5 for 5 completions 235 yards 4 TDs 158.33 Passer Rating In short, I am the man. Also, all of you girls suck at this whole defense thing. Its an entire secondary against one receiver and you let them score every time but once. Episode 2 was as lively as ever, and four out of the five competitors made it into the end zone, all in pretty damn good time, too, considering a fifty yard run with people trying to kill you. Ultimately, a fun challenge that I hope we can do again. Now... how do the ladies stand after an eventful second episode? 1. LILLY SHEFFIELD: Sheff finished third in the challenge, but keeps her overall lead on the basis of winning the wrestling challenge. Still, she's got a very stiff competitor sitting in second place. 2. ADIRA RIDDICK: As I called, the Canadian won the challenge by just a couple tenths of a second, although sadly she does not gain immunity (not that she should need it). 3. RHEA LASKARIS: Absolutely beautiful stiff arm on Sheffield to help her get into the end zone, although going for the umph factor probably cost her enough time to get the win. Still, and impressive lunge, and she did finish second. She still sits outside a place in the finals for me, but she is certainly capable of taking either place should someone stumble. 4. DJ LAINE: First of all, I'm going to personally hunt down and slap anyone who called it the "70 yard line". Second of all, did you know it takes more time to run 70 yards than it does 50? Like, about two seconds more? Laine's strategy might have been smart had simply just scoring would have gotten her a win, but Riddick and Laskaris had already scored from the 50. Just awful strategy by the DJ. ==========THE CUT LINE=========== 5. ANA BARBOSA: But it's still better than simply STANDING THERE AFTER YOU CATCH THE BALL. She had a fifteen yard sprint to the end zone, and as clear a shot as anyone and she completely space cadeted. Absolutely unbelievable that a supposed Olympic medalist lack such a fundamental competitive drive.
There are many advantages to the a Michelle Taylor Woodchipper match, but one huge disadvantage- you only get to do it once, so you better make it count. FFW invades the Great White North for the final show before Anarchy. Prepare for more Trios than you know what to do with. And psychotic women trying to kill each other. Jah, sure, you betcha. Quit whining, Minnesotans. You do talk like that, and you're not fooling anyone. TRIOS! HOPE OSBORNE, LILLY SHEFFIELD & RHEA LASKARIS vs. ANA BARBOSA, DJ LAINE & ADIRA REDDICK I'd say switch Osborne and Laine, and make it an Americas vs. Europe thing, but then again, I like Adira, and wouldn't wish that on her. Keep in mind that this match will NOT count towards the Power-X. It will count a LOT towards Future Shock however. WINNER: Both teams are evenly balanced, at least until you realize that Ana Barosa actually has a chance that she wll knock out one of her own partners in the name of strategy. So long as Lilly and Rhea can keep Hope off her iPhone, expect them to win. TAG TEAM THE MEANEST GIRLS (Holly Adams & Madelyne McTaggert) vs. THE ROCKIN' KITTENS (Alysson Gardner & Gabrielle Crimson) Actually kind of curious whether or not the Blondetourage will count pink hair as being ginger or not. Half n half? WINNER: All love to both Aly and Gabby, who both challenge for championship belts at Anarchy, but until I actually see someone BEAT the Blondetourage, I can't pick against them. They're just too good at weaseling their way to wins. TRIOS! CRYSTALLIZED STEELE (Crystal Hate & Laura Steele) & Ashley Whitmore vs. NO HOLDING BACK (Angela Hinchcliffe & Jem Michaels) & Rebecka Hate Hate & No Holding Back sounds like a Coen Brothers movie. Above Average Crystallized Steele sounds like a plot coupon in a JRPG. WINNER: Honestly, as pissed off as Becky is by this point, I wouldn't be surprised if she murdered Steele, Whitmore, and her sister single handedly. With NHB (who beat the snot out of Crystallized Steele back at S&S) in her corner, this one's only going to turn into a massacre. NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MIKA DEMIDOV vs. FREYA KANE Demidov's such a fucking coward. She's so afraid of Freya she made the finals of the Femme For All in an attempt to get out of the match, but the jokes on HER because now she has to face Freya on free TV so everyone will be watching! WINNER: