Once again, its time for wrestling manager and analyst Daniel Pollaski to go over the news, reviews, and previews of Femme Fatale Wrestling! I wonder if anyone actually reads this part every goddamn time, because it never changes. All content is the sole opinion of the author and does not reflect the views of Femme Fatale Wrestling, its wrestlers, or administration. Or Wendy Briese, for that matter, so don’t go jumping her in the hallway if you get butthurt about this. Bitch.
The Power X’s Inspirational Thought of the Week:
All around the world,We could make time
Rompin' and a-stompin 'cause I'm in my prime
Born in the north And sworn to entertain ya
'Cause I'm down for The state of Pennsylvania
I try not to whine But I must warn ya
'Bout the motherfuckin' Girls from California
Alabama baby Said "hallelujah"
Good God girl I wish I knew ya
I know, I know for sure
That life is beautiful around the world
I know I know it's you
You say, "Hello" and then I say, "I do"
Come back, baby 'cause I'd like to say
I've been around the world Back from Bombay
Fox hole love Pie in your face
Livin' in and out Of a big fat suitcase
Bona fide ride Step aside my Johnson
Yes I could In the woods of Wisconsin
Wake up the cake It's lake she's kissin' me
As they do When they do in Sicily
- “Around the World” Red Hot Chili Peppers
Hey kids!
So how’d you all enjoy the first leg of the World Tour? Obviously, we haven’t managed to go all Around the World yet, the first two legs staying in the Americas, but from here on out, it’s all Intercontinental, baby!
Luckily for us, we managed to get the drama, action, and suspense that comes with every domestic FFW show through customs, and even the language barriers didn’t prevent a good time from being had by all (unless you had to sit next to Alex Adonis during Velocity). And with both of the next two shows featuring title’s up for grabs, look for the second leg of the tour to be just as amazing as the first.
As usual, plenty of things to go over, starting with the Four Corners.
1. STACEY MACKENZIE WILL LEAVE AUSTRALIA WITH THE FFW CHAMPIONSHIP
It’s a bold man who guarantees a result in this business, especially in a company as competitive as Femme Fatale Wrestling. It’s a bolder man who makes a guarantee when the odds are so stacked in the other side’s favor. Stacey Mackenzie versus Shane Sanders... with Isabella Pazzini as guest referee, Caroline Dallins as guest timekeeper, Starla McCloud as guest ring announcer. Quite the star studded event, no?
Obviously, you don’t need the greatest pro-wrestling columnist in the world to tell you that this is a fucking setup. Samantha wants the belt around one of hers, and she’s not willing to wait a month and a half until Unstoppable to get it. So she set this match up, lined the outside of the ring with members of her Power Trip, and began buying the champagne to congratulate Shane. And with odds like that, who can blame her?
Except...here’s the thing: I absolutely, positively REFUSE to believe that Stacey Mackenzie’s title reign- and undefeated streak- are going to end like this. Call me a romantic, but if someone’s going to beat the streak, I want it to be done in epic, jaw dropping fashion. Not because the owner fixed a match.
Moreso to Shane Sanders. Now, I have no objection to Shane being in the scramble, but is this REALLY the kind of woman you just want to HAND a championship to? We just saw her get so physically dominated by Eileen Amaro, Eden Chevalier had to run down and get her disqualified before Amaro completely crashed the party. Does that strike you as someone who should just be handed ANY championship, let alone the top one?
Then again, this is the kind of woman you HAVE to hand the championship to, or else she’s never gonna win it.
The Power X’s Inspirational Thought of the Week:
All around the world,We could make time
Rompin' and a-stompin 'cause I'm in my prime
Born in the north And sworn to entertain ya
'Cause I'm down for The state of Pennsylvania
I try not to whine But I must warn ya
'Bout the motherfuckin' Girls from California
Alabama baby Said "hallelujah"
Good God girl I wish I knew ya
I know, I know for sure
That life is beautiful around the world
I know I know it's you
You say, "Hello" and then I say, "I do"
Come back, baby 'cause I'd like to say
I've been around the world Back from Bombay
Fox hole love Pie in your face
Livin' in and out Of a big fat suitcase
Bona fide ride Step aside my Johnson
Yes I could In the woods of Wisconsin
Wake up the cake It's lake she's kissin' me
As they do When they do in Sicily
- “Around the World” Red Hot Chili Peppers
Hey kids!
