 |
| NUCLEAR BOMBS ARE HEAVY LIFT WITH YOUR KNEES NOT YOUR BACK! |
Ah, nothing is better than an enviro-propaganda children's cartoon offensively boiling down three of the world's most complicated socioreligoeconomic feuds from the 1990s into a nice heaping of misinformed stereotyping with a side of apocalyptic game theory.
Doomsday will be coming to Belfast for three women, however. Two will find themselves out of the Femme For All without even barely getting to enjoy the time they're in it, and one will be going home without the No Surrender Championship. FFW don't care if you're Protestant, Catholic, Jew, Arab, White, or Black. It's all about the W, baby.
CANDI vs. TARYN ROBINSON
Candi's back, which means whoever ponied up that bounty to Destiny Campbell should probably demand a refund or something. The ever-aloof Robinson is looking to improve off her debut loss to Tifa Heafy.
WINNER: Taryn. Because being aloof means she has yet to be subjected to Candi's devastating mental attacks.
TAG TEAM CONTEST
LOLLIPOP CHAINSAW (Arabella Black & Lollipop) vs. IN CANADA WE TRUST (Ashley Whitmore & Mileena Savage)
J-Will can do all the cosplaying she wants, but until you actually name your team after a sexploitation hack n' slasher, you're just talking out your ass. Fun fact: 4.3 Million Canadians are of Irish descent. That will not help ICWT one bit.
WINNER: Lollipop Chainsaw. Sadly, their name will not be used literally.
JODIE GRAY vs. NANCY DIETZ
Jodie's probably never played Lollipop Chainsaw, because you have to bet that Juliet's bosom leaves her feeling rather inadequate. Nancy Dietz' only match so far is win over Leona Vega.
WINNER: Jodie, because all that artistic scarring? LMAO BITCH PLEASE FOUR MATCH WIN STREAK
FEMME FOR ALL QUARTERFINAL
CAMILLA PAZZINI vs. SAMARA STEELE
Samara's riding a 6 match winning streak. 6 wins ago for Chunks? St. Patricks Day. 2012. Over Shane Sanders. Needless to say, it's put up or shut up time for any of this "Camilla is a main eventer" talk.
WINNER: Samara Steele. God help me I just picked Samara Steele to beat Camilla Pazzini oh WTF world!?
FEMME FOR ALL QUARTERFINAL
EMMA MACNAMARA vs. REBECKA HATE
Both women are coming off disappointing losses at Sin & Sacrifice. Emma lost a tough match to Aly Gardner, and Becka lost to Jodie Gray because, lets face it, when Michelle Taylor is being asphyxiated by someone else's fingers being jammed down her throat, that's just something you don't want to interrupt.
WINNER: Emma MacNamara, on experience. This is her third F4A, so I'd like to think she knows what she's doing.
NO SURRENDER CHAMPIONSHP
TARA THUNDER (C) vs. STEPHANIE SULLIVAN
This was originally scheduled for Sin & Sacrifice, but delayed due to Steph being banged up in a car crash. That doesn't bode well for Steph as a fender bender is nowhere near as bad as a Mack Truck going full speed into a Pinto filled with Labradoodle puppies, and Tara Thunder's basically the wrestling equivalent to that.
WINNER: Tara to retain. Anything else will immediately be on the short list for the greatest upset in FFW history. And that will TRULY be doomsday.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Got something to say about the Power X? Go ahead. But be careful, Daniel Pollaski WILL respond- and he makes people cry for a living.