Issue #1- January 11, 2010

POLLA TO THE PEOPLE ISSUE #001

Hey kids.

Surprised to see me again?

Well, yours truly was sitting at home, chillaxing and wondering how to spend all the new dinero I was getting for writing this WWA column, when an unfortunate reality set in.

Rent wasn't gonna wait until the 18th when the inagural Power 50 hit the stands and changed the WWA (not to mention my financial situation) forever.

So I did what any self-respecting American male would do. I called up my mom and asked for a loan.

No dice there. Thanks, Ma Pollaski!

So I called Chance Wolfington and asked for a payday advance. Mr. Wolfington told me, in much more eloquent terms, to go fuck myself. Gee, what a standuo guy. So I explained my situation, and Mr. Wolfington told me, with an amount of sympathy best quantified as "the number of brain cells in Chris Cannon's skull", told me that if I wanted more money, I needed to increase my work output.

So now I'm doing a weekly column instead of a biweekly one. I'll still be doing the power 50 every other week, as planned, but in between you'll get my fabulous insights on the overall workings of the alliance.

I actually didn't plan on paying too much attention to the shows thiss week,, given that A. Football was on, and B. I had a whole nother week to watch everything. But then two critical twists unfolded.

1. The aforementioned rent crisis
2. The football games kinda sucked.

So instead of watching the Dallas Cowboys pull down their pants and piss all over the carcass of the Eagles, I watched hit WWA action. Well, hotter than a 34-14 romp,, which isn't saying much.

Goddamn I miss the Seahawks.

Every fed in the alliance shot out a show this week (except for, of course, Defiance, who would rather ruin other promotions shows than actually make one of their own.

So I went out and splurged on a spiffy new notebook so I can write my thoughts as I watch the shows, and already its filling up. Hell, DREAM's Slaughter XXXI took up 5 pages alone. And after writing "Cancer Jiles" seventeen times, I can only conclude that his parents named him that out of hatred.

That being said, Jiles and his partner Doozer seem to have quite the racket going in DREAM. Both men hold he the singles belts the region has to offer, and combined, the Egg Bandits make up the DREAM tag team champions. So until this upcoming Television Championship gets decided, the EGG bandits hold EVERY title DREAM has to offer. Thats what I call a stranglehold!

Speaking of the Television Championship tournament, here's a math lesson for the guy who's booking the DREAM matches.

You have 7 first round matches, you have two wrestlers getting first round byes. That makes 9.

Why not make Force and Bishop Steele face each other, then you can have a nice, even sixteen man tournament? Or did I just fucking blow your mind?

Still, DREAM seems to be doing some good things. The upcoming three-way tag title match looks quite promising. You gotta think the Egg Bandits dug their own graves here. They were basically given carte blanche to choose their opponients, but instead of coming to a consensus on whether the Chicken Chokers or the Grady Bunch got the win, they decked both teams and let the match end in a no contest. Now they get to face both teams. If I managed the Grady's or the chokers, I would ally those teams to take out the Egg Bandits first, then decide the matter between ourselves. But I'm smart like that.

Of course, the Bandits do have an ace of their own in their hand- Adrien Cochrane, who has joined forces with the Bandits for protection.

And it looks like he's gonna need some.

If anyone saw AW's autograph session go down, you'd know that Cochrane was basically ran out the door by Aaron Vazquez and D.R. Kongo. Now, I'm not calling Cochrane a bitch here, and I know that if Vazquez and Kongk asked me to give up my seat, I would definitely consider the long-term health benefits of taking a walk. But inacticvity is just going to make these Defiance thugs think they can do anything without repercussions.

Cochrane did come back though, newfound friends in tow, so he did manage to save some face in the end. Does the appearance of the Egg Bandits mean that DREAM is allying themselves with AW? Not if Jimmy Ryley gets his way! Unfortunately, no one cares about Jimmy Ryley, so he won't.

