Once again, its time for Daniel Pollaski to sort through the news, reviews, and previews of the goings on of X3W and Catholic Panda Wrestling! This column is solely the opinion of the author, and does not reflect the opinion of neither X3W, CPW, their wrestlers, or management.
The Power X's inspirational thought of the week:
I want to spend my life with you
Together we'll pull through
Everything that comes our way
And I wait here cause I believe
Someday my dream will come true
Oh, someday my dream will come true
But it's fading fast
Yeah you run to him
Leaving me where I stand
And it breaks my heart
And it hurts so bad to see you in his arms
Do you believe, believe in destiny?
And the chance that it will change someday
You're everything I'm looking for
And I'd do anything to hold you near to me.
- "All the Good Ones Go For Jerks"; Next In Line
Hey kids.
Before we get started, just a quick lamentation here.
Oh, fair, sweet Veronika, how you have jilted me.
I think that anyone who watched the last Shatterpoint coming from Las Vegas has to agree that my date with the lovely Veronika didn't quite go according to plan. Just as things were starting to get a little physical, Kenneth Rockwell comes strolling in, and well, Veronika said what she had to say.
I can't hold it against her. I mean, no matter how awful Rocky treats her, she's been attached to the guy for five years. There was a moment where we connected. I could feel it. She'll come around.
Anyways, enough about Pollaski's unfortunate breaks over the course of the past week, it's time to move on to the next phase of rankings.
The eligibility list has ballooned this week, to a whopping FORTY, making this the largest Power X in quite a while. Of those forty, 23 hail from the Catholic Pandas, 15 hail from X3W, and two are pulling double duty.
Unfortunately, while we welcome nine people into the rankings (albeit some only briefly), we do have to say goodbye to three other wrestlers. Those are:
- Ariel Shadows (last ranked 31st)
Unfortunately, the disgusting saga of Ariel's kidnapping has now neared the end of its fourth week. Here's hoping we can all get this to a resolution in short time
- Graham Clausen (last ranked 25th)
As awesome as Graham is, he's still, technically, just an announcer. And apparently guest drummer for my Chemical Romance. Whodathunk?
- Thatcher Rex (last ranked 5th)
Well, it doesn't look like Brydon Talinsdale's going to be allowing Thatcher Rex back into X3W anytime soon. So we can only root Thatch on as he goes to kick total ass elsewhere.
Okay, ready for this weeks rankings?
Here we go!
40. THE COLLECTOR [NEW!] (CPW- 25th)
Looks like it's going to be one and done for the Collector, as he summarily got trounced by Darren Hughes, and then beaten up handily by Drake Black. Much missing, there will not be.
39. TYLER GRAVES [NEW!] (X3W- 17th)
Well, Graves was released following a hillarious loss to Nathan McFarlane, so technically, he's no longer on the active roster. Still, I'm not one to turn down a great opportunity to remind everyone just how overrated this former CWC 'Champion' is.
38. TOUGH EAGLE [-5] (CPW- 24th [-4])
Well, Eagle actually took the last CPW show off, which is probably good news for him, because that means he didn't lose.
37. JAMES CHAOS [-7] (CPW- 23rd [-6])
When I wrote the first rankings a couple weeks ago, I figured there would be no way in hell Tempest would ever be dislodged from the bottom spot. Leave it up to James Chaos to actually prove me wrong.
36. DRAKE RAYNE [NEW] (X3W- 16th)
How annoying does a guy have to be when you're glad Kenneth freakin' Rockwell shut him up?
35. BRYAN DEAS [-6] (CPW- 22nd [-6])
The only suspense in the three-way match at Zoo last week was whether or not McNeil would manage to bring down Dozer or Deas first. Unfortunately for Bryan, it was him, and in brutal submission fashion too!
34. SCAVENGER [-7] (CPW- 21st [-6])
While Scavenger managed to come out of the Great Panda Bash relatively intact after facing Aoraki, he didn't have such luck this week, as Liam Alexander picked him apart. This week- Loba gets to feed on the scraps!
33. TEMPEST [+1] (CPW- 20th [+1])
It may have been over James Chaos, but holy freakin crap, Tempest actually won a match! I have a feeling the winning streak ends when Alexander Rosewater makes his debut.
32. PSYCHO SOLDIER [-4] (X3W- 15th [-1])
The losing streak continues for poor Psycho Soldier, who had the unenviable distinction of being the first man eliminated in the four-corners match. Surely its only a matter of time before Soldier finally gets his due.
