POLLA TO THE PEOPLE- ISSUE #006, MARCH 6, 2010

POLLA TO THE PEOPLE ISSUE #6

Hey kids!

So, yeah, its been a month since you last got a glimpse into the genius that is Daniel Pollaski, and I'm sure absence has made the heart grow fonder.

Unfortunately, I'm going to be starting with some bad news. With my new duties announcing tag wars, and the sudden work I now need to put in to set up my beloved brainchild (more on this later), the Polla to the People column will now be biweekly. But don't worry, this only means thay EVERY column will have a power fifty!

Let it never be said i didnt take care of you guys.

Anyways, I got a few bits of unpleasant business to take fare of, first. It seems over the past couple of weeks, various people have saw fit to, well, call me out.

The first of these is Appalachian Wrestling's very own whiny metrosexual, Chris Cannon. Apparently, Cannon's been in a tizzy ever since I called him a dipshit in my last column. The little terd's even gone so far as to invite me to appear on his Inside the Cannon talk show segment.

Okay, why not? At least my smiling visage will prevent people from changing the channel.

I should warn Chris though, if he thinks I'm really all that harmless, and easily bullied around, he better think again. Too put it bluntly, has HE ever gotten into a fight wth Victor Mandrake, and left the overgrown bastard lying flat on the concrete?

To be fair to the Immortal One, there was a liberal application of pepper spray and a steel chair involved, but so what? Me 1, Mandrake 0.

Just a little advice, Chrissie. If you pull any shit, be ready for retaliation. I've got more tricks up my sleeve than Adrien Cochrane has hair products.

So yes, Chris, I accept. I'll appear on your cute little show. I'll probably end up kicking your ass and ensuring no one in AW ever takes you seriously again, but since no one does anyway, no harm.

So next order of business. Defiance's own manorexic announcer, Angus Skaaland, has seen fit to bash me again as well.

Actually, he bashed me three weeks ago, and was too much of a pussy to actually post his blog... seriously Angie? Wanted to make sure I was really out of the Confederacy before you said anything?

And repetive too. Seriously, Angus, did you forget to check off the "claim to fame is not fucking Wendy Briese" line on your zinger list, or did you just think it was so good a line, it needed to be said again?

Seriously, Dane. Get a new announcer. Fuck, see what Frank Longley's doing, and get him back with Alicia. Anything to spare us the drivel we have to listen to week in and week out.

And maybe then your next network won't drop you guys like HOTV did.

Okay, ready guys?

Its power fifty time.

Well, you can either say there was no turnover, or a ton of turnover from the last rankings done four weeks ago. On one hand, everyone who was in the Power Fifty last week and is eligible this week got in.

On the other hand, a LOT of people became ineligible this week. Here's who...

1. Everyone on the HOW and DREAM roster, due to obvious reasons.
2. Christopher Rashad Isaac Peterson, due to his unexpected and unfortunate retirement (and just after I finally got his name right, too!)
3. Tyler Graves, for losing a loser leaves PWX match to...
4. John Pariah, who has retired from active PWX competition. This is understandable, it has to be hard to walk, much less wrestle, after being used as Brian Hollywood's "pushin' cushion."

Okay, since that opens up a good 20 slots... a LOT of new faces in the Power Fifty this week. I didn't count how many eligible wrestlers we have, but its significantly lower than the 147 we had eligible last month. That makes it a little easier to get into the fifty, but there were still quite a few unfortunate souls who just didn't quite make the cut. These are, of course, the POWER FIF-DENIED!

They are, in the order I remembered them...

Adam Pyre (WMW)
Jordan Keyser (WMW)
Analog Kid (WMW)
Christa Carmody (MVW)
Lucas Harper (Defiance)
Justin Brooks (Defiance)
Carrianne McDermott (MVW)
Matrix (WMW)
Sarah Mae Smith (MVW)
Jak Nemesis (Defiance)
Mo'Bad (WMW)
Antonio Lopez (PWX)
James Stephens (PWX)
Eric Ryder (PWX)
Angel Casey (MVW)
Brooke Evans (MVW)

Sorry kids... better luck next time.

