FUTURE SHOCK THERAPY: Episode 11.3 Preview

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the definitive, authorative, existential source on all things Future Shock has once again returned, with FUTURE SHOCK THERAPY, our weekly look into our rookie talent competition.  Be sure to check back each week for news, insight, and rumors surrounding FFW's most popular spinoff show! 

So, we're down to six, with the voters having sent off another contestant, and this one was kind of a surprise.  Anyways, a quick look on the status so far...

8th Place: Fiona O'Dalaigh

7TH PLACE: HELGA
I WANT to be surprised by this, but I can't be.  Despite somehow obtaining two very good results in the first two episodes (winner the first, runner up the second), Helga is sent packing, a victim of what I like to call Nessa Wall syndrome.  Remember her, from Season 8?  Practically dominated episode after episode only to be sent home from the final three because she was such an unlikeable cunt?  Yeah, Helga might hae just out-Nessa'd Nessa.  She wasn't nearly as dominant or talented as Wall was, but she was probably twice as unbearable.  And she took the voters for granted, whining when they DIDNT pick her to win, but still gave her enough to advance after the first choice. That's a great way to turn people off of you.  So Helga's gone, and from what I'm hearing, an offer from FFW won't be forthcoming.  So good riddance, fare the well, and don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you! 

Still in the Running (In Alphabetical Order)
Kanna Haroshi
Lana Star
Leah O'Quinn
Lollipop 
Marla Lee
Velvet Raven


Alright, onto Episode number three, which, if you're aware of the standard Future Shock pattern, means back into the ring we go!  And we got a doozy here- a BRING YOUR OWN WEAPONS FOUR CORNERS MATCH.  Format's pretty simple.  Two women in the ring, four outside, one at each corner.  Tag in and out as see fit, first woman to make a pinfall wins it. At least that's what we're going to pretend will happen. 

Reality is a bit different, since the first rule of Ultraviolence is that there really aren't any rules.  SO I expect to keep in the four corners format for MAYBE four... six minutes if we're lucky.  Then it's going to melt down into a free for all, and with fans allowed to supply the weapons, and the wrestlers themselves bringing their own arsenal... we might set the FFW record for concussions in a single event. 

THE FAVORITE: The knee-jerk reaction is Marla, of course, considering she's been at the top of pretty much every challenge thus far, and has been dominating the fan vote.  But at the same time, she's pulled some pretty uncanny tricks, and I'm not certain she'll have room to pull the same crap.  So let's look at Lollipop here, who probably would have won the first challenge if her last opponent didn't weigh four hundred pounds.  And had a great chance of winning the second challenge until getting fucked over by the same woman.  Well, that woman's GONE, and Lollipop has the stamina and agility to survive a clusterfuck like this.  So long as her overzealous peppiness and taunting don't piss everyone else off to gang up on her, I can totally see Lolli popping this. 

MOST TO PROVE: Velvet Raven should be thanking whatever gods she does or doesn't believe in that she's still in this competition.  First eliminated in the first competition, and she didn't last much longer in the second.  In a season with so many colorful characters, you're going to need more than a revealing costume with a mask and a cool sword to get through.  If Velvet wants to make the final five and beyond... she needs to step it the fuck up.