So what's Freya's endgame here? Is she even going to bother trying to win, or just try to maul Mika as much as possible to keep her from getting an FFW Title shot? If its the latter, she'll probably lose a ton of respect from her peers if she does manage to pull it off. If its the former, well... good luck getting your first ever FFW win over a Femme For All finalist GUEST REFEREE: SAMARA STEELE JENNIFER WILLIAMS vs. ARABELLA BLACK Neither woman has been utilized all that much lately, and neither will compete at Anarchy. Both, however (and Samara too) will be squaring off in a three way dance for an Evolution title shot in the last show of the year. That should get the blood flowing. WINNER: Arabella's won four straight. Jenny's lost three straight. And Samara's a right bitch who's probably going to do something stupid thinking it will give her the upper hand. In short, we have a crapshoot on our hands. But Jenny's the gamer, and she knows how to roll the dice for Yahtzee. Expect her to pull off a very promising win. TRIOS! SUDDEN IMPACT (Claire Black, Kinsey DeCaro & Serafina DeCaro) vs. ELEMENTAL FURY (Lighting, Ignis & Undine) The Leavenworth's won in Cardiff, but the rematch is on Neutral ground (LOL JK there's no such thing where the Leavenworth's are concerned). We could be seeing these two teams a lot- I have them my picks to compete for the first Trios title once that happens. WINNER: Can Lightning (and Ignis and Undine) strike twice outside of Wales? I'm tempted to say yes, but both Lightning and Ignis could be caught looking ahead to title defenses, especially Lightning, who's already lost one title and sits in real danger of lofing another. Sudden Impact evens the series up at one apiece.
HERE, I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING. ITS MY SHOCKED FACE. UH-WHAAAAAAA?!
That's right kids, Future Shock Therapy is back, a little delayed, but once again ready to take a look at the second challenge of the season! First of all though, let's take a look at those participants who are sadly no longer with us. 6TH PLACE: Hope Osborne Was Hope the worst wrestler in Future Shock? Nope. She certainly wasn't the best, but she did acquit herself better than one or two others. Hope's problem was her personaliity. She just couldn't connect with the fans at all. This goes beyond her incessant inane tweeting and her seeming inability to pay proper attention. I think the argument could be made that the moment Hope pulled her "I'm bisexual in an open relationship" stunt, she sealed her Future Shock fate. Now, for challenge number two, we're going with a sport near and dear to my heart- AMERICAN FOOTBALL. It's pretty simple. All you have to do is go fifty yards ot the end zone in the shortest amount of time, with me as your quarterback to throw it. And four defenders to oppose you, with no blockers to help you, so its time to instill your inner Reggie Bush. It's time to put my 212.96 Tecmo Super Bowl passer rating to good use. THE FAVORITE: Adira Riddick, and the logic is simple. Going into the season, we had an American, a Canadian, a Brit, a Finn, a Brazillian, and a Greek. Only two of those countries play gridiron football, and the American's already been eliminated. Which is all well and good, because the free-wheeling pass happy offense more favors the Canadian style. I can tell you one thing- it won't be Lilly "A Quarterback's A Refund" Sheffield winning this. THE HOT SEAT: DJ Laine. Let's face it, Ana's a lost cause, which means the Finish DJ has about four weeks to prove to the world why she's a top-three member of this season. I'm not sure Laine needs to win, but she if she doesn't impress the voters in Minneapolis, she will face a surefire Immunity or go home prospect in Episode 3.
Bum, your old hit sound dumb, hold it
now, crown 'em
Where you found them at got 'em 'round
town
Coulda drowned in and it woulda
floated bloated
Voted sugar coated loaded hip shooter
Draw for the poor free coffee at the
banks
Hit through the straw none more for
me, thanks
That blanks the raw that dang sure
stank lit
Sank passed the pit for more hardcore
prank spit
Crank it on blast, roll past front
street
Blew the whole spot like some old ass
with skunk meat
These kids is too fast, juiced off a
junk treat
Who could get looser off a crunk or a
funk beat?
Something is starting today
Where did he go? Why you wanted to be?