31. FAITH [-8] (CPW- 19th [-6])
Well, Faith HAD a winning streak going in Catholic Panda Wrestling. Then she foolishly believed that she snapped Isabella's leg, and so Isabella replied by snapping her streak. Let that be a lesson to you.
30. HOLDEN TYCO MALONE [-13] (X3W- 14th [-5])
What the heck has happened here? Once flying high, and a legitimate threat to the X3W championship, HTM has fallen on hard times, and it not-so-coincedentally seemed to start with his 'acquisition' of Kristi Hughes. Speaking of which, anyone want to guess how long pieces of Malone will be raining from the sky once Flynn gets ahold of him?
29. ACE ANDREWS [-10] (CPW- 18th [-8])
Ace followed a disappointing performance at the Bash by an equally disappointing one at Zoo 15. Once the Syn City Syndicate seemed by far the premier contenders to the tag belts, but with the emergence of the Midnight Society, that's disappearing.
28. KENNETH X. ROCKWELL [-4] (X3W- 13th [-1])
Yeah, start the hate mail. I'm well aware that Rockwell only had one match this past fortnight and he won it. Drake Rayne. Big fuggin deal. I can't wait until this hack faces another real opponent, and gets destroyed.
27. ISABELLA PAZZINI [NEW] (CPW- 17th)
Isabella deserves a freakin' Emmy for the acting job she pulled off against Faith. Of course, anyone should have seen it coming, but that was damned nice and effective.
26. DOZER [NC] (CPW- 16th [-2])
You know, it's weird. Dozer keeps getting himself booked into three-way matches, and while he never seems to win any of them, he never is the one who actually ends up taking the fall. That's somewhat of an accomplishment... right?
25. MICHELLE TAYLOR [-4] (CPW- 15th [-3])
Hopefully Michelle enjoyed a week off to get her head back on track. She'll need to be with a red-hot Ronnie McNeil next up on the docket for her.
24. JOHNNY ROTTEN [NEW] (X3W- 12th)
Johnny Rotten has arrived! This silent type seems hell bent on assisting his friend Mike Powers in driving Brydon Talinsdale out of X3W. While he wasn't able to get the win over Jenova a couple weeks ago, Rotten's stock can take off this week when he gets locked in a cage against Wendy Briese.
23. RONNIE MCNEIL [NEW] (CPW- 14th)
You have to give it up for this guy, who walked in and had a hell of a debut, delivering a sound thrashing to both Dozer and Bryan Deas. Can he keep it going against Michelle Taylor and James Chaos?
22. TERRY MARVIN [-7] (CPW- 13th [-5]
Seems like Marvin's caught Ace Andrews' bug, as both men weren't impressive at all during that 8-man tag team match. Still, they did manage to sneak-attack the Birdz after the match, and they can earn a shot at the title when they face the Midnight Society this week.
21. CRAZY KYD [-3] (X3W- 11th [-1])
The last thing KYD needed was another enemy, but that's exactly what he got when he fell afoul of Project: Revolution. Still, KYD's managed to be a more than match in the wits department for Proj, if not exactly in the brawn.
20. NATHAN MCFARLANE [NEW] (X3W- 10th)
No, we're not going to ballyhoo his win over (the extremely overrated, have I mentioned that yet?) Tyler Graves. But he had a great match going in the four-corners until a freak blind tag (by a freak) sent him packing. Next: a Nathan/Revolution team up? God help us.
19. DRAKE BLACK [NEW] (CPW-12th)
Drake's honestly lucky to find himself this high, because after a barnburner of a debut, Drake certainly didn't live up to the fuss once he stepped into the ring. Still, considering his opponents were ranked 1st, 2nd, 6th, and 20th in last weeks rankings, we'll give him some benefit of the doubt.
18. DARREN HUGHES [+13] (CPW- 11th [+7]; X3W- 9th [NEW])
Darren's now one of two wrestlers participating in both feds. But that's not what moved him up, nor is his elementary win over the COllector in CPW. No, what has everyone talking about the Bomber was his gutsy, resilient performance in the four-corners match. with dates against Kenneth Rockwell, Crystal Hilton, and Liam Alexander in the future, Darren's stock could very well continue to rise.
17. HAYLEY DARK [+3] (CPW- 10th [+1])
If the true mark of a wrestler is the ability to come through when it counts, then by God, Hayley wrote the definition last week. One timely lunge at Drake saved a pinfall attempt, and got her team the win. I don't know what's more fun, actually. Giving Hayley shit for her size and reputation, or actually shutting up and watching her wrestle.
