Power X: May 2011

Monday, May 30, 2011

POWER X- May 29, 2011

The Power X's inspirational thought of the week:

These,

Half-truths you're telling me won't,

Bring me to my knees.

Scraped up and bruised from your,

Fickleness I plead,

Just let me feel some ease from,

Creatures of your greed.

Just let me feel some ease for me.

I'm not so glad I met you.

It makes me want to go away.

Until you think its over.

I touch.

Yeah yeah yeah.

Where do we go from here?

You know I'm not the only one.

Where do we go from here?

You know I'm not your only son.

Where do we go from here?

Stop dreaming about that shiny gun.

Where do we go from here?

You know I'm not the only one.

- “Where Do We Go From Here?” Filter

Well, I hope everyone enjoyed the absolutely incredible, amazing, awesome, brilliant, unbelievable, shocking, balls to the wall adrenaline rush that was FFW’s Conviction. All nine matches delievered in style, and I think its safe to say that thirty-one of the thirty-three wrestlers involved (Destiny Loveheart and Victoria Summers excluded) came to play. Now, I know a lot of fans weren’t incredibly happy with the way the show ended, but all of ya have to admit- you didn’t see that coming.

But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

So now that the dust has settled from an unbelievable night in Toronto, everyone’s returned home to rest and heel up, the replay buyrates are jumping off the shelves, and they FINALLY picked up the landfill that covered the ringside area by the end of the show (I haven’t seen that good of a trash throwing riot in AGES!), it’s time to not just reflect on the night that was, but to start thinking about what’s next.

Or, well, “Where do we go from here?”

For some, like Kaitlynn Stryfe and the Chase for the Crown winners, they just achieved a massive, momentum building victory, and they hope to ride the momentum as the FFW train now barrels towards Unstoppable at the end of July. For others, such as Undine and the Eternal Flame, its a time to regroup from a disappointing defeat, and wonder what went wrong. Given the way FFW’s tended to work, there will be something for everyone, from the top of the card to the bottom, in the coming future.

Except for SVW. At least as far as where FFW is concerned. Because the war is over, and the victory was as resounding and decisive as the Union’s win over the Confederacy.

“But wait, Dan!” You’re no doubt likely saying. “That was a hard fought and competitive battle between both teams! They were completely evenly matched until Miss Demeanor betrayed SVW! That win was tainted.”

Yup, exactly.

See, this war was never about which roster was better than the other. This was personal between Star and Flaherty, and everyone- and that includes Isabella Pazzini and Johnny Moxie here, were little more than pieces on the board of which their little game played out.

And Saturday Night, about 41 minutes into the main event, Samantha Star called Check mother-fucking MATE.

Team FFW’s victory over Team SVW is tainted. There’s no denying that. But Star’s win over Flaherty will go down in history as one of the finest, most brutal acts of dominance you will ever see. She took Flaherty’s secret weapon and made it her own. I don’t know how she figured it out, got to Demeanor, or what the hell she offered her to do this, but we all saw it with our own eyes.

So congratulations to bosslady on her resounding victory, and I’m sure Sammy’s out in Los Angeles partying it up right now. As for Flaherty, maybe I’ll actually watch Aggression in a couple weeks to see just how “Spook Dawg” explains to the four men and woman he had risk their bodies and lives for him, just how the hell he blew this one.

Anyways, welcome to the post-Conviction edition of the Power X, your one-stop end-all be-all guide to the goings on of Femme Fatale Wrestling. As could be expected for coming out of a PPV, quite a bit of shuffling going on, with only the top two really maintaining their positions. Below them, we see two new faces in our top 5, and three new people in the top 10!

Overall, the eligibility number drops just a tad, with three people being bumped from the list, while only one person joins. That still leaves us with thirty-four wrestlers, a number that’s sure to go up in the next week thanks to the sizeable number of debuts we’ll be seeing.

I should note that despite the presence of Tiffany, Gabriella Manning, Wendigo, Nick Sanders, Johnny Moxie, and Miss Demeanor at Conviction, none of them will be ranked. For the first five, it’s fairly obvious, as they are members of SVW, not FFW. For Miss Demeanor, while I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that she’s going to be a member of FFW’s roster, it hasn’t been made official yet. Besides, all she did was hit four people with a baseball bat. And technically, she was on both teams, so she kinda both won and lost.

Anyways, here’s the three unfortunates who won’t be seeing their name in the Power X again for the forseeable future, last ranking in brackets.

Jessica Boyette [36]

Charity Deas [32]

Anastacia Baldwin [6]

Obviously not any surprises there, considering Boyette was bringing up the rear, and lost to Destiny Loveheart, and Charity Deas wasn’t doing much better. Anastacia Baldwin is awesome, of course, but she really only came in to (hillariously) destroy Rose Astral. She doesn’t seem to be a full time member of the roster.

So I know where I’m going from here... I’m going to COUNT EM DOWN!

#34- FAITH [+1]

Well, the bad news is that with Boyette riding off into the sunset, Faith takes over the residency as the bottom of the FFW pecking order. The good news is, since Faith was ranked 35th last week, and the eligibility list shrunk, she actually moved up this week! How bout them apples?

#33- TRACI LOVEHEART [--]

Wasn’t exactly sure which Loveheart to rank lower, but considering that Destiny actually got on the Conviction show, I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

#32- DESTINY LOVEHEART [+2]

Destiny somehow managed to hit a new low at Conviction, lasting about a minute before being completely and utterly destroyed by Kassandra. Wonder if our brass is now rethinking her involvement in the Chase- not that there’s anything that can be done about it.

#31- VICTORIA SUMMERS [--]

Only one of the matches at Conviction could be considered a dud, and not shockingly, it was Summers’. After all the shit she pulled, Victoria Summers was incapable of even STARTING a wrestling match with Tiffany. I normally don’t make light of injuries, but honest to God, Vickie Summers never looked better than she did with her ankle snapped.

#30- MICHELLE TAYLOR [-1]

Y’know, for a second there at Conviction, I was hoping that we had gotten a replica Michelle Taylor, and the real one was locked away in a chest or something. No such luck.

#29- WHITLEY MERCER [-3]

Whitley found herself outside looking in at Conviction, which is unfortunate, because I actually think this gutsy young lady is rather underutilized. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like Whitley will be competing in the coming fortnight of matches, either.

#28- ARIEL SHADOWS [-5]

Welp, this will be the final time you see Ariel Shadows in the Power X, as she will be leaving FFW. It’s a shame really, because I’ve known Ariel for a while, and I’ve seen what she can do. If she had stuck around to live up to her potential, it would have been amazing.

#27- REBBECCA VALENTINE [--]

Rebbecca’s inexperience came back to haunt her again, as she let Selina slip her leash in a two on one situation, and she paid for it dearly. Personally, I think that once she comes around, she’ll be a top fifteen talent in FFW, but for now, she’s really struggling.

#26- LUMINA FERRARI [-4]

Lumina showed up, beat Rebbecca Valentine, then disappeared. Well, luckily we didn’t COMPLETELY forget about her, because she’s back, and this time, its against the sliding Katherine Stryfe. I think the general consensus right now is that her trainer/manager is a lot more to worry about than she herself is.

#25- SHANE SANDERS [NEW]

I’ll take “How Not to Make Your FFW Return” for $400, Alex. Shane’s put on a brave face, and called Rori out for the rather questionable way she picked up that victory, but you know to lose to Snyder, especially after all that was said between the two, has to be devastating.

#24- GRETCHEN DONIMARI [--]

Gretch probably woke up Sunday morning in a bad mood. I would have too had the biggest opportunity of my career ended up with me teaming alongside one girl who was quitting, and another who was Destiny Loveheart. I still peg Donimari as someone who has a ton of potential, but she just needs something to click. Her team at Conviction did not.

#23- PAYTON ST. PIERRE [+2]

That’s right kids. Payton St. Pierre is so annoying she actually gains spots by simply not being on television, and subjecting us to her whiny, ear piercing tempter tantrums. Considering she’s facing Belladonna this time around, ear plugs are probably going to be mandatory for any sane observer watching this match.

#22- JENNA MCKINLEY [-1]

Well, that was cringe-worthy. After all the hype, all the promise she seemed to have shown, Jenna fell absolutely flat on her face (through a table no less!) at Conviction. Not that Raven Wicked’s a slouch, mind you, but I kinda thought I was going to see better.

#21- KASSANDRA [+7]

THERE we go! I had to admit, that when the Chase for the Crown teams were announced, I honestly thought, going off the one match I had seen her in, that she would almost prove to be a liability. Well, I was wrong... dead wrong, and now I’m starting to see why she and the Danger Queens are considered one of the finest tag teams in women’s wrestling.

#20- RORI SNYDER [+10]

If Kassandra surprised me, Rori completely and utterly shocked me. I know she cheated to win, but that Rori Snyder was a much more brutal and efficient one than we saw against Wendy Briese. I almost hate to say it, but Rori might actually have some merit in FFW after all.

#19- KATHERINE STRYFE [-1]

Despite her adamant refusal, I’m starting to wonder if drugs really ARE coming into play here, because “The Beautiful Nightmare” has actually started to look pretty ugly lately. By my count, that’s three losses in a row, and unless she can get her head in the game, it could very well be four when Lumina Ferrari faces her in Los Angeles. And five when she and Valentine rematch against Angelic S&D in Little Rock.

#18- CHARLIE GAGE [-2]

Quiet week for Charlie Gage, as she was content to play grab-ass with her partner’s new bodyguard, and watch Kassandra raise hell in the Chase for the Crown. But now she’s got an opportunity of her own- a chance at Sophie Richards and the Television Championship. I don’t know if Gage will manage to capitalize and strike gold here, but I’m certainly not ruling it out.

#17- BELLADONNA [-7]

Wait, down seven? After that match? Yup. I mean, lets face it, Trixie put out a hell of an effort, but without that Television title her resume is really, REALLY thin. Like, three losses in the past four matches thin, with the one win coming due to outside interference when she was brutally getting her ass kicked. But don’t worry kids, Belladonna ‘wins’ something this week. But we’ll get to that later.

