POWER X- May 12, 2012

Once again, its time for wrestling manager and analyst Daniel Pollaski to go over the news, reviews, and previews of Femme Fatale Wrestling! All content is the sole opinion of the author and does not reflect the views of Femme Fatale Wrestling, its wrestlers, or administration. Or Wendy Briese, for that matter, so don’t go jumping her in the hallway if you get butthurt about this. Bitch.

The Power-X’s inspirational thought of the week:

Now here's a little story I've got to tell
About three bad brothers you know so well
It started way back in history
With Adrock, M.C.A., and me - Mike D.
Been had a little horsy named Paul Revere
Just me and my horsy and a quart of beer
Riding across the land, kicking up sand
Sheriff's posse on my tail cause I'm in demand
One lonely Beastie I be
All by myself without nobody
The sun is beating down on my baseball hat
The air is gettin' hot the beer is getting flat
Lookin' for a girl I ran into a guy
His name is M.C.A., I said, "Howdy" he said, "Hi"
He told a little story that sounded well rehearsed
Four days on the run and that he's dying of thirst
The brew was in my hand and he was on my tip
His voice was hoarse, his throat was dry he asked me for a sip
He said, "Can I get some?"
I said, "You can't get none!"
Had a chance to run
He pulled out his shotgun
He was quick on the draw I thought I'd be dead
He put the gun to my head and this is what he said,
"Now my name is M.C.A. I've got a license to kill
I think you know what time it is it's time to get ill
Now what do we have here an outlaw and his beer
I run this land, you understand I make myself clear."
We stepped into the wind he had a gun, I had a grin
You think this story's over but it's ready to begin
"Now I got the gun you got the brew
You got two choices of what you can do
It's not a tough decision as you can see
I can blow you away or you can ride with me" I said, I'll ride with you if you can get me to the border
The sheriff's after me for what I did to his daughter
I did it like this, I did it like that
I did it with a whiffleball bat
So I'm on the run the cop's got my gun
And right about now it's time to have some fun
The King Adrock that is my name
And I know the fly spot where they got the champagne."
We rode for six hours then we hit the spot
The beat was a bumping and the girlies was hot
This dude was staring like he knows who we are
We took the empty spot next to him at the bar
M.C.A. said, "Yo, you know this kid?"
I said, "I didn't." but I know he did
The kid said, "Get ready cause this ain't funny
My name's Mike D. and I'm about to get money."
Pulled out the jammy aimed it at the sky
He yelled, "Stick 'em up!" and let two fly
Hands went up and people hit the floor
He wasted two kids that ran for the door
"I'm Mike D. and I get respect
Your cash and your jewelry is what I expect"
M.C.A. was with it and he's my ace
So I grabbed the piano player and I punched him in the face
The piano player's out the music stopped
His boy had beef and he got dropped
Mike D. grabbed the money M.C.A. snatched the gold
I grabbed two girlies and a beer that's cold.
- “Paul Revere” Beastie Boys

Hey Kids!

So it was with great sadness that last week we all learned of the death of Adam Yauch, aka “MCA” of the Beastie Boys.  Anyone between the ages of fifteen and forty remember the Beasties, and their hard-driven fusion of punk rock and rap.   Yauch was only 47, too soon for anyone to pass on, but his legacy will live on through his music, which rates as some of the best of the twentieth century.  

In a way, Femme Fatale Wrestling is a lot like a Beastie Boys song.  After all, we have about sixty women ready to fight (some for their right to party).  There’s definitely been a few cases of Sabotage in the last couple of weeks.  And while we’ve yet to have a Brass Monkey, we’ve certainly seen our fair share of brass knuckles.  And our shows are being beamed into outer space, so in just 200 million short years, we’ll be broadcast on an Intergalactic level.

I know, I’m starting to stretch things here.

FOUR CORNERS!
Of course, we kick things off with four observations that yours truly had made from the last couple of shows.  So here goes.

1. ISABELLA PAZZINI BLEW IT
Well, did I call that, or what?

Alright, it wasn’t exactly a tough call.  Pretty much everyone knew that it was only a matter of time before Isabella returned to the Dark Side.  Like I said a couple of weeks ago, some women are just more comfortable being the bad guy, and pissing off the fans.  Besides, Isabella never struck me as the strong, independent type.  She probably was lost without Samantha telling her what to do.

Then again, she was equally lost at Breaking Point last week.  Oh, I know, she was proud enough of herself after driving a chair into Stacey Mackenzie’s skull on a repeated basis.  The fans were outraged. Wendy was practically in tears from the commentary seat.  (Seriously, any Hollywood director reading this- take Wendy’s scream when Isabella clocked Stacey, and add it to your sound effects cache.  That’s a version of the Wilhelm for females, right there).  All was well in Pazziniland.

Except, you know, it could have been so much better, had Isabella used those brains she supposedly has...

1. Just as Shane Sanders is begging her to do, hit Shane with the chair.  I don’t care if they had it set up, just do a lovetap.  Act.  Something.

2. That disqualifies Stacey, so bye-bye undefeated winning streak.  If Isabella hates Stacey as much as she claims, what better way to strike a blow?

3. And since that technically means Shane beat the champion, guess what?  She gets a title shot.  Unless the other seven hundred times that happened in FFW isn’t officially a precedent.  Isabella is happy for her newfound friend, since they’re both in Samantha’s new clique, which I’m sure will be named something fierce and intimidating and original, like “The Power Trip” or “The A-List”  (Seriously, evil genius though she may be, Sam seems to be a bit shy in the nomenclature department).  OR!

4. Since Isabella was technically the reason Shane’s getting this title shot, she claims it should be hers.  Jeez, that couldn’t possibly be the setup for a number one contenders match, could it?

5. Win the match, face Stacey, beat Stacey, ta-da.  (I know, easier said than done, but still)

And there you have it.  And think of how goddamned awesome I’d be as a manager if I hadn’t stuck myself with a goody-twoshoes for a client.

I’m not saying that this is how I’d want it to go... everyone knows that I’m fully committed to believing in what’s best for FFW above anything else, and the aforementioned scenario certainly isn’t it.  But it’d be what’s best for Isabella, and since that’s all she obviously cares about, well, oops.  Her bad.  

At least it gives her something to think about as she sits out her fourth major PPV in the last five shows.  


2. VALERIE’S GOT SOME ‘SPLAININ TO DO
Valerie Belmont hasn’t been seen in the wrestling ring since Unstoppable II of last year, when her leg was severely injured by Kaitlynn and Katherine Stryfe in the Elimination Chamber.  Shortly afterwards she found out she was knocked-up, and hence, what seemed like a month-long injury turned into a nine-month pregnancy.  And save for her frequent tweeting, all we saw of Val was her via satellite Skype appearances when she was interviewed by Mark Horton.  They were interesting enough diversions, an entertaining and fan-friendly way to eat up the first ten to fifteen minutes of the show.  But what everyone wanted was Valerie Belmont LIVE.  And just a couple days ago, at Velocity, we got it.

And got a very unfortunate glimpse of Valerie’s true colors.  Because either this woman’s been playing everyone as a sucker, or she’s clueless as fuck.