So how’d you all enjoy the first leg of the World Tour? Obviously, we haven’t managed to go all Around the World yet, the first two legs staying in the Americas, but from here on out, it’s all Intercontinental, baby!
Luckily for us, we managed to get the drama, action, and suspense that comes with every domestic FFW show through customs, and even the language barriers didn’t prevent a good time from being had by all (unless you had to sit next to Alex Adonis during Velocity). And with both of the next two shows featuring title’s up for grabs, look for the second leg of the tour to be just as amazing as the first.
As usual, plenty of things to go over, starting with the Four Corners.
1. STACEY MACKENZIE WILL LEAVE AUSTRALIA WITH THE FFW CHAMPIONSHIP
It’s a bold man who guarantees a result in this business, especially in a company as competitive as Femme Fatale Wrestling. It’s a bolder man who makes a guarantee when the odds are so stacked in the other side’s favor. Stacey Mackenzie versus Shane Sanders... with Isabella Pazzini as guest referee, Caroline Dallins as guest timekeeper, Starla McCloud as guest ring announcer. Quite the star studded event, no?
Obviously, you don’t need the greatest pro-wrestling columnist in the world to tell you that this is a fucking setup. Samantha wants the belt around one of hers, and she’s not willing to wait a month and a half until Unstoppable to get it. So she set this match up, lined the outside of the ring with members of her Power Trip, and began buying the champagne to congratulate Shane. And with odds like that, who can blame her?
Except...here’s the thing: I absolutely, positively REFUSE to believe that Stacey Mackenzie’s title reign- and undefeated streak- are going to end like this. Call me a romantic, but if someone’s going to beat the streak, I want it to be done in epic, jaw dropping fashion. Not because the owner fixed a match.
Moreso to Shane Sanders. Now, I have no objection to Shane being in the scramble, but is this REALLY the kind of woman you just want to HAND a championship to? We just saw her get so physically dominated by Eileen Amaro, Eden Chevalier had to run down and get her disqualified before Amaro completely crashed the party. Does that strike you as someone who should just be handed ANY championship, let alone the top one?
Then again, this is the kind of woman you HAVE to hand the championship to, or else she’s never gonna win it.
 |
| FFW sources revealed to me Samantha Star's new business Strategy |
So before we all start etching in Shane’s name as the next FFW Champion, remember this- we’ve had screwjobs before, and not all of them have come through. You gotta believe. I do.
2. KARA HARRINGTON? REALLY?
So, Thursday night at Velocity, we saw one of the most anticipated rematches FFW has ever seen, when Emma McIntyre faced Isabella Pazzini. Considering that the last time the two women met one-on-one on the ring, it was for the FFW Championship and a Hardcore War, yeah, you can bet that it was a pretty intense competition. But all got that wrecked thanks to a delusional, self-important psychotic bitch. And by that, I mean Kara Harrington.
If you started watching FFW at any point in the last nine months, you have no fucking clue who I’m talking about, do you? The woman’s been on television, like what, three times in the past year? And suddenly she’s coming out and wrecking main events?
Right, oh yeah, because Cory Kincaid “got attacked”. Give me a fucking break. Isabella Pazzini reverses a whip, and Emma goes into Cory, knocking him over. God almighty, it’s something that’s probably happened to every single wrestling personality in history, and strangely enough, I’m pretty sure no one’s died from it. You wouldn’t know that by Kara’s reaction, would you?
Look, I get it. Kara Harrington is mentally disabled, and has an alternate-ego who thinks she’s four and talks like a cartoon character. It doesn’t fucking matter. She was competent enough to manage to find Brazil on a map, and get into the arena, she should be competent enough to see what happens during a match, and actually maintain some aura of professionalism when an accident happens. Not so... and she ended up wrecking a great match as a result.
If you ask me, this isn’t about Cory one bit. It’s about Kara’s realization that she’s become a relic, someone from the early days of FFW who has no relevance in today’s company. Attacking Emma was little more than a desperate ‘hey, I’m still here!’ play hoping that maybe, just maybe, she can get on some sort of a PPV card, which she hasn’t been on in about a year.
Except, you know... Emma already is on the PPV. She’s in the main event, competing for the FFW Championship, something Kara will likely never do.
Anyways, hopefully this whole charade ends Saturday, when Mel Avilo beats the shit outta Kara, and sends her back into the shadows of the FFW closet of obscurity, where she belongs.
