Once again, its time for wrestling manager and analyst Daniel Pollaski to go over the news, reviews, and previews of Femme Fatale Wrestling! All content is the sole opinion of the author and does not reflect the views of Femme Fatale Wrestling, its wrestlers, or administration. Or Wendy Briese, for that matter, so don’t go jumping her in the hallway if you get butthurt about this. Bitch.
The Power-X’s inspirational thought of the week.
Thank you, thank you, thank you
Please hold your applause
For I just applied logic Keys keys open doors
Now I'm balcony, Opera, Black Tux, Binocula
Black luxe, Stop it I shouldn't be so popular
Name keep poppin' up Face keep poppin' up
On the tube I'm just watchin' Pacquaio box 'em up
How would I know HBO would get a shot of us
Sitting so close that we almost got snot on us
Please don't bow in my presence How am I a Legend?
I just got 10 #1 albums Maybe now 11
More hits than a Now! 11
That is no reason to treat me like I'm somehow from outta heaven
Heaven knows that I've made my mistakes
Thank God, what a guy as I say my grace
Who woulda thought by making birds migrate
For the winter I be fly all summer Might I say
Thank you, Thank you, thank you You're far too kind
Hold your applause This is your song not mines
Thank you, Thank you, thank you You're far too kind
Do me a favor, don't do me no favors I'll handle mines
- “Thank You” Jay-Z
Hey kids!
So, with Thanksgiving just a week away, I figure it’s time to sit back and reflect on all the blessings in my life. Like how I have a good job with the best two wrestling companies in the world today. Like how I’ve got me a roof over my head (not the Thompson’s, despite seemingly prevailing opinion), food on my table, and discs in my X-Box 360. And like how my single client, for all her goody-goodiness, is one of the hardest working, most dedicated women in the business today.
But most of all, I’m thankful for the fact that you loyal readers have recognized my greatness, and named me the FFW Most Influential person of the year. And of course, I’m thankful for said greatness as well, but this is about me giving back to you. It’s really touching that despite all the cries of ‘fat slob!’, and ‘stupid troll’, and ‘take a goddamn shower already’ (by the way, have! And I won that match, so you really can’t deny it was a valid strategy!), you guys understand what’s really important around here, and that is that whatever I say is God’s honest truth. Honestly, your vote and your dedication to reading this column make me feel like a prophet of awesomeness. I shall endeavor to provide you with the same amount of high quality insight and analysis in the coming year, just as you should all endeavor to recognize that I do the next time FFW year-end awards come up. Two in a row, baby. We can make it happen.
But, in the meantime, I’m going to ask you all to put your money where your mouth is. You see, as influential as I am, I don’t have all that much real power around here. I think it needs to change. You see, we have a GM of Velocity, the illustrious Mark Horton. But... where’s the same for Breaking Point? Seriously, I’m more influential than Cody Kincaid, you guys just voted it! Besides, poor Cody’s overworked to death anyways. So, let’s make the following hash-tag trend, and make it happen people!
#GivePollaskiFuckingControlOfBreakingPoint
Polla to the People, kids!
Anyways, now the sappy Sally Fieldness is out of the way, let’s get going. Violent Night is just around the riverbend, and like Pocohontas, we’re paddling for it, without any fucking clue what’s actually going to happen when we get there. Just so long as there isn’t a creepy old lady in a tree (or a Alyson Summers return- we have a new, better Aly now!), it’s gonna be a good night.
RANKINGS
Holy moly! 2012 has come early to the FFW it seems, because we have had a massive rapture here, and when the dust settled, we’re looking at a whopping EIGHT people being bumped from the rankings this week. With only one person debuting (Alysson Gardner), that means an unprecedented drop of seven people, so that means only thirty-seven ranked individuals this week. Bummer (unless you’re towards the bottom, in which case you generally move up by default)
Let’s see whos gone... well, first there’s Gia Van Zant (last ranked 44th), and Jen Saint (43rd). Both ladies were thoroughly embarassed in their debut, and were set to face each other in hopes for redemption- neither showed up. So seriously, fuck em (and not in a good way). The Lovehearts (Destiny: 40th, Traci: 41st) are gone as well, to the sadness and sorrow of no one- unless they come back. And former Chase for the Crown participant Sarah Richardson (38th) has been bumped as well, to the relief of mammary glands fedwide.
More newsworthy is the sudden bouncing of Bounce & Pounce (Hayley: 16th, Ignis: 18th), who, despite being the de facto #1 contenders to Pink Inc at the moment, just haven’t seem to have been able to get in that ring to compete. Even more noteworthy is Isabella Pazzini (9th). Apparently Samantha’s determined that the best way to hurt her former best friend is to leave her off the shows entirely. However, with Wolf Ramsey now managing Izzy, that should change, given that Wolf is the second-most competent manager in FFW.
Alright, now for the actual wrestlers themselves. Remember- only the top 25 gets the honors here, so that means there’s twelve people on this roster who should be thankful they even have a job to begin with, instead of worrying about where in the heirarchy they stand. Although it has been confirmed that the woman in the 36 spot has been released, and this will be her final ranking. Anyways, those people are...
#37- CHARITY DEAS [+5]
#36- MINDY SMYTH [+3]
#35- CHARLIE GAGE [+1]
#34- TABATHA BELMONT [+3]
#33- REBBECCA VALENTINE [+1]
#32- ALLISON DEAS [+3]
#31- LUMINA FERRARI [+2]
#30- SOPHIA BLACK [-1]
#29- KASSANDRA [+1]
#28- ALYSSON GARDER [NEW]
#27- SHANE SANDERS [+1]
#26- ARIANNA MILLAR [-1] *FFW UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION*
You guys are doing a terrible job, and you should try to win harder. I mean try harder... to win.
Now... LET’S COUNT ‘EM DOWN!
#25- ALYSSA FOXWORTH [-1]
So with thanksgiving just around the corner, the question is what are our lovely ladies in FFW thankful for. For Ms. Foxworthy, her money, relative beauty, and the fact she’s fucking our boss’s brother are all certainly perks in her life. But the biggest gratitude that Alyssa oughta have is that she’s actually in the Chase for the Crown finals, where she has a puncher’s chance. Not much of a puncher’s chance, but one nonetheless.
#24- ARABELLA DE ROSSI [+2]
She struggled heavily against Wendy in that six-woman tag match, but otherwise did a decent job of holding her own in her first ever FFW main event. No match for her at the PPV, so we won’t be seeing one half of the VIOLENT Femmes in action at VIOLENT Night. Guess she has to play cheerleader for Colleen... although the thought of her dressing up like Allison Deas is kinda scary. Moreso than normal, when it comes to Arabella.
#23- JO MCFARLANE [+9]
Yeah, I can’t believe I have her ranked this high either. I mean, it was a six woman tag match, she took out the lowest ranked member of the other team, and she needed a kendo stick to do it. But... considering what Jo’s BEEN doing, it’s a definite step in the right direction. Now, can she take another one, and best Wendy at Violent Night, in a match that’s turning uglier and more personal by the minute? No.