16. AORAKI [-9] (CPW- 9th [-5])
Crystal Hilton's thrashing of Aoraki wielded one result- it answered a long-asked question. When Aoraki surrendered the Bamboo Championship, people wondered if he couldn't handle the prestige, or was truly moving on to the bigtime. Considering what the current Bamboo champ just did, I think we all know the answer.
15. JOEY FLASH [NEW] (CPW- 8th)
To paraphrase the great show Red vs. Blue - "You don't need friends... you're fuckin' Joey Flash! Having friends just waters down the experience!"
14. LOBA [+2] (CPW- 7th [+2])
Okay, she hasn't exactly worked the most demanding schedule against the most killer of opponents, but near as I can tell, Wolf-Lady's yet to lose a match in CPW. With Scavenger on the dockett, don't expect that to change.
13. JOEY JENOVA [+1] (X3W- 8th [NC])
With his arch-nemesis having sudden trouble with Project: Revolution, Jenova's apparently taken to defending Brydon Talinsdale's honor. He did well, gaining a DQ win over Johnny Rotton, although Talinsdale's doing well enough of destroying his 'honor' on his own.
12. KATHERINE STRYFE [NC] (X3W- 7th [NC])
Up and down fortnight for Stryfe. Her loss to Yvonne Knight essentially eliminated her from the #1 contenders tournament, so Stryfe has now been relegated to the role of spoiler. She has her chance this week, hoping to spoil Madman Szalinski's chance at victory
11. PROJECT: REVOLUTION [NC] (X3W- 6th [NC])
Proj had a great, although admittedly disturbing, run in the four-corners match, just coming up short against Theresa. Still, Project (well, at least his manager) has made his ambitions no secret, and who out there is really going to tell this nutjob 'no'?
10. THERESA [+12] (X3W- 5th [+6])
Shatterpoint 11 might not have been supposed to be Theresa's coming out party, but it was. Not only did she win the four-corners match over five other X3W superstars, she left her footprint all over that main event too. Hate to say it, but there's big things in store for this lady.
9. YVONNE KNIGHT [NC] (X3W- 4th [NC])
Yvonne better be using the next week after her loss to rest up, because she's still very much in control of her own destiny in the X3W tournament. Ultimately, though, it comes down to one thing- she HAS to beat Flynn.
8. CRYSTAL HILTON [+5] (CPW- 6th [+1])
INTERNATIONAL BAMBOO CHAMPION
Despite being the International Bamboo champion, Ms. Hilton's been lacking that one victory full of chutzpah to move her among to the CPW upper echelon. She's got it. And with a chance at Liam Alexander on the next show, her stock can go way up.
7. LAWRENCE GOWAN [+1] (CPW- 4th [+1])
During his off-week, LG crept up a spot due to the general shufflings of the rankings, but now he's back. His upcoming contest against Terrence Thompson will likely play a huge factor in the pecking order for the next shot at Belladonna's championship.
6. MADMAN SZALINSKI [-1] (X3W- 3rd [NC])
Szalinski is an odd fellow. Normally, if you are completely catatonic for two matches (especially two main events), dropping only one spot is somewhat of a blessing. Even weirder, he actually managed to WIN his match against Knight. Madman doesn't control his own destiny in the round robin tournament, but he would do well to beat Stryfe on Tuesday, and hope Flynn stumbles down the stretch.
5. TERRENCE THOMPSON [+1] (CPW- 3rd [NC])
TEAMING PANDAS CHAMPION
Terrence did what he knows best, and that's take care of business in the ring. However, with the SCS attacking the Birdz (yes, again), one has to wonder just how many injuries Terrence can take until #38 begins to break down?
4. LIAM ALEXANDER [NC] (CPW- 2nd [NC])
Beating Scavenger in CPW is like Michigan State beating Iowa in the Big Ten TOurnament- doesn't add a goddamn thing to the profile, but at least it keeps you from having the stain of a bad loss. Crystal Hilton and Darren Hughes will make a much more rewarding victory for Liam.
3. KEVIN FLYNN [NC] (X3W- 2nd [NC])
The artist formerly known as Kris Keebler is sitting in the catbird seat over in X3W. A win over Holden Tyco Malone (which is starting to feel like an inevitability), and the worst Keebler can do with a loss to Knight is be forced into a playoff.
2. WENDY BRIESE [NC] (CPW- 5th [+1]; X3W- 1st [NC]
X3W HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
TEAMING PANDAS CHAMPION
Wendy's had a few weeks of in X3W, so she should be well rested when she returns to action this week. Interesting match though- her task is to run as far as she can from Johnny Rotten. Considering no one ever wants to be NEAR Johnny Rotten in the first place, not a bad objective.