And now, as my homeboy Ozzie Osbourne likes to say...

ALLLLLL ABOAAARD! HAHAHAHAHA!

Cue up your Black Sabbath... and COUNT EM DOWN!

50. DEVON POOLE (PWX/Not Ranked)- Well, that tag team with Antonio Lopez sure didn't seem to work out to well, and now he faces Lopez for the briefcase of destiny at Vendetta!

49. X-TREME DREAM (PWX/Not Ranked)- XD has had a rough month of February. He came up just short in the Hybrid Contendership Battle Royal, but he was actually doing well against Hollywood until John Pariah decided to come in and play "pinata" on his skull.

48. LEON BOOTH (DEF/Not Ranked)- Its been a couple of very special episodes for Booth over the past month in Defiance, as he has begun to learn the meaning of teamwork. But will his emerging partnership with Drago survive the upcoming 4-way match for the Southern Heritage title?

47. CORINA ROMANOV (MVW/+3)- It's been a rough few weeks for the Valley's resident Russian. She fell just short against Miss USA for the MVW title, and then saw her chance at a rematch get denied thanks to Jill-Berg

46. JEFF ANDREWS (AW/Not Ranked)- This is probably going to get me crap, given how dumb I looked for disregarding the other Untouchable, but its really not Andrew's fault that he's this far down the list. Its obvious that AW has absolutely no idea how to use him, but he's got balls, running into Defiance like that.

45. ANGEL SCOTT (MVW/Not Ranked)- The question has to be... did the Angels of Death bite off more than they could chew when they tried to take revenge on Miss USA and Christa Carmody? Next up is a rematch against the Mercenaries.

44. JACKIE DANIELS *MVW TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (MVW/+2)- Sweet Southern Comfort actually had a fairly light month, competition wise. But the Mercenaries are going to have a hell of a fight on their hands at the MVW/PCW Pay Per View

43. GRAS-DAWG (WMW/Not Ranked)- This guy is definitely one of the more interesting personalities the WMW has to offer. Unfortunately, he got moved up too quickly- he's not quite ready to be taking on Jade or Hecate... yet.

42. XAVIER LANGSTON (Defiance/Not Ranked)- So who do you think he wants to face in the "revenge match"? Dean, or Fiasco?

41. JILL-BERG (MVW/Not Ranked)- No seriously... this is real. Anyways, Jill has popped out a hell of a little winning streak over in the Valley... and now the Champion Miss USA is next in her radar

40. WONE (WMW/Not Ranked)- This guys a bit streaky... he looked like absolute crap when he first came back into the Midwest... but then he got friggin HOT (albeit against Analog kid... whoo!). He's been struggling in the Tag League, however.

39. ERIC DILLINGER (WMW/Not Ranked)- Mr. Dillinger may have "nothing nice to say" about anyone else... but I got to give him his dues. He's a hell of a competitor.

38. BRANDI BAYLESS (MVW/Not Ranked)- I don't know too much about Ms. Bayless, so I looked up "lingerie girl wrestling" on the internet. I still don't know too much about Ms. Bayless... but I'm not all that upset :)

37. DRUSCILLA (WMW/-7)- This is Dru's third appearance in the Power Fifty, and I think I've spelled her name different each time. Anyways, Dru's seemed to have cooled off ever since her loss to Father Nathan at Groundhog Slay.

36. ANGEL OF DEATH (AW/-2)- Okay, just in case anyone is paying attention, there are TWO Angel of Death's now in the WWA. One is a tag team (scott/casey), the other is a wrestler in AW (who ironically dates the Black Widow, of which there was another woman by that monicker in the WWA seven years ago). Originiality ahoy!