The biggest question on AW's mind right now is what is up with Jack Amethyst? I mean, the WWA World Champion is nursing a broken arm, and yet, he's still fighting. Hell, during the AW-Defiance showdown at the end of the autograph session, absolutely NO ONE wanted a part of this nut!

Amethyst's willingness to fight through his injury shows in stark contrast to Tyrone Walker, who is out indefinitely.after receiving a boo-boo on his head. Of course, this means Team Danger geys to stall defending the tag titles AGAIN. Some thing just never change.

Still, when push comes to shove, (or worse, when Cobra comes to town on January 25) can the champ pull out a win with only three of his limbs functioning? Guts can only get you so far, and I have a feeling the World Heavyweight Title might be heading to Defiance in three weeks.

As far as Defiance goes, they remain the only organization to have not yet held a show in 2010. Who knows why, I guess interfereing in the AW show on the first sapped the talent's stregnth. I will say that the Champions Carnival is one interesting thing Defiance has going for it. Round 3 goes down Wednesday, so if you can sit through all of Eric Dane and Angus Skaaland's bullshit, give it a look.

Of course, the Champions Carnival pales in comparison to the behemoth known as the Lee Best Invitational, running in HOW from now until mid-March. The first round of the group stage is still going on, so give it a look on Thursdays.

The only thing I can't quite get is why HOW is sticking with the name. Its no secret that Lee Best is pretty much exiled from the HOW establishment, so why brother Mike allows his name to stay on one of wrestling's most prestigious tournaments is beyond me. As far as Lee goes, his criminal trial looms this week, and he seems to have absolutely zero support from the locker room. Only Max Kael seems to miss him, and lets face it, if Max Kael likes you, you're probably going to hell.

One other eyegrabber from Turmoil this week was the return of Graystone. Now I, of course, did not follow HOW in 2009, but sources tell me that Graystone was one badass MoFo. So I'm quite diappointed about how Graystone's match against Tim Shipley played out.

FORFEIT? You kidding me?

Obviously, I'm all for respect and sportsmanship, but COME ON! At least pin the motherfucker instead of letting his girlfriend throw in the towel! I'll give Shipley credit for trying to competee hurt, but when you step in those ropes, its no quarter, and this sappy display could hurt both men's careers. Graystone needs to find himself a happy medium- somewhere between monster and teddy bear.

Now, next week, get ready for one doozy of a brawl as all three HOW singles champions square off inside a steel cage. Not sure what exactly is up for grabs here, but my money is on Aceldama. I LIKE this guy- and I haven't even seen hom wrestle yet! Guess I just have a soft spot for guys who want to kick Eric Dane's ass


On the other side of the Hoosier state from HOW sits our Ohio fed, WMW (and I stil keep thinking that stands for White Mountain Wrestling) WMW just put out the first PPV of 2010, Blizzard. The #1 story coming out of Blizzard '10 has to be the domination of the Daughters of Darkness. The three Midwest secondary singles titles all belong to the DoD, as Hecate and Jade retained their titles, and Druscilla netted herself the Ace Superior Championship (and was one lucky draw away from getting the region's top belt). Not a bad night's work for the stable.

Even with an obvious schism growing in the ranks (specifically between Jade and Amariie), this deadly gang of sirens seem poised for big things in 2010.

On that note, I don't think I've ever seen this many females capable of competing on an alliance level. Not only are the Daughters of Darkness finding success, but another woman, Valora, now holds WMW's top prize. Add in HOW/UC's Kirsta Lewis and uncensored's, Mystic and more and more ladies are proving they can hang with the boys. I'm sure pioneers Black Widow, Wendy Briese, and Misty Xiao would be proud to see so many females finding success in the WWA.

Finalky, there's Uncensored. Now, while on the surface this looks like a glorified backyard fed, there seems to be some excelent talent here. Unfortunately, it seems longtime executive Spyder Gainey is finding himself pushed futher away. Now, I'm not a big Spyder fan (mainly because Eric Dane likes him) but what happened last week was pretty low. You dont go after families, but Will Ridge did just that. Luckily, Gainey has a chance for revenge.when he faces Ridge in a Taipei death match this week.

