POWER X- May 1, 2011

Its time for wrestling manager and analyst Daniel Pollaski to go over the news, reviews, and previews of Femme Fatale Wrestling! All content is the sole opinion of the author and does not reflect the views of Femme Fatale Wrestling, its wrestlers, or administration. Or Wendy Briese, for that matter, so don’t go jumping her in the hallway if you get butthurt about this. Bitch.


The Power X Inspirational Thought of the Week:

Silence is golden
Ingorance bliss
Better off not asking
What you'd rather forget
And as the vice grip choke holds
All of our freedoms are meeting their end
And for the wars they wage
Numberless troops lie wounded or dead
The beatings will continue
Until morale improves
Free your hate
Crusade in the days of rage
Perilous folly
Rise up against your fate
Free your hate
Crusade in the days of rage
Tireless cunning
Stampede and break your chains
- “Free Your Hate” KMFDM


Hey kids!

Yup its me again. I think most of you remember me from a little controversial column last Thursday, where I basically “Freed My Hate” all over Robbyn Helmsley and Rori Snyder’s faces. Honest to God, that was like a cybernetic bukkake of pure-awesome blogospheric pwnage.

But, unfortunately, there were consequences. My employer, the lovely, talented, and way too fuckin’ diplomatic Wendy Briese, decided that to save face with the now-traumatized FFW locker room, she’d throw me under the bus, ban me from the arena for next week’s Velocity, and ‘strongly urge me’ to stay off Twitter ‘until things have calmed down a bit’

Okay, fine. You know what? I’m a good boy. I’ll play along. I’m off Twitter for the time being, I won’t be at Velocity, and I’ll even donate a buck or two to a charity of Rori and Robbyn’s choice, just to show that hey, nothing personal.

But am I repentant? In case you haven’t figured it out yet, no I am not. And I think the vast majority of you know that deep down, what I said was nothing but truth. My words, while harsh, were as pure as a newborn kitten on a bed of freshly fallen snow. Although not as nearly as hypothermic.

Anyways, I’m sure you’re all sick of this crap anyways, so let’s move on, to the real reason you all hopped onto this website tonight.

Finally, after several months of hiatus , the POWER X has finally returned! For those of you unawares, this is merely the a column that allows you to gain the insights of a trained professional analyst and manager of this sport (mainly me) about the goings on in Femme Fatale Wrestling. Well, at least THIS column will be covering FFW. Which is why you’re probably reading it.

Anyways, just for a bit of a history lesson, back when my wrestlers (Wendy Briese and Terrence Thompson) were just starting out, I started doing subjective rankings of them and their rivals to let them know where I thought they standed in the heirarchy of the fed. I tried to be as fair and unbiased as possible, and I got in my mind that both of my clients enjoyed the lists, especially when “where they stood” became “pretty damn close to the top’”

Well, somehow, one of these got left lying around. And ANOTHER person saw it. And they liked it, so they started wanting to see subsequent editions. And then another, and another, and soon not only was I ranking the talent in just OUR fed, but for the entire interfed we belonged to! Using my trained eye for methods to make myself relevant without having to actually do any real work, I made a column out of it, and it’s tended to be fairly well recieved wherever it goes.

And now its here in FFW. Rejoice, ye Femme Fatalers.

So before I begin, I should once again point out that these rankings are mine, and my opinion alone. I try to be as fair and evenhanded as possible. After all, no one wants to read a column every week of me telling you why Wendy Briese is the greatest wrestler on the planet (she is, btw).

Now for the rules, as even a renegade like myself has to have a few guidelines.

1. All active members of the FFW roster who have competed on an FFW show during the last two booking cycles will be ranked. A booking cycle will be every two weeks, so basically, either one Velocity and one Breaking Point, OR one Pay-Per-View.

2. After this week, any wrestler who was ranked on the last edition of the rankings, has not competed in the past two booking cycles, but IS scheduled to compete in the next booking cycle, will also be ranked.

3. Rankings are entirely subjective, based on several factors, namely win/loss record, crowd reaction, percieved value to the company, and stregnth of opponents faced.

