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| WUN FOR YOUR RIFE! ITS PENNYZIRRA! |
Pennyzirra has arrived in Tokyo. Panic ensues. Japanese society as we know it collapses in a matter of hours. Military and police are useless as the behemoth wades ashore and starts powerbombing skyscrapers into dust. FFW executives vow never to hold the company picnic in Fukushima again, and wonder how they'll ever enlarge the Ultraviolence Belt to sufficient size.
This is the last stop of the World Tour and we are delirious from lack of sleep and jet lag. This is your preview of the insanity.
TIFA HEAFY vs. MICHELLE TAYLOR
After getting International Incident'ed at Sin & Sacrifice, it was clear Tifa needed a pick me up. Cody Kincaid gives her a match with Taylor, because Cody Kincaid is secretly a dealer, and he's got that fix you need. It's always the ones you least suspect.
WINNER: If Tifa Heafy can't win this one, she SHOULD give up wrestling.
MADELYNE MCTAGGERT vs. FREYA KANE
Because the best thing to do to someone coming off a loss in a match against a pair of devious cheaters is to put her up against an even MORE sinister rulebreaker.
WINNER: McTaggert. By screwjob. But you already knew this was coming.
TAG MATCH
CRYSTALLIZED STEELE (Crystal Hate & Laura Steele) vs. RUDO GALACTICA (Meteora & Stardust)
If Palpatine's right, and hate makes you stronger, than this match will turn the arena into the greatest Sith that ever lived. Darth Eggdome cares not for your pleas of mercy, Jedi.
WINNER: Meteora & Stardust. Not only are they capable of pissing the entire galaxy off, they're good enough to get some wins out of it.
NO DISQUALIFICATIONS
PENNY BUCHANAN vs. SOPHIA BLACK
And optimist would say that Sophia has a chance to earn an Ultraviolence shot. A pessimist would say that Sophia's pretty much tied to the tracks here. A realist would point out that fatalties begin at about 16 Gs, so be a bit careful with the whiplash on that powerbomb, Penny
WINNER: Pain Train. Sophia will manage to make her bleed though, and call this a moral victory.
FUTURE SHOCK CHAMPIONSHIP
CASEY ATHERTON (C) vs. IGNIS
Atherton and Ignis remind me of the feud between the Uesugi and the Takeda during the Sengoku period. Just when you think the two sides were going to actually make it a year without killing each other, someone throws a shiny gold belt out there and LOL JK MURDER TIME!
WINNER: Casey has been fantastic as the Future Shock Champion, but after Ignis' amazing performance in Wales, it's tough to see her slowing down. New Champion, in what should be another classic match between these two.
TRIOS!
WENDY BRIESE & WITCHES BREW (Stephanie Dallins & Sunny Kyoun) vs. TARA THUNDER & OF POETS AND PROPHETS (Aimee Easter & Lightning)
There are seven championships in FFW. Four of them are represented in this match. Casey, Eileen & Penny aren't cool enough for this match? They're going to form their own match! With a tree fort and passwords and you won't be allowed in it because YOU SUCK Lightning you unabashed belt hog!
WINNER: Briese went to Tampa early to meet with the Brew, so obviusly they'll be on the same page come showtime. Something about Thunder and Easter/Lightning suggests a clash of personalities. Wendybrew wins.
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