1. BELLADONNA [NC] (CPW- 1st [NC]
UNDISPUTED PANDA CHAMPION
Belladonna's earned a well-deserved week off this week, a surefire blessing considering some of the recent matches she's had. From there, the controversy and intrigue surriounding her next challenger will begin to build.
And there you have it.
Of course, anyone who has an issue of where their favorite wrestler is ranked should hope that wrestler actually wins their next match, and proves me wrong. Also welcome would be some comments below. Two wrestlers thought to give me some of their own thoughts this past week...
First, the lovely Val Belmont:
I'm really glad to see this back, Dan. It was always a good read in the PWX days, as it was easier to read than the WfWA 50 ranking.
My only concern is that as both rosters get bigger (particularly X3 with the severe drop in numbers after their PPV), you might need to rever back to that.
And why's the ENTIRE bottom six CPW guys? That shit's not cool!
Val
1. What are you talking about? The WfWA 50 rocked!
2. Yeah, I'm noticing the columns getting a bit juiced here. Forty guys.. haven't written that many in a long time.
3. Because Psycho Soldier would kill every single one of those six. You might have noticed, however, that the bottom is a bit more- shared, this time around.
And also, we got a letter from Project: Revolution
By god, do you not understand the concept of god and the devil? It's not to ask, but to give, not just to send but to receive. And by heavens and the earth, and the sky I will wreak havoc upon thee and then I will send a thousand midgets your way so that you can understand and give me a proper answer, you son-of-a-bitch.
Don't you beg, don't you plead when I track thee down and unleash the monster within me. Look behind you, look before you, look around and hope you don't hear the call because when you hear it. When it screeches through your bones and quakes in between your ears there will only be outcome motherfucker.
THE RAGE! It's coming for you, like a motherfucking cleveland steamer right on Barrack Obama's eyebrows. Be ready. Be alert. And be properly dressed.
And really, what else needs to be said?
So, for awards this week, I decidd to get our first guest presenter. The honor goes to Hayley Dark, one half of the Cherrybombs. A special thanks to Hayley for her time!
MATCH OF THE WEEK - Bryan Deas vs. Ronnie McNeil vs. Dozer
This match had a great psychology throughout, and was probably the best pure wrestling match on the Zoo this week. McNeil did well to pull out a big debut victory against two bigger guys, scoring one for the smaller guys, which always makes me happy! Dozer seems to take part in a few triple threats, and while he never wins, he’s never involved in the decision. I think he could be dangerous one on one, but it seems he’s too dopey to concentrate in these kinds of matches!
POLLASKI'S HONORABLE MENTIONS: Katherine Stryfe vs. Yvonne Kight; Faith vs. Isabella Pazzini; Crazy KYD vs. Darren Hughes vs. Nathan McFarlane vs. Project: Revolution vs. Psycho Soldier vs. Theresa
WINNER OF THE WEEK- Liam Alexander
Liam bit off a bit more than he could chew in Valerie’s office last week, and as a result, those ninjas are around for all of his matches! Which is great, I love the ninjas! But Liam still managed to pull out a big win over a very game Scavenger, which is great for him as he seeks to get his butt kicked by Belladonna for the umpteenth time plus one!
POLLASKI'S HONORABLE MENTIONS: Theresa, Crystal Hilton, Kevin Flynn
LOSER OF THE WEEK- James Chaos
Tempest is usually the butt of the jokes here in CPW. He’s a nice guy, but not the best wrestler. So when he wins a match, you know his opponent just has to be the loser of the week. The King of Ownage seems to be great at getting owned, as he picked up another loss. Oh well!
POLLASKI'S DISHONORABLE MENTION: Brydon Talinsdale, Faith, Holden Tyco Malone
DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK- The Anti-Social Network
What the HELL is the problem with these guys? I’m absolutely bastard sick of them! I swear to God, Belladonna & me are gonna take them the hell out, what with their post match bullshit attacks. We proved we could kick their asses this week, and they reacted like petulant little children. What a bunch of twats!
POLLASKI'S DISHONORABLE MENTION: Kenneth Rockwell. Really, what more needs to be said?
Well, that's gonna do it for this week, kids. We'll see you in a couple more weeks, where we'll have another batch of rankings, and some more awards.
Until then, POLLA OUT!
Daniel Pollaski is the manager of the WhirlyBirdz Vehicular Hit Squad, and a columnist. He would also just ask one question: Why Veronika? When everything was going so well?