4, The FFW Champion (in this case, Scarlett Kincaid) will ALWAYS be ranked #1. That’s been a rule from the beginning. There is no criteria on how high or low any other title-holder may be ranked.

5. I reserve the right to make any changes or exceptions to the above rules. After all, this is my column

Now, I know FFW has a rival company out there, and many of the girls here also compete in that. However, in the interest of me not overdoing it to start, I’ve decided that what happens in SVW (Secondhand Value Wrestling) will by and large not be a factor in this rankings, except when it has FFW implications.

So to kick things off, a fairly robust thrity-two wrestlers made the initial edition of the FFW rankings, Not a bad start, especially considering that some pretty decent names haven’t qualified yet.

Despite all that, these rankings were pretty tough this time around. First, I’ve only been here a month, and I’m not too familiar with many of the happenings from before Full Frontal, so if your favorite wrestler hasn’t exactly lit the world on fire since then, I wouldn’t expect too much. Also, the sheer number of talented newcomers to the company toughens the rankings up just a smidge, not to mention the IMMENSE parity amongst the existing talent.

Like, how much parity? Try this on for size- In the four shows since Full Frontal, EVERY SINGLE FFW CHAMPION HAS LOST. Wins ain’t easy in Femme Fatale, even for the top of the ladder.

Anyways... pop in your favorite German industrial-technometal band, and LETS COUNT EM DOWN!

#32- JESSICA BOYETTE
Like I said, I’m still learning my way around here. But there’s one thing I’ve figured out quite easily: Losing to Destiny Loveheart in your debut is a surefire way to end up in last place.

#31- FAITH
It seems to me that Faith has done a tremendous job of living up to her name. It does take a lot of faith to walk to that ring, knowing the beating she’s about to be in store for. Well, either that, or the desperate need for a decent paycheck.

#30- SKYE
I consider myself having a reasonably good memory for this stuff. So if I have to go back and check my notes just to remember who the hell you are, that’s not really a good sign.

#29- DESTINY LOVEHEART
Destinly actually managed to pick up a win at the last Velocity, triumphing over the hapless Jessica Boyette. If she can beat Jenna McKinley on Thursday (she won’t), that’s called a winning streak!

#28- SYD ASHLEY
Syd can’t be a happy camper about the way her match with Gretchen Donimari ended. In fact, that on-again/off-again decision left me scratching my head as well.

#27- CHARITY DEAS
Charity thought she was riding high after her victory over Hope Matthews at Full Frontal, but reality was less kind, as she’s taken two painful, deflating losses to a Briese and Hilton since then.

#26- TRACI LOVEHEART
Twisted Path’s attack on Tiffany is one of those rare SVW moments that will get mentioned on here, because it seems like half the Femme Fatales are out for their heads as well. First crack went to Ariel Shadows, who managed to deliver some pain. More should be in store in the coming weeks for Traci and her partner.

#25- HAYLEY DARK
You know, maybe I’m off my rocker here, but something might be just a TEENSY bit wrong within the ranks of the Cherrybombs...

#24- MICHELLE TAYLOR
The always gung-ho (more ho than gung, but whatever) Michelle Taylor has got to be excited about getting a chance at the Television title. But after already losing to one of her rivals in that four-way match, can she afford another loss- to Starla McCloud?

#23- KASSANDRA
I haven’t seen too much of Kassandra, and what little I have more or less involved her getting walloped by various members of The Eternal Flame. But considering she’s now in the Chase for the Crown, Mr. Kincaid must have a lot more faith in her than I do.

#22- REBBECCA VALENTINE
Back to the drawing board for Rebbecca, who got some of the air let out of her tires against Lumina Ferrari last week. Can she regain her confidence when she faces Delilah in a preview of the Tag Tournament Finals?

#21- GRETCHEN DONIMARI
Okay, for some reason, I’m having a problem with Gretchen’s last name, namely whether the M or the N comes first, and I have to keep looking it up. Either way, like I said above, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the ending to her match against Syd Ashley. Either way, I’m sure Gretchen’s happy to have the win.