#16- WENDY BRIESE [+3]

Wolf Ramsey called her the “MVP of the first round”, and while I hate to agree with that shaggy haired dickwit, I kinda have to here. That beautiful crossbody to take out Ariel and Gretchen to help secure the win for her team is part of the reason why I so readily agreed to be her manager. That, and she and her husband were the only one’s offering.

#15- CRYSTAL HILTON [+2]

Kassandra may have picked up the fall, Briese may have secured the win, but Crystal still seems to remain the front runner for the Chase in many people’s minds. Whatever you may think of her, you can’t deny that once she’s in that ring, business is sure to pick up.

#14- STARLA MCCLOUD [-3]

Even though she couldn’t quite get that TV title around that (amazing...) waist, Starla does manage to keep her title of “Queen Bitch”. I honestly would kinda like to see her in that ring a bit more- she’s actually pretty fun to watch, whatever her disposition might be.

#13- RAVEN WICKED [+2]

Not sure if I’m a solid believer that a coin flip should determine your disposition going into a match, but after seeing Raven in action, it ain’t a strategy I can really argue with. With her vanquishing McKinley, it seems to me that she’s by far the top contender for the Ultraviolence title. But will the brass upstairs agree with me?

#12- UNDINE [-4]

Damn. It’s not that Undine performed badly out there, but there honestly seemed something off about her during that match- and it was a really, REALLY bad time to have an off night for her. I don’t think she’ll be in line for another shot at the Evo title in the forseeable future, so it’s going to be fairly interesting to see where she goes from here.

#11- ROBBYN HELMSLEY [+3]

Well, the self-proclaimed Supergirl put on another solid performance, that’s for sure. Forty minutes in that cage (not to mention starting off against WENDIGO, of all people), and Robbyn didn’t embarrass herself. In the midst of all the chaos that went on during the conclusion of that match, one thing remained clear- Robbyn earned the right to walk out of that with her head high.

#10- VALERIE BELMONT [-3]

I’m sure the thought of Kitty Mac having one up on her is cringe-worthy to our scarlet haired vampiress, but Val really has nothing to be ashamed of coming out of that contest. You go ten matches, and I see each woman winning five. Conviction just didn’t happen to be her night.

#9- DELILAH [+4]

*UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION*

The Holmby Hills Hangover is turning into one of my favorite moves. It’s a bit flashy, but the pure damage you can do, especially with the versatility where you can aim where you hit, is unmeasurable. Oh, and it got Angelic S&D the tag team titles. What’s not to love?

#8- SOPHIE RICHARDS [+12]

*TELEVISION CHAMPION*

That was what? Her third official FFW match, and Sophie brings home the bacon? Impressive performance, even more impressive victory, and that’s why she’s the biggest gainer in the rankings this week. But here’s a question- is this too much success too soon? She’s a rookie after all, and not one approaching the end of her year either. Sophie can start calming THOSE doubts against Charlie Gage this week.

#7- SELINA [+5]

*UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION*

Just a random thought, but if you say our Tag Champ’s name real fast, it sounds like “Angelic Cindy”. Which reminds me of Cindy Lou Who. Which reminds me of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Which reminds me of Selina’s frantic scramble around the outside of the ring to get her sister’s foot on the ropes, and wreck a surefire holiday for the Eternal Flame. Free association FTW!

#6- STACEY MACKENZIE [-2]

Stacey drops a couple spots through no fault of her own, but she wins a special recognition. The gaping, open mouthed stares of Team FFW as Miss Demeanor joined them were all pretty amusing, but Stacey’s, for some reason, was the absolute most priceless.

#5- KAITLYNN STRYFE [+4]

(CD, U+K). Something in that brain must have hit that button sequence, because I’ll be damned if it didn’t look like Kitty Mac ripped a page from Colonel William F. Guile’s playbook and nailed the freaking FLASH KICK to get her win over Valerie Belmont. All well and good, but if Stryfe starts throwing Sonic Booms during her matches, I’m calling foul.

#4- CAMILLA PAZZINI [-1]

*ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPION*

I gave her a hard time at first, but honest to god... I like Chunks. I especially like Chunks when she’s hurting people (that are not managed by me, of course). Needless to say, I missed Chunks at Conviction. And the coming week too, as she is unfortunately unscheduled. Guess I’ll have to look elsewhere for pure on full pwnage.

#3- COLLEEN [+2]

*EVOLUTION CHAMPION*

Colleen put on a submission clinic at Conviction, putting the hurt on Undine, and retaining her title. Still, no rest for this talented young lady- Robbyn Helmsley’s got a rematch clause to cash in, not to mention the Chase for the Crown winner gunning for a shot. Colleen’s going to be a very busy girl indeed.

#2- ISABELLA PAZZINI [--]

Izzy Pizzy did a fine job at Conviction, and played her role of team captain as well. But that’s over and done with now- we all know what she wants, and that’s the FFW Championship back around her waist. She has her chance on the ninth, and there ain’t a damn thing she’s going to let stop her.

#1- SCARLETT KINCAID [--]

*FFW CHAMPION*

So the question is- has Scarlett been hoping for, or dreading this match ever since she won the title back at Full Frontal? On one hand, she’ll finally have a chance to shut her critics up, and prove that she didn’t just win thanks to Anastacia Baldwin. On the OTHER hand, well, we’ve all seen what lengths Isabella’s willing to go to get this title, including carving up Rori Snyder (y’know, back when that was looked down on). Scarlett’s got a hell of a fight on her hands if she doesn’t want to be one and done.

And there we have it! Another batch of rankings delivered fresh from my brain-oven to your FFW dinner table. Unfortunately, I don’t have second helpings, although you can always get some leftovers by heading back and checking out previous columns.

Or, if these rankings have left you feeling a bit queasy, go ahead and regurgitate a bit, and leave a mess in the comments section. Don’t worry, I’ll clean it up. That’s also a great place to leave your compliments to the chef.

Ah, but here at the Power X, we have desert- three full courses of it after your entree. That’s because reading the Power X is so sweet, of course. Anyways, next up is a little bit I like to call

FUTURE SHOCK THERAPY

So when we last left off Future Shock, Ororo Crow ran away, Casey shoved people off chairs, Mr. Showtime was AWESOME and punched Alex Adonis in the face, and Ignis won the challenge. Not that it mattered, because there’d be no elimination that week anyways.

Anyways, Round 3 came down the night before Conviction, and man, was it a doozy. Another tag team match this time, with the four remianing ladies paired up for elimination tag action. Ignis got paired with Kelly Allen, while her Club CK stablemate Ally Summers got tied up with Casey Atherton.

Shockingly, Ignis was actually the first to go- because Alvin Shephard is an IDIOT. Seriously, this guy’s the FFW senior official? Disqualifying someone FOR BREAKING UP A PIN? Dear god, I manage a wrestler who keeps a copy of the rule book in her gym bag, and SHE BREAKS UP PINS IN TAG MATCHES. What the fuck is wrong with this guy when he misses a CHAIRSHOT and disqualifies someone for BEING A GOOD TEAMMATE?

Ugh, seriously? Cody? Samantha? You guys are quick to talk about everything else out there, why not address the fact that Alvin Shephard’s now blown TWO HUGE CALLS in the past month?

Anyways, this gets followed up by Casey Atherton pulling a Casey Atherton, and completely screwing over her own teammate, which means its bye-bye to Ally Summers. Unfortunately, Casey only pulled the heist because she believed that Kelly Allen was done. Unfortunately for her, Kelly wasn’t done, and long story short, Casey found herself in a gogoplata. Of course, Casey is nothing if not resourceful, and from that hold, she managed to get Kelly’s shoulders down, grab the tights, and one wonderful bit of Alvin Shephard officiating later, Casey Atherton has immunity.

Boo her all you want,kids, but I’m kinda impressed that she had the presence of mind to go for the pin, cheat on two fronts, and hold it all the while she’s getting the life squeezed out of her. Anyways, with Casey Atherton now into the final three, who joins her? Well..

MY VOTE GOES TO: Kelly Allen

This was actually a tough decision, because there’s no denying that both Ignis and Ally got hosed. However, Kelly did put on a hell of a showing, and let’s be honest, her keeping the gogoplata on Casey after the bell, and forcing her to choke out, was a pretty awesome revenge play (and it looked HOT). So, in a tough bit, I voted Kelly.

TIME TO SAY GOODBYE TO: Ally Summers

Be honest, between Ignis and Ally, who the hell would you pick? Ally’s done nothing wrong, but the fact is, she hasn’t stood out at all. Allen and Ignis have been solid, and Casey’s methods, while unethical, have drawn her atention. Allys’ just been there, and it should be noted that TWICE now, she’s let herself be played for a fool by Atherton. We’re getting down to the nitty gritty here, and this choice seems an obvious one.

LOOKING AHEAD

So back to the dual-shows we go, although neither of the upcoming shows are at all what I’d call bog-standard issue. For starters, we have the ONE YEAR anniversary special going down on Velocity, and the Night of Champions playing out on Breaking Point. From the eleven matches, I’ve chosen the five I’m looking the most forward to from a fan’s standpoint, along with my picks. Should note that I absolutely sucked it up at Conviction, only going 5 for 9.

Before I start though, I would strongly urge FFW brass to consider moving the Rose Jenkins match to a post-main event dark match status. Mainly because its gonna suck for all the other girls to have to wrestle with a Faith-sized crater in the middle of the ring.

5. #19 Rori Snyder vs. Jo McFarlane

There’s quite a few debuts going down over the next couple of weeks, but really, only McFarlane’s seems like it’s going to be a competitive match. I’ve made it no secret that I think Jo should have gone further in Future Shock, but this lets her hit the ground running a lot sooner. That being said, this isn’t April’s Rori Snyder we’re talking about here. Rori’s got some vicious purpose, and she’s coming off a win over Shane Sanders. BOth women are rookies, but Rori’s got a bit more experience, so I’m going to pick her. Nonetheless, if Jo can wrestle a solid match, and watch out for shenanigans, I wouldn’t be shocked if she proves me wrong.

