The Power X’s Inspirational Thought of the Week:
I've been caught stealing;
once when I was 5...
I enjoy stealing.
It's just as simple as that.
Well, it's just a simple fact.
When I want something,
I don't want to pay for it.
I walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey all right! If I get by, it's mine.
Mine all mine!
My girl, she's one too.
She'll go and get her a skirt.
Stick it under her shirt.
She grabbed a razor for me.
And she did it just like that.
When she wants something,
She don't want to pay for it.
- “Been Caught Stealing” Jane’s Addiction
Hey Kids!
So we’re turning the corner, heading towards July and the biggest show on the FFW calendar, Unstoppable 3! Already eleven matches have been announced, with four titles on the line, including the first ever FFW title-for-title match. And before it’s all said and done, we could be seeing all SIX championships on the line, depending on decisions that will be made available in the very near future.
And of course, a big thank you to everyone so far who has come out to check out Femme Fatale Wrestling all over the world. Both the shows in Sydney and Cologne were jammed packed full of the Faithful, and the crowd was raucous and hungry for great action each time! And while the Cologne show certainly delivered, I’m left with a feeling that the Australians aren’t exactly sad to see us go. After what came down at Breaking Point.. can’t blame them. And that brings us to the Four Corners.
1. ...REALLY?
Just a little over a year ago, in one of the first columns I did for FFW, I declared Samantha Star a veritable Evil Genius following her masterful handling of the SVW situation at War Games. Somehow discovering that Miss Demeanor was going to be the mystery entrant for Team SVW, and bribing her away to betray her own company was a masterful strategy, and she got Nick Flaherty hook line and sinker, to the point that he lost all confidence in himself and wouldn’t return for damn near over a year.
Flash forward thirteen months, and Breaking Point last Saturday night. In a way, I’m proud to say I was kind of right. I said Stacey would defy the odds and beat Shane, and by God, she did, in a seriously heart-wrenching dramatic victory. It was what happened AFTER that I sure as hell wasn’t anticipating. Nor was anyone. But that is obviously the forerunning topic in everyone’s mind. And, I dare say, made quite a fitting song choice for this week’s inspirational thought.
I know there is a LOT of discussion stemming from what happened on that show, and I’ve been hearing so much about it from pretty much everyone. Of course, everybody except the Power Trip and their immediate families agree the whole situation was a big squishy steaming pile of unmitigated bullshit. Some are saying the title is devalued. Some are saying it was certainly not the dethroning an epic competitor like Stacey Mackenzie deserved. Even more are worried what schemes will be conspired to snatch up the other four titles in the company not in the power trips grasp.
Actually, make that three and a half titles. God dammit.
All those points are valid, but as I sat around the hotel the next morning, eating breakfast, and listening to Wendy vent for forty-five minutes about it to her husband on Skype... all I could think about was ‘that’s the best plan she could come up with?’
I’ll grant this: it was effective. It acccomplished what Samantha wanted, it got a member of the Power Trip the FFW Championship, it humiliated Stacey, and it pissed pretty much everyone else off. But it wasn’t this master stroke of genius, and if you think it was... you’re only kidding yourself.
Samantha simply combined two of the most tried and true strategies evil dictators have at their disposal. The first was stacking the deck, something that she’d already done against Wendy Briese just a couple months prior, although she did take it to quite the next level this time, making sure four Power Trip members were involved in the match. Strength in numbers, yeah. It’s been done before.
 |
| ... I *knew* there was something Familiar about her.... |
And with that failing, her backup plan was “throw everyone I can at it until I finally get it.” If Stacey had gotten by Pazzini, Starla would have been next. Then Caroline. Then Eden (oh, dear God no). Then maybe all at once. The fact was, is that, in Samantha’s mind, the only way Stacey would have left Australia with that belt was by running the hell away, which of course Stacey would never do.
You know else uses the “throw things at it until one sticks” strategy? Goblins. Seriously, pick up any fantasy game in history. That’s all they do. Charge one after another, pretty much head on, until either you die or they do. A strategy right up Samantha’s alley.
So no, kids. We’re not dealing with an evil genius here. We’re dealing with someone who has too much money and power for her (or anyone else’s) own good, and the moment someone else with a shred of power of their own, and far more brains, comes along, Samantha Star and her Power Trip are going to get embarrassed, just like every single “club” she’s started before.
Why, hello there, Ryan Mackenzie.
2. OUR TAG DIVISION NEEDS A SHRINK
So let’s do a quick roll-call here. The brand spanking new tag team champions are both married to the same guy. The now-former champions just had one partner admitting she slept with the other partner’s husband. We just had a team break up because the boring one somehow things she’s better than the shitty one. And in between, we have two women who’s signature attack consists of screaming in someone’s ear, a firey hot head teaming with a girl who obviously has abandonment issues, and a pair of sisters-in-law that put the “fun” in “dysfunctional”.
Seriously... the tag team with the crazy Russian chick and the girl who openly admitted to sleeping with Christian Kane (regardless of whether or not it was true) are considered the normal ones, here.
I’ve been hearing talk on and off of a tag team tournament being in the works. Screw that. What we need to do is get the whole division into one nice big group therapy session. Not entirely sure what it would accomplish, but it would have to be more entertaining than any of the twelve-step shit Colleen’s had to subject herself to. And there’s always a possibility that a massive dozen-plus woman brawl could break out, with the decaf pot being used as a weapon. I’d pay to see that. Seriously.
Yes, kids. We may have the most neurotic tag division in pro-wrestling history.