Now far be it from me to turn a simple five minute segment on television into a witch hunt (or vampire hunt, whatever), but when you see Valerie Belmont, supposedly one of the most beloved wrestlers in FFW history, greeting Samantha Star like a sister, well, that’s gotta raise a red flag.  Neverminding that this was the same woman who fired Val a year and a half ago, and brought in Kaitlynn to wreck her debut last March.  Val’s back.  Sam’s there.  Kissy kissy. Ooh, who wants to be special guest enforcer referee?  I do!  Barf.

You wanna know the real sad thing?  Let’s go back into the wayback machine.  Twitter, April 17.  Val?

@JoJoFemmeFatale I would kill you if it were not for the fact you are my blood.

Of course, that would be the night of the eternally memorable Tweetwar between now ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Jo McFarlane and Chris Strike.  For the sake of Chris, I won’t go into the gory details that were revealed, but let’s just sum it up and say that Jo revealed herself to be even more of a self-absorbed petulant bitch than we’d ever imagined.  Val, understandably, was offended.  Hell, a lot of people were.  

Here’s the kicker- who do you think turned Jo into that self-absorbed petulant bitch?  Or, in the event that Jo already was one, at least enabled her and encouraged her behavior?

If you guessed a Samantha Star, get down to the grocery store and play the claw game until something drops in the hole, because you won a prize!

Samantha wined and dined Jo ever since she arrived in FFW.  Shopping trips on Rodeo.  First class plane tickets.  Sleepovers at her mansion.  The nicest suites on the road.  Hell, she’s still doing it- she just bought Jo’s brand spanking new ring gear (which, by the way, looks AWESOME in this upcoming poster showing Wendy breaking her in half with the Banshee.  Seriously, check it out.  Should be in the merch stands at Conviction).   Gee, could it possibly be construed that Samantha’s gone and bought Jo’s loyalty?

And come to think of it, hasn’t Samantha made a couple of trips across the pond as of late to hang out with Val?  And didn’t she buy her some nice presents too?  I know there was the infamous 101 Dalmations incident that came out on Twitter, but it’s not too farfetched to believe that there might be some other, more practical gifts bought in that time as well.  And was Val’s loyalty, in turn, purchased as well?

Seems to me that Mrs. Belmont has some explaining to do.

Maybe I’m wrong about this.  No one’s ever accused Valerie of having much brains, so it could be that she just simply doesn’t exactly comprehend that hanging out with Samantha Star doesn’t send the best of messages at this moment.  Maybe she actually thinks she can play both sides of the fence.   Who knows?  But a bit of an explanation would be nice.  

Of course, I doubt we’re gonna really get one.  Val will probably come up with some lame diversionary tweet, likely preceeded by “It’s funny how..” since the McFarlane family seems to do that every time one of them gets butthurt.

But dear fans.  Don’t just cheer just because she’s Valerie Belmont.  Dont’ back down on your demand for the truth here.  Because you guys have supported that woman through hell and high water.  It’s only right that she gives you an explanation for why she’s buddying up to an owner who takes you for granted and treats you as an afterthought.

Because when the truth comes out, you might not be as happy to have her back as you think.


3. EITHER THE ULTRAVIOLENCE OR EVOLUTION CHAMPIONSHIP WILL CHANGE HANDS AT CONVICTION
And no, I’m not ruling out both, either.

Here’s the deal.  There’s six titles in FFW.  We KNOW the FFW Championship isn’t changing hands, because it’s not being defended.  We also know the No Surrender Championship IS changing hands, because Wendy’s going to come as close to raping Starla as a prude possibly could.  The other four I think can go either way.  The tag title seems more likely to change, the Television less.  But the Evolution and UV titles?  Hang on to your fucking hat.

Here’s the deal.  Both champions coming into the match are cold.  Ice cold.  Camilla hasn’t defended the title since Cold Blooded- hell, I don’t even think she’s competed since then.  That’s coming up on four months, for those of you keeping track.  Tara’s been a bit more active, but her title hasn’t been up for grabs since before Chaos Theory.  It’s fairly easy to rack up the longevity records when you don’t have to defend the damn thing.

Tara’s dangerous, sure.  She’s completely unbalanced and paranoid.  If we were to leave her for two months at a kitten farm, we’d come back to two months worth of dead kittens.  There’s no such thing as complacency for Tara, her mind won’t allow it.   But if there’s anyone who’s going to take that title off of her, it’s Eileen Amaro.  Ever since she got stunned against Alyssa Foxworthy, Eileen’s gone on a tear, shredding everyone who’s gotten in her way, and she’s been eying that Evolution Title for a long time.  Tara’s insane aggression got her past people like Hilton, Williams, and Elliott, but none of those women are as technically adept as Eileen is.  Not even fucking close.

Eileen needs to play this match like her namesake.  Recede, let Tara burn herself out, and draw her in.  Then come back in a huge mad rush that’s going to bury Tara, and sweep her out to sea, leaving nothing but a nice shiny new title for Eileen to claim.  If she can do that, we’re going to have a new champion.  But easier said than done.

The UV division is an even trickier call.  Camilla is dominant.  Flat-out dominant, and even with three UV-style matches under her belt, Cara’s chops in the division aren’t anywhere close to Cammie’s.  But Cara’s the plucky type, and plucky does well.  Especially the overconfident.  And Camilla has become the soul of overconfidence.

And honestly, is there another champion who deserves to lose more than Chunks?  What champion would sit out for four months?  

Camilla’s always been a bragger, and a troll, but at least she used to be witty about it.  Sometime in the past few months, that’s gone away.  Now it’s all “I’m awesome” this and “they suck” that.  It’s like she’s become a parody of herself.  And not a hillarious SNL-style parody.  More like a lame Mad TV parody.  One where you roll your eyes and go, ‘okay, whatever’.  

Sadly, since Camilla’s not competing, she’s not losing, so it’s damn hard to drop her far in the rankings.  I’d say it’s time someone changes that, or at least rouses Chunks from her complaency.  Cara?


4. DANIEL POLLASKI NEEDS YOUR HELP
Okay, so this isn’t exactly a typical Four Corners point, but I’m gonna do it anyways.

You might notice, as you read this weeks column, that there’s going to be a section missing, namely, the “Incoming!” section, which highlights the upcoming matches.  That’s because, well, we got a PPV coming up, and the more and more I think about it, the more and more I realize that something that epic deserves a column all to itself.  So expect the Conviction Preview column sometime next week.  

But here’s my idea.  Instead of just reading my take on the matches (you’ll get plenty of that, no doubt), why not get the wrestler’s themselves take on the upcoming contests?   So, I’m looking for volunteers.  Wendy’s already on board, so that means I need thirteen other women to give their take on a match.

Now, you won’t be asked to preview your own match.  I figure you guys do that well enough in your cute little promo videos.  But I think it’d be interesting to hear Kat Stryfe’s take on the tag title match.  Or Wendy’s take on the hardcore war.  Or... you get the point.

So FFW women!  If you want in on this, hit me up, and I’ll come up with a match for you to preview.  Just shoot me a paragraph with your take on it, and help your good old columnist break down what’s going to be an absolutely phenomenal PPV.  


RANKINGS!Okay, another new format for rankings.  Just keeping it simple, really.  Two newcomers, but four dropoffs (Sophie Richards, who’s disappeared; Danielle Mason, who officially isn’t a wrestler yet; Destiny Loveheart, who officially isn’t employed anymore; and Dani Thompson, who I’ve officially forgotten about.)  That leaves forty-eight women.  So...