#20- PAYTON ST. PIERRE
Payton’s gotten her wish- a rematch against her Future Shock nemesis at Velocity. But the pressure seems to be entirely on her. Sophie Richards has already proven herself by winning the second season, AND has gotten her title shot. It’s entirely on St. Pierre to show what she can do

#19- ARIEL SHADOWS
Ariel tweeted after her victory over Traci Loveheart that technically, she beat both members of Twisted Path. While you could certainly make a case for that, it’s really more like Twisted Path beat themselves. That being said, I’ve seen plenty of Ariel before she came to FFW, and I know what this girl is capable of. Look for her to move up.

#18- LUMINA FERRARI
Anywhere Johnny Moxie goes, he turns heads, and with Lumina Ferrari as his newest protege, FFW is turning out to be no exception. Her downing of Rebecca Valentine was quite the introduction, and it’s a fair surprise that she hasn’t gotten a match for the latest go-round. Nonetheless, I wouldn’t be too shocked if she finds herself in the Chase for the Crown.

#17- WENDY BRIESE
Speaking of the Chase for the Crown, it’s no surprise to me that Wendy was the first person selected to be in this contest, despite her only having had one match. Wendy’s only 17th due to her newness to the company- you can bet your ass she’ll be moving up.

#16- CRYSTAL HILTON
Another Chase for the Crowner, and another wrestler with nowhere to go but up in FFW. She looked good against Charity Deas, and absolutely sick against Faith. It’s time for her to get some real competition, and next week is going to serve nicely.

#15- SOPHIE RICHARDS
Sophie made a big statement in her official debut, downing fellow TV title contender Michelle Taylor. Sophie’s definitely in the mix for conviction, although whether she can match Starla’s cold efficiency or Belladonna’s energy remains to be seen.

#14- DELILAH
Angelic S&D is in the finals of the FFW Unity Tag Team TOurnament, and Delilah definitely is a big part of that. While her match against Rebecca Valentine will by no means decide the winners, it certainly is going to give a psychological advantage to the victor’s team.

#13- CHARLIE GAGE
It was easy to write Gage off after the Danger Queens were bounced by the Eternal Flame from the Unity Tournament, but she rebounded in a huge way with a big win over Delilah last week. It’s almost surprising that Kassandra was selected for the Chase for the Crown over her, but maybe something else is on the horizon for Charlie.

#12- SELINA
The Archangel should be pretty content to sit back and watch this week. She’ll get a chance to scout Rebecca Valentine against her partner, and you know she’ll want to avenge her loss to Kat Stryfe at Full Frontal when the two teams collide at Conviction.

#11- KATHERINE STRYFE
*FFW ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPION*
The general consensus around the FFW-universe seems to be that Kat Stryfe is toast come Velocity, and I’m going to be inclined to agree. Probably a good thing, too. Kat’s adamant refusal to use weapons in defense of the title has turned it into a fourth-tier singles belt, instead of the specialty division it was designed to be.

#10- RAVEN WICKED
She’s definitely a bit on the nutters side, but if any of the Future Shock alumni have a chance at making a huge dent in FFW, it’s the first season’s champion. Here’s food for thought- if Camilla Pazzini knocks off Katherine Stryfe at Velocity, could Raven suddenly find herself with a shot at the Ultraviolence title in a couple weeks?

#9- BELLADONNA
*FFW TELEVISION CHAMPION*
Word on the street is that I’m not exactly popular with Miss Trixie right now. Apparently the little hypocrite has been talking smack on Twitter about me being a ‘cyber-warrior’, or something. Well, maybe finding herself STILL in the top ten, despite ending her last two FFW matches flat on her back, will somewhat mollify her.

#8- ROBBYN HELMSLEY
Yeah, pick your jaw up off the floor, I”m not exactly happy about this myself. Look we all know she’s overrated, and she’ll drop like a stone from here, but right now, I just can’t justify ranking her below eighth. Well, I could have maybe dropped her ninth, under Belladonna, but we’ve all heard ENOUGH about Robbyn Helmsley being under Belladonna.

#7- UNDINE
Believe it or not, the top contender to the evolution championship has actually been a hot topic around the RV the past few weeks. Wendy has always maintained that it takes a high-level of intelligence to be a truly good submissionist. I’ve asked her to explain Undine. Wendy’s says that Undine is clearly not as dumb as everyone makes her out to be. Yeah. Okay.