But you know what? We also have one of the best.
Despite being an all-hot-redhead version of Big Love, Team Adonis has gelled tremendously. For all they hate each other, it’s undeniable that there is serious chemistry between Casey and Starla. But the chemistry lies no less in Bounce & Pounce, and if the tag titles are put on the line at Unstoppable (which they should be), Team Adonis’ reign is severely threatened. Pink, Inc, despite rumors of their breakup flying around for half the year, have been incredible in that ring together as well. All three of these teams have won the championship, and all three very damn well could win it again.
As could the other three remaining teams in this division. If Jenny Williams beats Casey Atherton in the Future Shock Finale, you have to think that’s gotta put the Williams Clan in line for a title shot as well. Scarborough Fair is up and coming, and already highly dangerous, capable of beating anyone with their unorthodox style. And I’m not just saying that because I’m now their manager. And Spitfire, well, Jo and Sabra seem to have some chemistry issues, but once that gets worked out, they’ll be just as dangerous.
That makes our tag division six teams deep. How many companies get to say that?
FFW has seriously shown a commitment to tag team wrestling, something that so many people in the past have dismissed as a lost art. It’s not, and we need more shows like the one in Cologne, which gave so many of these teams a spotlight. And I’m sure we can get one or two more to sign up, and have ourselves a fun little tournament, or battle royale, or something. Either way, expect the latter half of 2012 to be absolutely incredible in this division. We’ve got a lot of great match potentials we haven’t seen yet, and a few we’d love to see again. Seriously, this is a division that’s practically gonna book itself for the next nine months or so.
And that’s why, later on in the column, you’ll see the tag team rankings return, in addition to everything else that’s going on in this week’s column. I’m one inspired dude.
Thanks, tag division. I’m now a believer.
3. WHY IS RORI SNYDER STILL EMPLOYED?
So for those of you who have followed FFW for quite some time, you’ll know that the Sydney Screwjob is hardly the first time Samantha’s kinda-sorta-not-really “evil geniusness” has come into play. A couple of month’s ago, we all saw the return of Rori Snyder, who was brought back by Samantha as punishment for Cody because he signed Miss Demeanor. And while both have somehow managed to stay employed for four months without doing a goddamned thing, at least we have the massively entertaining prospect of Miss Demeanor beating the hell outta Star at Unstoppable to look forward to.
Snyder, erm, not so much.
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| I'm sure it absolutely thrills you that everytime you buy a ticket, some of your money goes to this |
And yes, Snyder. The Mackenzies are a respected family around here, and I’m not gonna sully their name, especially with one of their members cooped up in a hospital bed after the dumbest shit ever.
I mean, look at everything that’s developed since she got here. Rori’s gonna teach Cody a lesson, right? Only... Cody ain’t here no more. He’s off in SVW chasing morons. And then there was this whole deal involving Crystal Hilton, because Rori’s all jealous and shit that Crystal was being managed by her husband. Except, you know, Hilton’s not using Will as a manager anymore. And apparently she punched him, which is actually really funny.
So all of a sudden, we have a member of the roster who hasn’t even stepped in the ring yet and is a known problem outside of it, who suddenly doesn’t have a single reason for being with this company anymore. Cause let’s face it, Rori’s not the level of anyone in this company who holds a championship. She’s a one trick pony, who once her cheating is taken away, can do about as much as the greenest Future Shock rookie.
Seriously. Samantha, Saint, someone. Do us all a favor, and sign the release papers already. It’s for our own good.
4. WHO WANTS SOME MID-YEAR AWARDS?
So by the time this column goes up, either today or tomorrow is going to be July 1. Which means the year is half-way over. So, in the interest of doing extra shit to make these columns uncomfortably long, I’ve decided to announce the mid-year awards. Now, these awards are going to be a bit different than my normal weekly awards (which will also be done later). Instead of the usual four, we’re taking another look at the prizes that were handed out at the year-end awards a few months ago. Oscar-style.
Seriously, I’m wearing a tuxedo to type this and everything.
Should point out, these are strictly my opinions. No voting was done. No nomination process. Just me sitting at a computer and typing. Save for the time I fell out of my chair laughing at the prospect of naming Kat Stryfe “Femme Fatale of the Year”. True story.
Anyways, and the winners are...
FUTURE SHOCK ROOKIE OF THE HALF-YEAR: CAROLINE DALLINS
What? You thought it was gonna be Gabrielle Crimson?
 |
| But Sophie Richards is the Greatest Future Shock Rookie of all time! OF ALL TIME! |
No, Caroline didn’t win Season 6 of Future Shock. But she did put on a very good showing, and of all the girls who’ve gone on to the main roster after graduation, she’s had the most success by far. Of course Serafina, the season winner, is just getting started, and who knows what Trinity will end up doing, so obviously this category could change quite a bit by the end of the year.
But Caroline has come into FFW on a tear, beating the likes of Cara Stone and Jennifer Williams, which gives her the nod to the top spot. Attitude aside, this is a dangerous woman with a bright future. She’s going to be contending for titles very very soon, whether it’s the TV, UV, NS, or Evolution belt.
Honorable Mentions: Cara Stone, Melanie Avilo, Jennifer Williams
PAY-PER-VIEW OF THE HALF-YEAR: COLD BLOODED 2012
I actually had pencilled in to give this to Conviction, but then I went back and watched Cold-Blooded, and there was no doubt of what I had to give it to. The sheer number of amazing matches on Cold Blooded is astronomical, and it tips the balance in January’s favor. From the FFW Championship, to Kitty-Jenny 1, to the Pick Your Poison Ladder Match, to the No Surrender, there were just so many memorable moments on this show. Not to take anything away from Chaos Theory and Conviction, but Cold-Blooded takes the cake.