#48- SARAH PEEK [=]
Sarah finally finds herself back in the cellar after taking a couple weeks off.  

#47- TRACI LOVEHEART [Returning]
Just a guess, but I doubt she’ll be any more effective with no hands and blindfolded against Allison Wright than she was with both hands and sighted against Crystal Hate

#46- WHITLEY MERCER [-1]
Wait... dressing like a five dollar whore and dying your hair blonde DOESN’T automatically make you a better wrestler?  *Stunned*

#45- STEPHANIE SULLIVAN [=]
Um, yes. According to my sources, she IS still employed.

#44- ELIZABETH SHOWTIME [=]
They both might be Welsh, but after that match with Lightning, Lizzy was just grape jelly.

#43- KENDALL BURKE [=]
Thanks to Whitley’s dyejob and Gabrielle’s firing, has now officially become “Pink Haired Slut #1”  Congrats!

#42- ALYSSA FOXWORTH [=]
If she’s gonna run at Conviction, she might wanna do it BEFORE the cage door closes.  Otherwise things might get difficult.  Alyssa obviously doesn’t do difficult.

#41- ALLISON DEAS [=]
Ra ra re!  She’s just a stupid Deas!  Ra ra ras!  That doesn’t give her a pass!

#40- TRINITY [NEW]
Peek wanted an upset, but Trinity wanted nun of that.

#39- HANNA ELLIOT [-1]
At the rate she’s going, expect to see Hanna get her next match sometime in July.

#38- LIGHTNING [+2]
Good news for Lightning- once she collects the whole Cheers & Jeers set, she can trade them in for a shot at an opponent who’s actually decent.

#37- KARA HARRINGTON [=]
Remember when I said last month that Kara would then disappear for another two months?  Welp...

#36- TABATHA BELMONT [=]
Maybe I should add a new rule that I actually have to remember you’re still in the company before I rank you.

#35- SARAH RICHARDSON [=]
Okay, this is just getting ridiculous.

#34- REBBECCA VALENTINE [-3]
“So, um... Kat.  Remember that tag team we had going?”

#33- ARIANNA MILLAR [-5]
*UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION*
Showed she can bounce, but doesn’t quite have the pounce part down.  Then again...

#32- ALLISON WRIGHT [+7]
Either Allison’s got the hearing of a fucking bat... or we’re being played on this blind thing.  And Tyler Kimble’s a douche.

#31- JODIE GRAY [+2]
Season 5: Jodie Gray does no work and gets the pin.  Season 7: Jodie Gray does all the work and, well...  Life’s a bitch.

#30- LUMINA FERRARI [-7]
Not competing at Conviction, so should use the upcoming time off to really get focused on doing some damage during the European tour.

#29- JENNIFER WILLIAMS [+1]
Maybe she thought screaming like that would have broken up the pin?  I know it broke my eardrums.

#28- ELIZABETH BLACKWELL [+1]
Blackwell really should have known she had the wrong girl, considering that Jodie is 20 pounds lighter than Casey, wearing differently cut ring gear, and screaming “Put me down, you crazy bitch, I’m on your team!”  

#27- SHANE SANDERS [+5]
Upon reading the first part of my Four Corners section, Shane’s gotta be pissed over what might have been.  Of course, it’s all Nick’s fault.

#26- ARABELLA DE ROSSI [=]
After the rehab center started screening her calls, Arabella’s taken to yelling “COLLEEN, ARE YOU DONE WITH REHAB YET?!” out the window every morning.  Of course, they hear her.

#25- MELANIE AVILO [-2]
So we’re all clear going into the match this time, right?  Jodie Gray CAN wrestle.

#24- CRYSTAL HATE [-2]
Had a good match in her adopted hometown.  Unfortunately, we’ll never go to her real hometown, since Samantha’s blacklisted the fourth circle of Hell after they shunted us for a Marilyn Manson concert.

#23- SABRA NICOLYEV [+11]
Sabra’s tearing through opponents like she’s in a hurry to get to the top.  Makes you wonder why she’s Russian so fast.

#22- JO MCFARLANE [-3]
I would say something here, but she might not read the column and think I’m talking about her behind her back again.

#21- HAYLEY DARK [+4]
Is it just me, or has anyone noticed that Hayley’s like the only one on the roster to not have a significant other in like, the past year?

#20- KATHERINE STRYFE [-2]
“Becky, for the last time, I’m not interested in reforming the Eternal Flame!  At least until I lose to Emma and completely run out of alternatives.”

#19- CASEY ATHERTON [-2]
I could make a joke about assault here, but after Trinity and Sabra’s entries, I’m sure you already hate me enough by now.

#18- IGNIS [+2]
Any match where you get to finish by staring down at your opponent while your partner makes the pin is a good one.

#17- CARA STONE [+7]
Alright Cara, you asked for it.  You got it.  Don’t fuck it up.  No pressure.

#16- CAROLINE DALLINS [+5]
She’s becoming more scary and more dangerous with each passing day.  Especially now that she’s regained full use of her vocabulary.

#15- JENNIFER STRYFE [-2]
For those of you keeping score, that’s now Kaitlynn 5, Jenny 1.  The 1 was when Jenny’s salsa beat out Kaitlynn’s chili at the FFW Christmas cook off.

#14- EMMA MCINTYRE [+2]
Add this to the Conviction injury report:  Emma’s got a strained abdominal muscle, injured when she spent fifteen minutes laughing her ass off as Katherine Stryfe got pinned for the second time by Crystal Hilton.

#13- EILEEN AMARO [+2]
Jodie and Jennifer can pose all they want.  But bitch, please.  This is the ORIGINAL gamer gurl right here.  And soon to possibly be Evolution Champion!

#12- CRYSTAL HILTON [+2]
The last thing you should do in a huge clusterfuck match like that is drag yourself to the top rope, and spotmonkey.  At any moment, you can be knocked off, so the fact that Hilton got away with that is goddamned amazing.  And she’s got Alyssa Foxworthy next... hello winning streak!

#11- KELLY MCGUFFIN [=]
Hey, remember her?  Finally gets that long-awaited TV Title shot.  Remember, though- Summer’s BY FAR the toughest test she’s yet to face.

#10- DESIRAE KAIN [+2]
*UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION*
Kain finally breaks into the top 10 after a huge (albeit tainted) win over Jennifer Stryfe.  Question now is does she have enough to carry the floundering Arianna to another defense.

#9- ISABELLA PAZZINI [+1]
Honestly, I think I’ve said all that needs to be said already.  We’re done here.

#8- STARLA MCCLOUD [=]
*NO SURRENDER CHAMPION*
While the rest of us had the Cabin In the Woods, Starla’s had her own horror movie the past month: replays of Wendy locking on the Banshee on Jo, Whitley, Starla, Stephanie, Lumina... you get the picture.

#7- SUMMER [+2]
*TELEVISION CHAMPION*
If she beats Kelly, expect a long reign.  Like, Sophie Richards long.

#6- KAITLYNN STRYFE [-1]
Takes a simple drop down due to noncompetition.  If she beats Stryfe convincingly enough at Conviction, though... we might have to look at that rule about who can be #1.

#5- WENDY BRIESE [+1]
There’s a photoshopped picture of Wendy and Nick Sanders going around, and I’d say they make a cute couple.  At least until Terrence beats Nick to death with a tire iron.