Well you know, November has come
When it's gone away
-“November Has Come” Gorillaz
November
has come indeed. The leaves and
temperatures are falling, its getting dark at five o’clock, and the football
races are getting into high gear. Oh,
and we’re now less than four weeks away from Thanksgiving, and FFW’s own
Thanksgiving tradition- the last PPV of the year Anarchy. Thirteen matches are going to be lined up, everywhere
from the debut of Emi Yamamoto to what should be a spectacular two out of three
falls tilt for the FFW Championship. We’ll
be trying to get a good preview up after the last Velocity goes off the air.
A
whopping sixty-six women qualified for the Power-X this month, an all time high. As usual, the focus is to be on the Top 40,
which saw surprisingly little turnover, with only two new faces. We also saw an unusually low number of women
drop off the rankings completely. Those
are, with their final rankings in brackets:
KARA
HARRINGTON [50th]
ALLISON
SULLIVAN [55th]
LISA
RICHARDSON [57th]
All
three girls remain employed by FFW, so look to see them back on here sooner
than later. Now… without further ado,
the largest POWER-X Rankings EVER!
#66-
TARYN ROBINSON [-5]
#65-
MICHELLE TAYLOR [-3]
#64-
ASHLEY WHITMORE [NEW]
#63-
SARAH RICHARDSON [-3]
#62-
HANNA ELLIOTT [-3]
#61-
KANNA HAROSHI [NEW]
#60-
CINDY WARREN [NEW]
#59-
CHRISTELLE GILLET [-3]
#58-
STACEY [NEW]
#57-
LOLLIPOP [NEW]
#56-
APRIL EVANS [-7]
#55-
TABATHA BELMONT [-1]
#54-
CRYSTAL HATE [-3]
#53-
TIFA HEAFY [=]
#52-
ARABELLA BLACK [-6]
#51-
CANDI [-3]
#50-
FREYA KANE [+2]
#49-
JEMIMA MICHAELS [-5]
#48-
LAURA STEELE [-1]
#47-
NANCY DIETZ [+11]
#46-
ANGELA HINCHCLIFFE [-4]
#45-
DESTINY CAMPBELL [-7]
#44-
NICOLE KNIGHT [-1]
#43-
SOPHIA BLACK [-4]
#42-
HAYLEY DARK [-5]
#41-
MILEENA SAVAGE [=]
40
GABRIELLE CRIMSON
+5
Gabby’s suffered her first singles loss
on the FFW roster, but it hardly hurts her.
Not with that massive chance at the Future Shock Championship coming
up against Ignis
39
JESSIKA HEXSTAR
-9
Jess’ only activity in the last month was
nearly being drowned by Kinsey Robinson.
Oh, and having sex on Gayle Briese’s grave. Ew.
38
KATHERINE STRYFE
-9
The apathy has fully set in for Katherine
Stryfe, who, after being shellacked by a fired up Eileen Amaro, has resorted
to bitterly rooting against people she doesn’t like instead of doing anything
positive for her own career
37
CAROLINE STARK
NEW
You can’t get much better a return to FFW
than Caroline. After putting the
Blondetourage in their place, she came into Indomitable a house of fire and
walked out with the proverbial Crown- and a date with Tara Thunder
36
SAMARA STEELE
-2
A bummer for Samara, who had a six-match
winning streak snapped by Camilla in the quarterfinals of the Femme For
All.
35
UNDINE
SAME
Undine didn’t seem quite as fired up to
be returning home when FFW went to Cardiff, but she still helped her team get
the win over Sudden Impact. Elemental
Fury is the frontrunner in the new Trios Division
34
STARDUST
-1
Not sure how much it’s going to do
towards another Unity shot, but the Rudos were certainly… innovative in their
win over Crystallized Steele. Never
seen an Ass-Bomb before.
33
CAMILLA PAZZINI
+7
Chunks run to her ‘rightful place’ atop
the card came to an unfortunate premature end at the hands of Cinderella
Demidov. Without a date for Anarchy,
Camilla’s going to be cooling her jets for another couple months, it seems
32
STARLA MCCLOUD
NEW
Starla returns to the rankings after
taking a tough loss to Caroline Dallins at Indomitable. That was most definitely not the way she
wanted to make her long-awaited return to the No Surrender Division.