MOST INFLUENTIAL OF THE HALF-YEAR: DANIEL POLLASKI
Of course it’s me. Again. You love me, you love this column. You love everything about what I have to say, and you spend every two weeks at the FFW website hitting that refresh button, wondering “WHERE THE HELL IS THE POWER X?” And honestly, since when did a lowly manager and columnist such as myself suddenly find his name getting dropped in every other promo the Femme Fatales put out? It’s because you all know I’m right. And THAT is why I should be the Season 8 announcer for Future Shock.
Oh, and thanks again for reading everyone. I’m glad you all appreciate the time and effort I put into this.
Honorable Mentions: Nessa Wall, Carson Black, Wolf Ramsey
ONE TO WATCH ON THE BACK HALF: THE SCARBOROUGH FAIR
Well, ok, that’s two to watch. But you can’t help but be impressed by the chutzpah these two have shown since their entrance into the company. They have two wins already, and are only looking to go up from here. It won’t be long until Mickey and Raquel are competing for the tag team championship, especially now that they have the worlds greatest manager *ahem* to guide them there.
Seriously, kids. The future is gonna rawk.
Honorable Mentions: Claire Black, Allison Wright, Kelly McGuffin
MOST SHOCKING MOMENT OF THE HALF-YEAR: THE MILE HIGH MIRACLE
I could probably count on one hand the number of people involved with FFW who actually thought that Cara Stone stood a chance at beating Camilla Pazzini in a Last Woman Standing match. And I might need the other hand and a foot if I wanted to count people who thought Cara was actually a legitimate Ultraviolence-style wrestler. Cara proved those select few right, and everyone else wrong.
Cara’s victory over Camilla was more than just an upset though. It was an inspiration, something that shows what anyone can do if they work hard enough at it. Remember, this was a woman who was beaten bloody by Alysson Gardner just three months prior. This was a woman who wasn’t even supposed to be in that match, until Gardner’s unceremonious departure. And there she is today, Ultraviolence Champion.
Amazing. Simply amazing.
Honorable Mentions: Rori Snyder’s rehiring, Bounce & Pounce being stripped of the Unity Tag Titles, Summer winning the Television Championship.
BREAKOUT STAR OF THE HALF-YEAR: SUMMER
Had she lost to Sophie Richards at Chaos Theory, this would have been a close call between a couple people, but Summer’s victory there gives her a clear-cut win, when she deposed a woman who had an out and out stranglehold on the Television Championship.
Remember, coming into 2012, Summer was someone who was considered good, but not great. She had just lost a No-Surrender qualification match to Lumina Ferrari, and was on the outside looking in. But something clicked, because she exploded onto the scene in the aftermath, and tore through the ranks, beating Sophie Richards in epic fashion at Chaos Theory. Since then, she’s successfully defended against Lumina, ended Kelly McGuffins undefeated streak, beat Casey, and stands an excellent chance of leaving Unstoppable with the belt still in her posession.
Honorable Mentions: Desirae Kain, Cara Stone, Caroline Dallins
FINISHER OF THE HALF-YEAR: WENDY BRIESE’S BANSHEE
Wendy’s been at the top of the No Surrender division for most of the year, and with one look at this move, it’s hard not to see why. The pressure this move creates on the legs, the back, and the neck is unbearable, and once Wendy locks it in, the chance of escaping is slim to none. And even more- it’s turned a late-match drop toe hold from Wendy into one of the most gut-clenching moments in wrestling. Because after you crash to the mat like that, its only a matter of time until pain, agony, and defeat follow.
Honorable Mentions: Cara Stone’s Down From the Sky, Tara Thunder’s Who’s The Bitch Now?, Summer’s Falling Starr
FEUD OF THE HALF-YEAR: KAITLYNN STRYFE vs. JENNIFER STRYFE
Absolutely no contest here. The trio of matches these two women put themselves through was nothing short of epic proportions. What began as a simple “I want your husband” turned into something far more, that included management of two wrestling companies, betrayal, deceit, and someone nearly getting killed. All things that make an epic feud, and if Jennifer Stryfe ever recovers and makes it back to the ring (kind of a pipe-dream, but still), you can bet this one isn’t over
Honorable Mentions: Wendy Briese vs. Starla McCloud, Caroline Dallins vs. Cara Stone, Scarlett Kincaid vs. Katherine Stryfe
TAG TEAM OF THE HALF-YEAR: PINK, INC
Even though they just lost the belts, there’s no denying that the early half of 2012 was dominated by the Pink ones, who held the belts for four of the first six months. Even a loss to Bounce & Pounce at Cold-Blooded coupled with constant rumors of infighting didn’t slow these ladies down, and after B&P was stripped, they took advantage, becoming two time champs, then even avenging their loss to B&P at Conviction. We’ll see how they go after Unstoppable, but there’s no reason not to believe that these two can’t become three-time champions.
Honorable Mentions: Bounce & Pounce, Team Adonis, Violent Femmes
MOST HATED WRESTLER OF THE HALF-YEAR: ISABELLA PAZZINI
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| Some women just want to watch the world burn. And if gets them a World Title in the mean time, then they're not going to complain. |
The most notable thing about Isabella Pazzini winning this award is that she managed to do it all in about the span of a month. But the moment she hit Stacey Mackenzie with a chair back in May began the trend, that was fully completed when she took a bellhammer to Mackenzie’s skull last Saturday, and out of nowhere became FFW Champion. Oh, and she pitched Jennifer Stryfe off the video screen, nearly killing her. In all honesty, any member of the Power Trip could win this, but when it’s all said and done, the queen takes the cake.