PICK: Rori Snyder

Three weeks after Angelic Cindy (HA!) took the titles, they have to defend them again against the same team they beat out for them. Personally, I don’t see the point- it was a close match, but I’d rather see another team, such as the Danger Queens, get the shot first. Then again, the Queens are pursuing some singles gold now, and there really isn’t another viable tag team out there- the Cherrybombs are disbanded, half of Twisted Path is injured, and I doubt Scarlett’s all too thrilled about being in TKO the way her partner’s been acting. So I guess this is what we get. Won’t stop history from repeating itself, though.

PICK: Angelic S&D

3. SIX FEMME TAG: #3 Colleen, #11 Robbyn Helmsley, & #12 Undine vs. #15 Crystal Hilton, #16 Wendy Briese & #21 Kassandra

This should be an interesting diversion. Colleen just knocked off Undine, Helmsley’s beat Undine for the title, and Robbyn and Colleen have a bit of a history of hatred with each other. But on the flipside, Crystal, Wendy, and Kassandra are all out to prove themselves, and they’re guaranteed to face each other in a couple of weeks as well, so the tension should be high for both teams. I think most people would peg the Evolution Champions as the favorites, but I know how hungry their opponents are, and I’m going full on with the upset here.

PICK: Hilton/Briese/Kassandra

I raised earlier the question that maybe this is too much success for Sophie Richards too soon. Being a champion with that little experience is not an easy task. This should prove a decent challenge- Gage isn’t a pushover, but she’s also hardly invincible. If Richards wrestles like she did at Conviction, she retains. If not, Charlie Gage is going to just be the latest in a long line of recipients of this hot-potato belt.

PICK: Sophie Richards

Okay, first of all, if Alvin Shephard is the referee here, I will file a court injunction declaring both Samantha Star and Cody Kincaid non compos mentos. The last thing these two ladies need is more controversy between them. Other than that, there’s nothing else to say. This is the one we’ve all waited two months for, and the fact that just two weeks prior, they were teammates, only adds to the already raging inferno. I love Scarlett Kincaid, I really do, but I just cannot see Isabella getting stopped here.

PICK: Isabella Pazzini

AND FINALLY, AWARDS

I really should actually have some prizes for these things. Not sure what they would all be, except I’m pretty sure I’d make the Douchebag award a box of Summer’s Eve. Then again, I’m pretty sure presenting that to the winner would probably get me punched in the face, and this roster hits HARD!

Anyways...

MATCH OF THE WEEK

Kaitlynn Stryfe vs. Valerie Belmont

Flat-out, these two stole the show, and Valerie takes home her second match of the week award in two weeks. If you haven’t seen this match, you need to, because this is flat-out a match of the year candidate. And yes, I’m going to say it, it beat out War Games

Runners Up:

- Demeanor/Helmsley/Kincaid/MacKenzie/Pazzini vs. Demeanor/Manning/Moxie/Sanders/Wendigo (It didn’t beat Wargames by that much. Great match, lotsa back and forth, and a stunning, abrupt ending to the whole thing)

- Belladonna vs.McCloud vs. Richards vs. Taylor (There’s a reason why the TV title is a hot potato belt. The division is just too damned closely matched!)

WINNER OF THE WEEK

Samantha Star

Sophie had this one pat until the final five minutes of the show, and now, there’s absolutely no argument. Samantha Star owned Conviction. First, her contracting the return of Rose Jenkins to take out NBA, a brilliant move if I ever saw one. Follow that up with her masterful procurement of Miss Demeanor, and there’s no denying it- Samantha Star is a winner.

Runners Up

- Sophie Richards (Beautiful TV title win right there!)

- Angelic S&D (from the sounds of things, those tag belts were a long time in coming)

LOSER OF THE WEEK

Nicholas Flaherty

I’m trying so hard not to incorporate SVW into this, but I have absolutely no choice here. Flaherty’s done a decent job of getting under Sam’s skin, especially by looking at the interview with poor Allison earlier this week, but when push has come to shove, Flaherty has looked like a bumbling buffoon every step of the way. I’ve been calling it Secondhand Value Wrestling for a while now, and looking at its management, I”m not being proven wrong.

Runners Up:

- Shane Sanders (Not the return you wanna make)

- Destiny Loveheart (One minute? Really? Please, book Gretchen Donimari against this tool so she can let out her obvious frustration for a night)

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK

Belladonna

I almost made her the loser of the week, but let’s be honest, over the past couple of months, Belladonnas become so used to losing it’d have the same effect as making Charity Deas the loser. Douchebag on the other hand? Well, that’s still well deserved. Everything Hayley Dark did (except hitting Sophie) was fucking JUSTIFIED. Trixie’s treated Hayely like nothing more than a third wheel ever since the Cherrybombs came to FFW, and she finally reaped the crop she had sown. And now, if my Twitter is any indication, she’s got poor Robbyn Hemsley thinking the whole things HER fault, that she came between them. Belladonna’s got some serious explaining to do here, but she’s going to continue to point fingers, and insist that she had no role in Hayley’s betrayal. Idiot.

Runners Up:

- Casey Atherton (Cheaters Never Prosper? Yeah, right!)

- Rori Snyder (Not so much for the cheating, but more for carrying it on after the match ended. It's gonna come back to bite her. hard)

And there ya are!

Thanks for reading again, everyone! I hope you’ve had as much fun reading as I have writing. Anyways, that’s it for this week, we’ll see you all in THREE WEEKS time, after the next Breaking Point, with more rankings, more Future Shock. Oh, and I’ll have a special treat for everyone- one that you wont’ want to miss!

Anyways, until next time... POLLA OUT!

Daniel Pollaski is an freelance wrestling columnist, and the manager of Wendy Briese. He also would like to point out that any blown matches at Conviction is NOTHING compared to poor JR Hildebrand hitting the wall at the final turn in Indianapolis. Just... ouch.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Power X- May 15, 2011

Once again, its time for wrestling manager and analyst Daniel Pollaski to go over the news, reviews, and previews of Femme Fatale Wrestling! All content is the sole opinion of the author and does not reflect the views of Femme Fatale Wrestling, its wrestlers, or administration. Or Wendy Briese, for that matter, so don’t go jumping her in the hallway if you get butthurt about this. Bitch.

The Power X’s Inspirational Thought of the Week

My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir
"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"
She said, "'Cause he made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
- “Born this Way” Lady Gaga

Hey kids!

Y’know, the Pollaskinator is more of a rock guy, dance pop just ain’t my thing. But there is something about Stefani Germanotta’s music that makes every song she puts out just so damn catchy. I mean, seriously. “Poker Face” “Love Game”, “Just Dance”, Lady Gaga is the modern day Madonna hit machine.

And it’s an inspirational song, too. An anthem preaching self-acceptance and tolerance. We are who we are, and we should accept that, and others should accept us. Like you should accept me for all my quirks and scathing comments, because, baby, I was born this way!

I’m sure years of constant ridicule in grade school turning me bitter and cynical had absolutely NOTHING to do with it.

But why the Pollaskinator is all for tolerance and acceptance and all that, it’s tough to just turn a blind eye to wanton stupidity. And looking at the FFW roster, well, there were some people who were just born *that* way. Whether its Katherine “I’m saving the rookies from a completely voluntary division” Stryfe, Payton “I’m better than Sophie Richards” St. “Because I fell off a ladder” Pierre, or Sophia “Everything that comes out of my mouth” Black, FFW definitely has it’s fair share of, well, ‘special’ people.

The thing is, they are special for a reason. Like Lady Gaga says, God makes no mistakes, so he must have put people like them on Earth for a reason. Personally, I think it was to amuse the rest of us. So just remember, when we’re pointing and laughing at Traci Loveheart while she loses yet ANOTHER match, we’re not laughing out of spite, or cruelty. We’re just helping her fill her divine purpose in life.

Unless of course our name is Tiffany, in which case, there’s probably a lot of spite. And cruelty. And sick, sick vengeance, baby!

So welcome back to the Power X, everyone, your biweekly foray into the who’s who and what’s what of Femme Fatale Wrestling. And once again, we start us off with EL RANKINGS.

Or LA RANKINGAS, since it’s an all female fed.

Unfortunately, we do have to sadly bid farewell to three wrestlers in this week’s installment, as they have neither competed in the last two show cycles, nor are they scheduled to wrestle at conviction. Still, it’s always nice to give them a bit of a proper send-off, so pull out your hankies, and wipe away those tears as we say goodbye to:

SKYE (Last Ranked: 30th)
SYD ASHLEY (Last Ranked: 28th)
HAYLEY DARK (Last Ranked: 25th)

Wow, however will FFW survive without those names?

Actually, one name is kind of a shock there- Hayley Dark, one half of the Cherrybombs along with the ever-nutty Belladonna. Not sure why Hayley’s been on the shelf, but I still can’t quite get the image of her on the ramp, staring at Belladonna right after she lost to Stacey MacKenzie a couple weeks ago on Velocity.

Ah well, I’m sure it’s just my imagination, right?

As for the rest of the roster, well, unfortunately, your favorite wrestler probably dropped in the rankings this week. Because while we said goodbye to three, SEVEN new names appear on the list, expanding the rankings to a Reubenesque thirty-six wrestlers. The issue is, is that while our three departees all hailed from the bottom end of the FFW spectrum, not all the newcomers are starting off at the bottom, mainly because several of them were well-respected FFW superstars that just hand’t had a match within the proper timeframes. In fact, three of them are in the top fifteen! Care to guess who?

Anyways don’t be a drag, just be a queen. So let’s count it down, like we’re machines!

HA!