#22- DESIRAE KAIN [-4]
*FFW UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION*
After becoming the Future Shock Season 4 champion, and pulling off a monster upset in becoming the new tag team champions with Arianna, Desi took a definitive step back this time around, taking two tough losses- one to Casey Atherton, one to the A-List. She’s reeling, but hardly out of it however, as the Chase for the Crown- and a television championship title shot- loom ahead. But first she’s gotta overcome Eileen Amaro, and going by the way things are, that’s not going to be a small feat.
#21- CASEY ATHERTON [+6]
Wasn’t there someone else who was labelled the Future Shock Killer? Ah, well fuck it, because the true FSK is here in Casey. I mean, she’s taken out Alyson Summers, the Season 3 champion. She’s taken out Desirae Kain, the season 4 Champion. All that’s left is for her to down the season 2 (FFW TV Champion Sophie Richards), and the season 1 (Former FFW Ultraviolence Champion Raven Wicked) winners. For Casey’s sake, let’s hope the inevetable showdown against Raven is in a match that won’t see her pretty face get hacked up.
#20- CRYSTAL HATE [+3]
She doesn’t need to prove it by taking liberties with people, but the fact of the matter is, that Crystal Hate is every bit as cruel and vicious as Sophia Black is. And here’s the difference- Crystal actually performs well in the ring too, and doesn’t resort to whining about what she’s not being handed on a silver platter. Hate damn well better win at Violent Night- after the Tabatha Belmont booking fiasco, the TV title doesn’t need further degradation by letting Sophia Black have a go at it.
#19- KARA HARRINGTON [-1]
No Violent Night match for Kara, which actually probably sits well with her, as she’s made it clear that her eyes are on the No Surrender title, the process of crowning the first champion being on hold until after the PPV. It’ll be interesting to see who Kara gets as her qualifer match. Until then though, we probably won’t be seeing much of her.
#18- QUEEN MACHINE- [+4]
Her only wins are over Rebbecca Valentine and Tabatha Belmont, so maybe I’m overinflating Jenny’s stock here. But she’s definitely made a splash here in FFW, pissing off Kaitlynn Stryfe, and getting booked in her first PPV match against Emma McIntyre. A win there, and QM’s presence in the Top 20 will be more than justified.
#17- KELLY MCGUFFIN [+4]
Given that she’s only being booked about once a month, it’s seriously hard as hell to get a solid grasp on Kelly’s prowess in that ring, although she hasn’t taken a loss yet. Still, as long as she’s been here now, to not find her way onto a PPV is somewhat troubling. Maybe she’ll be out for Cold Blooded.
#16- HANNA ELLIOT [+15]
No, I’m serious. That is how HUGE Hanna’s upset of the #1 contender to the Evolution Championship was. It probably was the single most eye-opening in ring performance in the last six months, and it means that Hanna’s finally turned the corner from cute little novelty rookie to a full-fledged FFW roster member. She’s gotta keep that momentum going into the PPV against Casey Atherton, though. It won’t do her any favors to sufffer a letdown match here.
#15- EMMA MCINTYRE [+2]
So now comes the nasty $64,000 question- which Emma McIntyre is going to show up at Violent Night? Are we going to see the Emma who knocked off Robbyn Helmsley, and took Stacey Mackenzie to her absolute limit in the Femme For All, or are we going to see the Emma who spent three months in FFW with her only win being over Traci Loveheart. Like her opponent, Emma’s got some serious stuff to prove at Violent Night
#14- TARA THUNDER [-3]
It’s seriously put up or shut up time for Thunder, and even more so after her shocking loss to Hanna Elliot. Tara’s been ranting and raving about conspiracies ever since she lost that ladder match to Wendy Briese a couple months ago, well, there’s none here for her. It’s either she beats Crystal Hilton, or she doesn’t. There will be no excuses or ways out of it.
#13- ROSE JENKINS [==]
Considering the people below her, it’s hard to justify dropping Rose below any of them, although by all standards, she should have. Rose is slumping, and she’s taken four losses in a row (although one was a battle royal, and one was by DQ, but she hardly did herself any favors in those matches either). Well, if she’s going to break out of it there’s no time like the present, and I’m sure 10,000 light tubes surrounding ringside will be a hell of a motivator.
#12- RAVEN WICKED [+3]
If history is any indication, then Raven will be walking out of Violent Night the new Ultraviolence Champion, given the title’s history of bouncing back and forth. But (and considering both women, those are some big butts), Rose and Camilla are going to have some serious reservations about that idea.
#11- SOPHIE RICHARDS [+1]
*FFW TELEVISION CHAMPION*
Like last week, technically Sophie oughtn’t be ranked due to noncompetition, but I’m giving her a pass. She’s back at Violent Night, and she’s defending her title against Tabatha Belmont. Smart money (fuck, looking at the odds in Vegas, ALL money) says that she’s going to be walking out still the champion. But this is FFW...we’ve seen some pretty fucked up shit happen before.
#10- CRYSTAL HILTON [-1]
*FFW EVOLUTION CHAMPION*
Uninspired. That’s honestly the best word I can think of to describe Hilton’s win over the admittedly uninspiring Sophia Black. Still, a win’s a win, which reverses a definite trend that Crystal’s been having. But she’s got to step it up considerably if she wants to walk out of Dallas with the title. And remember- four months ago, Tara beat Crystal, but Crystal has also proven she can rebound from previous losses rather nicely.
#9- EILEEN AMARO [+5]
One to watch in 2012? FUCK. THAT. If you’re waiting until the ball drops to care about the Tsunami, you have stupidly robbed yourself of getting to view THE hottest rising star in FFW right now. She’s pinned Rose Jenkins. She’s the favorite in the Chase for the Crown. She could probably balance the damn budget without raising taxes or lowering our defense capabilities. Oh yeah, and she’s remarkably funny to talk to on Twitter, too.
#8- STARLA MCCLOUD [==]
Here’s a fun fact- Starla hasn’t been in a PPV match since the Fatal Four-Way TV title match at Conviction. I don’t think this is so much as Samantha not wanting her, but rather saving her, until she can be of most use. And where she can be of most use is to hammer home the No Surrender title for the A-List.
#7- WENDY BRIESE [-2]
Wendy’s being ever increasingly called the White Knight for her (self) righteousness and her fairly well-defined ideas of good and evil. And I know my client ain’t much for nicknames, but here’s another one that should be considered: “The Go-Home Girl”. Wendy’s main evented the Breaking Point before the PPV (aka, the “go-home show”) for Unstoppable, Sin & Sacrifice, and now Violent Night. You may not have noticed this, but PPV buys continually are increasing. There’s a reason why she’s Breakout Star of the Year, kids.
#6- KAITLYNN STRYFE [+1]
One thing that’s remarkable- Kitty’s been awfully quiet during the hissy-fit catfights that have been going down on Twitter between her last PPV opponent (Kat Stryfe), and her next one (Scarlett Kincaid). Of course, that’s generally because she’s involved in one of her own with Queen Machine. Still, ladies, let’s get some bitchiness going here! RAWR! HISS! MATCH OF THE NIGHT!