Dishonorable Mentions: Starla McCloud, Kaitlynn Stryfe, Casey Atherton
MOST BELOVED WRESTLER OF THE HALF-YEAR: SCARLETT KINCAID
Even though she’s come up short in both her attempts thus far at becoming FFW Champion in 2012, there’s no denying that when it comes to having the hearts of the fans, its Scarlett Kincaid, the eternal underdog that just keeps on going. Several other women have legitimate claims as fan-favorites, but when it comes to the number and passion of her supporters, it’s still the Cajun Cinderella, and will likely be for a long time to come.
Honorable Mentions: Wendy Briese, Cara Stone, Desirae Kain
FEMME FATALE OF THE HALF-YEAR: STACEY MACKENZIE
Of course, who else would it be? We’re at the 183rd day of the year, and Stacey held the FFW Championship for 176 of them, not to mention the little over a month she spent with the belt back in 2011. And it took two matches, a blindside bell hammer shot, and about five people to get the belt off her. Other than that one moment, this woman was Unstoppable, and the mere fact that she’s not going to be in the biggest PPV of the year due to injury is inexcusable. 20-0. 20-1. It doesn’t matter. No one’s been better than Stacey.
Honorable Mentions: Scarlett Kincaid, Tara Thunder, Wendy Briese
Wait, you’re no doubt saying right now. Where’s the match of the half-year award? Well, I couldn’t just go with one. Just too many damn good ones to not highlight. So, without further ado, here you go. Let the debate begin (not that it hasn’t already started)
THE TOP 25 MATCHES (thus far) OF 2012
#25- FFW CHAMPIONSHIP: Stacey Mackenzie © vs. Shane Sanders [Breaking Point- June 23]
#24- Crystal Hilton vs. Tara Thunder [Velocity- March 8]
#23- UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: Pink, Inc © vs. Team Adonis [Velocity- June 28]
#22- Jennifer Stryfe vs. Kaitlynn Stryfe [Cold Blooded- January 28]
#21- Emma MacNamara vs. Katherine Stryfe [Conviction- May 26]
#20- Cara Stone vs. Eileen Amaro [Velocity- June 28]
#19- Melanie Avilo vs. Jodie Gray [Velocity- February 8]
#18- Wendy Briese vs. Desirae Kain [Velocity- June 14]
#17- Isabella Pazzini vs. Crystal Hilton [Velocity- April 12]
#16- Cara Stone vs. Caroline Dallins [Velocity- June 14]
#15- Katherine Stryfe vs. Scarlett Kincaid [Breaking Point- June 9]
#14- Camilla Pazzini vs. Emma MacNamara [Velocity- February 23]
#13- UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: Pink, Inc © vs. Bounce & Pounce [Cold Blooded- January 28]
#12- Kaitlynn Stryfe vs. Wendy Briese [Breaking Point- March 17]
#11- NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH: Alysson Gardner vs. Cara Stone [Byte This 3- February 15]
#10- TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP: Sophie Richards © vs. Summer [Chaos Theory- March 31]
#9- ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPIONSHIP- LAST WOMAN STANDING MATCH: Camilla Pazzini © vs. Rose Jenkins [Cold Blooded- January 28]
#8- PICK YOUR POISON LADDER MATCH: Casey Atherton vs. Cara Stone vs. Charity Deas vs. Jennifer Stryfe vs. Jodie Gray [Cold Blooded- January 28]
#7- NO SURRENDER CHAMPIONSHIP: Starla McCloud © vs. Wendy Briese [Conviction- May 26]
#6- PARKING LOT BRAWL: Crystal Hilton vs. Isabella Pazzini [Cold Blooded- January 28]
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| "How the FUCK did Hardcore War not get #1?" |
#5- HARDCORE WAR: Jennifer Stryfe vs. Kaitlynn Stryfe [Conviction- May 26]
#4- FFW CHAMPIONSHIP: Stacey Mackenzie © vs. Scarlett Kincaid [Chaos Theory- March 31]
#3- FFW CHAMPIONSHIP- THREE WAY: Stacey Mackenzie © vs. Katherine Stryfe vs. Scarlett Kincaid [Cold Blooded- January 28]
#2- ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPIONSHIP- LAST WOMAN STANDING MATCH: Camilla Pazzini © vs. Cara Stone [Conviction- May 26]
#1- FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH: Jennifer Stryfe vs. Kaitlynn Stryfe [Chaos Theory- March 31]
It felt a shame to cut it just to 25, because there are some awesome matches that didn’t even make the cut. Hell, there have been 148 matches under the FFW banner in 2012, and not many of them have sucked. It’s just futher proof that when you watch FFW, you’re watching some of the best wrestling to be found on the planet.
RANKINGS!
Alright, rankings time. Only one drop-off (although admittedly its a huge one- Camilla Pazzini), but four more newcomers bolsters the rankings back up to forty-three. I knew we weren’t going to stay down long! Anyways, no time to waste!
#43- SARAH PEEK [-3]
Told you guys, whoever took the fall against Spitfire would get dead last.
#42- CHARITY DEAS [Returning- Last Ranked 45th on April 4]
Although their partner sure isn’t going to be sitting in much better shape
#41- LISA RICHARDSON [Last Ranked 45th on March 8]
Lisa’s just glad the “Let’s feed someone to this person to build their confidence” wheel finally landed on her name.