#36 JESSICA BOYETTE [-4]
For the second week in a row, Jessica picks up the ‘honor’ of kicking off our rankings. Considering that she hasn’t even been seen since her loss to Destiny Loveheart a few weeks ago (not that anyone can blame her for not showing her face after that), she might not be here that much longer.

#35 FAITH [-4]
Can’t be too shocked we haven’t seen Faith in the ring for a couple of weeks. She’s gotta still be sore after the whuppin’ Crystal Hilton placed on her!

#34 DESTINY LOVEHEART [-5]
Destiny’s selection into the Chase for the Crown was definitely a surprise. True, she’s given her all in every single match, and never backed down, but just because a guy is willing to jump into the fishtank with the Great White in it, doesn’t mean you should let them.

#33 TRACI LOVEHEART [-7]
For the second Breaking Point in a row, a chair has proven to be poor Traci’s undoing. This time, however, it’s proven to be a lot more painful, as Tiffany essentially left poor Traci for dead in that ring. Good thing she’ll get to sit out Conviction and rest up for a bit.

#32 CHARITY DEAS [-5]
Charity hasn’t been seen since she lost to Wendy a couple weeks ago, and she’s also not slated for a match at Conviction. Tough break for the sister of one of SVW’s hottest stars.

#31 VICTORIA SUMMERS [NEW]
Go ahead and call her Teflon Vickie, because every time Twisted Path gets into trouble, Vicky manages to get away more or less scot-free, while her partner gets the living shitsticks knocked out of her. That all changes this week, however. Inside that cage with Tiffany, there’s not going to be anywhere to run.

#30 RORI SNYDER [NEW]
One has to think that Lorelai is in the wrong job here- maybe excavation would have been a better profession. After all, she’s great at digging herself into holes with her mouth, and there’s no telling where she’ll hit bottom. Unforunately for her, Shane Sanders is probably going to start throwing dirt back into that hole at Conviction, and Rori is going to end up buried.

#29 MICHELLE TAYLOR [-5]
Once again, Michelle rushed headlong into a match, this time against Starla McCloud, and once again, she ended up being dropped pretty much on said head. It’s going to take a bonafide miracle for Michelle to walk out of Conviction the television champion.

#28 KASSANDRA [-5]
Kassandra’s been pretty quiet for the past couple of months, but I’ve been told that this is a woman you do NOT want to sleep on. Hopefully we’ll see just what she is capable of come Conviction.

#27 REBBECCA VALENTINE [-5]
A quick reversal of fate, and for the second match in a row, Rebbecca ends up on the losing end of things. Still, she’s still young and learning the game, and she’s three seconds away at Conviction from a complete reversal of fortune.

#26 WHITLEY MERCER [NEW]
It’s tough to say anything bad about Mercer- shame came to play against Kaitlynn Stryfe, but unfortunately, she just ended up being overmatched. I’d have loved to see what this young lady could do at Conviction, but she’ll have to settle for rooting her partner in Pwn3d! on in the Chase.

#25 PAYTON ST. PIERRE [-5]
Well, if there’s one thing you can take away from Payton’s match against Sophie Richards, it’s that she is certainly capable of doing a lot of damage. Unfortunately, that damage was to pretty much everyone but her actual opponent, but accuracy is something that can be worked on. Nevertheless, despite the double countout result, the burden of proof in that match was on St. Pierre, and she dropped the ball. Big time.

#24 GRETCHEN DONIMARI [-3]
With the Chase for the Crown looming, quite a few people have been tossing out their ‘dark horse’ picks. The fact is, if you want a sleeper pick, look no further than Gretch- if she, Ariel and Destiny can get past the first round, Donimari stands an enormous chance of pulling this off.

#23 ARIEL SHADOWS [-4]
Ariel put on a gutsy showing against Crystal Hilton, but she just couldn’t capture the same magic her friend Darren Hughes did. Still, I know Ariel, and I know the heart and spirit she has inside her- she’s got nowhere to go but up from here.

#22 LUMINA FERRARI [-4]
Considering that Ferrari’s mentor, Johnny Moxie, fired the first shot against Robbyn Helmsley last Breaking Point, you gotta wonder exactly if Lumina is now in a precarious position, as Samantha can’t be too happy with her. That she’s sitting out Conviction could be a good indication, or she could just be biding her time.

#21 JENNA MCKINLEY [NEW]
Well, Jenna is certainly one of the more... unique wrestlers to grace the FFW as of late. She’s here for the Ultraviolence, and it looks like the Ultraviolence is what she will get- a de facto #1 contender’s table match against Raven Wicked.

#20 SOPHIE RICHARDS [-5]
The Season 2 Future Shock Champion is on the eve of her huge opportunity, but the fact is, the timing might be as bad as can be. Sophie’s not concentrating on the Television Championship- her feud with Payton St. Pierre has boiled over, and it’s posing too much of a distraction. Sophie’s got two weeks to get her focus in line, or she’s going to blow the opportunity of a lifetime.

#19 WENDY BRIESE [-2]
Let it never be said that I promote my own wrestlers over everyone else in this. Personally, I know what Wendy can do, and I’d put good money that when the dust settles, she’ll be the one getting the next shot at the Evolution Championship, but right now, I just can’t justify putting her higher. That’ll be changing after Conviction, believe you me.

#18 KATHERINE STRYFE [-7]
As could easily be predicted, Kat Stryfe pretty much got her rear (and burnt, crispy hair) handed to her by Camilla Pazzini, and the Stryfe era of the Ultraviolence Championship has mercifully come to an end. Obviously, she and Rebbecca Valentine can bounce back by claiming the Unity Tag belts this week, but for now, Stryfe certainly does not look like a top 15 wrestler.

#17 CRYSTAL HILTON [-1]
After that win over Ariel Shadows, it seems a lot of people have solidly put their vote behind the Rose Goddess to win the Chase for the Crown. While I can’t quite agree with that, it’s tough to not say that she’s the hottest of the six heading into Conviction.

#16 CHARLIE GAGE [-3]
Gage is the third highest ranked wrestler to not have a match for Conviction, which is rather unfortunate, as she should have been rewarded for her awesome performance against Delilah a couple of weeks ago. Still, my ear is to the floor, and there’s talk about the Danger Queens ‘having next’ on the tag belts once they’ve been decided at Conviction. With Kassandra in the Chase, I don’t know how accurate that is, but I for one would love to see it.

#15 RAVEN WICKED [-5]
I’m kinda hoping that ‘Aunt Margo’ doesn’t get too pissed that Raven dropped five spots this week, for no other reason than the basic shuffling of things. That girl is cuckoo enough to reside in a clock. But on the wrestling side of things, she’s dangerous, and her informal entry into the Ultraviolence Divison looks to be a brutal one, with the enigmatic Jenna McKinley on the other end of things.

#14 ROBBYN HELMSLEY [-6]
Okay, I’ve ragged on Helmsley A LOT over the past month or so, and justifiably so, but I’m a fair guy. And I’m going to give credit where credit is due here. Helmsley might not have beaten Valerie Belmont on Saturday, but she sure as hell threw everything she could at her, and really, you can’t ask for much more than that. So hat’s off to a gutsy, heart-filled performance by Supergirl, and if she can prove that performance is not an anomaly, then she’ll find herself back in the top ten, and dealing with a lot less snarky comments from yours truly.

#13 DELILAH [+1]
Holy crap, someone who moved up! The Libertine didn’t exactly have the most dominating win over Rebbecca Valentine, but she showed excellent ring presence in rolling through the crossbody to pick up the win. Of course, that win is rendered meaningless if Angelic S&D can’t get the job done on the 28th

#12 SELINA [--]
Selina holds pat at the dozen mark, as it’s kinda tough to move her either way. It should be noted that Selina did lose to Katherine Stryfe at Full Frontal, so she could be hot for revenge when the tag title match comes around.

#11 STARLA MCCLOUD [NEW]
I’ve been waiting to see Starla in action for a while now, and I finally got my wish last week at Breaking Point. Have to say, I was not disappointed. There’s a lot of girls in FFW that could be classified as being ‘villians’, but it seems that when it comes to just flat out being a bitch, there aren’t many that can match this firey redhead. Starla’s got herself a fan!

#10 BELLADONNA [-1]
FFW TELEVISION CHAMPION
Miss Trixie seems to have gotten it in her head to be a white-knight as of late. First of all, her egotistical arrangement of a no DQ handicapped match against Twisted Path (which, if not for the intervention of Tiffany, would have failed miserably). And then her attempt to out fight the greatest internet warrior on the planet (being me, of course). You go back to the Stacey Mac and Angelic S&D matches, and fighting losing causes seems to be Belladonna’s theme. Not a good thing going into a four-way title defense.

#9 KAITLYNN STRYFE [NEW]
Kitty pretty much overwhelmed Whitley Mercer in her return match, which was no big shock. Now, of course, its the moment we’ve been waiting for since Full Frontal, when Kitty finally collides with her hated rival.

#8 UNDINE [-1]
The Aquablonde should be well rested going into her Evolution Championship match with Colleen at Full Frontal. Unless, of course, she’s spent the entire time dragging her sister around to various strangers’ hotel rooms. Then again, it worked- Ignis won Round 2 of Future Shock!

#7 VALERIE BELMONT [NEW]
I’m not exactly buying into the whole FFW Savior thing, but it’s nice to see my favorite Belmont (okay, the only good Belmont) back in the ring. For a second, I actually thought for a second that Helmsley was going to get the best of her, but I should have known that Val would have the tenacity to pull through it. Good thing too... the Savior woulda just looked ri-goddamned-diculous losing her return match!

#6 ANASTACIA BALDWIN [NC]
Ana hasn’t had a match since her absolute destruction of Rose Astral a couple weeks ago, and she’s not scheduled to compete at Conviction either. Still, with Rose’s daughter, Nina, set to show up, you have to wonder if Ana’s going to be hanging around waiting to see if she can collect another Astral scalp.