#4- CAMILLA PAZZINI [-2]
*ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPION*
Why the hell I haven’t been dropping her for noncompetition before now, I don’t know. Even I make mistakes.

#3- TARA THUNDER [=]
Was an absolute beast in the 8 woman tag match, but to no avail.  Her and Eileen could easily steal match of the night.

#2- SCARLETT KINCAID [+2]
The Power X has been going on for over a year now.  Scarlett is the only one who’s appeared in the top 5 in every issue.  That’s incredible, given that no other woman has even stayed in the top 10 the entire tenure.  A big congrats to Scarlett (and yet another reason why Kincaid needs another title shot!)

#1- STACEY MACKENZIE [=]
*FFW CHAMPION*
I don’t know what’s scarier, the prospect of the FFW Champion not even wrestling at a PPV... or the knowledge that this show is so goddamn loaded, we don’t even need her.

That’s how awesome we are.  Suck on that, reject company.

AWARDS!
For awards tonight, we have none other than the number one contender to the evolution title (not to mention the hottest BRUNETTE in the company) Eileen Amaro!  Take it away, Eileen!

MATCH OF THE WEEK: Stacey Mackenzie versus Shane Sanders
I had a tough time choosing this one because, well, the eight-woman tag team match was off the hook insane and I was a big fan of Wendy beating Jo senseless too. But if anything, this was just a full-fledged performance between a woman willing to bring herself to pick up a win here no matter what in the honor of a fallen friend against a vile human being who was planning on doing anything to get herself a win. Hard-hitting, teeter-totter contest that went way more rounds than a game of Tetris for yours truly. It’s just an absolute shame that this ended the way it did….godeffindamnit!!!!

This was seriously Shane’s best in-ring performance since she beat Colleen.  She gave Stacey a lot.  Shame Isabella wrecked the ending (and then wrecked the wrecking of the ending).  Runners Up
- Season 3 vs. Season 5: Screw the Eight woman (which was awesome in its own right, but...).  This match was completely off the charts!  All six women actually did quite a bit during this match, so it’s gonna be really hard to see who gets voted off.  Obviously, it SHOULD be Jo McFarlane (we have a tradition to uphold!), but you never know.
- Stone vs. Valentine: Ruined a little bit by Camilla’s stilted, bland commentary, but it was actually a really good match between two women trying to make it in the UV division.

WINNER OF THE WEEK: Sabra Nikolayev
I have seen her work due to Chris working in another company alongside her and the so-called “Queen of Sin” has the looks, the skills and everything else to make an impact here in FFW. Her climb up the ladder took a few falls after Jo McFarlane somehow pulled a win out of her ass – she tends to do that often enough though, yours truly has been proof of it in the past – but ever since, Sabra’s been an ass-kicking machine. Beating Lumina Ferrari is a big step back up on the ladder and it wouldn’t surprise me if come the end of the year, if all goes well, I’m fighting her with the Evolution title on the line. ‘Sabracadabra’ is also something we’ll end up seeing in lots of merchandise soon enough – pretty sure of it.

Again, can’t argue with this.  Sabra’s won three matches in five shows, against stronger competition each time.  We’re starting to see why everyone went “aw, snap!” when she entered
- Cara Stone: Sometimes you just need the right break, and Cara got that, and capitalized huge, to get herself to the #1 contender spot in the UV division.
- Allison Wright: Even the blind girl could see that she badly needed a win over an actually legitimate opponent.  She got that over Arianna.   And now... free win at Conviction!

LOSER OF THE WEEK: Jennifer Stryfe
You know, there is absolutely no shame in losing to Desirae Kain. She’s one of the best athletes and wrestlers we’ve got on the roster. But at the same time, it wasn’t just the crushing loss prior to Conviction but the fact that Kitty’s bat was lonely and found its mark right upside Jenny’s head – seriously, that was a Josh Hamilton level home run if I ever saw one. As Dan eloquently put it, Kitty went rollerball on the Queen with the spiked gloves and then darn near tried to thundershock Jenny with the car batteries. Just goes to show that we’ve got an ugly war ahead to witness in Denver…

...which has seen its fair share of ugly wars.  Particularily when the Red Wings come to town.
- Lumina Ferrari: She herself said she needed that win to stay competitive in the TV title division.  The loss to Sabra was a crushing setback, one she’ll desperately need to rebound from once the PPV’s over.
- Cheers & Jeers: Elizabeth Showtime bragged about beating the Danger Queens.  Bitch please.  They’re turning INTO the Danger Queens.

DOUCHECUNTBAGNOZZLE OF THE WEEK: Isabella Pazzini
…I could have easily given this one to Shane given all that’s been going on lately. Really, I could. But instead, I’m going to dedicate this specific award to none other than the Judas herself. You know what, I honestly could give less of a monkey’s butt as for her reasonings – but I know a goddamn vermin when I see one and seeing her make her way out with Shane and that bitch Eden told the entire story. I hope you’re happy with yourself for what you did to somebody I consider a friend. I hope you’re ecstatic with the fact you sold your soul to the same devil that helped leave you an unconscious mess inside of the Elimination Chamber once. I also hope that one of these days, I get you one-on-one in the center of the ring. Because if I do, guess what? I’m not going to hold back. BITCH, I'M GONNA EVISCERATE YOU AND USE YOUR GASTROINTESTINAL TRACT AS A CONDOM WHILE I FORNICATE WITH YOUR SKULL!!! AND IF YOU CAN’T UNDERSTAND THIS BIT OF ENGLISH, YOU TWO-FACED ITALIAN SALAMI GUZZLING WHOREBAG: AVRETE LA CAGNA A CALCI IN CULO!!!!!!!

Hey, Eileen, when I ask you to do awards, I want to know how you REALLY feel.  And what exactly would you put the condom on?    
- Valerie Belmont: Might as well make this a pointed reminder that Izzy might not be the only one who’s sold her soul to the red-headed she-devil. *Ahem* Demand accountability, FFW faithful.
- Caroline Dallins: She called Alex Houser an honest man.  That immediately says somethings up.

Well, guys, I think that’ll do it for tonight’s edition.  Be sure to check back VERY soon, when I have the Conviction PREVIEW issue!  And remember, anyone who wants to contribute needs to hit me up ASAP!

Until then...

POLLA OUT!

Daniel Pollaski is an independent wrestling columnist, SVW wrestler, and the manager of FFW star Wendy Briese.  He’s still in morning over the Red Light of Death that appeared on his X-Box a week ago.  And just as he was getting set to hit the Warriors Orochi 3 DLC too...

POWER X- April 28, 2012

Once again, its time for wrestling manager and analyst Daniel Pollaski to go over the news, reviews, and previews of Femme Fatale Wrestling! All content is the sole opinion of the author and does not reflect the views of Femme Fatale Wrestling, its wrestlers, or administration. Or Wendy Briese, for that matter, so don’t go jumping her in the hallway if you get butthurt about this. Bitch.