31
CLAIRE BLACK
SAME
Quiet month for Claire, who had a three
match winning streak snapped against Elemental Fury in Wales. She and the DeCaros can get together and
get back against them in about a week and a half
30
STEPHANIE SULLIVAN
-4
Postponing her title shot didn’t end up
doing her much good, as she was unable to take the No Surrender championship
away from Tara Thunder. Not quite sure
where she goes from here.
29
METEORA
+3
I don’t think even Of Poets &
Prophets or the Blondetourage as adept at royally pissing people off as the
Rudos are. Meteora seems slightly more
of an instigator, although Stardust is hardly innocent.
28
KINSEY DECARO
-1
Poor Kinsey’s taking it on all
sides. On one hand, she’s got Hexstar
and Chernobyl trying to kill her at every turn. On the other hand, she’s part of what’s
brewing as a massive rivalry between Sudden Impact and Elemental Fury. Kinsey’s going to be a very busy woman.
27
LEONA VEGA
-3
Leona’s dropped a bit on idling, but she’s
still riding a four match winning streak heading into November. Oh, and her tag partner isn’t doing too
badly, either.
26
CASEY ATHERTON
-9
Five and a half months and two successful
defenses is hardly anything to sneeze at, but I’m not entirely sure about
Casey’s decision to not pursue a rematch with Ignis. I’m not 100% certain she’s ready to move up
to another division.
25
REBECKA HATE
+3
Making the semifinals of the Femme For
All is remarkable, and she showed tremendous heart in continuing to battle
even after being tazered by Laura Steele.
I think Anarchy is going to be very, very fun times for her.
24
IGNIS FUTURE SHOCK CHAMPION
+13
Heck of a month for Megan Leavenworth,
who made a triumphant return to Wales with her sisters, then followed up by
knocking of Casey for her first ever FFW Singles Championship. She should be favored in her first defense
as well.
23
KELLY MCGUFFIN
-7
Kelly drops substantially on idling,
although that’s going to change with two huge matches coming up in
November. A concern though- Kelly’s
got one more chance to get a rather nasty monkey off her back, and she’s busy
arguing with Christopher Kane on who’s better at jumping off a turnbuckle?
22
STEPHANIE DALLINS
+1
Of course is happy that her own partner
got to be the first woman to pin Aimee Easter. But she’s also got to remember she was
denied the exact same opportunity to do that by Easter & Lightning. Think she’ll be remembering that in the
coming week?
21
SERAFINA DECARO
-1
Serafina continues to remain a puzzle,
struggling against Jodie Gray and the Leavenworths, but then turning around
and stopping Stacey’s return dead in its tracks. She almost seems like a calmer, more
rational version of Big Match Jenny
20
JODIE GRAY
-11
Jodie’s been tweeting the lyrics to Katy
Perry’s “Roar” in an attempt to hype herself up. Considering how she got bounced out of the
Femme For All, perhaps she should try “The One That Got Away”
19
JO MCFARLANE
SAME
Jo’s won seven out of her last nine, and
it’s paid off, as she’s been guaranteed an upcoming shot at the Future Shock
Championship again. If there’s a Most
Improved category at this year’s Awards, Jo is certainly a frontrunner
18
HOLLY ADAMS
+3
The Blondetourage just does not stop,
taking only one loss so far in a DQ.
Holly better take a good long look at the picture above her
though. That’s her upcoming opponent
at Anarchy. Gingervitis ahoy!
17
JENNIFER WILLIAMS
-6
Jenny drops on idling, and still is
nursing a three match losing streak.
Hopefully that time’s paid off for her when she steps into the ring
against Arabella Black
16
MADELYNE MCTAGGERT
+6
One thing to worry about… are the
Blondetourage getting TOO cocky here?
Nicole Knight is no slouch, and she’s been thoroughly pissed off at
the way she’s been treated. There
comes a point when the tricks run out that could put Maddy in trouble.