3. REHIRING COLLEEN WAS A GOOD IDEA
It’s not often that the opening sequence of a show inspires more debate and controversy than the main event, but it happened at Velocity. Everyone now pretty much agrees that Kara is the biggest attention-craving idiot this side of Robbyn Helmsley. Not everyone agrees, by any stretch of the imagination, whether or not Colleen Harmon should be allowed back into Femme Fatale Wrestling.
For those of you new to the company, Colleen was the 2011 Femme Fatale of the Year, and until it was passed by both Tara and Stacey sometime last month, held the record for the longest singles title reign in FFW history. And she threw it all away in March, when it became revealed that Colleen had reverted back to her pre-wrestling career ways of taking unauthorized medication. And thus, she was released, and off to rehab.
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| Get ready for a lifetime of doing this shit, Ms. Harmon |
Cody Kincaid loves to give people chances. It’s both a blessing and a curse when it comes to our vice president, because while everyone seems to love the opportunities tossed their way, some of his more controversial decisions haven’t been met with quite the same appeal. Putting Katherine Stryfe in the Elimination Chamber last year, for example.
But here’s the thing about Cody, when he makes a decision like this- it generally tends to pay off. Katherine in the Elimination Chamber paid off better than it honestly had any right to. Whether we like what he does or not 100% of the time, the guy knows what he’s doing, and he knows how to get the best out of his employees, something Samantha Star doesn’t have a clue beyond “handpick my own cartel and proclaim them the best wrestlers EVAR!”
Is it a risk? Yes, it is. There’s no way of knowing whether or not Colleen is completley cured of her addictions, or how long it will be before she relapses. But she’s saying all the right things, so far. She knows this is her last chance, she’s not making excuses, or passing the buck. She’s trying to face her problems head on, and so far, she’s done nothing wrong since coming back into the public eye.
And in reality, what’s the worst that can happen? She relapses, tests positive again, and off she goes down memory lane, never to be seen again. And if she’s really cured, well, we’ve got one of the best technical wrestlers in FFW history back on the roster, without all the snarky pissy attitude Colleen was known for. At least for the time being.
So yeah, it’s a risk. We might be embarassed, but in honesty, giving someone like Traci Loveheart a job here, and indicating THAT’S the level of talent needed to make this roster is a far greater embarassment in my eyes. And if Colleen can truly overcome her demons, than she’s going to be as good an investment for anyone in the company.
And that’s reward that far outweighs the risk.
4. DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB, CODY
So by now, everyone knows this story. Our COO Cody Kincaid decides that he’d rather be a spectator for a night, so he arranges to attend a show at SVW, in a luxury box as a guest of Nicholas Flaherty himself. While there, Lucas Peek shows up, mocks Cody for losing his father and smacks him. Everyone is appalled, especially Robbyn Helmsley, who goes out of her way to theatrically make sure there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind she’s appalled. And then Cody reveals that he wants to avenge this slight upon him himself, and that he would love to respond to Lucas Peek’s challenge. So far so good, right?
Except... the match is no holds barred.
And Cody’s taking a leave of absence from his position while he trains to give Peek his comeuppance.
Now things aren’t so rosy, are they?
Two problems arise from this situation, and both are fairly easy to spot. The first is that Cody’s not a wrestler, and that while two months is a considerable amount of time to get ready for a fight, especially against a minimal talent hack like Lucas Peek, the fact still remains that Cody could get pretty hurt in this, and I don’t think most of us want to see that.
The other issue is that it leaves Samantha Star completely in control of FFW. And we all know what my opinions are of THAT happening.
In fact, didn’t we see this once before already? We did! Right before last year’s Unstoppable, by coincidence. Cody wanted some time off after finding the backlash of inserting Katherine Stryfe in the main event overwhelmed him.
And, Samantha Star didn’t do ANYTHING to fuck with Unstoppable 2, now did she?
Here’s the difference between Cody Kincaid and Samantha Star: Cody does his best to find value in pretty much everybody, while Samantha Star is rigid in her criterium for what makes a successful wrestler. Criterium that has been proved inaccurate time and time again. Cody realizes what dangling carrots will do for someone’s career. Samantha invests her time and energy in half-a-dozen people, and shuns everyone that doesn’t fit into her paradigm.
Now, there’s a few matches coming up at Unstoppable that seem to involve someone from Samantha’s Power Trip against people who certainly don’t fit into her paradigm, by Samantha’s own words.