In more personal news, I'm pleased to announce that Chance Wolfington has agreed to get me airfare and tickets to some major WWA events. My first public appearance will be DREAM's upcoming PPV. Rumor has it there will be an inter-regional cage match in the works. More as this develops.

Finally, to end things here, I'm going to hand out some awards for the week.

MATCH OF THE WEEK
Several good contenders here, but I'm going to hand it to the Frostbite Brawl (WMW). These seven competitors gave it their all, and it was awesome to watch tbe comoetitors to struggle to bring down not one, but two titles under king of the mountain rules. In addition, both titles changed hands, with Valora trading up to the Great Lakes Championship, and Druscilla replacing her as the Ace Superior Champion. Congrats to everyone on an awesome match, and lets hope that this becomes a WMW tradition.

WINNER OF THE WEEK
Being the #1 contender to a belt is always good. Being #1 contender to the TITLE OF YOUR CHOICE is a coup many professional wrestlers would kill for. Simon Sparrow (HOW) is now in that enviable position after beating Chris CK on New Years Day. Sparrow seems to enjoy making everyone sweat, as he has now twice refused to name his target, but whoever he chooses is going to very much on the hot seat.

LOSER(s) OF THE WEEK
Losing sucks. Losing a title shot is worse, because you're left with a feeling of missed opportunity. But when another sacrifice is thrown in to boot... well, that sucks majorly. WMW's Jack Reynolds and Audrie McLaughlin both lost more than a potential gold belt this week. Reynolds is banned from the shoot division for an entire year! That's an eternity in a business where every night just might be the last of your career. Speaking of careers, does Audrie have one anymore? To get a shot at thr Heartland Championship, McLaughlin put her WMW contract on the line, and despite the appeals of retaining champion Hecate, it looks right now that Audrie is out of the WMW for good. No word yet on where either of these talented,but unfortunate wrestlers plan to go from here.

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
This was a tough call. DR Kongo (DEF), Will Ridge (UC), Max Kael (HOW) and and Poncho (DREAM) all made decent claims, but this weeks winner goes to Jimmy Kort of Defiance wrestling. Given that Jimmy seems to embody what Defiance is all about, is there any doubt that this federation is on borrowed time?

Now, this isn't about Kort trying to take a chair to Kirsta Lewis, lost anyways, then cried about if on the newswire. The fact of the matter is, Jimmy Kort is the dumbest, sleaziest, most dangerous buffoon this alliance has seen. Its obvious he WANTS to help Defiance in their battle to tear down the WWA establishment, but I see this guy hurting the cause rather than helping it.

Case in point, the AW autograph show. Did Kort honestly think that going Dukes of Hazzard on a bunch of Pennsylvanians was going to raise Defiance's ratings by so much as a household? Genius. In fact, I cant look at Jimmy Kort without that "real men of genius" song from the Bud Light ads playing in my head. Maybe he should make that his entrance music.

Now, rumor has it that Eric Dane himself bailed Kort out of jail. I this is true (and it wouldn't surprise me one bit if it was), we can assume one of the following about Dane.

A. He doesn't realize how detrimental Kort is to his cause.
B. He secretly wants Defiance to fail
C. He's got a man-crush on Jimmy
D. He was trying to bail out Stephen Greer and got the wrong guy.

My bets on C.

If any one of our award winners would like to make an acceptance speech, write an email (or in Jimmy Kort's case, ask someone else to write an email for you), and fire it over to pollaski@gmail.com, or leave me a private message at WWA offices, and I'll make sure it gets into the next column. In fact, I would welcome questions or comments from just about anyone. Don't be shy- the worst that coukd happen is me making you look like a total jackass for the whole world to see!

Just remember kids, January 18th, and the inagural Power 50 drops. Until then, my DVR and notebook await at the ready.

POLLA OUT!

Daniel Pollaski is a columnist for wfwa-online.com. He can be reached at pollaski@gmail.com or on aim at Pollaskinator. He will never be caught dead on twitter, myspace, or facebook.