The Power-X’s inspirational thought of the week

Put down your chainsaw and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite
You better put all your eggs in one basket
You better count your chickens before they hatch
You better sell some wine before it's time
You better find yourself an itch to scratch
You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Whipple's not around
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan
Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite on more than you chew
What can you do
Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickles
Look for Mr. Goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I'll show you how
You can dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a bunch of sushi and forget to leave a tip
It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can I have a volunteer
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk
Now it's time for crying in your beer
Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet
And party 'till you're broke and they drive you away
It's OK, you can dare to be stupid
It's like spitting on a fish
It's like barking up a tree
It's like I said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free
Burn your candle at both ends
Look a gift horse in the mouth
Mashed potatoes can be your friends
You can be a coffee achiever
You can sit around the house and watch Leave It To Beaver
The future's up to you
So what you gonna do

-      “Dare to Be Stupid”   ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic

Hey kids!

So sorry about the slight delay in the column, but with FFW only having 5 shows between Choas Theory and Conviction (stupid uneven calendar), I had to make a choice- either do three columns, two covering two shows, and one covering just one show, or to just do two columns, one covering three shows, and one covering two shows.  Since, with a roster of well over fifty women, one standard television taping doesn’t quite change the landscape enough to merit a whole new column every time, I wisely decided to take the latter route.

Also, it was less work.  And the fact that I didn’t have to write it until today meant more time for Warriors Orochi 3.  Priorities, man.

But now that once again you’ve all been drawn to my little corner of the blogosphere, let’s get right into it, starting off with the four corners.

1.    ITS TIME TO DECLARE SAMANTHA STAR NON COMPIS MENTIS

You know shit’s gotten serious when Daniel Pollaski starts throwing out Latin, in his columns, but by God, we’ve come to this.  For those of you who apparently payed zero attention in civics class, non compos mentis literally means “not of a sound mind.”   However, the phrase ‘mentally incompetent’ tends to get thrown around quite a bit, and while that’s hardly ever a term you want to use to describe the owner of the company you manage a wrestler in and write a column about, I say, if the shoe fits…

If you’ll talk to my client, she’ll tell you that she’s been saying for months that she’s always been concerned that Samantha’s so power-hungry she’s willing to jeopardize the future of the company just to make sure she gets her way, and that if it weren’t for Cody Kincaid, FFW would have gone belly up about a year ago.  And while I kind of smile and nodded the first sixty or seventy times Wendy enlightened me on the pros and cons of her various bosses, I always knew she kind of had a point.  After all, we are talking about a woman who proudly declared the A-List the future of FFW, then sat back and proudly watched as every single member not named Starla McCloud got their asses summarily handed to them. 

Now, look.  I can appreciate Samantha’s situation here.  I was annoyed when Miss Demeanor returned to FFW as well, and the bitch actually isn’t trying to kill me.  So, especially considering that her last encounter with Miss Demeanor had a very remarkable resemblance to the Anastacia Baldwin vs. Rose Astral match, I can understand why Samantha probably would want some form of ally on her side.  And with Camilla Pazzini still trying to scrub her previous enforcer’s entrails off her elbows, I can see why Samantha would be forced to go outside to get help. 

But hiring Rori Snyder is the pro-wrestling equivalent of hitting the big red button that says “Do Not Push” because it will cause the ship to self-destruct.  Were we really to that point?

I’m sure somewhere in Samantha’s warped and twisted mind, she probably thought that since Cody accidentally hired someone who wants to kill her, it’s only fair turnabout that she intentionally hire someone who wants to kill him.  Which is kind of humorously ironic, since neither Demeanor nor Snyder actually has a valid reason for murdering their respective half of the FFW management circle. 

But for Rori, it goes deeper than that.  The woman is a cancer, a flat out liability to any company that is dumb enough to give her a contract.  Hell, she got fired for attacking fans, because even Samantha Star’s has enough brains to realize that lawsuits along those lines are bad.  Or, at least  I thought she did, because evidently we’re going to put the safety of our fans and fellow wrestlers in serious jeopardy because Samantha Star is annoyed with Cody Kincaid.  

And she’s not even dangerous in the ring.  Because let’s face it.  When it comes to wrestling, Rori Snyder is not very good.  Not exactly Sarah Peek level of incompetency here, but at least Mindy Smyth  level.  Sure, she beat Shane Sanders twice (with help).  But remember- Wendy beat her in five minutes, and that was with her having to spend three minutes getting through Rori’s bullshit.  This isn’t me bragging about my client here.  It’s tough to look at the Top 15 of FFW, and say that not a single one of those women wouldn’t do the same thing in the ring against her (Kincaid notwithstanding, but that match was never about just simply winning for her, which was Scarlett’s mistake to begin with).   Hell, you can ask the Eternal Flame.  They dominated Rori and her sycophantic sidekick at Byte This 2. 

It’s an eerie resemblance to those shootings you occasionally see on the news.  Some hopeless, talentless loser decides the only way they can leave a mark on the world is by ruining as many lives as they can.   That’s the scenario that just got forced upon the fans and wrestlers of the greatest all-female promotion in history.

At least for now it is.  Check back next year.  All thanks to our illustrious owner.

If Samantha had any brains whatsoever, she would turn complete control of FFW over to Cody Kincaid, and go back to Los Angeles, where she can buy all kinds of super-nice things with the truckloads of money that Kincaid will make for her.  Because when it comes to making green, the only thing better than Cody Kincaid is your very own minting press.  But that’s not the Samantha Star way.  Some deranged woman she screwed over came back and attacked her, and by God, she’s not going to stop until the people responsible are rightfully burned in retaliation.

Even if she has to set fire to FFW itself.  And to hell with any wrestlers or fans who might have a problem with it.   After all, its her company.  Not their’s. 

And don’t you fucking forget it.

2.    SOME GIRLS JUST LOOK BETTER IN A BLACK HAT

For as long as there have been sports, there have been a fair assortment of heroes and villians.   Ever since John McGraw grew Baltimore’s grass long and hid balls in the outfield, sports has seen more than its fair share of liars, cheaters, and scoundrels.  And while no one in sports is either universally admired or detracted, there always seems to be those who manage to piss everyone else off save for their own fans (and yeah, sometimes even their own fans!).  Football has had the Raiders.  Hockey has the Flyers.  NASCAR has Kyle Busch.

Some people have embraced the role of the villain better than others.  Brett Favre was cleary uncomfortable when he became one of the most hated men in the NFL, as was Tiger Woods when he fell from grace.  Other’s have been tried too hard to the point of it being criminal, like Dennis Rodman.  And there have been some who have just been relaxed in that role.  As the great Dale Earnhardt said, “I don’t care if I’m cheered or booed.  But if you stay silent, I’m going home.”

Pro wrestling is no different.  Every wrestler on the roster has their supporters and their detractors.  And yes, some women are more hated than others, and some embrace that role.  For some, it just comes naturally with their personality.  Take Starla McCloud, who’s so goddamn full of herself, and not in any hurry to let you forget it.  It’s tough to imagine a conversation with her where you don’t walk away muttering to yourself, ‘wow, what a bitch’.  There’s other’s though, who embrace the role of the villain simply because they’re just more comfortable in it. 

I’m speaking, of course, of Shane Sanders and (sorry, Wendy) Isabella Pazzini.   Both women have spent the last few months trying to be the ‘good girl’, and I think both women are coming to the realization this whole hero thing just isn’t for them.  There’s a reason Isabella rarely appears on television anymore, and it’s got nothing to do with Samantha Star.  It’s because Isabella isn’t comfortable like this.  Obviously, anyone can look like a good person standing next to the likes of Crystal Hilton.  But, like it or not, this is still the same woman who’s sliced and diced Rori Snyder, and has pretty much cheated in every match she’s been in since the dawn of time.  She got back to her old ways a couple weeks ago against Crystal.  And she was more than happy to torture the Rose Goddess any chance she could get, going so far as to make a lot of her supporters uneasy.