35. NICK RIVERS (AW/+13)- Inherent musical ignorance aside (who in their right mind would EVER call Adrien Cochrane emo?), River's is quickly becoming a rising star in Appalachian Wrestling. How far will his teaming with Donovan take him?

34. JOHN OJEDA (PWX/Not Ranked)- Ojeda has been on fire ever since he entered the PWX, although he has definitely gotten himself into hot water with PWX president JPO. Something in this fragile relationship is gonna break at Vendetta.

33. TOM SAWYER (Defiance/Not Ranked)- Harper just missed the cut here, but Sawyer has seemed to be the driving force thus far behind the Foreshadowings success. These guys will be in major contention for the World Tag team championships before too long.

32. KATIE COLLINS *MVW TELEVISION CHAMPION* (MVW/Not Ranked)- Miss Collins pulled off a huge victory last month when she defeated Brooke Evans to win the TV Belt.. now she's going to have to survive the red-hot (in more ways than one!) Bayless

31. JOHN KELLERMAN (AW/+16) Well, in the shocker of the century, Kellerman and Cannon actually managed to work together long enough to defeat the Hunters. Still, I say this team's not going to last, and the sooner Kellerman just up and decks Chrissie, the better.

30. JOHNNY LIGHTNING (Defiance/Not Ranked)- J-Li and Team Asterisk are no longer the official champions, but they still have the belts. This is getting to be more and more of a mess with each passing day.

29. DARIN ZION *PWX HYBRID CHAMPION* (PWX/Not Ranked)- Zion is this week's winner of the "Ronnie Long Award", awarded to the person who most deserves to hit me with a shovel for leaving them off the last list. Please don't, Darin.

28. RYVEN *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (WMW/+10)- Not sure if he's gotten his troubles with Kronin entirely squared away yet, but the two looked damn good in taking out Gras-Dawg and Mo'Bad

27. DAWN MCGILL *MVW TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (MVW/+1)- We here at the Power Fifty would like to congratulate Mrs. Generalissimo on her marriage. We would also like to offer our condolences on her HOW LSD title loss, and would also like to point out that since HOW is no longer in the alliance, that won't count against her. Losing to the Angels of Death, however, will, so she better be ready.

26. ADRIEN COCHRANE (AW/No Change)- Adrien's just running on a streak of bad luck. First he misses out on a big win over Jake Donovan and the Angel of Death, then CRIP, his tag team partner, has retired. Not sure if he can recreate the same magic with Calib Wallace.


Alright halfway.

So for this week's intermission, I figure I will address the sudden issue's concerning the World Tag Team Championships. For those of you who missed WMW Graveyard Shift #110 (and SHAME ON YOU IF YOU DID), The Hardcore Icons defeated Team Asterisk to win the titles, but in typical Team Danger fashion, Greer and Lightning took the belts home with them.

What a bunch of spoiled rotten little children.

Seriously, what the hell is Eric Dane running, a kindergarten? I've watched the match, and whether or not the rules supposedly changed during the match... the fact of the matter is that the referee felt the match was competitive enough to continue (and we all know that referees are allowed discretion when the championships are on the line). It doesn't matter how... VALORA PINNED GREER, and in my opinion, The Hardcore Icons ARE the world Tag Champions.

And everyone except the little whiners over in Defiance agree with me.

Not only are the members of Defiance whiners, they are cowards. Wolfington asked them nicely to show up at GS111, and they refused. Dane, Greer, and Lightning are nothing more than worthless crybabies, who are a stain on the legacy of this honorable alliance.

Well, that's actually nothing new, Dane and Greer have been dragging this alliance down for the past ten years.

So anyways, congrats to the Hardcore Icons.. now here's my question... what the hell are you going to do about this? Two days after you lost the belts... why the hell weren't you on Defiance Episode 6 fighting to get them back? Are you going to be at Episode 7? or are you going to be like the Grady's, spineless cowards who refuse to go and get your own property back?

Anyways, that's my take on the situation. Shall we resume?