#40- ELIZABETH SHOWTIME [-2]
So, who’s laughing now?
#39- ALLISON DEAS [=]
The funniest thing about the upcoming Cheers & Jeers “Loser Leaves FFW Match”? Someone actually thinks we want the winner to stay as well.
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| Princess Stephanie? Bitch. Please. |
Good Idea: Calling yourself “The Technical Princess” to call attention to your mat skills (such as they are). Bad Idea: Actually thinking you’re a real princess. And who actually carries a scepter anymore?
#37- REBBECCA VALENTINE [=]
Rumor has it she’s still lying unconscious somewhere in Brazil after that punch from Claire Black. That’s hardly true- she actually woke up last Wednesday.
#36- KARA HARRINGTON [Returning - Last Ranked 37th on May 12]
Seemed to take her DQ loss to Mel in stride. In fact, she was more than willing to ring the bell to end the match!
#35- SERAFINA REYNOLDS [+1]
Seriously, anyone criticizing Cupcake’s sex life (or lack thereof) needs to Buddha the hell out.
#34- TRINITY [+1]
I finally put my finger on it. Trinity’s FFW’s version of Melissandre from Game of Thrones.
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| Religious fanaticism never looked so good. |
#33- JODIE GRAY [+1]
Found out the reason for Jodie’s losing streak. Apparently she was under the impression that if she got pinned, she could pick up the match right where she left off by putting in another quarter and hitting Continue.
#32- LIGHTNING [+1]
If she actually gets the Season 8 commentator job, just go ahead and change the name of the show to Future Schlock.
#31- HAYLEY DARK [-4]
Boing. Blasted.
#30- CRYSTAL HATE [-2]
You gotta feel bad for her. She keeps coming oh so close, but thus far, no cigar.
#29- ALLISON WRIGHT [=]
Suddenly she’s facing Val Belmont in her return match. Talk about a potential huge break for Allison’s career.
#28- CLAIRE BLACK [+4]
Note to arena sound guys: Start playing the “Fighter Down” music from Punch-Out every time Claire knocks someone out. It’ll be epic.
#27- IGNIS [-1]
Has to beat Casey Atherton next Thursday. After Casey’s screwed with her for over a year now, she needs this, for the sake of her own confidence.
#26- SABRA NICOLYEV [-3]
Huge opportunity to beat a former FFW Champion coming up. Can the Ruskie capitalize?
#25- RAQUEL FAIR [+6]
Continues to be an innovator in music. Like, who knew a guitar could be used as a percussion instrument?
#24- MICKEY SCARBOROUGH [+6]
New match booked for Unstoppable: Mickey vs. Crystal Hilton in an injury faking contest.
#23- ARIANNA MILLAR [-1]
From the sound of it, Alex Adonis is screwing Arianna more than CCM is.
#22- LUMINA FERRARI [+2]
Lumina’s back on the upside for her rollercoaster of a career. She’ll need a great showing against Caroline to keep it that way.
#21- JO MCFARLANE [-1]
Stands a good chance of winning the third Chase For the Crown. If she can get out of the first round, that is.
#20- KATHERINE STRYFE [+1]
Everything has come down to how Kat’s spent her time off. Has she worked on improving or coming up with another list of excuses?
#19- JENNIFER WILLIAMS [+6]
The most important matches of Jenny’s career are coming up in the next month. She needs to capitalize.
#18- MELANIE AVILO [+1]
Ouch. Well, a win’s a win, right?
#17- SHANE SANDERS [=]
It’s been overlooked with all the hoopla, but Shane actually wrestled a pretty good match against Stacey. Save for Isabella’s refusing to count, she didnt’ get any help at all, and she still hung in there with Stacey. Don’t count her out of the scramble.
#16- CRYSTAL HILTON [+2]
Beating Spitfire helped Crystal take a good step back towards the front. Ditching Will Mackenzie was another good step.
#15- EILEEN AMARO [=]
Remember, kids. When it comes to phenomenae, it’s all about magnitude. Just because the Hurricane overcame the Tsunami this time doesnt mean it’d be the same the next time around.
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| Have faith, dude. Now that I'm Scarborough Fair's manager, I can make them write and perform a love song to win her over. |
#14- KELLY LOVEHEART [=]
Yes. I just did that. :)
#13- CASEY ATHERTON [+3] *UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION*
Six months from the end of the Mayan Calendar, and suddenly Casey Atherton holds a legitimate title. I’d say it’s time to start getting worried.
#12- EMMA MACNAMARA [=]
I don’t mind her getting disqualified against Peek over in SVW... but why did she just stop with one single nutshot. She coulda killed him right there.
#11- STARLA MCCLOUD [+2] *UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION*
Now that she’s got gold again, Starla’s first order of business is to find a contingency partner just in case Ignis ends up killing Casey at Velocity.
#10- DESIRAE KAIN [-2]
Second tough loss in a row. Could be a third coming- or Desi could be Desi, rise up, and knock off Tara Thunder.
#9- CAROLINE DALLINS [=]
Caroline’s turning more and more dangerous by the week, as its now clear she’s more than willing to sacrifice her longtime friendship with Eileen to gain favor with the Power Trip.
#8- KAITLYNN STRYFE [-3]
Drops a couple due to sustained inactivity. Better than being dropped off the rankings entirely though, right?