#5- SCARLETT KINCAID [-1]
Scarlett came up big in the awards, winning “Face of the Year” (no-brainer), and “Finisher of the Year” (again, no brainer, especially after Sin & Sacrifice). But those awards won’t help her against the surprisingly skunked Kaitlynn Stryfe, and without any warm up match to work off the ring-rust, Scar’s got a hell of a job cut out for her. Still, she beat Kitty when it WAS an upset. There’s no way to believe she can’t beat her when it won’t be.
#4- CAMILLA PAZZINI [+2]
*FFW ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPION*
So why is the “Heel of the Year”, who’s held a novelty title for the majority of that tenure, ranked higher than the former FFW Champion “Face of the Year”? Well, evil always triumphs. Because GOOD IS DUMB!
[/darkhelmet]
#3- COLLEEN [-1]
Even though she never won the FFW Championship, the Wrestler of the Year award seems well-deserved for Colleen, because there’s no denying that she lights it up in the ring every time she enters. Still, interesting idea of Colleen testing the goodwill of the FFW faithful by demanding that they demand a title shot, as a way of ‘putting their money where their mouth is.’ I’d call it a Sophia Black move, but she’d probably then rip out Sophia’s intestines, and strangle me with them.
#2- STACEY MACKENZIE [+4]
And then, there was one. Stacey did a great job in the Femme For All, downing Crystal Hate, Emma McIntyre, and Colleen to earn the title shot at Sin & Sacrifice. Remember, kids, this is a rematch that occured just a couple short months ago, one where Stacey dominated, but had to suffer a time-limit draw when all was said and done.
#1- KATHERINE STRYFE [==]
*FFW CHAMPION*
Kat escaped her fate, and the streak, by sandbagging and turtling the last time she faced Stacey, and got away with it. But an hour is a hell of a lot longer timeframe than fifteen minutes, so it doesn’t look like Katherine is going to be getting out of this one so easily. Of course, she’s gotten a new strategy, it seems- title belt cheapshots to the skull, which will allow her to escape with a DQ loss, but still be the champion. It’s good to know that Kat’s keeping her options open.
And once again, the mountain has been climbed to the top! It should be interesting to see how much shuffling goes on after Violent Night.
INCOMING!
HOLY MOTHERFUCKING CRAP! I don’t know how we’re actually going to manage to cram THIRTEEN matches into this show, but that’s what the billing says, and god help us, we’re going to actually get this done in one day. Hopefully by the Apple Cup. Danny needs to see Wazzu die.
Well, Van Zant vs. Ferrari was SUPPOSED to kick us off, but since Gia’s a no-showing twat, that match got cancelled, and Lumina just got shuffled into the next match, making it a triple-threat between Ferrari, Alysson Gardner, and Summer, who’s making her FFW debut. Ferrari’s been here the longest, but she’s also the most dreadfully inconsistent woman on the roster, the lastest being when she threw up on herself facing Kassandra. Gardner’s hot (in more ways than one!), and after her win over Black and Deas, she’s looking like a clear favorite, but don’t rule out Summer... I’ve heard many promising things about this woman
Future Shock fallout is next on the dockett, Season 3 vs. Season 4... when the champion of both, Casey Atherton, takes on Hanna Elliott. Obviously, Hanna’s never getting anywhere near to having the right to call herself the champion of anything Future Shock related, but she’s got the single biggest win between the two of them in her stunning upset of Tara Thunder. Bragging rights are at stake here- and perhaps a little jostling for some title contention as well.
Both Emma McIntyre and Queen Machine are wrestlers that look like they should be much further up the card, but haven’t gotten to that point (Emma due to inconsistency, Queen Machine due to having a whopping two matches). Obviously a good showing here should help the winner out, but I atually don’t see the loser sliding back too much.
Cheers and Jeers (that’d be Allison Deas and Elizabeth Showtime, making her FFW) debut goes taggy with the Danger Queens. It’s weird to think that just a few months ago, the DQ’s were bonafide favorites to become the next tag team champions. They’ve been passed by quite a few teams as the divison heats up, and they can’t afford to let another squad, especially one of air-headed rookies, pass them up.
I’ve already made my opinion on who needs to win the Hate-Black match fairly well known. This is a golden opportunity for Crystal Hate, who experienced some success in the early going, but was obviously in over her head in the Femme For All. The TV title, and a showdown with Sophie Richards, would be a great path for her. The catch is to watch her back after winning... Sophia’s proven to be a sore loser.
The Chase for the Crown concludes, and the second installment doesn’t seem as epically closely matched as the first one was. Eileen Amaro’s been shredding it, and she’s the clear favorite here, although you’d be a fool to count out Desirae Kain, given her tendency to pull off wins in tough situations. Alyssa’s the dark horse here, she’s going to have to be on her toes if she hopes to steal this- but then again, she’s done well stealing matches before.
If Samantha Star still has revenge on her mind, it couldn’t be more inspired than the next match. Colleen’s coming off a tough loss in the Femme For All Finals, and has a chance to take some frustration out on Shane Sanders, who returns to PPV after sitting out S&S. Shane’s been snakebitten on the PPV’s before, losing two controversial matches to... someone who’s name escapes me at the moment. But Colleen doesn’t need shenanigans- she’ll just kick your ass.
The best thing about the FFW TV title match is that now we can FINALLY stop hearing about the mystical match contract that Sophia Black gave up. That, and we’ll finally start having our contenders based on wrestling ability, not how well they fuck Christian Kincaid. If Tabatha even comes close to winning this, let it replace Elliot over Thunder as shock result of the year.
The key to the next match is how riled up Jo can get Wendy, and throw her off her gameplan. Wendy’s always tried to be stoic, but she’s letting it slip here, and you can tell that Jo, and the A-List in general, have her pissed off. That’s not a good place to be in when you’re walking into a match where you have little to gain, and a hell of a lot to lose here. Still, it will be quite theraputic once Wendy gets in the ring, beats Jo, and gets to move on
I can definitely say I’m happy that my client is wrestling BEFORE the Ultraviolence match, considering that there’s no possible way you’re going to effectively clean up all the glass here. Now, I looked it up at Home Depot, and a pallet of 1,200 fluorescent lightbulbs costs about $1500. Factoring in that we’ll need eight full pallets, and then a third of another pallet, we’re looking at about a $18,500 price tag on the weaponry for this match. Knowing Samantha, its probably tax deductable as a business expense. But the real expense will be on the bodies of Raven, Camilla, and Rose... this is gonna be BRUTAL.
The Evolution Championship strikes me as a must win match for both women, as neither has exactly lit the world on fire over the past couple of weeks. Crystal snapped a losing streak against Sophia Black, but then again, it’s Sophia Black. Tara just took a stunning loss to Hanna Elliot. To the victor go the spoils, but the loser here is going to see a lot of her momentum spoiled.