#5 COLLEEN [NC]
FFW EVOLUTION CHAMPION
Despite her whiny little douche of a manager, I have nothing but absolute respect for Colleen. However, while I do agree with the spirit of Col’s speech on the last Breaking Point, I have to remind her that without all the stupid drama that accompanies the FFW talent, I’d have a lot less to make fun of.

#4 STACEY MACKENZIE [-1]
After practically setting the world on fire over the past month, Stacey’s cooled off just a smidge, and fallen away a bit from the spotlight. That will all change at Conviction- if times get tough for Team FFW Stacey might be the glue that holds the unit together.

#3 CAMILLA PAZZINI [+1]
FFW ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPION
Chunks’ coronation as the queen of Ultraviolence finally cluminated in an Inferno match victory over Stryfe, and with all respect to the other Ultraviolence contenders, I can’t see Cammie losing this belt for a very, very long time.

#2 ISABELLA PAZZINI [NC]
Izzy hasn’t wasted any opportunities to remind the world who’s Samantha’s chosen one for the Wargames match, but so far, she’s seemed a competent captain. Of course, the true test will come when everyone’s inside that cage. I just have a feeling if FFW blows this- Isabella’s going to be falling from grace at terminal velocity.

#1 SCARLETT KINCAID [NC]
FFW CHAMPION
One other concern about the WarGames match- the announcement that Kincaid will defend her title against Pazzini on June 9th. Announcing that before the Pay-Per-View, while a good way to increase interest, could certainly come back to haunt the FFW. How well can Pazzini and Kincaid cooperate, knowing they’re going to war with each other just 12 days later? If these two turn on each other- I doubt even Stacey could keep Team FFW from falling apart.

And there you have it, folks! Of course, anyone who dislikes their position in the rankings is more than welcome to try and prove me wrong. You probably won’t , but you’re more than welcome to try.

FUTURE SHOCK THERAPY
Well, unfortunately, yours truly IS sometimes wrong. What can I say, I make a lot of predictions, and sometimes things just don’t go according to plan. But if I had ever felt there was a sure thing in my life, it would have been that Ororo Crow would have been the first one sent packing from Future Shock last week. You’d think that almost zero personality and taking the fall in the very first contest would be a surefire ticket to splitsville, but, as a wiseman once said, never underestimate the stupidity of the general populace.

Because not only did Ororo Crow NOT get eliminated... she won the freakin’ voting! I cannot put into words how mind-boggling this is. Seriously, there’s only two explanations I can possibly have for Ororo Crow being the ‘most popular’ Future Shock Rookie.

1. A ton of people weren’t paying attention, and were voting for the person they wanted to see eliminated.
2. Crow’s entire home nation of Egypt quit protesting their non-existant government long enough to ‘give this democracy thing a tryout’. Seriously, if THIS is how you guys are gonna vote, you might have well just stuck with Mubarak

So instead, the person getting bounced from Future Shock is none other than Jo McFarlane. Now, I had Jo number four on my depth chart from last week, the strongest of the losing team, but in all honesty, I’m not completely shocked at the outcome (outside of the whole ‘it’s not Ororo’ thing, of course).

Why?

Well, as much as Jo has tried to distance herself from her family, and make herself her own person, the fact remains that when people look at her, they immediately see ‘Valerie Belmont’s sister.’ And that’s generally followed up by the reaction ‘oh Dear God, not another one.’. Because while we all love Val, let’s face it, the Belmont family, as a whole, is the most annoyingly overexposed wrestling family in history.

So when voters went to the polls, they didn’t think about Jo McFarlane, a girl who gave damn near everything she had in that contest, despite being settled with two ‘me first’ teammates. They thought about someone who, by marriage, is related to Katherine Stryfe and Liam Alexander and Tabatha Belmont and, well, you get the picture. It sucks, and it sure ain’t fair, because Jo is really a likeable young lady who works hard as hell, but that’s the way it is.

At least its not really the end of the line for Jo. It was announced at Breaking Point that despite being the first bounced from the third season, Jo has applied and has been accepted to be a regular member of the FFW roster, and will face Rori Snyder on the June 9 Velocity. So congratulations to Miss McFarlane, and congratulations on your first inevitable victory. You’ll make a name for yourself yet.

But on to this week, and Future Shock headed out to beautiful LAS VEGAS, where this weeks challenge was FUTURE SHOCK BLACKJACK WITH ALEX ADONIS AS THE DEALER!

Who the fuck thought this one up?

First of all, Ororo Crow never shows up, which actually raised the entertainment value slightly. Second of all, blackjack never came into play, because the entire thing turned into Alex instituting a rule that you were eliminated if you left your seat, followed by Casey shoving people out of their chair. Third, Casey really needs to work on the ‘subtlety’ aspect of cheating. Seriously, babe, that blatant, and you’re gonna get DQed every match.

And Fourth, Mr. Showtime is fucking awesome. There, I’ve said it.

So anyways, now that all is said and done and the poll’s up...

MY VOTE GOES TO... IGNIS
As much as I hate to actually vote for Christian Kincaids ‘girlfriend’, the fact is, well, she was the winner of the game, for what it was worth. Besides, that bit with Undine dragging her around the hotel was fuggin priceless.

SAY GOODBYE TO... ORORO CROW
And this time, its official! Ororo, despite WINNING THE VOTE for the first round, didn’t bother to even show up to the second. I don’t know if she missed her flight, got it in her head that she didn’t need this, or went to the wrong hotel, but the fact is, she just pissed away a huge opportunity for herself. And it sucks, because I know one particular girl who WOULD have showed up, and loved to be here.

Ah well, let’s hope the offer made to Jo McFarlane will NOT be exteneded to Ororo Crow. Good fucking riddance.

LOOKING AHEAD
Well, there’s only one place to look ahead now, and that’s Conviction! Now, I don’t know how it goes at every other FFW Pay-Per-View, but the brass have gone all-out for this one. Nine matches are on the card, consisting of, get this... THIRTY-FOUR WRESTLERS. Now, THAT’s what I call a supercard.

Anyways, a quick rundown of the matches you’ll be seeing at Conviction 2011!

TABLES MATCH
#15 Raven Wicked vs. #21 Jenna McKinley
Getting this match, presumably, to kick off the show should set the stage for what’s going to be an action-packed evening. There dont’ seem to be a lot of women in the Ultraviolence Division, so this could actually turn into a de-facto number one contenders match to see who will face Camilla in her first title defense. We all know about Raven’s sadistic (and masochistic!) traits, while Jenna remains somewhat of an enigma. Going just on my gut, I’m gonna pick the upset here.
WINNER: Jenna McKinley

#30 Rori Snyder vs. Shane Sanders
For those of you not on the Twitterverse (and again, can’t blame you at all), this pretty much started when Rori Snyder got stupid (big shock), and started talking shit about Nick Sanders. Nick’s sister understandably took exception, and long story short, Rori’s now about to get the living shitsticks knocked out of her.
WINNER: Shane Sanders

CHASE FOR THE CROWN, FIRST ROUND- SIX WOMAN TAG
#17 Crystal Hilton, #19 Wendy Briese & #27 Kassandra vs. #23 Gretchen Donimari, #25 Ariel Shadows, & #34 Destiny Loveheart
Ah, the match I’m watching for (well, duh). Basically, a carrot will be dangling over these six women’s heads, and over time we’ll get to see who rises up to grab it (read: Wendy Briese). Six-person matches are generally tough to call, due to the chaos factor involved, but you look at the matchups involved, and it’s clear. Kassandra is CLEARLY better than Destiny Loveheart, Wendy’s likely better than Gretchen, and Crystal’s already beaten Ariel. So unless there’s a complete collapse in teamwork between Hilton, Briese, and Kassie...
WINNERS: Crystal Hilton, Wendy Briese & Kassandra

STEEL CAGE MATCH
#31 Victoria Summers vs. Tiffany
Seems like this would be a match better suited over at the Secondhand Value Wrestling show, but it’s here, so we get to watch the bloodbath that will ensue. Victoria was pretty much dead BEFORE she tried to kill Tiff. Now that the Measuring Stick is pissed off...
WINNER: All of us, because Vicky Summers is gonna die.

FFW TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
FOUR-WAY MATCH
#10 Belladonna © vs. #11 Starla McCloud vs. #20 Sophie Richards vs. #29 Michelle Taylor
The last Four-way FFW Television has gained legendary match satatus, and there’s no reason to doubt that this one will be any different. Going process of elimination here. Michelle Taylor basically needs a monstrous catastrophe to befall the other three wrestlers to come away with this. Sophie Richards is distracted, and you know that if Payton St. Pierre even sniffs an opportunity, she’s going to try and screw things up for her. Belladonna’s probably gonna be off white-knighting for some other percieved injustice that’s none of her goddamned business. So that leaves...
WINNER: Starla McCloud (say it in a Highlander Accent! Its fun!)

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
#12 Selina & #13 Delilah vs. #18 Katherine Stryfe & #28 Rebbecca Valentine
After eight teams and a couple of months, it’s all down to Angelic S&D and the Eternal Flame. Looking back at the last two encounters between the teams, and it’s actually split. Stryfe beat Selina at Full Frontal, while Delilah pinned Valentine at Breaking Point. It’s gonna come down to teamwork ability. Valentine and Stryfe are still a new team, and learning each other, while Selina and Delilah have great chemistry. That’s gonna prove the difference!
WINNER: Angelic S&D

FFW EVOLUTION CHAMPIONSHIP
#5 Colleen © vs. #8 Undine
By far the absolute toughest match to call going into the PPV. Both women are submissionists, but Colleen’s no-nonsense approach contrasts nicely with Undines ditzy-fun loving personality. But Undine’s held this title before for a reason, so it’s tough to count her out. Almost comes down to a coin flip. But I’d like to see SOMEONE actually retain a title in this company, and since the Evolution Championship’s changing hands on the NEXT defense, I’m gonna have to go with...
WINNER: Colleen
WILL PROBABLY BE: Match of the Night

#7 Valerie Belmont vs. #9 Katilynn Stryfe
Savior vs. Sinner is the billing of the match, and while I’m still dubious about Val’s savior status, it’s clear Kitty’s got the sinner part down pat. The shocking part about this match is that, for all the hatred between the two, there’s been almost no interaction over the past couple of months. Just a couple of interviews on either side. Regardless, once these two get in the ring, the fur’s going to fly. Another tough match to call, but what the hell, might as well play favorites.
WINNER: Valerie Belmont

WAR GAMES
#1 Scarlett Kincaid, #2 Isabella Pazzini, #4 Stacey MacKenzie, #14 Robbyn Helmsley & ???? vs. Gabriella Manning, Johnny Moxie, Nick Sanders, Wendigo & ?????
Well, here we are, the final showdown between FFW and SVW. Now obviously, which each side having a card up their sleeve for the contest, there’s going to be a lot of unknown factors heading in. BUT, just look again at the rankings for the members of Team FFW. This aint’ the ‘B’ squad we’re sending into battle here, and even Robbyn Helmsley is going to do some damage if she comes in with the right mindset. SVW has a size advantage, sure. But outside of Nick Sander’s (who’s my boy!) there just ain’t much talent-meat on those bones. FFW is going to win this. They have to win this.