#7- CARA STONE [+3] *ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPION*
It’s been six years since a Hurricane has made landfall in Spain. Cara’s looking to cause a lot more of an impact than Gordon did back in 2006
#6- SUMMER [=]
Beating “the other Casey” is no small feat. Neither’s winning a four-way match, but Summer’s got a great chance of doing so.
#5- ISABELLA PAZZINI [+6] *FFW CHAMPION*
That’s fucking right. If the Power Trip isn’t gonna play by the rules. Neither am I. So suck it. Bitches.
#4- WENDY BRIESE [=] *NO SURRENDER CHAMPION*
After listening to her commentary during the Main Event at Breaking Point, I suddenly find myself wondering what a Wendy/Alex Adonis announce team would be like.
#3- TARA THUNDER [=] *EVOLUTION CHAMPION*
Tara’s yet to take a fall in 2012. Could Desirae or Wendy change that in the coming weeks?
#2- SCARLETT KINCAID [=]
We’ve yet to hear Scarlett’s thoughts on what happened in Australia. Rest assured, we will soon enough.
#1- STACEY MACKENZIE [=]
By any right but Samantha’s she should be still be the FFW Champion, and it is out of defiance that she remains here, at least for this week. Get well soon, Stace. We’ll miss you.
TAG TEAM RANKINGS!
Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve done these. Too long, dammit. My new rule- every time the tag titles are up for grabs in a match, I’ll do a batch of TT rankings. Remember, I only rank officially registered tag teams. Anyways...
#7- CHEERS & JEERS
Officially breaking up, which is a downright shame, given all the success and accolades they managed to rack up in their tenure here.
#6- SPITFIRE
Something’s missing here. When it’s found, watch the fuck out.
#5- THE SCARBOROUGH FAIR
Mickey and Raquel have managed to orchestrate their own special little brand of mayhem. Managing them’s gonna be a blast.
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| Next title shot for Hayley and Ignis? I vote Bouncy Castle Death Match |
#4- BOUNCE & POUNCE
Whether or not the titles are on the line at Unstoppable, a win over Team Adonis is a must if they hope to keep with the current in this loaded division.
#3- THE WILLIAMS CLAN
Well, they can get along. And apparently win matches. That’s surprising- and not good for the rest of the division.
#2- PINK, INCSo long as the Desirae/Sophie match at Unstoppable doesn’t create a huge rift, clear front-runners to become three-time champions.
#1- TEAM ADONIS- *UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS*
Remember kids, this is what happens when you put your differences aside and work together for a common cause!
2012 CUMULATIVE RANKINGS
I posted these three months in, so here we are at the halfway point. Clear domination for the #1 wrestler so far, but Mackenzie suddenly being injured, things suddenly open up.
#68- DANNI THOMPSON- 2 pts
#67- CHRISTINE SMITH- 2 pts
#66- SOPHIA BLACK- 4 pts
#65- DESTINY LOVEHEART- 15 pts
#64- LISA RICHARDSON- 15 pts
#63- DANIELLE MASON- 19 pts
#62- TRACI LOVEHEART- 21 pts
#61- CHARITY DEAS- 26 pts
#60- KENDALL BURKE- 29 pts
#59- SARAH PEEK- 29 pts
#58- SERAFINA REYNOLDS- 33 pts
#57- CHARLOTTE GAGE- 40 pts
#56- ELIZABETH SHOWTIME- 49 pts
#55- WHITLEY MERCER- 58 pts
#54- KASSANDRA- 59 pts
#53- TRINITY- 72 pts
#52- SARAH RICHARDSON- 88 pts
#51- RAQUEL FAIR- 94 pts
#50- MICKEY SCARBOROUGH- 101 pts
#49- MIKA DEMIDOV- 103 pts
#48- CLAIRE BLACK- 112 pts
#47- ALLISON DEAS- 114 pts
#46- STEPHANIE SULLIVAN- 118 pts
#45- RAVEN WICKED- 119 pts
#44- KARA HARRINGTON- 127 pts
#43- ALYSSA FOXWORTH- 150 pts
#42- ROSE JENKINS- 150 pts
#41- KIMBERLY ARIES- 196 pts
#40- ELIZABETH BLACKWELL- 208 pts
#39- SABRA NICOLYEV- 229 pts
#38- TABATHA BELMONT- 235 pts
#37- ALLISON WRIGHT- 242 pts
#36- LIGHTNING- 254 pts
#35- HANNA ELLIOT- 258 pts
#34- ALYSSON GARDNER- 290 pts
#33- ARABELLA DE ROSSI- 315 pts
#32- JODIE GRAY- 320 pts
#31- CAROLINE DALLINS- 368 pts
#30- IGNIS- 370 pts
#29- HAYLEY DARK- 373 pts
#28- REBBECCA VALENTINE- 375 pts
#27- ARIANNA MILLAR- 398 pts
#26- LUMINA FERRARI- 466 pts
#25- JENNIFER WILLIAMS- 480 pts
#24- COLLEEN- 520 pts
#23- SHANE SANDERS- 522 pts
#22- CRYSTAL HATE- 525 pts
#21- JO MCFARLANE- 530 pts
#20- MELANIE AVILO- 540 pts
#19- SOPHIE RICHARDS- 607 pts
#18- JENNIFER STRYFE- 630 pts
#17- EILEEN AMARO- 686 pts
#16- CARA STONE- 692 pts
#15- CASEY ATHERTON- 730 pts
#14- EMMA MACNAMARA- 749 pts
#13- KATHERINE STRYFE- 778 pts
#12- CRYSTAL HILTON- 800 pts
#11- SUMMER- 817 pts
#10- DESIRAE KAIN- 818 pts
#9- ISABELLA PAZZINI- 836 pts
#8- KELLY MCGUFFIN- 841 pts
#7- STARLA MCCLOUD- 850 pts
#6- CAMILLA PAZZINI- 945 pts
#5- KAITLYNN STRYFE- 962 pts
#4- WENDY BRIESE- 1,012 pts
#3- TARA THUNDER- 1,030 pts
#2- SCARLETT KINCAID- 1,053 pts
#1- STACEY MACKENZIE- 1,100 pts
INCOMING!