You’re gonna hear about it a ton in the coming weeks- Scarlett beat Kitty on the first ever FFW show. Kitty paid Scarlett back at Unstoppable, but you could definitely make an argument that Scarlett had given more of herself in that match up to that point, as Kitty kinda rode Kat (which ended up working out REAL well in the end). Scar’s gotta go all out here, but keep her head. She’s got nothing to prove by going airborne- it’s bit her in the butt to many times.
And finally, the FFW title match, consisting of the Dreamkiller (I don’t care WHAT she says, “Simply Better” is a stupid nickname), and the Nightmare (and I don’t care what SHE says, the anorexic crack whore look is not beautiful). Once again, all signs point to a disappointing night for Katherine Stryfe... but she’s pulled a win out of her ass too many times to be counted out. Just remember- Stacey’s gotta beat Kat, not the other way around. Considering Kat’s actions their first match, and in that confrontation on Breaking Point, that is going to be a key difference.
AWARDS!
Well, kids, I’ve been wanting this one for a while now, but considering her husband is running our company (my offer to help still stands, Cody!), and she’s been a bit injured, it’s been hard to get Scarlett to do the awards. Well, the wait is over, and I couldn’t be more excited to hear what the FFW Face of the Year, former (and likely future) FFW Champion has to say. So without any further ado... SCARLETT KINCAID!
Match of the Week - Stacey Mackenzie Vs Colleen
One of the best matches to have been aired on either Velocity or Breaking Point, that had everything. A technical masterclass, hold and counter hold, blood, determination and a never say die spirit from two of the best women on the roster who made it painfully clear just how much a chance to Main Event an FFW Pay Per View for the biggest prize in women’s wrestling today meant to them. Match of the week by a long shot and would probably have been a contender for Match Of The Year had it not fallen just outside the nomination window.
Had Scar said anything else, I’d have seriously been questioning her sanity. I seriously considered doing away with the runner ups in this category, it was that far and away the best. Nevertheless
- Kitty vs. Kassandra (Shockingly close match, that saw Kassandra nearly pull off a monster upset. Either she’s gettin’ better, or Stryfe is struggling worse than we thought.)
- Gardner vs. Black vs. Deas- Any match that sees Sophia Black get punk’d is a winner in my book. But the debut by Gardner was astounding, and Deas put up a hell of a fight too (still have a problem saying that). Definitely a match worth noting.
Winner of the Week - Hanna Elliot
A close run contest for this award that could quite easily have gone to Eileen Amaro for her plucky against the odds victory over Rose Jenkins or to Kassandra for coming within a hair of beating Kitty (and would have had it not been for a fluke of ring positioning). Hanna Elliot however just edges them out as Winner of the Week as she joins the list of Future Shock Alumni on the fast lane. Surely after scoring a victory over the number one contender to the Evolution Championship, she can expect to see and hear her name included in the list of people in line for a shot at whoever the champion might be following Violent Night.
Hanna’s come a long way from when she had to flash her goods to get away with a win.
- Eileen Amaro (If it wasn’t Hanna, it was her. Eileen proved her tossing of Rose at Byte This wasn’t a fluke, and after two very difficult losses to start her career, she continues to roll. Don’t be too surprised to see her in the Winner of the Week Section next week as well)
- Jo McFarlane (There’ s no if ands or buts about it... going into the fight of her life against WEndy, she needed whatever momentum she could get. That was some serious momentum.)
Loser of the Week - Colleen
Unusual choice right? After all she was named Femme Fatale Of The Year (and congratulations on that accolade) in this last cycle of shows, while Charity Deas got bumped from the PPV, lost to her sister and lost her hair. Collen did lose the finals of the Femme For All however and with it her chance at the FFW Championship at Violent Night. Then she seemed to meltdown on Breaking Point for all the world to see, begging the fans to write in and demand she gets a chance - while Charity at least took her defeat and forfeit with a measure of dignity. Colleen on the other hand...well I know she appreciates hearing the truth and the truth is that she is coming across a little desperate.
Apparently talking to Samantha and asking for a favour is too easy for Colleen (though maybe it’s just she’s been to Miss Star and didn’t get the time of day?) and she would prefer to go the “hard” route of begging and bribing the fans to write in or hashtag twitter to get what she wants. Rather than the hard route of not choking in the big matches, rather than the hard route of not wasting opportunities, she feels the key to success lies in bribing the fans with her silence. She talks about me losing the Evolution Championship and getting handed a shot - that I didn’t ask for and was as surprised as anyone to get - as justification. I can see what you are getting at Colleen, after all we both lost the Evolution title in a ladder match, a match that didn’t suit either of us. Difference is I had the heart to stick around to the end, I didn’t walk away, give in or throw my toys out of the pram and I was only beaten with the help of a faceful of Mace. Difference is I’ve made the most of my opportunities, I proved myself in the biggest of matches. I’ve never choked.
I wouldn’t say it was so much as begging as it was an attempt to cash in her chips. The catch is- I don’t think Col’s banked nearly as much as she thinks she has.
- Charity Deas (Yeah, every week she’s the loser of the week, but come on, punked by a woman who didn’t even acknowledge her as her sister in her shoot, and lost her hair. That’s a bad week for anyone)
- Desirae Kain (Kain still has a lot going for her, but that loss to Atherton was definitely a bump in the road, as was losing to the Violent Femmes, which gives another team a staked claim on Pink Inc’s tag titles.)
Douchebag of the Week - Casey Atherton
In my opinion this one is kinda obvious. Casey was the first name that came to mind for this award having definitely rained on Desirae’s parade as she brought her back down to earth with a bump following her Championship winning exploits. The way she celebrated as though she had just won the FFW Championship and stole the Future Shock Season Four Title that Desirae had gone through hell to win - all after getting a huge assist from Adonis to boot - just makes her even more of a Douchebag. The woman is delusional and Starla should have been treating her from the start not employing her. No doubt she will add this to her list of accolades next time we have the pleasure from hearing from her and will try to use this to further justify whatever claim she thinks on greatness.
Then give the douchebag of the week award to Starla, for faiiling in her psychological profession yet again! I mean, seriously, the poor girl tries hard, and gets so much crap. She just... misunderstands some things. That... really shouldn’t be misunderstood. She’s still hot.
- Gia Van Zant & Jen Saint (Seriously? Best women’s fed on the planet, and you decide not to show up? Especially Saint, who was lucky to get a second chance after losing to Charity Deas. Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya, ladies.)
- Katherine Stryfe (Not so much the blindsiding with the title, but for the extremely powerful logic-based declaration that it wasn’t okay to use weapons in the ULTRAVIOLENCE division, but it was perfectly okay OUTSIDE of it. Just another “Kat-ism” for the collection
Okay, and normally, we conclude our column with the Sound off, but participation hasn’t been very hot for that, so after much soul searching, I’ve decided to pull the section. But don’t worry, kids! I have another idea... a little something I call...
MEME OF THE WEEK!After all, there’s a lot of people on these interwebz, and a lot of people with nothing better to do than to whip up a demotivational poster. Fortunately for you all, I’m one of them, so here goes...
The Power-X’s inspirational thought of the week.