#6- ANASTACIA BALDWIN
Ana’s been a pretty busy girl as of late. First she plays a very deciding factor in the main event at Full Frontal, and then she follows it up by completely breaking Rose Astral’s brain. Of course, that accomplishment is about as hard as bending a straw, but it was still entertaining to watch!

#5- COLLEEN
*FFW EVOLUTION CHAMPION*
A tough, TOUGH loss to Camilla last week probably has Col looking for some answers (namely, what tests do you actually have to pass around here to be a referee?). She canNOT afford to lose confidence in herself, though. Not with the Aquablonde breathing (through her mouth) down her neck.

#4- CAMILLA PAZZINI
Well, Chunk’s last win wasn’t without its share of “WTF!” moments, but that seems to be par for the course for the Pazzinis, who seem to need controversy like a Belmont needs blood. Still, everyone can’t seem to wait to watch her immolate the “Ultraviolence” champion, and you can squarely count me in that camp.

#3- STACEY MACKENZIE
Stacey’s tied Gretchen for “most pain in the ass name to remember how to spell”. Anyways, the Dream Killer has been riding high, first ending Belladonna’s undefeated streak in an absolutely stellar match, and now she finds herself joining a positively LOADED Team FFW for War Games. So long as everyone can play nice for an hour, Secondhand Value Wrestling doesn’t have a chance!

#2- ISABELLA PAZZINI
Izzy’s got a solid claim on the number one contendership, and she’s also more than enjoying her position of FFW Team Captain, and one of Samantha’s favorite employees? Here’s a question though... what *if* Team FFW chokes in this match? How far will Pazzini’s stock fall then?

#1- SCARLETT KINCAID
*FFW CHAMPION*
Looks like Scarlett will be content to watch and observe as we make the final push for conviction, and get herself rested for the WarGames match. Despite her getting out of defending her title for a couple of months, you can’t think that she’s all that happy with the arrangement. She’s the champ, but Pazzini’s got the captaincy, and despite all the ‘teamwork’ bullshit Izzy’s been spouting, I think its safe to say that Pazzini will chuck poor Scarlett under the bus if the opportunity is right.


And there we have it, folks! Rankings done for another fortnight.

Of course, if you have any comments, or questions, or just feel the need to bitch and make an ass of yourself, go ahead and post below in the comment section. That goes for any aspect of this column.

Oh but we aint’ done yet, kids! Pollaski’s in a typing mood, so that means its time for a new section to the column, one that I call...

FUTURE SHOCK THERAPY!
Gee, I wonder what this is about?

So Future Shock kicked off on Saturday, and just like most people who can’t get enough of attractive young ladies rolling around a ring, I was tuned in. Well, actually, I was tuned in before that, looking at the promo videos the girls put up. So, my initial first impressions...

I’D MOST LIKE TO BANG... IGNIS
Just... me-ooow.

I’D MOST LIKE TO BANG (WITH A SHOTGUN)... ALLYSON SUMMERS
Dear GOD. Is there anyone out there on the planet more shrill and annoying than this girl? I mean... we’re talking Alex Borstein levels of irritation, but at least Borstein is funny. You gotta wonder if Christian Kincaid is wearing earplugs while Ally drones on and on and on...

I THINK THE DARK HORSE IS... KELLY ALLEN
Kelly’s coming off a weirdo with the crystal ball gypsy hypno-look, but honestly, there’s something about her that says she’s a dangerous woman in this competition. She’s easily over looked, but done at one’s own peril.

I THINK THE FAN FAVORITE WILL BE... JO MCFARLANE
Yeah, I know. The world needs another Belmont/Stryfe/McFarlane/Whatever wrestling like I need a 10-piece bucket from KFC. But there’s something about Jo that strikes me as... different. She’s not as manic as her brother, not smug as her sister. I think if Jo can make her own identity out, she could endear herself to a lot of people.