And so the world tour continues, with stops five and six coming, before we all return home to the Pacific Northwest for Unstoppable. Things are heating up as we head into the biggest show of the year, and you can be sure you don’t want to miss either of these spectacular events!
BREAKING POINT- July 7 from Glasgow, United Kingdom.
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| Go ahead, Power Trip. Interfere in this match. We fucking dare you. |
Five words that should strike fear into anyone’s heart: Emma MacNamara. Main Event. Hometown. Yes, that is actually going to happen, and if Starla McCloud isn’t quaking in her little boots over this prospect, she’s more delusional than we all thought. Emma’s going to give her countrymen something to cheer about, and if it comes at the expense of a Power Trip member, so much the better. Still, be on the lookout for bullshit, but I have a feeling the rest of the Mafia is going to be waiting in the wings, should things get hairy.
Desirae Kain also has a huge opportunity here, when she faces Tara Thunder. A win, and she shold be looking at an Evolution Title shot. Kain’s pulled off a few upsets before in the past, and this would be another one on the resume. And expect the fur to fly when Jennifer Williams and Jo McFarlane square up to go at it. Jo’s made it pretty clear by now that Jenny annoys the hell out of her, and she was more than happy to throw Jenny under the bus in Future Shock- a tactic that ended up backfiring when she herself found the elimination seat. With the Williams Clan coming off a win over Spitfire, and Jo also being from Scotland, expect this to be another great, hard fought match.
Kelly and Sabra square off in what should be an excellent preview of the coming Chase for the Crown (although Jo and Jenny are also on opposite teams come Unstoppable) Reports are Kelly took her first defeat rather hard, and she’s gonna want to be bouncing back against Sabra. And a huge opportunity awaits Lumina Ferrari. Beating Caroline Dallins is turning out to be a hard task here, but Lumina could be up for it if she wrestles the way she did against Mel. And speaking of Mel, she has a chance to shut “The Technical Princess” up when she faces Stephanie Sullivan. And that would certainly qualify as her good deed for the week.
VELOCITY- July 12 from Madrid, Spain.
For the last stop before Unstoppable, we’re heading to what could very well be the home of the Euro 2012 Champions. We’ll know tomorrow, when Spain takes on Italy. But either way, there will be champions in the Spanish capital, as three FFW titleholders square off, including two against each other.
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| You tell 'em, Schrute. |
And the Main event will be a great way to end the show before we head to Unstoppable. Eileen and Emma in one corner, Caroline and Shane in the other. Power Trip vs. Mafia, and a great preview of two Unstoppable Matches. To say Caroline and Eileen have had a falling out would be an understatement, as things have turned ugly between the two in anticipation of their coming war at Unstoppable. But of course, eyes will be on Emma and Shane, both of whom are hoping to leave Seattle with the FFW Championship a little more than two weeks later.
I’d say the main event would tear the house down, but unfortunately, the semi-main probably will have already done that. Cara Stone and Wendy Briese are two of FFW’s most beloved competitors, and just because their friends, that doesn’t mean they’re going to go easy on each other. Remember Stark & Stone beat the WhirlyBirdz at New Years Retribution, something that hasn’t been forgotten in anyone’s mind. Nor has anyone forgotten the absolute hell that Casey Atherton has put Ignis through over the past few weeks. Every time Ignis tries anything, Casey’s been there to screw with her, to the point that Casey even got her eliminated from the Future Shock competition, when that Casey/Ignis final was so close at hand. Ignis is raging, she wants revenge. This is her chance, and she better take it.
Kat Stryfe makes her return to take on Sabra, and like I said before, it’ll be interesting to see which Katherine Stryfe ends up showing up. It’ll also be interesting to see how badly Arabella wants to kill someone after her boyfriend Carson Black found himself attacked during the main event last Thursday. The poor soul in her way? Allison Wright. Even if her eyes worked, I don’t think she’d be able to see the full brunt of Arabella’s wrath coming. Oh, and its Cupcake vs. Cupcake as Serafina faces Sarah Peek. Not liking Sarah’s chances in that one.
AWARDS!
It’s no secret that yours truly is the greatest tag team manager of all time. So when you’re an upstart tag team, looking to make it in this big scary world of wrestling, you can either go with some creepy sushi-eater who acts like Ursula. Or you could go with the guy who’s led his last tag team to seven tag team championships. Naturally, the smart move was made.
So, in celebration of the Scarborough Fair signing on as my latest clients, I decided to toss the reigns over to them for this weeks awards. Raquel... Mickey... TAKE IT AWAY!