15
EMMA MACNAMARA
SAME
Ever since flogging Kate Steele half to
death back in June, Emma’s been in almost a curse, losing five out of
six. Of course, she hasn’t exactly
been facing slouches, but going down to Becka Hate was certainly indicitave
of her struggles. Perhaps having Anarchy
off would do her some good.
14
CRYSTAL HILTON
-4
I don’t know what the hell Hilton’s going
on about joining the No Surrender division when submissions are clearly not
her strong point. Especially with the
full knowledge that she’s about to deal with a vindictive and recently embarrassed
Dreamkiller. Better focus, Rose
Goddess
13
MISTY WHITMORE
SAME
After months of being used and abused by
the Blondetourage, Misty needs to regain her focus. Kelly McGuffin’s less than a week away, and
then a TV title shot. Nab those, and
all the bitchiness in the world won’t diminish her gleam.
12
SUNNY KYOUN
+2
All love to Dallins, but I think Witches’
Brew’s Unity hopes rests a little more on Sunny’s shoulders. If she’s focuses, and goes into Super Sunny
mode, it’s going to take the devil of all shenanigans to keep those titles
around Poets & Prophets Waists
11
ALYSSON GARDNER
+1
Downing an Ultraviolence icon is one
thing. The outgoing UV Champion is
another. But can Aly truly keep the
former pitfighter Penny Buchanan down for a ten count? That may be too tall an order for even her.
10
TARA THUNDER NO SURRENDER CHAMPION
+15
Finally, Tara is getting booked, and as a
result, she’s right back in the Top 10 where she belongs. Tara has not suffered a fall since the Iron
Woman Submission Match way the hell back in March. Guess who her opponent was?
9
MIKAELA DEMIDOV
+10
I looked through every Femme For All
bracket we’ve had yet, and I can’t think of a more surprising run to the
finals than Mika’s. It’d be the mother
of all Cinderella stories… if she didn’t keep annoying the piss out of
everyone.
8
SCARLETT KINCAID
SAME
While one half of the FFA finals is a
stunner, the other is anything but.
Scar’s run to Anarchy seemed navigable to begin with, and when Laura
Steele did half her job for her and Becka gamely pressed on regardless,
Kincaids ticket was punched
7
KATE STEELE
SAME
No change? Yup.
Since May, Kate is averaging over two matches per month, which is
considerably more than anyone else in FFW.
She’s obviously a commodity, so it’s kind of hard to drop her even
with her less than stellar record.
Kate has faced the toughest schedule of anyone in FFW, and has fought
her heart out pretty much all the way
6
AIMEE EASTER UNITY CHAMPION
-1
Aimee’s got a big November lined up,
starting with defending a title, then hoping to win one. She enters November with her ego slightly
bruised thanks to Sunny Kyoun, but knowing she’s beatable will likely make
her more vicious and desperate than ever.
5
VALERIE LAMB
-1
Val won’t step into the ring at all
between her loss to Wendy and the rematch in Indianapolis, so you can bank on
her being fresh. Either way, we should
be looking at what might be the best main event in FFW history
4
PENNY BUCHANAN ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPION
-1
Penny made the most of her single match
in October, putting on a bonafide clinic against Sophia Black. If she can survive Gardner, I don’t really
see anyone in the division capable of bringing her down
3
LIGHTNING TELEVISION CHAMPION UNITY CHAMPION
+3
Most wrestlers get about two to three
matches in a PPV cycle. When all is
said and done, Lightning will have had SIX.
And the biggest are yet to come, with her defending both of her belts
in a three week span.
2
EILEEN AMARO EVOLUTION CHAMPION
SAME
So what if she lost to Tara Thunder in a
No Surrender style match? Eileen was
fantastic in wrestling an unfamiliar style, and has been damn near invincible
outside of that. She’ll need to be
once again, if she hopes to survive Aimee Easter’s challenge
1
WENDY BRIESE FFW CHAMPION
SAME
Generally, there’s only two things that
can work Indianapolis up into a frenzy- the Colts and the 500. Anarchy has created a same effect, as the
people of the Circle City are rallying behind the hometown girl. Believe me when I say that Wendy’s working
damn hard to make sure she doesn’t disappoint them.