Samantha’s already made one power grab for the FFW Championship- you’ll see that all play out Saturday. What’s to keep her from doing something similar for the Scramble? She’s already made Wendy Briese defend her title once with a bullshit referee presiding over the match- what’s to stop her from pulling another card out of her sleeve, lest Wendy take another belt away from her much hyped stable? And dear God, you don’t think she’s eyeing the Amaro/Dallins match with an eye for revenge after Amaro mocked her in a promo a couple months ago?
With Cody on the board, there was a chance at least SOMETHING could be done to keep Samantha from sticking her hand into every critical match on the show. Now, Samantha has the chance to run buck wild. It’s not a question of whether or not she’s going to influence these matches, it’s a question of when, what she’ll do, and how badly the fans will hate it.
It’s not often that I criticize Cody Kincaid, but he is making a huge mistake here. He has every right to defend his honor against Lucas Peek, that’s not the issue. The issue is that it is incredibly short-sighted for him to shirk his duties as Chief Operating Officer of the company so he can go off and spend two months preparing for one night of revenge on a guy the world wouldn’t have given two shits about had he not smacked Cody in the first place. Cody’s an executive, one of the best this business has ever seen. He’s not a wrestler, and he’ll be well served to remember that.
Lucas Peek is getting what he wants. Samantha Star and her Power Trip are getting what they want. Cody Kincaid is getting what he asked for.
And we all know what the proverb is surrounding that.
RANKINGS!
Tough to believe that we were sporting fifty on the lists just a few weeks ago, but we’ve now shrunk fully down to forty women on this weeks rankings, with three dropping off, and two coming back on. That’s the lowest number on the list since 37 on December 1. Still, not necessarily a bad thing, as those women being dropped are hardly a surprise. Jennifer Stryfe, Alyssa Foxworth, and Traci Loveheat are all gone from the company, last week being their definite final ranking.
So, without further ado... Let’s count em down!
#40- SARAH PEEK [=]
Here’s some incentive for next Velocity: Whoever doesn’t get pinned between Sarah and Charity Deas gets to stay out of the cellar!
#39- ALLISON DEAS [-1]
Maybe it’s just me, but I think the Cheers & Jeers experiment is over. It was not a success. Maybe after they lose to the Scarborough Fair, we’ll be put out of our misery.
#38- ELIZABETH SHOWTIME [+1]
Poor Lizzie. Never did figure out that it took a lot more than taking thirty seconds to say her name to equal her brother.
3.png) |
| Artist conception of Rebbecca approx 8 seconds before the end of her match |
While I can certainly appreciate her strategy of attacking Claire Black’s hands to diminish her boxing skills... maybe the flying headbutt wasn’t the best attack option.
#36- SERAFINA REYNOLDS [NEW]
Not sure what to make of Cupcake’s official debut. On one hand... one could say that she picked up the DQ win strictly because Trinity lost her temper.
#35- TRINITY [+1]
On the other hand, maybe Trinity might want to not fly off the handle on a fucking two-count. I mean... for real?
#34- JODIE GRAY [=]
Eep. Hate to say it, but after that Lightning match, I think Jodie just Leveled Down.
#33- LIGHTNING [=]
Earned her berth in the Four-Way TV title match, but something about this woman holding gold actually scares me.
#32- CLAIRE BLACK [Returning- Last Ranked 34th on March 21]
Back in FFW after a three month layoff. A shame, because her still unrefined hybrid style is a blast to watch.
#31- RAQUEL FAIR [+1]
Say what you will about their performance at Velocity. Just remember who made roster-encompassing songs about FFW cool to begin with. :)
#30- MICKEY SCARBOROUGH [+1]
ScarFair’s coming match against Cheers & Jeers might actually win the now-coveted “Trainwreck of the Year” award.
#29- ALLISON WRIGHT [+1]
Better be careful. Just because her opponent’s last name is “Dark”, doesn’t mean she won’t be able to see.
#28- CRYSTAL HATE [-4]
Not sure what Crystal’s going to find more frustrating: her current slump. Or the news that her sister is starting to actually get real matches over in SVW.
#27- HAYLEY DARK [-2]
Well, on the bright side, it looks like Bounce & Pounce has taken to screaming at other people, not each other. Still didn’t help them against Team Adonis, however.
#26- IGNIS [-3]
Like Conviction, history didn’t repeat itself for the third vote in Future Shock. Luckily, that’s a good thing this time, as Iggy stays in the competition, one more stage away from controlling her own destiny in the finals.