They fucking better win this!

Besides, SVW deserves to lose after that horribly-ran invasion last week on Breaking Point. Seriously. You have one of the members of team FFW in the ring, tired as all hell after just losing a tough match. All four of you are in the arena, in position, ready to pounce.

And you attack one at a time?

Had all four of them attacked at once, gotten Val out of there, and then held the other members of Team FFW at bay while they had their way with Helmsley, we’d still be mopping up Robbyn. But they trickled in, poorly coordinated, giving Pazzini, Kincaid, and MacKenzie more than enough time to rally. And while the brawl was sure as hell entertaining, from an SVW standpoint, it sent absolutely no message whatsoever, other than ‘we don’t know what the hell we’re doing.”

Near as I can figure, there’s still one more Aggression before Conviction. Maybe our girls oughta head over there and show them how an invasion REALLY is done. Just please, make Johnny Moxie the target.

One more point, and this is one Wendy actually made to me... something seems amiss here. I’m not sure, and maybe its just all the emotion of the event, but something seems rotten in the state of Denmark, so to speak. Somebody’s going to be sticking a knife in someone else’s back, and considering there’s not one person in SVW who would benefit from helping FFW, it’s the ladies we’re gonna have to keep an eye on. I actually have a suspicion, but I’ll keep my mouth shut for the sake of team unity. Anyways, I”m hoping I”m wrong, and both Wendy and I are suffering from a bad case of overimagnination, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t say it.

Holy crap, these columns ain’t getting any shorter, are they?

AWARDS
Cant’ have a Power X without a few awards to hand out, so let’s quickly do it.

MATCH OF THE WEEK
Valerie Belmont vs. Robbyn Helmsley
An excellent match to take us home for the pay-per-view, and you couldn’t be prouder of either lady. Robbyn Helmsley, so much maligned through most of March and April, really came through here, and you could tell the girl gave everything she had, and then some. Even with Val walking out the winner, it’s a huge moral victory for Supergirl.
Runners Up
- Camilla Pazzini vs. Katherine Stryfe: Everyone loves a good inferno match!
- Ariel Shadows vs. Crystal Hilton: Two talented newcomers brought everything they had in a Chase for the Crown Preview

WINNERS OF THE WEEK
Kaitlynn Stryfe & Valerie Belmont
Putting two returning wrestlers in a high-profile match is always a risk, because you’re never sure if one, or even both of them may have missed a step while they were away. Obviously not the case with Kitty and Val, both of whom took care of business in their return matches, to set up a clash of the titans at Conviction. I could have put ‘the fans’ in the winners line, but that’d just have been cheesy.
Runners Up:
- Camilla Pazzini: Ultraviolent Champion. ‘Nuff said
- Ignis: Girl is looking more and more everyday like the Future Shock favorite

LOSER OF THE WEEK
Katherine Stryfe
It’s been a tough fortnight for “The Beautiful Nightmare”. After making some unintentionally hllarious remarks in her pre-match interview (seriously, four weeks to come up with something, and “I wasn’t really high” was the honest to God best you got? You could have at least said you didn’t inhale!), to losing her title to Chunks Pazzini, to watching her partner get robbed of a win by Delilah. Conviction’s going to be a make-or-break show for Stryfe, let’s just hope she gets her head in the game.
Runners Up:
-Jo McFarlane: Cute, talented redheads being voted out make the Pollaski sad :(
- Robbyn Helmsley: Moral victory, yes. Hold her head high, yes. But goddamn, you knew she wanted that one.

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK
Payton St. Pierre
Dear God, does this woman ever shut up? Seriously, Payton is like a walking, talking, mouth-breathing temper tantrum. It doesn’t help that her voice goes up like six octaves when she’s pissed (which is all the freaking time!). And her actions at Velocity were just... I mean bravo, she took out Mark Horton and Mr. Showtime, but seriously! God help her when Sophie Richards finally gets her hands on her for real.
Runners Up
- Ororo Crow: Why’d she even join Future Shock in the first place?
- Team SVW: Get off my lawn, you stupid kids! (Nick Sanders excluded)

And after 13 pages, and almost 5600 words, we are DONE! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a comment! Anyways, we’ll see you after Conviction, for all the fallout, and a look ahead to the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL!

Until then... POLLA OUT!

Daniel Pollaski is an freelance wrestling columnist, and the manager of Wendy Briese. He also wants to remind the world that Sophia Black is an idiot, even if she’s mercifully off FFW Television for the time being.

Monday, May 2, 2011

POWER X- May 1, 2011

Its time for wrestling manager and analyst Daniel Pollaski to go over the news, reviews, and previews of Femme Fatale Wrestling! All content is the sole opinion of the author and does not reflect the views of Femme Fatale Wrestling, its wrestlers, or administration. Or Wendy Briese, for that matter, so don’t go jumping her in the hallway if you get butthurt about this. Bitch.

The Power X Inspirational Thought of the Week:

Silence is golden
Ingorance bliss
Better off not asking
What you'd rather forget
And as the vice grip choke holds
All of our freedoms are meeting their end
And for the wars they wage
Numberless troops lie wounded or dead
The beatings will continue
Until morale improves
Free your hate
Crusade in the days of rage
Perilous folly
Rise up against your fate
Free your hate
Crusade in the days of rage
Tireless cunning
Stampede and break your chains
- “Free Your Hate” KMFDM

Hey kids!

Yup its me again. I think most of you remember me from a little controversial column last Thursday, where I basically “Freed My Hate” all over Robbyn Helmsley and Rori Snyder’s faces. Honest to God, that was like a cybernetic bukkake of pure-awesome blogospheric pwnage.

But, unfortunately, there were consequences. My employer, the lovely, talented, and way too fuckin’ diplomatic Wendy Briese, decided that to save face with the now-traumatized FFW locker room, she’d throw me under the bus, ban me from the arena for next week’s Velocity, and ‘strongly urge me’ to stay off Twitter ‘until things have calmed down a bit’

Okay, fine. You know what? I’m a good boy. I’ll play along. I’m off Twitter for the time being, I won’t be at Velocity, and I’ll even donate a buck or two to a charity of Rori and Robbyn’s choice, just to show that hey, nothing personal.

But am I repentant? In case you haven’t figured it out yet, no I am not. And I think the vast majority of you know that deep down, what I said was nothing but truth. My words, while harsh, were as pure as a newborn kitten on a bed of freshly fallen snow. Although not as nearly as hypothermic.

Anyways, I’m sure you’re all sick of this crap anyways, so let’s move on, to the real reason you all hopped onto this website tonight.

Finally, after several months of hiatus , the POWER X has finally returned! For those of you unawares, this is merely the a column that allows you to gain the insights of a trained professional analyst and manager of this sport (mainly me) about the goings on in Femme Fatale Wrestling. Well, at least THIS column will be covering FFW. Which is why you’re probably reading it.

Anyways, just for a bit of a history lesson, back when my wrestlers (Wendy Briese and Terrence Thompson) were just starting out, I started doing subjective rankings of them and their rivals to let them know where I thought they standed in the heirarchy of the fed. I tried to be as fair and unbiased as possible, and I got in my mind that both of my clients enjoyed the lists, especially when “where they stood” became “pretty damn close to the top’”

Well, somehow, one of these got left lying around. And ANOTHER person saw it. And they liked it, so they started wanting to see subsequent editions. And then another, and another, and soon not only was I ranking the talent in just OUR fed, but for the entire interfed we belonged to! Using my trained eye for methods to make myself relevant without having to actually do any real work, I made a column out of it, and it’s tended to be fairly well recieved wherever it goes.

And now its here in FFW. Rejoice, ye Femme Fatalers.

So before I begin, I should once again point out that these rankings are mine, and my opinion alone. I try to be as fair and evenhanded as possible. After all, no one wants to read a column every week of me telling you why Wendy Briese is the greatest wrestler on the planet (she is, btw).

Now for the rules, as even a renegade like myself has to have a few guidelines.

1. All active members of the FFW roster who have competed on an FFW show during the last two booking cycles will be ranked. A booking cycle will be every two weeks, so basically, either one Velocity and one Breaking Point, OR one Pay-Per-View.

2. After this week, any wrestler who was ranked on the last edition of the rankings, has not competed in the past two booking cycles, but IS scheduled to compete in the next booking cycle, will also be ranked.

3. Rankings are entirely subjective, based on several factors, namely win/loss record, crowd reaction, percieved value to the company, and stregnth of opponents faced.

4, The FFW Champion (in this case, Scarlett Kincaid) will ALWAYS be ranked #1. That’s been a rule from the beginning. There is no criteria on how high or low any other title-holder may be ranked.

5. I reserve the right to make any changes or exceptions to the above rules. After all, this is my column

Now, I know FFW has a rival company out there, and many of the girls here also compete in that. However, in the interest of me not overdoing it to start, I’ve decided that what happens in SVW (Secondhand Value Wrestling) will by and large not be a factor in this rankings, except when it has FFW implications.