Thank you, thank you, thank you
Please hold your applause
For I just applied logic Keys keys open doors
Now I'm balcony, Opera, Black Tux, Binocula
Black luxe, Stop it I shouldn't be so popular
Name keep poppin' up Face keep poppin' up
On the tube I'm just watchin' Pacquaio box 'em up
How would I know HBO would get a shot of us
Sitting so close that we almost got snot on us
Please don't bow in my presence How am I a Legend?
I just got 10 #1 albums Maybe now 11
More hits than a Now! 11
That is no reason to treat me like I'm somehow from outta heaven
Heaven knows that I've made my mistakes
Thank God, what a guy as I say my grace
Who woulda thought by making birds migrate
For the winter I be fly all summer Might I say
Thank you, Thank you, thank you You're far too kind
Hold your applause This is your song not mines
Thank you, Thank you, thank you You're far too kind
Do me a favor, don't do me no favors I'll handle mines
- “Thank You” Jay-Z
Hey kids!
So, with Thanksgiving just a week away, I figure it’s time to sit back and reflect on all the blessings in my life. Like how I have a good job with the best two wrestling companies in the world today. Like how I’ve got me a roof over my head (not the Thompson’s, despite seemingly prevailing opinion), food on my table, and discs in my X-Box 360. And like how my single client, for all her goody-goodiness, is one of the hardest working, most dedicated women in the business today.
But most of all, I’m thankful for the fact that you loyal readers have recognized my greatness, and named me the FFW Most Influential person of the year. And of course, I’m thankful for said greatness as well, but this is about me giving back to you. It’s really touching that despite all the cries of ‘fat slob!’, and ‘stupid troll’, and ‘take a goddamn shower already’ (by the way, have! And I won that match, so you really can’t deny it was a valid strategy!), you guys understand what’s really important around here, and that is that whatever I say is God’s honest truth. Honestly, your vote and your dedication to reading this column make me feel like a prophet of awesomeness. I shall endeavor to provide you with the same amount of high quality insight and analysis in the coming year, just as you should all endeavor to recognize that I do the next time FFW year-end awards come up. Two in a row, baby. We can make it happen.
But, in the meantime, I’m going to ask you all to put your money where your mouth is. You see, as influential as I am, I don’t have all that much real power around here. I think it needs to change. You see, we have a GM of Velocity, the illustrious Mark Horton. But... where’s the same for Breaking Point? Seriously, I’m more influential than Cody Kincaid, you guys just voted it! Besides, poor Cody’s overworked to death anyways. So, let’s make the following hash-tag trend, and make it happen people!
#GivePollaskiFuckingControlOfBreakingPoint
Polla to the People, kids!
Anyways, now the sappy Sally Fieldness is out of the way, let’s get going. Violent Night is just around the riverbend, and like Pocohontas, we’re paddling for it, without any fucking clue what’s actually going to happen when we get there. Just so long as there isn’t a creepy old lady in a tree (or a Alyson Summers return- we have a new, better Aly now!), it’s gonna be a good night.
RANKINGS
Holy moly! 2012 has come early to the FFW it seems, because we have had a massive rapture here, and when the dust settled, we’re looking at a whopping EIGHT people being bumped from the rankings this week. With only one person debuting (Alysson Gardner), that means an unprecedented drop of seven people, so that means only thirty-seven ranked individuals this week. Bummer (unless you’re towards the bottom, in which case you generally move up by default)
Let’s see whos gone... well, first there’s Gia Van Zant (last ranked 44th), and Jen Saint (43rd). Both ladies were thoroughly embarassed in their debut, and were set to face each other in hopes for redemption- neither showed up. So seriously, fuck em (and not in a good way). The Lovehearts (Destiny: 40th, Traci: 41st) are gone as well, to the sadness and sorrow of no one- unless they come back. And former Chase for the Crown participant Sarah Richardson (38th) has been bumped as well, to the relief of mammary glands fedwide.
More newsworthy is the sudden bouncing of Bounce & Pounce (Hayley: 16th, Ignis: 18th), who, despite being the de facto #1 contenders to Pink Inc at the moment, just haven’t seem to have been able to get in that ring to compete. Even more noteworthy is Isabella Pazzini (9th). Apparently Samantha’s determined that the best way to hurt her former best friend is to leave her off the shows entirely. However, with Wolf Ramsey now managing Izzy, that should change, given that Wolf is the second-most competent manager in FFW.
Alright, now for the actual wrestlers themselves. Remember- only the top 25 gets the honors here, so that means there’s twelve people on this roster who should be thankful they even have a job to begin with, instead of worrying about where in the heirarchy they stand. Although it has been confirmed that the woman in the 36 spot has been released, and this will be her final ranking. Anyways, those people are...
#37- CHARITY DEAS [+5]
#36- MINDY SMYTH [+3]
#35- CHARLIE GAGE [+1]
#34- TABATHA BELMONT [+3]
#33- REBBECCA VALENTINE [+1]
#32- ALLISON DEAS [+3]
#31- LUMINA FERRARI [+2]
#30- SOPHIA BLACK [-1]
#29- KASSANDRA [+1]
#28- ALYSSON GARDER [NEW]
#27- SHANE SANDERS [+1]
#26- ARIANNA MILLAR [-1] *FFW UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION*
You guys are doing a terrible job, and you should try to win harder. I mean try harder... to win.
Now... LET’S COUNT ‘EM DOWN!
#25- ALYSSA FOXWORTH [-1]
So with thanksgiving just around the corner, the question is what are our lovely ladies in FFW thankful for. For Ms. Foxworthy, her money, relative beauty, and the fact she’s fucking our boss’s brother are all certainly perks in her life. But the biggest gratitude that Alyssa oughta have is that she’s actually in the Chase for the Crown finals, where she has a puncher’s chance. Not much of a puncher’s chance, but one nonetheless.
#24- ARABELLA DE ROSSI [+2]
She struggled heavily against Wendy in that six-woman tag match, but otherwise did a decent job of holding her own in her first ever FFW main event. No match for her at the PPV, so we won’t be seeing one half of the VIOLENT Femmes in action at VIOLENT Night. Guess she has to play cheerleader for Colleen... although the thought of her dressing up like Allison Deas is kinda scary. Moreso than normal, when it comes to Arabella.
#23- JO MCFARLANE [+9]
Yeah, I can’t believe I have her ranked this high either. I mean, it was a six woman tag match, she took out the lowest ranked member of the other team, and she needed a kendo stick to do it. But... considering what Jo’s BEEN doing, it’s a definite step in the right direction. Now, can she take another one, and best Wendy at Violent Night, in a match that’s turning uglier and more personal by the minute? No.
#22- DESIRAE KAIN [-4]
*FFW UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION*
After becoming the Future Shock Season 4 champion, and pulling off a monster upset in becoming the new tag team champions with Arianna, Desi took a definitive step back this time around, taking two tough losses- one to Casey Atherton, one to the A-List. She’s reeling, but hardly out of it however, as the Chase for the Crown- and a television championship title shot- loom ahead. But first she’s gotta overcome Eileen Amaro, and going by the way things are, that’s not going to be a small feat.