Match Of The Week: “The Tsunami” Eileen Amaro v.s. “Hurricane” Cara Stone
[Mickey] Hey folks! I’ll be starting off the awards here so let’s get down from to the nitty gritty. This match had it all! I’m not sure what ‘all’ means, as it’s probably a really cool blanket statement for when you have no idea like, how to quantify something. Or... Is it qualify? The point is I guess that like, this match was the meeting of two disasters in nature. Wait, why would you want to call yourself a disaster anyway? That’s not very self-assuring. I didn’t know Eileen and Cara have self-esteem issues. That’s terrible. They do wrestle well though. A lot of near-fall pins, 66% of which were made by Eileen. The fans were into this match the whole time, and you could tell that by the end of it, the clear and true winners were the fans... Oh, and Cara Stone too. And probably The Power Trip because the two girls kinda softened each other up... And Samantha because that’s money in her pocket... But the fans were winners too! Yeah!
If Cara had self-esteem issues before, wait til next week. Runners up!
- Stacey Mackenzie vs. Shane Sanders (Taking out the aftermath, it was a great match, and a great hard fought win for Stacey.)
- Summer vs. Casey Atherton (Casey put up a stiff challenge, but Summer managed to keep her at bay)
Winners Of The Week: Team Adonis/The Power Trip
[Raquel] I don’t mind cheating obviously. Team Adonis has a talent for it, but Alex Adonis needs to go back to the StairMaster of Doom he crawled out under. Fracking... You know what, I’ll just save that for Douchebag of The Week. So The Power Trip gains another championship (Well the Unity are two belts counted as one right? Ah screw it.). That all but makes Casey a member by proxy, and that adds their championship count up to three. We’ve got some serious problems. Half of FFW’s belts now reside solely with The Power Trip. Begrudgingly, Team Adonis is a team to be wary of. Summer, Wendy, and Cara need to hold on tight to what FFW has left, because even us mean-spirited skanks that the fans boo know that The Power Trip with all the belts would mean the end of this company as we know it. Or a Sexy Party. One of those. Anyway, congrats to Casey and Starla, the dictionary definition of ‘soulless gingers’.
Thank God the A-List never took over then. With Rose, Colleen, and Arabella, any “sexy party” woulda been just downright scary.
- Claire Black (Another win. This young lady’s got more than a puncher’s chance of getting into a title picture.)
- The Scarborough Fair (EPIC WIN FOR AN EPIC TAG TEAM!)
Losers Of The Week: Cheers & Jeers
[Mickey] So... Uhm. Yeah. Cheers & Jeers have officially broken up. So uh, you’re welcome? Okay! All jokes aside (No seriously, send all candy and thank yous to our P.O. box listed on the FFW website), Allison Deas and Elizabeth Showtime not only lost their match but had a best friend break-up! I’d like to kinda, sorta, maybe wonder two things now. One: Is Elizabeth Showtime adopted (in-ring talent and general demeanor point to ‘yes’) and two: If Allison and Elizabeth get a double count-out in this Loser Leaves Town match, will they both disappear forever? Does anyone really care? No? You say that this match is gonna be the bathroom break and concession stand time for fans? You say you wouldn’t be surprised if this winds up televised as a FFW pre-show dark match? Okay. ^_^
… a TELEVISED pre-show DARK MATCH? I think we’re gonna have a bit of a talk, Mickey.
- Ignis (There’s getting screwed. Then there’s bent over the washing machine spread eagled with a pneumatic drill. Ignis’ Future Shock experience would be the latter)
- Melanie Avilo (Sometimes you lose even when you win. Mel’s match against Kara Harrington was a painful truth)
Douchebag Of The Week: Alex Adonis
[Raquel] Alex Adonis is douchebag of the week, turdburgular of the week, butt munch of the week and everything in between. Thanks to him, The Power Trip now has more gold. Thanks to him, poor Carson Black has been hurt. Which means Arabella will want blood. Most importantly, thanks to him Casey Atherton has an actual accomplishment. Once again. Let me reiterate. Casey Atherton has an actual accomplishment.
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| "What Are you Looking at, Butthead?" |
To quote Wally Weaver from The Watchmen, ‘Now if you begin to feel an intense and crushing feeling of religious terror at the concept, don't be alarmed. That indicates only that you are still sane.’ Thank Alex Adonis. Thank him for some of the worst commentary known to humankind, (we’d be better off replacing him with a revolving cast of talent and managers, giving Leo a cavalcade of different personalities to work with) thank him for destroying the sanctity of marriage (whatever was left) and most of all thank him for making sure that any credibility to the tag titles were lost. On the plus, a crack team of geneticists (me and Mickey with Photoshop) have found undeniable proof as to why Alex Adonis is the way he is. So there you go. Alex Adonis is the hell spawned love child of a Grinch and Biff Tannen.
This column was delayed for twenty minutes while I finished laughing at that picture. Well done ladies. Well fucking done.
- The Power Trip (That being said, I’m not entirely sure how this didn’t win, thanks to the Sydney Screwjob. That was Douchebaggery, Level Infinity)
- Fuck it. Giving an honorable mention to anyone else would just water the douchebaggery of the above down.
And that be all of it! A huge special thanks to the Scarborough Fair for their wonderful insight into the awards, and a very special thanks to everyone for reading this massive Mid-Year Power X! We’ll be back in a couple of weeks with TWO seperate columns! Your normal reading, and the MASSIVE UNSTOPPABLE PREVIEW EDITION!
Oh, and it’s not to early to begin signing up for a guest analysis piece for Unstoppable. Those were quite popular the last time.
Anyways, until next time..
POLLA OUT!
Daniel Pollaski is an independent wrestling columnist, SVW wrestler, and the manager of FFW stars Wendy Briese and the Scarborough Fair. He also invites everyone to tune into SVW Uprising Tonight. Hehehehe.....
OOC: Special thanks to Cori for the Goblin King photoshop, as well as the Alex Adonis parentage.
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