So to kick things off, a fairly robust thrity-two wrestlers made the initial edition of the FFW rankings, Not a bad start, especially considering that some pretty decent names haven’t qualified yet.

Despite all that, these rankings were pretty tough this time around. First, I’ve only been here a month, and I’m not too familiar with many of the happenings from before Full Frontal, so if your favorite wrestler hasn’t exactly lit the world on fire since then, I wouldn’t expect too much. Also, the sheer number of talented newcomers to the company toughens the rankings up just a smidge, not to mention the IMMENSE parity amongst the existing talent.

Like, how much parity? Try this on for size- In the four shows since Full Frontal, EVERY SINGLE FFW CHAMPION HAS LOST. Wins ain’t easy in Femme Fatale, even for the top of the ladder.

Anyways... pop in your favorite German industrial-technometal band, and LETS COUNT EM DOWN!

#32- JESSICA BOYETTE
Like I said, I’m still learning my way around here. But there’s one thing I’ve figured out quite easily: Losing to Destiny Loveheart in your debut is a surefire way to end up in last place.

#31- FAITH
It seems to me that Faith has done a tremendous job of living up to her name. It does take a lot of faith to walk to that ring, knowing the beating she’s about to be in store for. Well, either that, or the desperate need for a decent paycheck.

#30- SKYE
I consider myself having a reasonably good memory for this stuff. So if I have to go back and check my notes just to remember who the hell you are, that’s not really a good sign.

#29- DESTINY LOVEHEART
Destinly actually managed to pick up a win at the last Velocity, triumphing over the hapless Jessica Boyette. If she can beat Jenna McKinley on Thursday (she won’t), that’s called a winning streak!

#28- SYD ASHLEY
Syd can’t be a happy camper about the way her match with Gretchen Donimari ended. In fact, that on-again/off-again decision left me scratching my head as well.

#27- CHARITY DEAS
Charity thought she was riding high after her victory over Hope Matthews at Full Frontal, but reality was less kind, as she’s taken two painful, deflating losses to a Briese and Hilton since then.

#26- TRACI LOVEHEART
Twisted Path’s attack on Tiffany is one of those rare SVW moments that will get mentioned on here, because it seems like half the Femme Fatales are out for their heads as well. First crack went to Ariel Shadows, who managed to deliver some pain. More should be in store in the coming weeks for Traci and her partner.

#25- HAYLEY DARK
You know, maybe I’m off my rocker here, but something might be just a TEENSY bit wrong within the ranks of the Cherrybombs...

#24- MICHELLE TAYLOR
The always gung-ho (more ho than gung, but whatever) Michelle Taylor has got to be excited about getting a chance at the Television title. But after already losing to one of her rivals in that four-way match, can she afford another loss- to Starla McCloud?

#23- KASSANDRA
I haven’t seen too much of Kassandra, and what little I have more or less involved her getting walloped by various members of The Eternal Flame. But considering she’s now in the Chase for the Crown, Mr. Kincaid must have a lot more faith in her than I do.

#22- REBBECCA VALENTINE
Back to the drawing board for Rebbecca, who got some of the air let out of her tires against Lumina Ferrari last week. Can she regain her confidence when she faces Delilah in a preview of the Tag Tournament Finals?

#21- GRETCHEN DONIMARI
Okay, for some reason, I’m having a problem with Gretchen’s last name, namely whether the M or the N comes first, and I have to keep looking it up. Either way, like I said above, I’m still trying to wrap my head around the ending to her match against Syd Ashley. Either way, I’m sure Gretchen’s happy to have the win.

#20- PAYTON ST. PIERRE
Payton’s gotten her wish- a rematch against her Future Shock nemesis at Velocity. But the pressure seems to be entirely on her. Sophie Richards has already proven herself by winning the second season, AND has gotten her title shot. It’s entirely on St. Pierre to show what she can do

#19- ARIEL SHADOWS
Ariel tweeted after her victory over Traci Loveheart that technically, she beat both members of Twisted Path. While you could certainly make a case for that, it’s really more like Twisted Path beat themselves. That being said, I’ve seen plenty of Ariel before she came to FFW, and I know what this girl is capable of. Look for her to move up.

#18- LUMINA FERRARI
Anywhere Johnny Moxie goes, he turns heads, and with Lumina Ferrari as his newest protege, FFW is turning out to be no exception. Her downing of Rebecca Valentine was quite the introduction, and it’s a fair surprise that she hasn’t gotten a match for the latest go-round. Nonetheless, I wouldn’t be too shocked if she finds herself in the Chase for the Crown.

#17- WENDY BRIESE
Speaking of the Chase for the Crown, it’s no surprise to me that Wendy was the first person selected to be in this contest, despite her only having had one match. Wendy’s only 17th due to her newness to the company- you can bet your ass she’ll be moving up.

#16- CRYSTAL HILTON
Another Chase for the Crowner, and another wrestler with nowhere to go but up in FFW. She looked good against Charity Deas, and absolutely sick against Faith. It’s time for her to get some real competition, and next week is going to serve nicely.

#15- SOPHIE RICHARDS
Sophie made a big statement in her official debut, downing fellow TV title contender Michelle Taylor. Sophie’s definitely in the mix for conviction, although whether she can match Starla’s cold efficiency or Belladonna’s energy remains to be seen.

#14- DELILAH
Angelic S&D is in the finals of the FFW Unity Tag Team TOurnament, and Delilah definitely is a big part of that. While her match against Rebecca Valentine will by no means decide the winners, it certainly is going to give a psychological advantage to the victor’s team.

#13- CHARLIE GAGE
It was easy to write Gage off after the Danger Queens were bounced by the Eternal Flame from the Unity Tournament, but she rebounded in a huge way with a big win over Delilah last week. It’s almost surprising that Kassandra was selected for the Chase for the Crown over her, but maybe something else is on the horizon for Charlie.

#12- SELINA
The Archangel should be pretty content to sit back and watch this week. She’ll get a chance to scout Rebecca Valentine against her partner, and you know she’ll want to avenge her loss to Kat Stryfe at Full Frontal when the two teams collide at Conviction.

#11- KATHERINE STRYFE
*FFW ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPION*
The general consensus around the FFW-universe seems to be that Kat Stryfe is toast come Velocity, and I’m going to be inclined to agree. Probably a good thing, too. Kat’s adamant refusal to use weapons in defense of the title has turned it into a fourth-tier singles belt, instead of the specialty division it was designed to be.

#10- RAVEN WICKED
She’s definitely a bit on the nutters side, but if any of the Future Shock alumni have a chance at making a huge dent in FFW, it’s the first season’s champion. Here’s food for thought- if Camilla Pazzini knocks off Katherine Stryfe at Velocity, could Raven suddenly find herself with a shot at the Ultraviolence title in a couple weeks?

#9- BELLADONNA
*FFW TELEVISION CHAMPION*
Word on the street is that I’m not exactly popular with Miss Trixie right now. Apparently the little hypocrite has been talking smack on Twitter about me being a ‘cyber-warrior’, or something. Well, maybe finding herself STILL in the top ten, despite ending her last two FFW matches flat on her back, will somewhat mollify her.

#8- ROBBYN HELMSLEY
Yeah, pick your jaw up off the floor, I”m not exactly happy about this myself. Look we all know she’s overrated, and she’ll drop like a stone from here, but right now, I just can’t justify ranking her below eighth. Well, I could have maybe dropped her ninth, under Belladonna, but we’ve all heard ENOUGH about Robbyn Helmsley being under Belladonna.

#7- UNDINE
Believe it or not, the top contender to the evolution championship has actually been a hot topic around the RV the past few weeks. Wendy has always maintained that it takes a high-level of intelligence to be a truly good submissionist. I’ve asked her to explain Undine. Wendy’s says that Undine is clearly not as dumb as everyone makes her out to be. Yeah. Okay.

#6- ANASTACIA BALDWIN
Ana’s been a pretty busy girl as of late. First she plays a very deciding factor in the main event at Full Frontal, and then she follows it up by completely breaking Rose Astral’s brain. Of course, that accomplishment is about as hard as bending a straw, but it was still entertaining to watch!

#5- COLLEEN
*FFW EVOLUTION CHAMPION*
A tough, TOUGH loss to Camilla last week probably has Col looking for some answers (namely, what tests do you actually have to pass around here to be a referee?). She canNOT afford to lose confidence in herself, though. Not with the Aquablonde breathing (through her mouth) down her neck.

#4- CAMILLA PAZZINI
Well, Chunk’s last win wasn’t without its share of “WTF!” moments, but that seems to be par for the course for the Pazzinis, who seem to need controversy like a Belmont needs blood. Still, everyone can’t seem to wait to watch her immolate the “Ultraviolence” champion, and you can squarely count me in that camp.

#3- STACEY MACKENZIE
Stacey’s tied Gretchen for “most pain in the ass name to remember how to spell”. Anyways, the Dream Killer has been riding high, first ending Belladonna’s undefeated streak in an absolutely stellar match, and now she finds herself joining a positively LOADED Team FFW for War Games. So long as everyone can play nice for an hour, Secondhand Value Wrestling doesn’t have a chance!

#2- ISABELLA PAZZINI
Izzy’s got a solid claim on the number one contendership, and she’s also more than enjoying her position of FFW Team Captain, and one of Samantha’s favorite employees? Here’s a question though... what *if* Team FFW chokes in this match? How far will Pazzini’s stock fall then?

#1- SCARLETT KINCAID
*FFW CHAMPION*
Looks like Scarlett will be content to watch and observe as we make the final push for conviction, and get herself rested for the WarGames match. Despite her getting out of defending her title for a couple of months, you can’t think that she’s all that happy with the arrangement. She’s the champ, but Pazzini’s got the captaincy, and despite all the ‘teamwork’ bullshit Izzy’s been spouting, I think its safe to say that Pazzini will chuck poor Scarlett under the bus if the opportunity is right.