Shane Sanders is in the same vein, really.  She looked like a good person because she defended her brother, and because Rori Snyder turned out to be such a cunt.  Anyone looks like an angel next to Snyder, but that doesn’t mean that Shane’s become anything but her usual hell-raising self.  She’s chosen to wear the black hat simply because it fits better than the white one.

Obviously, I’m not condoning some of the things Shane’s done.  She took it too far throwing her brother under the bus like that, and that’s something that’s going to back to haunt her.  There’s better ways to go about this than calling your brother worthless, or say, cheating on your boyfriend with his arch-rival.   There’s still a line you just don’t cross- at least  you shouldn’t if you want to be able to look yourself in the mirror twenty years from now.  After all, there’s a difference between a nicely-timed nutshot and completely destroying someone you (are supposed) to love.

But still, a toast to the new sisters of the Bitch Coven.  After all, the good people in this business, such as Scarlett, Eileen, and Wendy only look better because of them.  And go ahead fans, boo them all you want.  It’s what they want.  They love it.

Just don’t expect any gratitude in return.  After all, that’d kind of kill the whole purpose.

3.    NIGHTMARE, INC WILL STEAL THE SHOW AT CONVICTION (PROVIDED KAT STRYFE PULLS HER HEAD OUT OF HER ASS)

It’s been slowly brewing over the past couple of months.  The former members of the legendary tag team Nightmare, Inc (Emma McIntyre and Katherine Stryfe) have been taking shots at each other.   Tension is slowly building, and at Conviction, everything will explode in a flurry of emotion and violence as two former friends- friends who just so happen to be former FFW Champions- throw down the gauntlet.

At least that’s what SHOULD be happening.

In truth, most of the poking and prodding has been done by Emma McIntyre, who’s clearly the aggressor in this conflict.  And while looking at the recent discussions they’ve had on Twitter, it’d be easy to say that Emma’s a bully here, taking the piss out of anything Kat does, simply because she’s Emma McIntyre.

Except Kat Stryfe’s responses are almost laughable.  You can see the contempt she has for Emma bubbling just below the surface, but yet again, we’re treated to the same tired Katherine Stryfe lines of “I don’t have to justify myself to anyone.  Now stay tuned for another lecture on the evils of the Ultraviolence divison.  You know, the completely voluntary division I tried to save by being the champion of.  Because that makes sense.”

Right. 

Is it so hard to ask that Katherine Stryfe actually show an ounce of passion and drive for any match in which the FFW Championship isn’t involved?  Because once again, we’re seeing the exact reason why everyone went “what the fuck” when Cody Kincaid selected her as the final participant in the Elimination Chamber at Unstoppable II.  Yes, there’s been talk about how Kat proved the doubters wrong there.  But you know what?  Actually giving a damn for four matches does not a career make.  And she’s once again proving those same doubters right.  At least until the next executive gift-wraps a title shot for her.

And she wonders why people are talking rematch for Scarlett, and not for her.  Scarlett’s capable of giving a shit when the title isn’t on the line, and a true champion goes out in every match.

The saddest thing is, this match with Emma McIntyre has all the makings of a bonafide classic.   Any time you watch a tag team implode like this, you’re going to get a match full of emotion, and when it’s a team that as good as Nightmare, Inc was, you have two of the best wrestlers in the world to boot.  I’ve already given my opinion on the main event of Conviction, and how I think it’s going to be a disgrace.  That leaves the field WIDE open for another match to step up and take over the show.

At least, it could.  It should.  If Kat Stryfe’s head wasn’t once again firmly planted inside her nearly non-existant rectum.

So here’s a favor to ask of Eileen, Crystal, and Scarlett.  Give Emma some help in gaining immortality here.  If you’re in the ring against Kat at the huge clusterfuck on Velocity, don’t suplex her.  Don’t clothesline her.  Don’t do anything but knee her in the gut, over and over and over again.  Do it enough, and something’s gotta squirt out one end of the other.  With luck, it’ll be Kat’s mentality, and she can hit the shower, clean it off, and we can go on to have a great match at Conviction.

Otherwise, we might as well just rent Emma a bulldozer, and have Katherine stand in front of it. It’ll be the same effect of the actual match.  Just a little bit quicker.

4.    THE THIRD SEASON OF FUTURE SHOCK IS NOW OFFICIALLY RUINED

The Future Shock Season 7 roster went up a couple weeks ago, and I’ll confess that a little piece of me died inside when I saw it.  No, it wasn’t because only two seasons out of the six that have been held were represented, or that we won’t be seing such close calls as Caroline Dallins, Cara Stone or Arabella De Rossi.  And in reality, I’m happy people like Ignis and Jodie Gray are getting a second chance.  Essentially, my dismay came down to one single name on that roster.

Casey Atherton.

Now, I don’t have any problem with Casey Atherton per se.  I mean, yeah, she’s kind of a delusional bitch.  And she’s screwed a lot of people over in the year she’s been here in FFW.  But… it’s just that her inclusion finally puts to rest a long-standing controversy, one that I wish had continued. 

You see, by rule, you could only compete in Season 7 if you didn’t win your previous season.  Casey Atherton is competing in Season 7, ergo Casey Atherton didn’t win Season 3, and after a damn near year, she’s admitting it.  Of course, I knew that technically, this was true all along.  But it was a lot more fun when Casey was pretending, and you could pretend along with her.   

Let’s hit the wayback machine, and go back to Season 3, which was the first season I got to follow in FFW as it actually played out.  Jo McFarlane, in a result that would turn out to have absolutely no bearing on her future FFW career, was eliminated first.  Second out was Ororo Crow, who really should have been the first out, and never appeared in FFW after.  Third out was Ignis, who was the hottest (no pun intended) wrestler coming out of the first two competitions, but got completely screwed by now former head official Alvin Shepherd, and summarily voted out in a move that made as much sense as any other voting selection this season.

That left a final three of Casey, weird psychic lady Kelly Allen, and Generic Club CK Member #29.  In yet another baffling voting decision, Allen and #29 were voted into the finals, with #29 winning.  Kelly never appeared in FFW again.  #29, apparently not content to keep moronic, baffling decisions to the season proper, challenged the legendary powerhouse Sophia Black with her pick-your-poison choice.  She narrowly beat Black, which proved to be the launching point to her epic FFW career.  If by “epic FFW career” you mean losing a couple times to Casey Atherton, quitting, and running home crying to her mommy.   Casey, having beaten #29 straight up, proclaimed herself the Season 3 champion.

And after reading everything I just said… wouldn’t YOU want to believe her?

At least now we’ll get a chance to right what have been wronged here in Season 7.  Ignis and Casey to the finals, like it should have been a year ago, and we can have the epic match we were denied.  So sorry Jo, Jodie, Elizabeth, and Jennifer.  Thanks for coming.  Now hurry up and get yourselves eliminated.

We’ve got a destiny to fill.

So after all that, who’s ready for some rankings?

Despite losing five people this week (cokehead Colleen and worthless Charity being the most noteworthy), we’ve got a net gain of four new wrestlers, swelling our ranks and finally breaking the fifty wrestler barrier for the first time ever.  All I can say to that is holy crap, even though a few of these ladies aren’t going to be much on for much longer. 