#25- JENNIFER WILLIAMS [+3]
Continues her rise, beating Crystal Hate and winning the Future Shock challenge. Now takes this momentum and... teams with her neurotic sister-in-law. *Facepalm*
#24- LUMINA FERRARI [+5]
Great, GREAT win over Mel Avilo. A couple more performances like that, and she could take the third Chase for the Crown.
#23- SABRA NICOLYEV [+4]
Spitfire starting to meld together quite nicely. A few more wins like the ones over Cheers & Jeers, and they’ll be in title contention.
#22- ARIANNA MILLAR [=] *UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION*
Considering all the shit Sophie Richards talked about her tag partner, this would be the point where Arianna comes out in support of Desirae, like a good teammate.
#21- KATHERINE STRYFE [=]
I could make another joke about Kat Stryfe fizzling, or not rising to the occasion, but that’d just be beating a dead caree, erm, horse.
#20- JO MCFARLANE [+6]
Told you that kick on J-Will was gonna come back to haunt her. At least they’ll be on opposing sides come Chase for the Crown. And no van-voting!
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| I don't know why. But every time I look at this photo, I can't help but think "She'd be amazing at roller derby" |
Looks like she was a bit more into her homecoming itself than wrestling in her native land. Despite the hiccup to Ferrari, still odds on favorite to overthrow Summer at Unstoppable (provided Summer actually gets overthrown)
#18- CRYSTAL HILTON [=]
Considering what I’ve seen of Crystal’s tag team names in OTHER companies, “The Williams Clan” is by FAR the best one she’s had.
#17- SHANE SANDERS [=]
Trying to sell her soul for the FFW Championship, but how much is that worth after Eileen so thoroughly whored it last week?
#16- CASEY ATHERTON [+4]
It’s kind of weird... Casey can’t even begin to work with Ignis, but she worked really REALLY well with Starla... and those two are at odds far more often. Either way, Team Adonis starting to blossom.
#15- EILEEN AMARO [+1]
If Eileen’s match against Cara doesn’t win match of the week on the next edition of the PX... something went horribly horribly wrong (or another match was jawdropping)
#14- KELLY MCGUFFIN [=]
For some reason, the idea of a Kelly McGuffin vs. Lumina Ferrari Chase final REALLY appeals to me. Obviously, there’s a lot of potential for spoilers to be played, but two undersized speedy women would make a hell of a collision.
#13- STARLA MCCLOUD [-1]
Despite winning, the not-so-good doctor actually drops thanks to a bit of ebb and flow around her. Won’t matter next week: beat Pink Inc for the tag titles, and there’s no way she moves anywhere but up.
#12- EMMA MACNAMARA [-3]
Tough break there, getting hosed by Kara Harrington’s idiocy. Still, she had a chance there at the end, but got snookered by Bella’s bellhammer.
#11- ISABELLA PAZZINI [+1]
We hadn’t seen Isabella in that form for a long time, and while it’s certainly left a sour taste in a lot of mouths, there’s no denying that this is when she’s at her most dangerous.
#10- CARA STONE [+1] *ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPION*
Don’t make Cara Stone angry. Cara Stone’s fucking scary when she’s angry
#9- CAROLINE DALLINS [+1]
Thanks to a double countout, she keeps her leg-up advantage against Cara. But now she has a great opportunity. She knows what Cara and Eileen can do, and the chance to see them against each other will be a great scouting experience.
#8- DESIRAE KAIN [-1] *UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION*
No shame at all in her loss to Wendy, a showdown which threatened to steal the show at Velocity. But now her attention turns to Team Adonis, in a match where she faces many more uncertainties, and can lose a hell of a lot more.
#7- CAMILLA PAZZINI [+1]
Camilla Pazzini has apparently embarked on her greatest troll ever- actually pretending to be nice to people for a change. Don’t worry kids. I don’t plan to be a copycat.
#6- SUMMER [=] *TELEVISION CHAMPION*
Summer’s no doubt by now heard Sophie Richard’s allegations that she did in fact cheat. It’ll be interesting to hear a response from her in the coming weeks, if one is coming at all.
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| "Now that you mention it, I DID win the FFW Championship at Unstoppable last year, didn't I?" |
Well, this looks familiar. Kitty’s about to go for the FFW Championship at Unstoppable in a massive clusterfuck, and coming after a much talked about win at Conviction, she’s gone quiet, no doubt watching the proceedings like a hawk. We remember what happened last year.
#4- WENDY BRIESE [=] *NO SURRENDER CHAMPION*
After surviving a fierce battle with Desirae Kain, she’s got a couple weeks off. No complaint on this end- this coming match with Tara might just be the biggest of her career.