I’D MOST LIKE TO MANAGE... CASEY ATHERTON
Atherton’s getting dismissed by a lot of people, but I honestly think Casey has the biggest upside of any of the six ladies. The problem is, she’s going to be hampered by the self-serving interests of Starla McCloud and Alex Adonis, and that could end up costing her. But if Casey wants to stop saluting Alex’s flagpole, and sign on with a proven winner that actually treats his wrestlers like more than pieces of meat, she knows where to find me.

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING... ORORO CROW
Well, thank God, because watching that introductory press conference, I almost thought some idiot was going to actually declare Crow the Jackie Robinson of women’s professional wrestling. But no, she’s actually BETTER than every African-descendant sports pioneer in history. Or something. Except she’s not a pioneer- at all. She’s just a woman wearing goofy sunglasses with way too high of an opinion of herself.

So after all that, it was time for CAPTURE THE QUEEN. Which I think is what they call Red Rover in San Fransisco. Anyways, this game did NOT involve running full tilt at your opponents in an attempt to get them to stop holding hands, but was a full on three vs. three tornado tag match, but the catch was, only one wrestler on either side (aka the Queen) could be pinned. An interesting match, to say the least.

The two teams were Crow, Atherton, and McFarlane (Crow being Queen) against Allen, Ignis, and Summers (Allen being queen). The match was well fought, although rife with the expected rookie mistakes from all competitors. Allen managed to gain a huge coup for herself, not to mention immunity, when she snuck in and pinned Crow to give her team the victory.

So much for being the Dark Horse.

So, with Kelly Allen immune from being booted this week, that leaves us with five wrestlers. So...

MY VOTE GOES TO... IGNIS
Personally, I think that since it was a TEAM match, that everyone on the winning team should be immune, otherwise it could have just as easily broken into a massive, complicated six-way brawl. Unfortunately, I don’t call the shots here, which means that both Summers and Ignis are up for elimination. Since I’m only voting once, and Ignis is the least annoying of the two, she gets my vote.

TIME TO GET RID OF... ORORO CROW
Yeah, here’s a bit of advice to any fledgling wrestling star. If you’re going to go with the arrogant ‘I’m too good to provide any bit of information at all about myself’ method, the least you could do is NOT take the fall in your very first match. Otherwise, you look like a pretentious dickwit.


LOOKING AHEAD
Alright, two more shows to go until Conviction, and man are they action packed. Normally in this section of the column, I predict all the upcoming matches, but that would just take too long. So, counting down, the top five matches I’m looking forward to in the coming fortnight.

5. #17 WENDY BRIESE vs. RORI SNYDER
Now, I might have created a bit of controversy about this, but this match certainly will give Wendy a much better chance to show what she can do than Charity Deas did. Rori’s coming off an injury that’s kept her out for a month, and she wasn’t exactly lighting the world on fire before that. I got Wendy winning this one, obviously.

4. #15 SOPHIE RICHARDS vs. #20 PAYTON ST. PIERRE
The rematch of the well, week, definitely. Payton was practically hand-picked to win the second season of future shock, but Sophie Richards overcame her in a ladder match to pull off the surprise win, and that has not sat well with Ms. St. Pierre at all. This time, its to a fall, and the tension is obviously high. Can Pay win? Yeah, but she’s going to have to do a LOT better than she did when she beat Destiny Loveheart. A LOT better. I’m gonna pick Sophie to take this.

3. #8 ROBBYN HELMSLEY vs. VALERIE BELMONT
Val probably would have found her way into a pretty nice spot in the rankings this week had Rose Astral not been overwhelmed by her own sucktitude and snapped. Ah well, now she gets her debut, and if this remains at all a nice-orderly wrestling match for more than two minutes, I’m going to be stunned. The fur’s going to fly, but I think when it’s all said and done, Supergirl is about to get destroyed.

2. #16 CRYSTAL HILTON vs. #19 ARIEL SHADOWS
I’ve known both these women from their time before FFW, and if you think I’m nuts for putting this match in the two-slot, you’ll be singing a different tune come next week. Both Shadows and Hilton are young, talented, and have a lot to prove out there, especially Shadows, who’s yet to get a ride for the PPV. I expect this match to completely get the crowd going, but when the dust clears, I think Ariel’s going to get the win.