Anyways, no time to waste… let’s count them down!

#50- DANI THOMPSON [NEW]

#49- DESTINY LOVEHEART [RETURNING]

#48- SARAH PEEK [-5]

#47- WHITLEY MERCER [-3]

#46- DANIELLE MASON [-4]

Well, that didn’t go so hot for Dani Thompson, who made it one whole match against Kendall Burke before being fired.  Shame, she actually looked promising.  Not so much for Destiny, who returned long enough to lose and be fired, so this is her final ranking.  Sarah Peek was Sarah Peek, and Whitley Mercer set a land-speed record losing to Wendy Breise.  Oh, and congrats to Danielle Mason, who will be joining season 8 of Future Shock!  I’m sure we’ll be ranking Dani much higher once she hits the roster full time in a few months!

#45- STEPHANIE SULLIVAN [-5]

#44- ELIZABETH SHOWTIME [RETURNING]

#43- KENDALL BURKE [NEW]

#42- ALYSSA FOXWORTH [-1]

#41- ALLISON DEAS [-2]

Not much to say here, really.  Elizabeth Showtime came back and got pretty much murdered by Kara Harrington.  Burke won her debut over some underwhelming competition, but she might actually have some promise here.  Not so much for Alyssa, who’s gotten the unfortunate role of being the highlight of both Eileen and Scarlett’s revenge tour.   Couldn’t have happened to a nicer girl.

#40- LIGHTNING [-3]

#39- ALLISON WRIGHT [-3]

#38- HANNA ELLIOT [RETURNING]

#37- KARA HARRINGTON [RETURNING]

#36- TABATHA BELMONT [-2]

Unfortunately for Tabatha, the rubber match in her series with Blackwell didn’t go her way, and Tabatha’s left knowing that Elizabeth is the better sex-crazed lesbo wrestler on the roster.  And props to Kara Harrington for her great win over Elizabeth Showtime.  Next up for Kara- try and get herself booked again sometime in the next three months.

#35- SARAH RICHARDSON [RETURNING]

#34- SABRA NICOLYEV [+4]

#33- SHANE SANDERS [-1]

#32- REBBECCA VALENTINE [-3]

#31- JENNIFER WILLIAMS [-6]

A congratulations to the Russian Queen of sin, who picked up her first victory in FFW.  And even though it was over Sarah Peek, we here at the Power X have the utmost faith that more good things are in store for her.  And while Shane Sanders new attitude didn’t quite pay off against Emma McIntyre, she can be forgiven on the basis that it was Emma McIntyre.

#30- ELIZABETH BLACKWELL [+3]

#29- ARIANNA MILLAR [-1]  UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION

#28- MELANIE AVILO [-5]

#27- ARABELLA DE ROSSI [+8]

#26- JODIE GRAY [+5]

A couple of big wins in this group, most notably Arabella de Rossi, who makes a big leap after her win over Mel Avilo, which gives the impression that Arabella’s post Violent Femmes career has some serious promise to it.  Blackwell also gets a rub (no pun intended) thanks to her rubber match win over Tabatha Belmont.  And you can’t overlook Jodie, who’s launched herself into TV Title consideration with a big win over Lumina Ferrari.

#25- HAYLEY DARK [RETURNING]

#24- CARA STONE [=]

#23- LUMINA FERRARI [-2]

#22- CRYSTAL HATE [+4]

#21- CAROLINE DALLINS [NEW]

I know Caroline is hardly on most people’s favorite lists right now, but you cannot deny how awesome she was in her official FFW debut and the way she manage to get by Cara Stone, regardless of what her post-match actions were.  Lumina Ferrari, meanwhile, takes a tough break, coming up just short in her TV title bid against Summer.   Lumina needs to keep at it.  She’s come so close to getting a belt, its only a matter of time.

#20- IGNIS [RETURNING]

#19- JO MCFARLANE [+3]

#18- KATHERINE STRYFE [-8]

#17- CASEY ATHERTON [+3]

#16- EMMA MCINTYRE [+1]

I know Hayley was in the last group, but it’s gotta be said- how about that Bounce & Pounce!  Pulling out all the stops and getting a big win to once again become the number one contender to the Unity belts.  You also gotta give credit to Emma, earning a hard fought win over Shane Sanders.  And after Kat’s dismantling at Breaking point, there is blood in the water.  You know Emma smells it.

#15- EILEEN AMARO [+3]

#14- CRYSTAL HILTON [+1]

#13- JENNIFER STRYFE [+1]

#12- DESIRAE KAIN [+1] UNITY TAG TEAM CHAMPION

#11- KELLY MCGUFFIN [-2]

So… now that we’re clear that Jennifer wasn’t trying to marry Alexander Stryfe after all… why the hell is she still using his last name?  Anyways, consider it officially changed in the records.  Also officially changed is Eileens losing record vs. Alyssa Foxworthy, as she destroyed the billionaire brat in short order. And you have to give props to Crystal Hilton, who just came up short in a hard fought match to Isabella Pazzini… who, by the way…

#10- ISABELLA PAZZINI [+6]

#9- SUMMER [+2] TELEVISION CHAMPION

#8- STARLA MCCLOUD [=] NO SURRENDER CHAMPION

#7- SOPHIE RICHARDS [=]

#6- WENDY BRIESE [=]

#5- KAITLYNN STRYFE [=]

#4- SCARLETT KINCAID [=]

#3- TARA THUNDER [=] EVOLUTION CHAMPION

#2- CAMILLA PAZZINI [=] ULTRAVIOLENCE CHAMPION

#1- STACEY MACKENZIE [=] FFW CHAMPION

… is back in the top ten after that win!   Anyways, considering that Wendy was the highest ranked wrestler in action over the past three shows, might as well just do everybody at once here, since there’s no change in the top 8.  A big props to Summer though, who got her first official title defense as TV Champion, over Lumina Ferrari.  They say the first one is the hardest, but with not much of Kelly McMuffin to scout on, she could have her hands full at Conviction.   In reality, though, I wouldn’t expect too much change here at the top until we’re through with Conviction.  Then I’d expect to see a mad scramble of ups and downs.

So how about a couple show previews?

BREAKING POINT- MAY 5 FROM NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA

#48 SARAH PEEK vs. TRINITY

#34 SABRA NICOLYEV vs. #41 ALLISON DEAS

#28 ARIANNA MILLAR vs. #39 ALLISON WRIGHT

#12 DESIRAE KAIN vs. #13 JENNIFER STRYFE

#6 WENDY BRIESE vs. #19 JO MCFARLANE

#1 STACEY MACKENZIE vs. #32 SHANE SANDERS

There is one match that immediately sticks out to me on this show, and it’s not the main event.   But it’s going to be something else to see Desirae Kain be the first person to get a crack at Jennifer Stryfe after it was revealed she was Anthony Gambini’s new fuckbuddy.  Desi seems to do best when the whole crowd is behind her, and you can bet that the whole of New Orleans is going to be behind her when she hits the ring here.  The Main event looks promising, but I just can’t see Shane Sanders getting that big win over Stacey.  Although this is the new and supposedly improved Shane, so you never know.  And It’ll be fun once again when Wendy Briese reminds Jo McFarlane that there’s a huge difference between pissing off a main event quality wrestler and facing one in the ring. 