#3- TARA THUNDER [=] *EVOLUTION CHAMPION*
Have not heard much from Tara since said match was announced. Chances are, defending the Evolution Championship in a submissions match against Wendy Briese hasn’t done much for her already-sunny disposition.
#2- SCARLETT KINCAID [=]
Despite all the crap that Kat pulled on her, Scar pushed through, and she’s of to the scramble. It’ll have been a year since she was FFW Champion. You don’t think she’s craving getting that belt back?
#1- STACEY MACKENZIE [=] *FFW CHAMPION*
Not much else to be said about the champ that hasn’t already been said. You gotta believe, Stacey Mac!
INCOMING!
Of course, it’s time for the upcoming FFW shows, as we begin our second leg of the world tour!
BREAKING POINT- June 23 from Sydney, Australia
Charity Deas vs. Stephanie Sullivan
#15 Melanie Avilo vs. Kara Harrington
#27 Hayley Dark vs. #29 Allison Wright
#6 Summer vs. #16 Casey Atherton
TAG TEAM MATCH: The Williams Clan (#18 Crystal Hilton &; #25 Jennifer Williams) vs. Spitfire (#20 Jo McFarlane & #23 Sabra Nicolyev)
FFW CHAMPIONSHIP- GUEST REFEREE ISABELLA PAZZINI: #1 Stacey Mackenzie © vs. #17 Shane Sanders
The third stop of the FFW “Winter World Tour 2012” takes us to Sydney, Australia, where we’ll be dealing with crippling temperatures in the fifties and sixties (seriously, what the fuck is it with the Southern Hemisphere having the best goddamn winters ever?). Anyways, the action should be much hotter inside the Sydney Superdome, where fourteen of FFW’s finest stars bring some honest to god awesome women’s pro-wrestling to the Land Down Under!
I’ve already said my piece on the main event, but it bears repeating: Don’t think Shane’s just going to walk out of the arena with the title, even if we’re essentially looking at a four-on-one situation. Stranger things have happened, and Stace will be DAMNED if she loses this thing without a fight.
Two matches I think also need to be looked at, as both involve some serious title contention. First is the pre-main, which will see the newly formed (and highly dysfunctional) Williams Clan teaming off with the (significantly less dysfunctional) Spitfire, which have really been coming together since their setback to the Scarborough Fair. This is a definite positional match in what has become an extremely cluttered tag division. Also, keep an eye on Summer and Casey. It’s a nontitle match, but Casey’s one of those wrestlers where you can’t really figure out how she hasn’t gotten a singles title shot yet- even if she’s yet to have a cleanly fought win in her life. Beating Summer is one way to ensure herself a TV title shot in the coming weeks.
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| Hayley Dark's gameplan for facing Allison Wright. |
The undercard isn’t quite as appealing, IMO. I can’t see Allison Wright managing to keep up with Hayley’s speediness, not without being able to see her, so it’s very likely that Hayley could end up running circles around here. Mel and Kara will be much more competitive, although we all know my thoughts on Harrington at this point. Big question: does Emma use this match for a chance at payback? Oh, and Charity Deas vs. Stephanie Sanderson (formerly Sullivan. I think). Yippee.
Still, those three matche alone are going to be worth the price of admission. And if.. no... WHEN Stacey manages to escape Sydney with the belt still in her posession, we’ll be certainly sending the fans home happy.
VELOCITY- June 28 from Cologne, Germany
#24 Lumina Ferrari vs. Lisa Richardson
TAG MATCH: The Scarborough Fair (#30 Mickey Scarborough & #31 Raquel Fair) vs. Cheers N’ Jeers (#38 Elizabeth Showtime & #39 Allison Deas)
#28 Crystal Hate vs. #32 Claire Black
TAG MATCH: Spitfire (#20 Jo McFarlane & #23 Sabra Nicolyev) vs. #40 Sarah Peek & Charity Deas
#10 Cara Stone vs. #15 Eileen Amaro
UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: Pink, Inc © (#8 Desirae Kain & #22 Arianna Millar) vs. Team Adonis (#13 Starla McCloud & #16 Casey Atherton)
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that 10,304 miles probably sets an FFW Record for the furthest distance between FFW shows. And I’m sure everyone is looking forward to the 25 hours of travelling that will be required to get from Australia to Germany. On the bright side... those of you going from your houses to Australia to Germany to the SVW show in Los Angeles will circumnavigate the globe in a little more than a week. So suck on that, Magellan.