Top 25 time.

25. BOBBY DEAN (Defiance/Not Ranked)- Reports of Mr. Dean's demise seem to have been greatly exaggerated. How he managed to survive the kidnapping by Langston, I don't know, but for someone as clueless as this guy is, he has a hell of a penchant for getthing himself out of trouble.

24. JIMMY KORT (Defiance/+25)- I don't think anyone benefits from HOW leaving more than Mr. Kort, as I've decided not to hold his miserable performance in the Lee Best Invitational against him. The result is the biggest gainer in the rankings.

23. CHRIS CANNON (AW/+1)- Just in case anyone ever thought that I was biased... well, look at Mr. Cannon as an example. That being said... could someone please just kill this guy?

22. MISS USA *MISSOURI VALLEY CHAMPION* (MVW/Not Ranked)- The masked red,white, and blue wonder is now in her seventh month as the MVW's top beltholder. Now the question is... how much of a challenge will Jill-Berg actually be for her belt?

21. KAZUMA FUJITA (Defiance/+14)- Its a shame Fujita actually entered Defiance a bit on the late side, it would have been interesting to see how he would have done in the Champion's Carnival. Still, anyone can see that he's on a collision course with...

20. STEPHEN GREER (Defiance/+2)- I have an idea how to solve the whole Fujita/Greer lariat debate. We take a worthless little terd nobody likes (say, Chris Cannon, or Jacob Wright), and put them against the ring ropes. We let both men take two shots, and whoever Lariats our worthless POS further out of the ring (we'll average the distanceS), wins.

19. DANNY SZATKOWSKI (PWX/Not Ranked)- Szatkowski is our highest debut this time around. I like this guy, but he went too far against Poole, and deserved the disqualification. Nonetheless, he's on a collision course with Zion right now, and I think he might be the one to take the belt.

18. FATHER NATHAN *WMW ACE SUPERIOR CHAMPION* (WMW/+14)- Father Nathan's stock just continues to rise. I remember six weeks ago I was laughing at him for even thinking he could take on the Daughters of Darkness. But he has, and done even more to boot. If he keeps up this way, he might just be who the WMW turns to the next time the World Title comes to town.

17. UMBRAGE *WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (WMW/+14)- Umbrage doesn't strike me as the brightest guy in the world (prolly too many chairshots), but he's definitely one of the most brutal guys in the alliance. I can see him walking into Defiance single handedly and getting his belts back.

16. HECATE *WMW HEARTLANDS CHAMPION* (WMW/+11)- All I have to say is poor Adam Pyre. Poor, poor, Adam Pyre

15. JOSIAS SOLAINE (Defiance/-1)- Surprisingly, the Hatian Redemption now finds himself on a two match losing streak. Now that he's out of the Carnival, it will be interesting to see where he goes from here.

14. VALERIE BELMONT *PWX NEXT GENERATION CHAMPION* *PWX TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (PWX/+11)- Holy crap... when Mrs. Belmont says she has a magpie complex... she ain't kidding; she's hauling in belts like they're going out of style! Belmont now anxiously awaits to see who she will face at Vendetta.

13. JAKE DONOVAN (AW/+10)- I'm gonna say it... rookie of the year, right here.

12. DR KONGO (Defiance/+1)- Okay, how embarrassing was that loss to Dean and Fiasco? Seriously...

11. KRONIN *WMW TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (WMW/+7)- One of the biggest bummers of waiting so long to do another Power Fifty is that I never managed to give Kronin his absolute mad PROPS for winning the WMW All-In Challenge. Seriously... how this guy got through the match was just damned amazing!

Alright, top ten time!

10. RONNIE LONG *AW ATLANTIC COAST CHAMPION* (AW/+19)- After a phenomenal win over Nick Rivers, Mr. Long just looks better and better. Walking into the middle of Defiance and telling Eric Dane to go to hell wins some points in my book too.