1. FFW ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPIONSHIP, INFERNO MATCH: #10 KATHERINE STRYFE © vs. #4 CAMILLA PAZZINI
Ever since Stryfe appeared in a promo more zoinked than the entire cast of Scooby Doo combined, this match has been on the books, and with the Eternal Flame facing Angelic S&D for the tag titles at the PPV, this got bumped up (although it would have been HILLARIOUS to see Stryfe try and survive both contests). Anyways, I’ve said it before, but there is NOTHING about this match to suggest that Kathy isn’t a dead woman walking. Asbestos ahoy for this one!


AWARDS TIME!
So finally, we get to the end of our journey through FFW, but not handing out a few of my long-coveted awards. So, without further ado...

MATCH OF THE WEEK
STACEY MACKENZIE vs. BELLADONNA
The billing was “someone’s “0” has got to go!”, and the match lived up to the hype you’d expect for two wrestlers who had yet to lose in singles competition. Both women are well liked by the fans, and the crowd was completely into it the whole way through. Stacey picked up the pinfall, but in the end, we all ended up winners.
RUNNERS UP
- Anastacia Baldwin vs. Rose Astral (Best one-sided ass-whuppin EVER)
- Ariel Shadows vs. Traci Loveheart (Impressive debut for Shadows, and everyone loves to see Twisted Path getting clonked)

WINNER OF THE WEEK
STACEY MACKENZIE
If I seem to be on Stacey Mac’s non-existant nuts this week, its with pretty good reason. Stacey’s had as good a Velocity as anyone could hope to have, getting that huge win over Belladonna, and becoming a member of Team FFW for War Games. Now the only question is, where does the Dream Killer go from here?
RUNNERS UP
- Isabella Pazzini (She didn’t get to break an undefeated streak, but Izzy’s solidified herself as bosslady’s top woman in this company)
- Charlie Gage (The true mark of a wrestler is how well they rebound from a tough loss. Charlie did that better than anyone else in the company this week)

LOSER OF THE WEEK
BELLADONNA
Okay, just a bit of an explanation here- the “loser of the week” award is NOT actually intended as an insult. This is just simply the wrestler I think had the biggest setback, or the most disappointing outing of the week. Tough to place it elsewhere than Trixie, who wrestled her heart out, and came away with the loss. You throw that in with so many people gunning for her television title, and her tag partner having a penchant for staring at her from the entry ramp, and things can’t be going too smoothly for Miss Rainbow.
RUNNERS UP
-Rose Astral (Made an ass of herself, ragequit, then made an even bigger ass of herself. Good going!)
-Colleen (She wanted that one against Cammie. You could feel it. Losing- especially that way- has to be nothing short of a heartbreaker.)

DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK
ALVIN SHEPHARD, MELINDA DAVIS & JENNIFER STRINGER
The surprisingly much-coveted Douchebag award goes to the individual (or individuals) who I think pulled off the biggest asshole move of the entire week. And I’ve never actually given it to an officiating crew before, but dear GOD, after last weeks’ Breaking Point, I don’t have a choice. First one of them goes and gets OUTSMARTED BY TWISTED PATH (luckily Ariel was able to avoid the subsequent chairshot and gets the win). And then Alvin Shephard pulls off the biggest, laziest, missed call since Jim Joyce screwed Armando Galarraga out of a perfect game. STEVIE WONDER SAW COLLEENS FUCKING FOOT UNDER THE ROPES! Someone wake these imbeciles UP!
RUNNERS UP
- Traci Loveheart & Victoria Summers (Something about whacking a girl named Tiffany with a chair over in SVW. Not sure about it...)
- Camilla Pazzini, Isabella Pazzini, Payton St. Pierre, & Starla McCloud (Damned tequila stealing bitches!)


Okay, FINALLY we have come to the end of the show, and a big thank you to everyone for reading! Again, feel please leave comments at the bottom, and I look forward to being back next week with more rankings, awards, and a preview of CONVICTION!

Until then...

POLLA OUT!

Daniel Pollaski is an freelance wrestling columnist, and the manager of Wendy Briese.