 Further down, its break out the seeing eye dogs, as Allison Wright returns to action.  And I’m sure that Arianna will be wearing something so garishly pink we’ll want to stab out our own eyes too.  Sabra gets two in a row when she can slaughter Allison Deas.  And Trinity debuts, hopefully leaving nothing  left of Sarah Peek but a rather unsightly bloodstain.

VELOCITY- MAY 10 FROM OKLAHOMA CITY, OKLAHOMA

#22 CRYSTAL HATE vs. TRACI LOVEHEART

#23 LUMINA FERRARI vs. #34 SABRA NICOLYEV

#40 LIGHTNING vs. #44 ELIZABETH SHOWTIME

TAG MATCH: BOUNCE & POUNCE (#20 IGNIS & #25 HAYLEY DARK) vs. PRETTY IN PUNK (#43 KENDALL BURKE & #47 WHITLEY MERCER)

ULTRAVIOLENCE #1 CONTENDERS- FIRST BLOOD MATCH: #24 CARA STONE vs. #31 REBBECCA VALENTINE

EIGHT FEMME TAG MATCH: #3 TARA THUNDER, #18 KATHERINE STRYFE, #32 SHANE SANDERS & #42 ALYSSA FOXWORTH vs. #4 SCARLETT KINCAID, #14 CRYSTAL HILTON, #15 EILEEN AMARO & #16 EMMA MCINTYRE

So here we are, the last show before Conviction.  Which is weird, because normally the go-home show is a Breaking Point.  And It’s even weirder that top 15 wrestlers Camilla Pazzini, Kaitlynn Stryfe, Sophie Richards, Starla McCloud and Kelly McGuffin have managed to go from PPV to PPV without having to compete once.  I guess there’s something to be said for saving energy, but you have to think that one match in two months might be a teensy bit on the ridiculous side.  Hell, has Camilla even been in a match since Cold Blooded? 

You know, the operative word of the phrase “fighting champion” is FIGHTING, right?

Anyways, to the actual show, which is dominated by the motherfuck of all clusterfucks, an eight woman tag match that basically features four matches that will be coming up at Conviction.  But it goes even deeper than that, as most of the women in this match have more than one opponent who would love to ram their head into various solid objects on a repeated basis.  This match is going to be out of control, and the fans are going to love it. 

Fans will also love most of the undercard, the feature being Cara Stone and her match against Rebbecca Valentine.  Thanks to the #1 contendership to the UV title opening up, we’re going one more time, this time in a quest to see who ends up spilling some red juice all over the ring.  New tag team Pretty in Punk makes their debut, taking on the Number One contenders.  A win there will serve as a HUGE launching pad in their quest for the belts (it won’t happen).  Buried a little deeper is a little gem between Sabra and Lumina.  Keep an eye on this one kids, the winner will be right back in the TV title discussion (at the very least).  Oh, and Crystal Hate gets to finally get back in the ring and destroy someone.  And Lightning and Elizabeth Showtime get in the ring and wrestle in a match I’m sure their immediate families are absolutely stoked about.

So how about a few awards?  Wendy’s been wanting to do them for quite some time, and was set to do them after Cold Blooded, but Summer really wanted to do them, and I couldn’t deny the new TV Champ.  But now, without further ado… my client and good friend… WENDY BRIESE!

Thanks for letting me finally do these, Dan.  I had fun the last time I got to do them a couple years ago, and I'm honored you decided to let me do them again.

MATCH OF THE WEEK: Caroline Dallins vs. Cara Stone

There was a lot of hype going into this match, and it didn't disappoint, at least until Caroline forgot you were supposed to stop after you won.  Still, from a pure in-ring technical standpoint, this was by far the best match.  I hope that there's a rematch soon, and that Caroline finds a better attitude, and this can be the hard-fought friendly contest it was supposed to be in the first place.

I think there needs to be a wrestling move that hits someone so hard, they immediately forget how to be a douchebag/cunt/bitch/Katherine Stryfe, and become a pleasant person.  We could call it the Attitude Adjustment, or something.  I’ll get to work on it.  Anyways, RUNNERS UP!

-      Summer vs. Ferrari (Free TV Title Defenses are a mixed bag.  Sometimes they’re balls out amazing.  Sometimes they’re one-sided housekeeping defenses.  This was the former, and a good job to both ladies)

-      Pazzini vs. Hilton (Holy shit that was brutal.  I don’t need to say anything else)

WINNER OF THE WEEK: BOUNCE AND POUNCE

I always liked Haley and Ignis, even before they decided to ditch that jerk Christian Kincaid.  It was unfair how they lost their titles, and I was so happy for them when they became the number one contenders again.  I like Ari and Desi too, so I can't pick a favorite when they go for the titles, but I can guarantee you that this match will be every bit as awesome and entertaining as their last one!

Unless of course, B&P loses to Pretty In Punk.  In which case I will beat them to death with a tire iron.  Not kidding.

-      Summer (First title defenses are the hardest.  At least that’s what Wendy tells me.  Congratulations!)

-      Eileen Amaro (Now that THAT’S out of the way, it’ll be nice to see Eileen turn her focus on dethroning Tara Thunder)

LOSER OF THE WEEK: LUMINA FERRARI

I don't mean this as an insult to Lumina, because she's a great wrestler and it was an honor to compete against her.  But that was a rough couple of weeks for her, not only coming up short against Summer in her bid for the Television Championship, but she took a tough loss to Jodie Gray as well.  She's going to get there, I know it.  But maybe a change of management is in order?  Look what Hayley and Ignis did after they left Club CK!

I’m totally for the idea that being with Christian Kincaid automatically makes you a shitty wrestler.  God damn it, Chunks.

-      Katherine Stryfe (Christ.  Do I even need to explain this?)

-      Destiny Loveheart (Aw darn.  Kicked out of FFW.  What a shame.)

YOU-KNOW-WHAT OF THE WEEK: JO MCFARLANE

Everyone knows my opinions on cheating and faithfulness, so I'm always sad when a friend of mine gets betrayed like Chris was.  But this one, there was so much hateful venom behind it that it was infuriating to watch.  This wasn't some love triangle that got out of control.  This was a designed move by a woman using her body to hurt someone she was supposed to love.  That's sickening.  I'd love to say I'm going to teach her a lesson next week at Breaking Point.  But learning hardly seems to be Jo's strong point.

I considered changing “You-Know-What” to it’s proper title.  But we’re back in the RV again for Terrence’s race this weekend (which you should totally go see because FFW sponsors him.)  Wendy will make me sleep outside on the ground L.

-      Caroline Dallins (You wanna choke Cara Stone to death because you can? Fine.  But don’t hurt the manager.  That just ain’t cool.)

-      Shane Sanders (Turning on the fans?  Fine.  But you don’t do that to Nicky.  That’s just bullshit scapegoating, and Shane should be smart enough to know that.)

And that does it for this week’s column!  Thanks everyone for reading, and I’ll see you all in just a couple short weeks as we get ready for CONVICTION!

Until then… POLLA OUT!

Daniel Pollaski is an independent wrestling columnist, SVW wrestler, and the manager of FFW star Wendy Briese.  He’d also like to thank Tecmo-Koei for finally getting some goddamned Warriors Orochi 3 DLC up.  Seriously, have money, want extra stages.  GIMME!