Hope the Germans like tag team wrestling, because, boy, are they getting a lot of it (see what I said about the suddenly holy-shit-full tag division?). Main event of course is for the gold, with Pink, Inc set to defend against Team Adonis, who iced their shot by beating Bounce & Pounce last week. This is not a good situation for Pink, Inc, as rumors are flying that Desi and Arianna are on the outs. Going up against a team that has managed to use their own hatred for each other to their advantage, and have absolutely no regard for the rules to begin with...that’s not a good omen for the champs.
The other tag matches don’t have the glitz and glamour, but they’re going to be entertaining in their own right. I already predicted Scarborough vs. Cheers & Jeers could just be the biggest train wreck of the year, considering Showtime and Deas are nonstop bickering (and not in the Team Adonis something-goods-probably-gonna-come-out-of-it-anyway way), and the ScarFair is just... you just can’t describe them. Bonus points to the Fair if they cover Rammstein on their way out. And Spitfire takes their second match in five days. Luckily, its against the hapless duo of Charity Deas & Sarah Peek, so even if things fall apart against the Williams Clan at Breaking Point, this should be a nice pick me up.
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| "Nothing bad EVER happens when athletes bet on their own sport!" |
The three singles matches have a clear cut OMG: EILEEN VS. CARA, which actually has potential to surpass the classic we just saw between the equally popular Wendy and Desirae. There’s a TON ridiing on this match, and it ain’t just the girls in the ring who will be affected by the outcome. Some friendly wagers started flying around with some of the backstage personnel, and before you know it, there was about $12,000 in the kitty for this thing. Personally, Eileen and Cara just need to forget the match, and beat up Caroline Dallins in a joint attack. I’m pocketing about 10k if that happens. Either way, expect a hell of a match, no matter what kinda cookies exchange hands.
As for the other two one-on-ones, the undefeated Claire Black toes up against Crystal Hate. Hate needs some positivity in her life right now, and beating the thus far undefeated Claire would go a very long ways towards her getting things back on track. And Lumina Ferrari, fresh off her win over Mel Avilo, gets insulted by having to face Lisa Richardson. Who... is actually still with the company. Who knew?
AWARDS!
Forgot to get someone lined up to do awards this week, so I had to put out a quick SOS for some help. Luckily, we had a brave soul willing to step up, and that is SVW wrestler, and friend of both Eileen Amaro and Caroline Dallins- Vanessa Cade.
Who should totally be in FFW herself. What the fuck, Ness?
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| Beautiful. Intelligent. Dangerous. More than willing to make Katherine Stryfe the Loser of the Week. What's not to love? |
Match of the Week: Wendy Briese Vs Desirae Kain
You want to talk about wrestling classics? This one needs to go to the top of the list. Move-by-move, counter-by-counter, hold-by-hold, these two women put on a clinic! Desirae Kain’s reputation has risen from plucky underdog to silent contender while Wendy Briese has proven again and again why she is one of the absolute best technicians in the entire world. I could gush about all sorts of things in this bout (besides Alex Adonis’ commentary – put him through a table already or else, Boy Scout, he’s taking away from my wrestling) but I’ll simply leave it as the fact that it’s in my top ten of all-time favorite matches. Brava, ladies. Brava.
Very little to argue about on this end. And I think Wendy’s right- there’s come a point where underdogs stop being underdogs, and Kain has reached this point. Luckily, when you’re standing at ringside, you can’t hear Adonis’ commentary. Shame though, I’d have loved beating the shit out of him. Again. Runners up!
- Cara Stone vs. Caroline Dallins (Would probably have been a clear-cut winner had this match actually gone to a proper finish. Still, a tremendous showdown, and can’t wait for part three)
- Team Adonis vs. Bounce & Pounce (Great, fast paced action between two teams that genuinely don’t like each other. It’s a shame TA managed to bullshit their way out, but what do you expect from Teflon Casey?)
Winner of the Week: Isabella Pazzini
It may have taken foreign objects, a ring announcer getting knocked out, outside interference and basically the most anti-Briese/Desirae encounter, but Isabella Pazzini stands triumphant and above other victors. When you consider the betrayal in the Chamber, her months of inactivity, a huge loss to Crystal Hilton in a Parking Lot Brawl (of all things) and everything else in between…this is a moment of redemption for the Diva of Extreme. Bigger than beating the crap out of Stacey, bigger than what she’s probably going to help Shane Sanders accomplish…ladies and gentlemen, Isabella Pazzini has returned and may there be mercy upon any soul that crosses her path from this point on. Because she’ll do whatever it takes to win!
