Private message @ WWA headquarters (address it to pollaski)

Stick around, kids. 3 more short orders of business here.

Earlier in the article, I criticized WMW for sending Valora, their champion, to compete in the Caged Hell match at Scrambled Dreams. I do believe that this needlessly places the reputation of WMW at risk. That being said... its a hell of a gutsy call by Valora and WMW management. Sooner or later every regional champion will have to prove themselves at an alliance wide level, I just think its too early to be doing so.

That being said,I'm rather disappointed Uncensored.has declined to send a delagate to this all important contest. If they want to be in this alliance and get noticed as such...

Wait... hang on, I'm getting breakng news here.

Well great. I just got word that as I'M FUCKING WRITING THIS that Uncensored has broken ties with the World Wrestling Alliance. I wish them well in all future endeavors, yada, yada, yada.

Well guess what... I'M NOT RE-DOING THIS FREAKING COLUMN! We'll leave the Uncensored people in as a lasting tribute to their memory, or my laziness, or something.

Alright, on to unpleasant bit of business #2.

I've invited everyone to shoot me comments and I'm happy to say that so far I've received a grand total of two.

Cancer Jiles said my last column was "prerty sweet, homie!" Thanks Cancer!

Now, onto Jimmy Ryley. Boy oh boy. In case you forgot, DREAMS little reject had this to say...

--------------------------------
Jimmy Riley said... Look, I get it, you've been in a cave for...uh, long enough that you're talking about ancient history like it still matters, but I assure you. My "Stop the WWA Coalition" will be in full force in no time, and the Egg Bandits are going to not only explode in yolky goodness when those Defiance guys show up, they're going to explode...when they have to face each other!
-------—--------------

I should point out that our little genius said this on January 13 at 8:00 pm pacific. Just a few hours earlier, this "Stop the WWA coalition", consisting entirely of himself, was ran out, in full force, by a group of teenagers!

I know Jimmy Ryley thinks he's awesome now because he beat Psymon in the third match on the card, and that's adorable. But since i use big words like "consisting" and "teenager", this column is really geared to a more intelligent crowd. So please, everyone. Leave comments. Send emails. Anything to give me an excuse to ignore this idiot!

One moe thing on Mister Ryley- why is he so obsessed with Defiance? Hes not on the roster. He hasnt been booked. Hell, I called Defiance offices (ugh)... THEY NEVER EVEN HEARD OF HIM! Yes, kids, Jimmy Ryley is spending hours and hours trying to promote a fed that wants nothing to do with him.

Speaking of Defiance, Angus Skankland had some choice words for me in his blog. Go check it out if your either bored or you havent gotten your proper FDA recommended daily allowance of bullshit yet.

All I'll say is this. If Angus, or Dane, or Frank Redneck Wright or whover wants me to go down south and tell them to their face what I think about their little "rebellion".

Youre paying for plane tickets, lodging, and food. Good food. Im not flying 2000 miles to eat grits out.of.a.goddamned roach coach.

Or just meet me in Florida on January 31. Ill be hitting up the pro bowl, then Scrambled Dreams

Finally, time for my weekly awards.

MATCH OF THE WEEK
Of the five WWA shows released this week- three: Defiance, Graveyard Shift, and Turmoil, ended in draws
Defiance and WMW both saw their main events end on ten minte time limit draws. Lame. Turmoil, however ended with an exciting cage match that only ended when all three men simultaneously leaving the cage and hitting the floor. As a result, Max Kael retained his Icon title over Aceldama and Tim Shipley, but all three men get credit for such a great match.

WINNER OF THE WEEK.
Johnny Lightning was coming off a loss to Josias Solaine, had a whopping 1 point in the Champions Carnival, and was probably about to be Jim Mora'd by Eric Dane. Next thing he knows, hes Greer's tag partner and half the World Tag Champions. Not a bad day.

LOSER OF THE WEEK
If our Winner of the Week won without winning a match, its only fair the loser of the week... well... lose without actually losing a match. In this case, Adrien Cochrane, who just joined with the Egg Bandits for protection. Now, the other two bandits, after egging both Eric Dane's arena and car, are facing off in a match that might just tear them apart. Thats leaving poor Adrien just a little bit exposed.

So of course, enter Kongo and Vasquez, on Danes specific orders to take Adriens testicles, place them in a wafle cone, and add sprinkles.

So basically, if they catch Adrien... ouch.

Big Ouch.

At least whenever Cochrane wins a title from then on out, hell be known as the first castradi champion!

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
Were changing this one up here. Originally, it was to go to Mario Maurako, for his absolutely shameless mind-fucking of poor Bobbinette Carey

Instead, were gonna give it to Uncensored president Effing Holmes. Or Spyder Gainey. Or whoevers runnin the show over there. Way to be team players!

And finally, a special award.

BEST. FUCKING. PICTURE. EVER.
I will be the first to say that Groundhog Slay is the DUMBEST name for a pay per view. But check out the ad for the PPV. That knife weilding groundhog had me laughing for 10 minutes straight, and is now the wallpaper on my droid.

Seriously.

Ok, kids, thats it for this week. A new column wilk drop next week, with the next Power 50 (now with no Uncensored!) Dropping February 2.

Until then. I got my DVR and notebook at he ready.

POLLA OUT!

Dan Pollaski is the former manager of the WhirlyBirdz VHS, and a columnist for wfwa-online.com. He can be reached via email at pollaski@gmail.com. He also wants the two hours he spent watching Uncensored shows back.