And there we have it, folks! Rankings done for another fortnight.

Of course, if you have any comments, or questions, or just feel the need to bitch and make an ass of yourself, go ahead and post below in the comment section. That goes for any aspect of this column.

Oh but we aint’ done yet, kids! Pollaski’s in a typing mood, so that means its time for a new section to the column, one that I call...

FUTURE SHOCK THERAPY!
Gee, I wonder what this is about?

So Future Shock kicked off on Saturday, and just like most people who can’t get enough of attractive young ladies rolling around a ring, I was tuned in. Well, actually, I was tuned in before that, looking at the promo videos the girls put up. So, my initial first impressions...

I’D MOST LIKE TO BANG... IGNIS
Just... me-ooow.

I’D MOST LIKE TO BANG (WITH A SHOTGUN)... ALLYSON SUMMERS
Dear GOD. Is there anyone out there on the planet more shrill and annoying than this girl? I mean... we’re talking Alex Borstein levels of irritation, but at least Borstein is funny. You gotta wonder if Christian Kincaid is wearing earplugs while Ally drones on and on and on...

I THINK THE DARK HORSE IS... KELLY ALLEN
Kelly’s coming off a weirdo with the crystal ball gypsy hypno-look, but honestly, there’s something about her that says she’s a dangerous woman in this competition. She’s easily over looked, but done at one’s own peril.

I THINK THE FAN FAVORITE WILL BE... JO MCFARLANE
Yeah, I know. The world needs another Belmont/Stryfe/McFarlane/Whatever wrestling like I need a 10-piece bucket from KFC. But there’s something about Jo that strikes me as... different. She’s not as manic as her brother, not smug as her sister. I think if Jo can make her own identity out, she could endear herself to a lot of people.

I’D MOST LIKE TO MANAGE... CASEY ATHERTON
Atherton’s getting dismissed by a lot of people, but I honestly think Casey has the biggest upside of any of the six ladies. The problem is, she’s going to be hampered by the self-serving interests of Starla McCloud and Alex Adonis, and that could end up costing her. But if Casey wants to stop saluting Alex’s flagpole, and sign on with a proven winner that actually treats his wrestlers like more than pieces of meat, she knows where to find me.

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING... ORORO CROW
Well, thank God, because watching that introductory press conference, I almost thought some idiot was going to actually declare Crow the Jackie Robinson of women’s professional wrestling. But no, she’s actually BETTER than every African-descendant sports pioneer in history. Or something. Except she’s not a pioneer- at all. She’s just a woman wearing goofy sunglasses with way too high of an opinion of herself.

So after all that, it was time for CAPTURE THE QUEEN. Which I think is what they call Red Rover in San Fransisco. Anyways, this game did NOT involve running full tilt at your opponents in an attempt to get them to stop holding hands, but was a full on three vs. three tornado tag match, but the catch was, only one wrestler on either side (aka the Queen) could be pinned. An interesting match, to say the least.

The two teams were Crow, Atherton, and McFarlane (Crow being Queen) against Allen, Ignis, and Summers (Allen being queen). The match was well fought, although rife with the expected rookie mistakes from all competitors. Allen managed to gain a huge coup for herself, not to mention immunity, when she snuck in and pinned Crow to give her team the victory.

So much for being the Dark Horse.

So, with Kelly Allen immune from being booted this week, that leaves us with five wrestlers. So...

MY VOTE GOES TO... IGNIS
Personally, I think that since it was a TEAM match, that everyone on the winning team should be immune, otherwise it could have just as easily broken into a massive, complicated six-way brawl. Unfortunately, I don’t call the shots here, which means that both Summers and Ignis are up for elimination. Since I’m only voting once, and Ignis is the least annoying of the two, she gets my vote.

TIME TO GET RID OF... ORORO CROW
Yeah, here’s a bit of advice to any fledgling wrestling star. If you’re going to go with the arrogant ‘I’m too good to provide any bit of information at all about myself’ method, the least you could do is NOT take the fall in your very first match. Otherwise, you look like a pretentious dickwit.

LOOKING AHEAD
Alright, two more shows to go until Conviction, and man are they action packed. Normally in this section of the column, I predict all the upcoming matches, but that would just take too long. So, counting down, the top five matches I’m looking forward to in the coming fortnight.

5. #17 WENDY BRIESE vs. RORI SNYDER
Now, I might have created a bit of controversy about this, but this match certainly will give Wendy a much better chance to show what she can do than Charity Deas did. Rori’s coming off an injury that’s kept her out for a month, and she wasn’t exactly lighting the world on fire before that. I got Wendy winning this one, obviously.

4. #15 SOPHIE RICHARDS vs. #20 PAYTON ST. PIERRE
The rematch of the well, week, definitely. Payton was practically hand-picked to win the second season of future shock, but Sophie Richards overcame her in a ladder match to pull off the surprise win, and that has not sat well with Ms. St. Pierre at all. This time, its to a fall, and the tension is obviously high. Can Pay win? Yeah, but she’s going to have to do a LOT better than she did when she beat Destiny Loveheart. A LOT better. I’m gonna pick Sophie to take this.

3. #8 ROBBYN HELMSLEY vs. VALERIE BELMONT
Val probably would have found her way into a pretty nice spot in the rankings this week had Rose Astral not been overwhelmed by her own sucktitude and snapped. Ah well, now she gets her debut, and if this remains at all a nice-orderly wrestling match for more than two minutes, I’m going to be stunned. The fur’s going to fly, but I think when it’s all said and done, Supergirl is about to get destroyed.

2. #16 CRYSTAL HILTON vs. #19 ARIEL SHADOWS
I’ve known both these women from their time before FFW, and if you think I’m nuts for putting this match in the two-slot, you’ll be singing a different tune come next week. Both Shadows and Hilton are young, talented, and have a lot to prove out there, especially Shadows, who’s yet to get a ride for the PPV. I expect this match to completely get the crowd going, but when the dust clears, I think Ariel’s going to get the win.

1. FFW ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPIONSHIP, INFERNO MATCH: #10 KATHERINE STRYFE © vs. #4 CAMILLA PAZZINI
Ever since Stryfe appeared in a promo more zoinked than the entire cast of Scooby Doo combined, this match has been on the books, and with the Eternal Flame facing Angelic S&D for the tag titles at the PPV, this got bumped up (although it would have been HILLARIOUS to see Stryfe try and survive both contests). Anyways, I’ve said it before, but there is NOTHING about this match to suggest that Kathy isn’t a dead woman walking. Asbestos ahoy for this one!

AWARDS TIME!
So finally, we get to the end of our journey through FFW, but not handing out a few of my long-coveted awards. So, without further ado...

MATCH OF THE WEEK
STACEY MACKENZIE vs. BELLADONNA
The billing was “someone’s “0” has got to go!”, and the match lived up to the hype you’d expect for two wrestlers who had yet to lose in singles competition. Both women are well liked by the fans, and the crowd was completely into it the whole way through. Stacey picked up the pinfall, but in the end, we all ended up winners.
RUNNERS UP
- Anastacia Baldwin vs. Rose Astral (Best one-sided ass-whuppin EVER)
- Ariel Shadows vs. Traci Loveheart (Impressive debut for Shadows, and everyone loves to see Twisted Path getting clonked)

WINNER OF THE WEEK
STACEY MACKENZIE
If I seem to be on Stacey Mac’s non-existant nuts this week, its with pretty good reason. Stacey’s had as good a Velocity as anyone could hope to have, getting that huge win over Belladonna, and becoming a member of Team FFW for War Games. Now the only question is, where does the Dream Killer go from here?
RUNNERS UP
- Isabella Pazzini (She didn’t get to break an undefeated streak, but Izzy’s solidified herself as bosslady’s top woman in this company)
- Charlie Gage (The true mark of a wrestler is how well they rebound from a tough loss. Charlie did that better than anyone else in the company this week)

LOSER OF THE WEEK
BELLADONNA
Okay, just a bit of an explanation here- the “loser of the week” award is NOT actually intended as an insult. This is just simply the wrestler I think had the biggest setback, or the most disappointing outing of the week. Tough to place it elsewhere than Trixie, who wrestled her heart out, and came away with the loss. You throw that in with so many people gunning for her television title, and her tag partner having a penchant for staring at her from the entry ramp, and things can’t be going too smoothly for Miss Rainbow.
RUNNERS UP
-Rose Astral (Made an ass of herself, ragequit, then made an even bigger ass of herself. Good going!)
-Colleen (She wanted that one against Cammie. You could feel it. Losing- especially that way- has to be nothing short of a heartbreaker.)

DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK
ALVIN SHEPHARD, MELINDA DAVIS & JENNIFER STRINGER
The surprisingly much-coveted Douchebag award goes to the individual (or individuals) who I think pulled off the biggest asshole move of the entire week. And I’ve never actually given it to an officiating crew before, but dear GOD, after last weeks’ Breaking Point, I don’t have a choice. First one of them goes and gets OUTSMARTED BY TWISTED PATH (luckily Ariel was able to avoid the subsequent chairshot and gets the win). And then Alvin Shephard pulls off the biggest, laziest, missed call since Jim Joyce screwed Armando Galarraga out of a perfect game. STEVIE WONDER SAW COLLEENS FUCKING FOOT UNDER THE ROPES! Someone wake these imbeciles UP!
RUNNERS UP
- Traci Loveheart & Victoria Summers (Something about whacking a girl named Tiffany with a chair over in SVW. Not sure about it...)
- Camilla Pazzini, Isabella Pazzini, Payton St. Pierre, & Starla McCloud (Damned tequila stealing bitches!)

Okay, FINALLY we have come to the end of the show, and a big thank you to everyone for reading! Again, feel please leave comments at the bottom, and I look forward to being back next week with more rankings, awards, and a preview of CONVICTION!

Until then...

POLLA OUT!

Daniel Pollaski is an freelance wrestling columnist, and the manager of Wendy Briese.