#21- CASEY ATHERTON [+6]
Wasn’t there someone else who was labelled the Future Shock Killer? Ah, well fuck it, because the true FSK is here in Casey. I mean, she’s taken out Alyson Summers, the Season 3 champion. She’s taken out Desirae Kain, the season 4 Champion. All that’s left is for her to down the season 2 (FFW TV Champion Sophie Richards), and the season 1 (Former FFW Ultraviolence Champion Raven Wicked) winners. For Casey’s sake, let’s hope the inevetable showdown against Raven is in a match that won’t see her pretty face get hacked up.
#20- CRYSTAL HATE [+3]
She doesn’t need to prove it by taking liberties with people, but the fact of the matter is, that Crystal Hate is every bit as cruel and vicious as Sophia Black is. And here’s the difference- Crystal actually performs well in the ring too, and doesn’t resort to whining about what she’s not being handed on a silver platter. Hate damn well better win at Violent Night- after the Tabatha Belmont booking fiasco, the TV title doesn’t need further degradation by letting Sophia Black have a go at it.
#19- KARA HARRINGTON [-1]
No Violent Night match for Kara, which actually probably sits well with her, as she’s made it clear that her eyes are on the No Surrender title, the process of crowning the first champion being on hold until after the PPV. It’ll be interesting to see who Kara gets as her qualifer match. Until then though, we probably won’t be seeing much of her.
#18- QUEEN MACHINE- [+4]
Her only wins are over Rebbecca Valentine and Tabatha Belmont, so maybe I’m overinflating Jenny’s stock here. But she’s definitely made a splash here in FFW, pissing off Kaitlynn Stryfe, and getting booked in her first PPV match against Emma McIntyre. A win there, and QM’s presence in the Top 20 will be more than justified.
#17- KELLY MCGUFFIN [+4]
Given that she’s only being booked about once a month, it’s seriously hard as hell to get a solid grasp on Kelly’s prowess in that ring, although she hasn’t taken a loss yet. Still, as long as she’s been here now, to not find her way onto a PPV is somewhat troubling. Maybe she’ll be out for Cold Blooded.
#16- HANNA ELLIOT [+15]
No, I’m serious. That is how HUGE Hanna’s upset of the #1 contender to the Evolution Championship was. It probably was the single most eye-opening in ring performance in the last six months, and it means that Hanna’s finally turned the corner from cute little novelty rookie to a full-fledged FFW roster member. She’s gotta keep that momentum going into the PPV against Casey Atherton, though. It won’t do her any favors to sufffer a letdown match here.
#15- EMMA MCINTYRE [+2]
So now comes the nasty $64,000 question- which Emma McIntyre is going to show up at Violent Night? Are we going to see the Emma who knocked off Robbyn Helmsley, and took Stacey Mackenzie to her absolute limit in the Femme For All, or are we going to see the Emma who spent three months in FFW with her only win being over Traci Loveheart. Like her opponent, Emma’s got some serious stuff to prove at Violent Night
#14- TARA THUNDER [-3]
It’s seriously put up or shut up time for Thunder, and even more so after her shocking loss to Hanna Elliot. Tara’s been ranting and raving about conspiracies ever since she lost that ladder match to Wendy Briese a couple months ago, well, there’s none here for her. It’s either she beats Crystal Hilton, or she doesn’t. There will be no excuses or ways out of it.
#13- ROSE JENKINS [==]
Considering the people below her, it’s hard to justify dropping Rose below any of them, although by all standards, she should have. Rose is slumping, and she’s taken four losses in a row (although one was a battle royal, and one was by DQ, but she hardly did herself any favors in those matches either). Well, if she’s going to break out of it there’s no time like the present, and I’m sure 10,000 light tubes surrounding ringside will be a hell of a motivator.
#12- RAVEN WICKED [+3]
If history is any indication, then Raven will be walking out of Violent Night the new Ultraviolence Champion, given the title’s history of bouncing back and forth. But (and considering both women, those are some big butts), Rose and Camilla are going to have some serious reservations about that idea.
#11- SOPHIE RICHARDS [+1]
*FFW TELEVISION CHAMPION*
Like last week, technically Sophie oughtn’t be ranked due to noncompetition, but I’m giving her a pass. She’s back at Violent Night, and she’s defending her title against Tabatha Belmont. Smart money (fuck, looking at the odds in Vegas, ALL money) says that she’s going to be walking out still the champion. But this is FFW...we’ve seen some pretty fucked up shit happen before.
#10- CRYSTAL HILTON [-1]
*FFW EVOLUTION CHAMPION*
Uninspired. That’s honestly the best word I can think of to describe Hilton’s win over the admittedly uninspiring Sophia Black. Still, a win’s a win, which reverses a definite trend that Crystal’s been having. But she’s got to step it up considerably if she wants to walk out of Dallas with the title. And remember- four months ago, Tara beat Crystal, but Crystal has also proven she can rebound from previous losses rather nicely.
#9- EILEEN AMARO [+5]
One to watch in 2012? FUCK. THAT. If you’re waiting until the ball drops to care about the Tsunami, you have stupidly robbed yourself of getting to view THE hottest rising star in FFW right now. She’s pinned Rose Jenkins. She’s the favorite in the Chase for the Crown. She could probably balance the damn budget without raising taxes or lowering our defense capabilities. Oh yeah, and she’s remarkably funny to talk to on Twitter, too.
#8- STARLA MCCLOUD [==]
Here’s a fun fact- Starla hasn’t been in a PPV match since the Fatal Four-Way TV title match at Conviction. I don’t think this is so much as Samantha not wanting her, but rather saving her, until she can be of most use. And where she can be of most use is to hammer home the No Surrender title for the A-List.
#7- WENDY BRIESE [-2]
Wendy’s being ever increasingly called the White Knight for her (self) righteousness and her fairly well-defined ideas of good and evil. And I know my client ain’t much for nicknames, but here’s another one that should be considered: “The Go-Home Girl”. Wendy’s main evented the Breaking Point before the PPV (aka, the “go-home show”) for Unstoppable, Sin & Sacrifice, and now Violent Night. You may not have noticed this, but PPV buys continually are increasing. There’s a reason why she’s Breakout Star of the Year, kids.
#6- KAITLYNN STRYFE [+1]
One thing that’s remarkable- Kitty’s been awfully quiet during the hissy-fit catfights that have been going down on Twitter between her last PPV opponent (Kat Stryfe), and her next one (Scarlett Kincaid). Of course, that’s generally because she’s involved in one of her own with Queen Machine. Still, ladies, let’s get some bitchiness going here! RAWR! HISS! MATCH OF THE NIGHT!
#5- SCARLETT KINCAID [-1]
Scarlett came up big in the awards, winning “Face of the Year” (no-brainer), and “Finisher of the Year” (again, no brainer, especially after Sin & Sacrifice). But those awards won’t help her against the surprisingly skunked Kaitlynn Stryfe, and without any warm up match to work off the ring-rust, Scar’s got a hell of a job cut out for her. Still, she beat Kitty when it WAS an upset. There’s no way to believe she can’t beat her when it won’t be.