Definitely a generous gesture by Isabella to help Shane Sanders out here. Crackpot Theory: Isabella’s actually looking to injure the fuck out of Stacey and take her place at Unstoppable.
- Eileen Amaro (considering that Shane is getting a world title shot, how awesome does Amaro’s manhandling of Sanders look in the wake of it?)
- Lumina Ferrari (The Unsinkable Lumina Ferrari, mind you. Everytime she looks dead in the water, and about to go under, she starts paddling and nets herself another great win)
Loser of the Week: Katherine Stryfe
Surprised? You really shouldn’t be. Considering all the whining, complaining, backhanded complimenting and trolling she has done for months – this loss is a bigger stinger than most. For one, it proves Scarlett Kincaid’s conviction of this woman right on the money. Secondly, it proves the critics who have called her inconsistent for years correct yet again. Thirdly, it also demeans the FFW Championship to an extent…because it must have taken some epic mental collapse and stroke of luck for Kaitlynn Stryfe to even surrender this title to Katherine. But hey, go enjoy your break and troll Cody Kincaid some more because his wife is ten times the wrestler you ever will be. It’s probably the last thing you’re good at…
Please join FFW and become my client. We wil make such beautiful music together. Please? Pleasepleaseplease?
- Serafina Reynolds (Even by DQ standards, that was about as unconvincing a win as you’ll ever see. We all know Cupcake is better. So what you say we have a round two with Trinity?)
- Jodie Gray (Aye carumba. What the hell is going on with Jodie? She needs to turn it around, and prontisimo)
Douchebag of the Week: Sophie Richards
Alex Houser is – to put it simply – a charlatan. A hack who wouldn’t be able to find a job unless he did a lot of rimming to a whole lot of asses (this beckons the question as to who he did in the FFW offices). Sophie Richards earns this award for not only associating herself with such scum (before you ask, Caroline gets a pass – everyone makes mistakes. Ask her about New Year’s Eve 2010 in Tokyo – hilarious story), but proving that she is, indeed, a sore loser. See, I may not exactly be Summer’s biggest fan – the overly cheery, bubbly personality doesn’t do much for me – but she beat you. Cleanly. In the center of that ring. No if’s, no and’s, no but’s. Instead of taking that black mark and moving on, here you sit, yapping away about it being “foul play.” Don’t even care you ran down Desirae Kain like a semi-truck running over a bunny in the middle of the highway, but see Sophie…your whole “never got outwrestled in my career, never beaten cleanly” deal is a pile of bullshit and Chaos Theory proves it. The facts are simple: you’re damned good, but you’re not unbeatable, sweet cheeks. A ray of Summer blew a large hole in your armor and you’re just trying to carefully re-attach the pieces and doing a really shitty job at it to boot. Take it to heart, learn from that legitimate loss and then go conquer another singles division in FFW instead of playing second-fiddle to a T&A division reject, hoser. <3
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| The first image Google gave me when I typed in "New Years Eve 2010 in Tokyo." What the FUCK, Caroline? |
WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP BOOING YOU IN SVW? And the worst thing is, this is gonna end up leading to insufferable “I told you!” tweets by Payton St. Pierre :(
- Lucas Peek (Read above for specifics, but that one slap might have just completely and utterly changed the entire course of FFW history)
- Kara Harrigton (How do you say “fucking idiot” in Wendyhouseish?)
So yet again, a big special thanks to Vanessa Cade for her insights on the week. Always nice to hear an outsider’s perspective, especially one who knows her shit. And if you ever want a change of scenery... I dont think Samantha or Cody is gonna say no.
And that does it for yet another edition of the Power-X. Hope you enjoyed, and to everyone on the rosters, get ready for some serious airline seat butt-chafing wedgies. We’re in for some LONG flights. But jet lag or not, I’ll be back in a couple weeks, with a new batch of news, previews, reviews, and rankings. Oh... and Daniel Pollaski’s MID YEAR AWARDS!
Bet you got all spine tingly there, didn’t ya?
POLLA OUT!
Daniel Pollaski is an independent wrestling columnist, SVW wrestler, and the manager of FFW star Wendy Briese. He is also looking forward to his coming showdown with Robbyn Helmsley at SVW’s Climax PPV. VERY looking forward to it :)
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