9. JADE *WMW SHOOT CHAMPION* (WMW/+7)- As Ides of March approaches, it'll be nice to see Jade defending her title against someone who's not Amariie Maerthos.

8. BRONSON BOX (Defiance/+1)- Mr. Box got a big win over Jimmy Kort last week, which means now he'll have to face Vasquez instead of Cobra. I still think he's the underdog, but he likely got himself the easier path to the finals.

7. AARON VASQUEZ (Defiance/-4)- Vasquez's beautiful speech as he took out Anti-Hero has been tempered somewhat by the Dean/Fiasco... Fiasco.

6. JEREMIAH BELMONT *PWX TAG TEAM CHAMPION* (PWX/+13)- Days left in Brian Hollywood's PWX Title Reign: 9.

5. JOE DRAGO (Defiance/+6)- He took a tough loss to Box, but did he put up a fight against Cobra! I say rematch!

4. JACK AMETHYST (AW/+2)- Amethyst has now had a full month of (I'm relaxing my 30-day rule for him), and hopefully his arm will be healed once he gets back into action.

3. BRIAN HOLLYWOOD *PRO WRESTLING X CHAMPION* (PWX/+5)- So not only has he been rolling in PWX, he and Pariah scooted on over to HOW and took away our ex-member's tag titles! That's aces in my book, but this guy is still meat once Jeremiah comes calling. Enjoy the view up here while you can, Bri.

2. VALORA SALINAS *WORLD TAG CHAMPION* *GREAT LAKES CHAMPION* (WMW/+8)- No doubt about this one, Miss Salinas has been, well, THAT DAMN AWESOME. Officially, she now holds the highest rank ever held by a female in the Power Fifty (previous record shared by Wendy Briese and Misty Xiao- both ranked 6th)

1. COBRA *WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION* (Defiance/No Change)- He got friggin lucky against Drago, but he's still the champ. But with Hydra falling apart, can he remain on top for long without his buddies to back him up?


Of course, if you have a problem with where your favorite wrestler is ranked, please follow the following instructions.

1. Go to hell.
2. Burn.

Of course, comments and questions are always welcome, yada yada yada.

Okay, i'm not going to do awards this week, except for one...

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
It goes to me. I know you guys live for this column, and I'm sorry.

Now get the hell over it.

Okay, finally, I have a very exciting announcement. This actually goes into a bit of why I haven't been able to do the column for a few weeks, and I think when you hear (well, read) what I have to say, you'll admit it will be worth it.

Most of you who are familiar with WWA history have heard of the Battle In Seattle. For those of you who don't know, it is, simply put, the most grueling test of physical endurance in the world. Fifty entrant, anything-goes, battle royal. And none of this over the top rope bullshit either (namely because we've never done one in a ring...). Eliminations by pinfall or submission only.

Most of you saw the first one, when Kevin Cage entered seventh and one.

Most of you groaned over the second one, when a solar flare damaged all of our videotaping equipment, causing the entire second half of the match to not air (For the record... Ryan Corey won... I think)

Most of you don't know that it was I, Daniel Pollaski, who pitched the idea to the WWA board of directors during my tenure as the NGWA commissioner. That's why I got the super sweet gig of announcing it.

Well, guess what I just pitched to the Board of Directors again?

And guess what just got approved?


That's right kids, the THIRD BATTLE IN SEATTLE is a go! Now, don't be TOO excited, we're still working out the details (ie, date and location), but this one's gonna be at night, it will be worth winning...

And it will be fucking brutal.

So, as far as possible venues go, Westlake Center, Pike Place Market, Pioneer Square, SeaTac international, the Waterfront, and Qwest Field are all being considered. If anyone has a suggestion, feel free to let me know.

Until then, keep your eyes open. You wanna be in on this one.

Anyways, that's all I got for you this week... we'll see you all in a fortnight, as another batch of rankings will be up.

Oh, and Tag Wars #2... I'll be there!

Until then...


POLLA THE FUCK OUT!