#4- CAMILLA PAZZINI [+2]
*FFW ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPION*
So why is the “Heel of the Year”, who’s held a novelty title for the majority of that tenure, ranked higher than the former FFW Champion “Face of the Year”? Well, evil always triumphs. Because GOOD IS DUMB!
[/darkhelmet]
#3- COLLEEN [-1]
Even though she never won the FFW Championship, the Wrestler of the Year award seems well-deserved for Colleen, because there’s no denying that she lights it up in the ring every time she enters. Still, interesting idea of Colleen testing the goodwill of the FFW faithful by demanding that they demand a title shot, as a way of ‘putting their money where their mouth is.’ I’d call it a Sophia Black move, but she’d probably then rip out Sophia’s intestines, and strangle me with them.
#2- STACEY MACKENZIE [+4]
And then, there was one. Stacey did a great job in the Femme For All, downing Crystal Hate, Emma McIntyre, and Colleen to earn the title shot at Sin & Sacrifice. Remember, kids, this is a rematch that occured just a couple short months ago, one where Stacey dominated, but had to suffer a time-limit draw when all was said and done.
#1- KATHERINE STRYFE [==]
*FFW CHAMPION*
Kat escaped her fate, and the streak, by sandbagging and turtling the last time she faced Stacey, and got away with it. But an hour is a hell of a lot longer timeframe than fifteen minutes, so it doesn’t look like Katherine is going to be getting out of this one so easily. Of course, she’s gotten a new strategy, it seems- title belt cheapshots to the skull, which will allow her to escape with a DQ loss, but still be the champion. It’s good to know that Kat’s keeping her options open.
And once again, the mountain has been climbed to the top! It should be interesting to see how much shuffling goes on after Violent Night.
INCOMING!
HOLY MOTHERFUCKING CRAP! I don’t know how we’re actually going to manage to cram THIRTEEN matches into this show, but that’s what the billing says, and god help us, we’re going to actually get this done in one day. Hopefully by the Apple Cup. Danny needs to see Wazzu die.
Well, Van Zant vs. Ferrari was SUPPOSED to kick us off, but since Gia’s a no-showing twat, that match got cancelled, and Lumina just got shuffled into the next match, making it a triple-threat between Ferrari, Alysson Gardner, and Summer, who’s making her FFW debut. Ferrari’s been here the longest, but she’s also the most dreadfully inconsistent woman on the roster, the lastest being when she threw up on herself facing Kassandra. Gardner’s hot (in more ways than one!), and after her win over Black and Deas, she’s looking like a clear favorite, but don’t rule out Summer... I’ve heard many promising things about this woman
Future Shock fallout is next on the dockett, Season 3 vs. Season 4... when the champion of both, Casey Atherton, takes on Hanna Elliott. Obviously, Hanna’s never getting anywhere near to having the right to call herself the champion of anything Future Shock related, but she’s got the single biggest win between the two of them in her stunning upset of Tara Thunder. Bragging rights are at stake here- and perhaps a little jostling for some title contention as well.
Both Emma McIntyre and Queen Machine are wrestlers that look like they should be much further up the card, but haven’t gotten to that point (Emma due to inconsistency, Queen Machine due to having a whopping two matches). Obviously a good showing here should help the winner out, but I atually don’t see the loser sliding back too much.
Cheers and Jeers (that’d be Allison Deas and Elizabeth Showtime, making her FFW) debut goes taggy with the Danger Queens. It’s weird to think that just a few months ago, the DQ’s were bonafide favorites to become the next tag team champions. They’ve been passed by quite a few teams as the divison heats up, and they can’t afford to let another squad, especially one of air-headed rookies, pass them up.
I’ve already made my opinion on who needs to win the Hate-Black match fairly well known. This is a golden opportunity for Crystal Hate, who experienced some success in the early going, but was obviously in over her head in the Femme For All. The TV title, and a showdown with Sophie Richards, would be a great path for her. The catch is to watch her back after winning... Sophia’s proven to be a sore loser.
The Chase for the Crown concludes, and the second installment doesn’t seem as epically closely matched as the first one was. Eileen Amaro’s been shredding it, and she’s the clear favorite here, although you’d be a fool to count out Desirae Kain, given her tendency to pull off wins in tough situations. Alyssa’s the dark horse here, she’s going to have to be on her toes if she hopes to steal this- but then again, she’s done well stealing matches before.
If Samantha Star still has revenge on her mind, it couldn’t be more inspired than the next match. Colleen’s coming off a tough loss in the Femme For All Finals, and has a chance to take some frustration out on Shane Sanders, who returns to PPV after sitting out S&S. Shane’s been snakebitten on the PPV’s before, losing two controversial matches to... someone who’s name escapes me at the moment. But Colleen doesn’t need shenanigans- she’ll just kick your ass.
The best thing about the FFW TV title match is that now we can FINALLY stop hearing about the mystical match contract that Sophia Black gave up. That, and we’ll finally start having our contenders based on wrestling ability, not how well they fuck Christian Kincaid. If Tabatha even comes close to winning this, let it replace Elliot over Thunder as shock result of the year.
The key to the next match is how riled up Jo can get Wendy, and throw her off her gameplan. Wendy’s always tried to be stoic, but she’s letting it slip here, and you can tell that Jo, and the A-List in general, have her pissed off. That’s not a good place to be in when you’re walking into a match where you have little to gain, and a hell of a lot to lose here. Still, it will be quite theraputic once Wendy gets in the ring, beats Jo, and gets to move on
I can definitely say I’m happy that my client is wrestling BEFORE the Ultraviolence match, considering that there’s no possible way you’re going to effectively clean up all the glass here. Now, I looked it up at Home Depot, and a pallet of 1,200 fluorescent lightbulbs costs about $1500. Factoring in that we’ll need eight full pallets, and then a third of another pallet, we’re looking at about a $18,500 price tag on the weaponry for this match. Knowing Samantha, its probably tax deductable as a business expense. But the real expense will be on the bodies of Raven, Camilla, and Rose... this is gonna be BRUTAL.
The Evolution Championship strikes me as a must win match for both women, as neither has exactly lit the world on fire over the past couple of weeks. Crystal snapped a losing streak against Sophia Black, but then again, it’s Sophia Black. Tara just took a stunning loss to Hanna Elliot. To the victor go the spoils, but the loser here is going to see a lot of her momentum spoiled.
You’re gonna hear about it a ton in the coming weeks- Scarlett beat Kitty on the first ever FFW show. Kitty paid Scarlett back at Unstoppable, but you could definitely make an argument that Scarlett had given more of herself in that match up to that point, as Kitty kinda rode Kat (which ended up working out REAL well in the end). Scar’s gotta go all out here, but keep her head. She’s got nothing to prove by going airborne- it’s bit her in the butt to many times.
And finally, the FFW title match, consisting of the Dreamkiller (I don’t care WHAT she says, “Simply Better” is a stupid nickname), and the Nightmare (and I don’t care what SHE says, the anorexic crack whore look is not beautiful). Once again, all signs point to a disappointing night for Katherine Stryfe... but she’s pulled a win out of her ass too many times to be counted out. Just remember- Stacey’s gotta beat Kat, not the other way around. Considering Kat’s actions their first match, and in that confrontation on Breaking Point, that is going to be a key difference.
AWARDS!
Well, kids, I’ve been wanting this one for a while now, but considering her husband is running our company (my offer to help still stands, Cody!), and she’s been a bit injured, it’s been hard to get Scarlett to do the awards. Well, the wait is over, and I couldn’t be more excited to hear what the FFW Face of the Year, former (and likely future) FFW Champion has to say. So without any further ado... SCARLETT KINCAID!
Match of the Week - Stacey Mackenzie Vs Colleen
One of the best matches to have been aired on either Velocity or Breaking Point, that had everything. A technical masterclass, hold and counter hold, blood, determination and a never say die spirit from two of the best women on the roster who made it painfully clear just how much a chance to Main Event an FFW Pay Per View for the biggest prize in women’s wrestling today meant to them. Match of the week by a long shot and would probably have been a contender for Match Of The Year had it not fallen just outside the nomination window.
Had Scar said anything else, I’d have seriously been questioning her sanity. I seriously considered doing away with the runner ups in this category, it was that far and away the best. Nevertheless
- Kitty vs. Kassandra (Shockingly close match, that saw Kassandra nearly pull off a monster upset. Either she’s gettin’ better, or Stryfe is struggling worse than we thought.)
- Gardner vs. Black vs. Deas- Any match that sees Sophia Black get punk’d is a winner in my book. But the debut by Gardner was astounding, and Deas put up a hell of a fight too (still have a problem saying that). Definitely a match worth noting.
Winner of the Week - Hanna Elliot
A close run contest for this award that could quite easily have gone to Eileen Amaro for her plucky against the odds victory over Rose Jenkins or to Kassandra for coming within a hair of beating Kitty (and would have had it not been for a fluke of ring positioning). Hanna Elliot however just edges them out as Winner of the Week as she joins the list of Future Shock Alumni on the fast lane. Surely after scoring a victory over the number one contender to the Evolution Championship, she can expect to see and hear her name included in the list of people in line for a shot at whoever the champion might be following Violent Night.
Hanna’s come a long way from when she had to flash her goods to get away with a win.
- Eileen Amaro (If it wasn’t Hanna, it was her. Eileen proved her tossing of Rose at Byte This wasn’t a fluke, and after two very difficult losses to start her career, she continues to roll. Don’t be too surprised to see her in the Winner of the Week Section next week as well)
- Jo McFarlane (There’ s no if ands or buts about it... going into the fight of her life against WEndy, she needed whatever momentum she could get. That was some serious momentum.)
Loser of the Week - Colleen
Unusual choice right? After all she was named Femme Fatale Of The Year (and congratulations on that accolade) in this last cycle of shows, while Charity Deas got bumped from the PPV, lost to her sister and lost her hair. Collen did lose the finals of the Femme For All however and with it her chance at the FFW Championship at Violent Night. Then she seemed to meltdown on Breaking Point for all the world to see, begging the fans to write in and demand she gets a chance - while Charity at least took her defeat and forfeit with a measure of dignity. Colleen on the other hand...well I know she appreciates hearing the truth and the truth is that she is coming across a little desperate.
Apparently talking to Samantha and asking for a favour is too easy for Colleen (though maybe it’s just she’s been to Miss Star and didn’t get the time of day?) and she would prefer to go the “hard” route of begging and bribing the fans to write in or hashtag twitter to get what she wants. Rather than the hard route of not choking in the big matches, rather than the hard route of not wasting opportunities, she feels the key to success lies in bribing the fans with her silence. She talks about me losing the Evolution Championship and getting handed a shot - that I didn’t ask for and was as surprised as anyone to get - as justification. I can see what you are getting at Colleen, after all we both lost the Evolution title in a ladder match, a match that didn’t suit either of us. Difference is I had the heart to stick around to the end, I didn’t walk away, give in or throw my toys out of the pram and I was only beaten with the help of a faceful of Mace. Difference is I’ve made the most of my opportunities, I proved myself in the biggest of matches. I’ve never choked.
I wouldn’t say it was so much as begging as it was an attempt to cash in her chips. The catch is- I don’t think Col’s banked nearly as much as she thinks she has.
- Charity Deas (Yeah, every week she’s the loser of the week, but come on, punked by a woman who didn’t even acknowledge her as her sister in her shoot, and lost her hair. That’s a bad week for anyone)
- Desirae Kain (Kain still has a lot going for her, but that loss to Atherton was definitely a bump in the road, as was losing to the Violent Femmes, which gives another team a staked claim on Pink Inc’s tag titles.)
Douchebag of the Week - Casey Atherton
In my opinion this one is kinda obvious. Casey was the first name that came to mind for this award having definitely rained on Desirae’s parade as she brought her back down to earth with a bump following her Championship winning exploits. The way she celebrated as though she had just won the FFW Championship and stole the Future Shock Season Four Title that Desirae had gone through hell to win - all after getting a huge assist from Adonis to boot - just makes her even more of a Douchebag. The woman is delusional and Starla should have been treating her from the start not employing her. No doubt she will add this to her list of accolades next time we have the pleasure from hearing from her and will try to use this to further justify whatever claim she thinks on greatness.
Then give the douchebag of the week award to Starla, for faiiling in her psychological profession yet again! I mean, seriously, the poor girl tries hard, and gets so much crap. She just... misunderstands some things. That... really shouldn’t be misunderstood. She’s still hot.
- Gia Van Zant & Jen Saint (Seriously? Best women’s fed on the planet, and you decide not to show up? Especially Saint, who was lucky to get a second chance after losing to Charity Deas. Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya, ladies.)
- Katherine Stryfe (Not so much the blindsiding with the title, but for the extremely powerful logic-based declaration that it wasn’t okay to use weapons in the ULTRAVIOLENCE division, but it was perfectly okay OUTSIDE of it. Just another “Kat-ism” for the collection
Okay, and normally, we conclude our column with the Sound off, but participation hasn’t been very hot for that, so after much soul searching, I’ve decided to pull the section. But don’t worry, kids! I have another idea... a little something I call...
MEME OF THE WEEK!After all, there’s a lot of people on these interwebz, and a lot of people with nothing better to do than to whip up a demotivational poster. Fortunately for you all, I’m one of them, so here goes...
Ah, that felt like kicking a puppy. A really ugly, retarded, hairless puppy.
Okay kids, that’s it from here! I’ll see you guys after Violent Night, for another round of rankings, news, reviews, and previews! Until then...
POLLA OUT!
Daniel Pollaski is an freelance wrestling columnist, SVW wrestler, and the manager of Wendy Briese. And remember kids, that’s #GivePollaskiFuckingControlofBreakingPoint.
